HB who previously turned me down acting strangely

[The LadyKiller]

A couple of months ago, there was a HB (let's name her "A") I was very interested in. We went out a couple of times, but ultimately she LJBF'd me and did so in no uncertain terms. We still get along well, but that may be a product of the fact we work together and hang out in the same social circle.

Fast forward to 2020. I've begun dating a new HB (let's name her "B"), and this relationship has started off fantastically. We've really hit it off, and things are beginning to get serious. But in the past few days, A has inserted herself back into my periphery (timing is a funny thing, isn't it?):

- One night last weekend, A initiates a text convo with me for the first time in awhile asking what I'm up to. I was busy banging B when she sent it, so I first saw the text the following morning. I don't know if A knew I was hanging out with B that night.
- Yesterday, B and I tag each other in our Instagram stories. A replies to my story with an out-of-character, "YEAH LADYKILLER!!!!!!!" I didn't respond because I'm confused as to why she is now my biggest cheerleader (when one of our friends asked me about B earlier in the week, A was quiet).

So, do you feel A trying to be a supportive friend in her own way, or has the regret of rejecting a DJ like me finally hit her? It's not as if she's been flirting with me recently, so the this new initiating raises questions. To be clear, while I really liked A and though we were a great match, she can't hold a candle to my time with B.

 

[Alvafe]

In the right circle and depending on his value it could be a good thing.
Sometimes Rock stars are players too. Only fuels the hamsters

yeah but chances to ignore her now is pretty high, if you ask me, woman like that will try to cok block you everytime she belives she will lose her orbiter, so ignore and have fun with the new girl.

also be on look out when you go out with your girl and she is in the group

 

[AttackFormation]

@ OP I think neither of the reasons you gave for A are true. She doesn't regret rejecting you, and I don't think she's trying to be supportive either. I think she is doing two things: entertaining herself/alleviating her boredom like a child by seeing what happens when she pokes at you, and jealous that B might take you away from feeding her ego as an orbiter.

When women who have rejected or strung you along "reach out" to ask things like "what are you up to?" as A did, it's not genuine. What they really mean is "are you still my orbiter"? "why haven't you been entertaining and validating me as much in the past while?". Once they get that confirmation they want that you're still willing to give them attention, they'll put you right back in orbit.

In the right circle and depending on his value it could be a good thing.
Sometimes Rock stars are players too. Only fuels the hamsters

I would say being thought of as a player would nearly always be a good thing, not bad. To be a player you have to be hot, experienced, and seem to be popular with other women. Women like all of those traits. Every time the topic of experience has come up with women for me, women have been turned off when they thought I was inexperienced and turned on when they thought I was experienced. Same thing for them saying that "women must be all over you", it makes the more attracted to you to think so. Just be smooth about it and it's only gonna be a good thing.

I'm really not sure why guys here will say being thought of as a player is a bad thing. Even the women on this forum have said they like players.

 

[AttackFormation]

Nice. True story and hamsters most always fantasize about how delightful he must be. If he fits it just as you said. Cats are curious..

Yea. Women wanna have fun and explore and players make them curious enough to do that. They wanna solve mystery. They want to see if they can win out over other women to "change" the player. They like that he's a challenge. They like that he's hot, experienced and popular with women. Ask the women on the board here and they'll tell you they like players.

Why the fvck do guys keep saying being seen as a player is a bad thing? lol

 

[AttackFormation]

It’s not that being a player is a bad thing. It’s when a woman who won’t sleep with you paints you out to be one that isn’t good

Women who are attracted to player types do not need encouragement from other women. These women will know the man and his tendencies simply through his demeanor. They know, even when other women aren’t in the immediate picture.

Such a man does not need a woman’s help in these situations.

Why isn't it good to be painted as one? Have you ever experienced a woman being turned off rather than turned on by it? As far as I see, she is basically marketing him to other women who see that post, and who may otherwise have been ambivalent about him. Now they will be more curious instead. I am genuinely curious about how you've arrived at this conclusion lol.

 

[zinc4]

A couple of months ago, there was a HB (let's name her "A") I was very interested in. We went out a couple of times, but ultimately she LJBF'd me and did so in no uncertain terms. We still get along well, but that may be a product of the fact we work together and hang out in the same social circle.

