Haven’t been on here in a long time still trying to get my life together

[BaronOfHair]

Yes I live in the US and I do live in one of the major metros but like I already said, there’s no opportunities for labor in exchange for free or reduced price room and board

Which state of The US do you currently reside in?

 

[Gamisch]

Here's an urgent to do list( aka a TODAY list)

- tell your father you appreciate him and everything he does. Tell him you are grateful you can stay at home.
- kick off from the garbage. Seek prof help.
- enforce this by going to the gym.
-get ANY kinda job. Save at least 30% .

Be honest: how much income do you waste in substances?

I expect that by tomorrow you set all of this in motion. Report back please.

And ? I expect you completed the list by now* AHUM*.

I feel like you're trolling us but more importantly YOURSELF. Imagine being your own biggest troll...

You make minimum wage BUT you also have minimum expenses;
-no girlfriend.
- no rent
- no hobbies
- no children

So assuming you indeed make minimum wage( 7,25 in the US IIRC) you would still have approx 1160 dollar, and if you don't b1tch out about " work life balance " ( which is for b1tchazz soyboys) and make 40 hours per week . All the thing mentiod above would be an INFINITE money pit. So you could make 3000 per month bit minus the costs of having those thing you would be WORSE off than you are now!

I feel like you are not about that life, and I do challenge you to prove me wrong...

 

[Arete]

The booze and porn are bigger problems than weed.

I don't know man.

From what I see here, you could already be on your psychological limit and everyone, including myself, is bashing you for no reason.
Or you could be a total bum and a troll, wasting everyone's time.
It's hard to judge from an outside perspective.


Never tried any drugs to tell. I have barely even tried alcohol my whole life, since I never got the appeal.

What I know for sure is that porn is a massive problem. Yet it's very subtile.

Might be the elephant in the room. It would explain your mindset. (I can relate)

Have you tried stop watching porn AND stop fapping?

It's the one thing that wasn't already said yet in this thread so far.

Try to stop even thinking about porn. The second, you get hard for anything that isn't a real woman, you already lost. You lose energy you desperately need in other parts of your life.

Try to actually do it. No excuses. You will see 2-3 weeks in, and you will suddenly gain willpower you didn't even know you were capable of.


As for dating apps, I say doing approaches is probably better, even as a newbie. Never tried dating apps. But in the field, you don't have to wait for women's permission before saying anything. That appeals to me. Feels like the manly way, even if I still suck at it.

Just for the record, I also think "professional help" and "banging escorts" are stupid, no matter where you stand in life. Using this type of crutch will cripple any fundamental progress you could have made by yourself.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I legit do not want to quit weed, but I need to greatly cut back on alcohol like I already said. I also use weed to substitute for medication that I’m allergic to as well.

Holy shvt

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Get your life together first. Worry about women once that is resolved.

Otherwise you are greatly limiting what you will be able to attract and wasting time focusing on things that don't matter.

 

[Solomon]

I haven’t been on the forum since late 2025 and thought I would revisit it. I’m now 33 and still struggling with dating, I have still never had a girlfriend or dated at all and I feel more hopeless about it with each passing year. Especially because inexperience is such a big turn off for women and I feel like I’m stuck in a catch-22 that I cannot escape from because I can only get experience by dating women, which I cannot do without having experience in the first place. This is a belief I’ve held onto since age 20 and all it’s done is make things worse.

Turning 32 last year was a key inflection point for me because at 16, I turned to drugs and alcohol because I felt that I would never be successful with women and wanted something to numb myself. At 32, the amount of years that I’ve been using that as a coping mechanism matched the age I was when I first started doing it and made me realize it has not worked and never did.

Then about exactly a year ago, I got kicked out of my parents house after getting into a fight with my dad. I ended up living in motels for 3 months before I came back home. I do not want to be living at home with my parents, but I’m living there by force of financial circumstance. I enrolled in college classes back in 2024 for vocational certifications in agriculture and I will have my certificates soon, then I hope my income will be high enough to leave my parents house for good.

Just wanted to share because I literally don’t have anyone in my life I can talk about these struggles with and I have talked about them here on the forum previously.

Keeping your head up man as long as you striving to do better every day, it may seem small but even slow motion is motion!
Times are tough I myself am trying to bounce back after a recent setback but we continue on

 

[needimprovement250]

Which state of The US do you currently reside in?

I don’t wanna dox myself by saying what state, but I do live in one of the major metros like I said and I have looked for the exact room and board living arrangement that you described here on more than one occasion and nothing like that is available here.

 

[needimprovement250]

And ? I expect you completed the list by now* AHUM*.

I feel like you're trolling us but more importantly YOURSELF. Imagine being your own biggest troll...

You make minimum wage BUT you also have minimum expenses;
-no girlfriend.
- no rent
- no hobbies
- no children

So assuming you indeed make minimum wage( 7,25 in the US IIRC) you would still have approx 1160 dollar, and if you don't b1tch out about " work life balance " ( which is for b1tchazz soyboys) and make 40 hours per week . All the thing mentiod above would be an INFINITE money pit. So you could make 3000 per month bit minus the costs of having those thing you would be WORSE off than you are now!

I feel like you are not about that life, and I do challenge you to prove me wrong...

Dude you say I’m trolling and yet you came back here in what, like 18-24 hours later expecting that list to be completed when you and I both know that your list can’t be completed in that short span of time. So you’re trolling me if anything lol. I do have hobbies, I never mentioned them here because I was never asked what my hobbies are. The other 3 things I don’t have obviously, but I will admit I need better spending habits. My hobbies