Fast forward to 2020. I've begun dating a new HB (let's name her "B"), and this relationship has started off fantastically. We've really hit it off, and things are beginning to get serious. But in the past few days, A has inserted herself back into my periphery (timing is a funny thing, isn't it?):

- One night last weekend, A initiates a text convo with me for the first time in awhile asking what I'm up to. I was busy banging B when she sent it, so I first saw the text the following morning. I don't know if A knew I was hanging out with B that night.
- Yesterday, B and I tag each other in our Instagram stories. A replies to my story with an out-of-character, "YEAH LADYKILLER!!!!!!!" I didn't respond because I'm confused as to why she is now my biggest cheerleader (when one of our friends asked me about B earlier in the week, A was quiet).

So, do you feel A trying to be a supportive friend in her own way, or has the regret of rejecting a DJ like me finally hit her? It's not as if she's been flirting with me recently, so the this new initiating raises questions. To be clear, while I really liked A and though we were a great match, she can't hold a candle to my time with B.

A is trouble man. Leave her alone. You will end up without B and the A will go run along and cause drama elsewhere.

 

[cola]

A is being a ****. Just ignore her little “comments” and continue having fun with B. A had her chance and blew it.
It’s like when a kid has a toy and doesn’t play with but sees another kid playing with his toy, now suddenly they want the toy back.

 

[dude99]

A couple of months ago, there was a HB (let's name her "A") I was very interested in. We went out a couple of times, but ultimately she LJBF'd me and did so in no uncertain terms. We still get along well, but that may be a product of the fact we work together and hang out in the same social circle.

Fast forward to 2020. I've begun dating a new HB (let's name her "B"), and this relationship has started off fantastically. We've really hit it off, and things are beginning to get serious. But in the past few days, A has inserted herself back into my periphery (timing is a funny thing, isn't it?):

- One night last weekend, A initiates a text convo with me for the first time in awhile asking what I'm up to. I was busy banging B when she sent it, so I first saw the text the following morning. I don't know if A knew I was hanging out with B that night.
- Yesterday, B and I tag each other in our Instagram stories. A replies to my story with an out-of-character, "YEAH LADYKILLER!!!!!!!" I didn't respond because I'm confused as to why she is now my biggest cheerleader (when one of our friends asked me about B earlier in the week, A was quiet).

So, do you feel A trying to be a supportive friend in her own way, or has the regret of rejecting a DJ like me finally hit her? It's not as if she's been flirting with me recently, so the this new initiating raises questions. To be clear, while I really liked A and though we were a great match, she can't hold a candle to my time with B.

A had her chance. She LJBF'd you. Who cares what thinks or does now. Ignore her.

Focus on B.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Very insightful feedback! Appreciate all the responses. A couple of thoughts:

It is called Competition Anxiety.

Personally, I would find a way to Rub A's face in it as deeply as I could.

I always have a little chip on my shoulder from people who have said I'm not good enough or turn me down, either personally or professionally. As much as I want to rub it in A's face in some fashion, I'm not sure how I do that. Living well may be the best course of action.

You would do well with putting this kind of sh*t in check. A public statement like that is not supportive in nature. It’s a tip off to other women that you’re a player. It’s essentially **** blocking. Even worse if she’s not flirting with you at all and simply injects herself uninvited.

I would treat her as a liability in this case.

Wanted to clarify - on Instagram, only the person who posted the story receives the message. So, I'm the only one who will ever see it. If I posted the story on my page, then yes everyone would. In other words, B is never going to see A's message.

@ OP I think neither of the reasons you gave for A are true. She doesn't regret rejecting you, and I don't think she's trying to be supportive either. I think she is doing two things: entertaining herself/alleviating her boredom like a child by seeing what happens when she pokes at you, and jealous that B might take you away from feeding her ego as an orbiter.

When women who have rejected or strung you along "reach out" to ask things like "what are you up to?" as A did, it's not genuine. What they really mean is "are you still my orbiter"? "why haven't you been entertaining and validating me as much in the past while?". Once they get that confirmation they want that you're still willing to give them attention, they'll put you right back in orbit.

I think there is a lot of truth to this. I know A is not trying to be genuinely supportive. Fortunately, I've been in the game long enough to pick up on this sort of thing and not feed into her comments. Her attempts at attention-seeking validation are on full display.

A is being a ****. Just ignore her little “comments” and continue having fun with B. A had her chance and blew it.
It’s like when a kid has a toy and doesn’t play with but sees another kid playing with his toy, now suddenly they want the toy back.

I like this analogy because it's true. A and I used to talk pretty regularly. Ever since I started dating B, I haven't had much reason to talk to A outside of work reasons. She wants that attention back.

I'm not going to lie - I enjoy A crawling back (whether it's for attention or out of competitiveness or jealousy) after she turned me down and I moved on. A is not a b*tch or a bad person, but at one point she thought I wasn't good enough by rejecting me.

 

[Kotaix]

It's competition anxiety and it's not limited to just women.

I've had certain male friends do that before when hot female friends we have in common comment on my social media postings, those men are always extremely insecure and think they know everything.

 

[AttackFormation]

I have had many difficulties with women who were not attracted to [players].

Do you think they always weren't and it's their personality, or that it's because their priorities shifted?

What kind of "difficulty" do you mean? They wouldn't have sex with you at all? it took longer to have sex? they didn't want to commit to you after sex and moved on, but player-loving women stayed? I ask because although you claimed that you had had "difficulties" with women who were apparently not attracted to players, I couldn't detect anything in the rest of your post that I would consider a difficulty as such.

 

[derby1]

if its confirmed to a woman in the UK you are a player, all higher value women will vanish off your earth

however one guy i know who is a player also earns about 300k a year, ......amazingly all women stick around and fawn over him

Hypergamy floats

 

[bcude]

if its confirmed to a woman in the UK you are a player, all higher value women will vanish off your earth

however one guy i know who is a player also earns about 300k a year, ......amazingly all women stick around and fawn over him

Hypergamy floats

Could it be that the player earning 300k a year has alot going for him in his life and the attractive attributes that got him to that earning position, like high genuine confidence, drive, ability to handle adversity, grit, passion etc. which the first player lacks since he's quite shallow and women see right through it?

You've to put it into context. Women are still women and will respond to the same everywhere on earth.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You would do well with putting this kind of sh*t in check. A public statement like that is not supportive in nature. It’s a tip off to other women that you’re a player. It’s essentially **** blocking. Even worse if she’s not flirting with you at all and simply injects herself uninvited.

I would treat her as a liability in this case.

I think it’s more social proof honestly. The best wingman is a woman.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Yeah. Absolutely agree. But I don’t see anything in particular that implies this woman has any useful purpose as such, at least not from what was written so far.

He has a woman who befriended him, doesn’t flirt with him, doesn’t set him up or invite him out to meet her friends, etc. She is just maintaining a presence with nothing to really offer, from what I gather.

If a woman is of no particular useful purpose, she is a liability to me because other women will always question her presence. If you’re not getting anything out of her, why invite the suspicion such a presence will draw? In my opinion you need more than just the presence of a woman for social proof to really work. Women are generally attracted to the type a man that other women want. If she doesn’t want him, or at least play the part as a wing, then she’s not putting anything in and he will get nothing out of it.

At least that’s how I see it.

I’ve had wingwomen. They work things. They hook you up. They don’t just stand there as ornamental fixtures.

If he wants to flesh out the possibility of having her set him up with some of her friends, all good. I say he should give it a whirl and see what happens. But if she offers nothing, I can’t see how her presence will have any more value than that.

Hot women are immediate social proof.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hot women are immediate social proof.

Yea but many feel their actions tend to devalue a man. Since they are out to increase attention, clout and cash.

 

[The LadyKiller]

He has a woman who befriended him, doesn’t flirt with him, doesn’t set him up or invite him out to meet her friends, etc. She is just maintaining a presence with nothing to really offer, from what I gather.

If a woman is of no particular useful purpose, she is a liability to me because other women will always question her presence. If you’re not getting anything out of her, why invite the suspicion such a presence will draw? In my opinion you need more than just the presence of a woman for social proof to really work. Women are generally attracted to the type a man that other women want. If she doesn’t want him, or at least play the part as a wing, then she’s not putting anything in and he will get nothing out of it.

This is what A has turned into. She hasn't invited me out to meet any of her friends and hasn't been a wing woman in any way. She is, as Amante Silvestre says, a liability.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You can have 10 hot women around you, but if the interaction and feel is t right, if they’re not on the same page with you, you can just as easily ooze “gay friend”. There has to be a certain kind of interaction there for it to have the intended effect.

That’s never been the case for me once I realized how to be. You might be the ‘odd one out’, or ‘that weird guy’ at worst, but never the gay friend lol. That just means you’re giving off a weak vibe, and if that’s happening to a man, that’s something internal that he’s gotta fix. Imagine if you saw a bunch of hot chicks around a guy like Richard Ramirez. Would you think that anyone would ever think he’s the ‘gay friend’, as you put it?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

For the average guy with nothing particularly outstanding going for him, such a set up could invoke a woman to wonder what it is about him, yes, but it doesn’t mean it was always be the good kind of wondering. Is he the nice guy friend? The gay friend? Looser orbiter? Her kid brother? Are these women not on him because he’s married?

The average dude I’m pretty sure will see an uptick in social status.

My point is that the man himself is often the difference in how effective these types of social proof really work. Cases in which it works very well are usually also situations where the man himself has many of the qualities that would allow him to do just as well with women without the social proof set up.

If you have an average guy with a woman who LJBFs him, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t play the wing role, etc., then such a set up will be pretty diluted. It’s not going to have the advertised effect. It can even present some hurdles when the guy makes attempts to cold approach.

It’s not a magic bullet. It’s not the women. It’s the man. The women just add credibility to what should already be pretty self apparent to onlookers.

Amante, I get what your saying, but the fact is, it’s not even that the average guy is a complete loser weirdo or anything, it’s just that hot women are automatically closed off to them and put up a huge wall to protect against ‘creeps’ lol. The average man can make conversation if he’s into it, can put on better clothes if he feels like it, and style his hair and walk with better posture if he feels like it. It’s just that most of them are too lazy most of the time lol. And while it’s true that usually it’s the dude himself who gave himself that social proof just based off of how he is, not many women can determine that difference just by looking at a random man walking by when he’s by himself. Him having these so-called hot chicks all around him indicate that he is that guy with great social skills, moves, etc. but it’s not immediately apparent to most when you just walk by for the first time (for some it is, but for others it takes time for them to realize).

For the majority of guys, it’ll up their social status a lot. Especially in the eyes of women who are of lower status/looks than the women said man is with.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

My issue is not with whether social proof works or not. My issue is with the idea that certain actions will always yield certain results. It just doesn’t work that way when you’re talking about the diversity of people and how they think.

Not every woman is going the think you’re a really busy guy if you don’t contact her for 3 days. And not every woman is going to think you’re a stud muffin just because he’s in the vicinity of a few attractive women.

There are nuances to these things.

In regards to the OPs thread, I don’t see anything in particular about this woman that would elevate him above such nuances simply because of her presence. She isn’t dating him, she isn’t flirting with him, she isn't inviting him out to meet her friends or going to bat for him with other women... if he sits in a bar to have drinks with her, it will more likely bring up hurdles than it would helpful benefits in picking up other women who notice her presence.

They might think they’re on a date. They might think he’s a sleeze ball if he goes to talk to them leaving the other one behind. Other men might approach the girl he’s with when they notice he’s not doing anything with her. How will that bode for him sitting there while this girl is being chatted up by a guy that she’s actually attracted to?

Things can go south for a guy in these arrangements just as easily as they might provide some benefit.

If a guy has the calibration to work through these kinds of nuances, then he also has the calibration needed to do just as well on his own.

Social proof actually works best for guys who don’t really need it.

Im actually very high on the concept of social proof/social status, particularly for younger guys. For them it can literally be the only thing they really need to succeed. But I’m also a big advocate on doing these things with the right women and not just with any woman, particularly those who aren’t very attracted to you to begin with.

Every woman I have ever benefited from in regards to this kind of social proof were either women I already slept with, women who I would eventually sleep with, or women who were attracted to me but some legitimate reason prevented the hookup.

A platonic female friend who rejected a man previously will seldom, if ever, serve such usefulness in that arena.

Now like I said earlier, if she seems cool enough to the OP that she might climb aboard with being a wing for him, then cool. But the idea that he should pursue a normal friendship with her on the idea that just being seen with her in public is going to elevate his game...I seriously doubt it will.

I’m not arguing about the OP’s case specifically. I’m saying in general, hot chicks are immediate social proof for a guy because if other women think a dude is cool, then it means that he’s likely not a creep.

There are nuances to these things.

There are nuances to GAME. That is dependent upon a man’s inner game, or as we call it here, your frame. But for LMS, no, there’s no nuance to it. That’s why there are dudes who say that LMS is all you need to bed women.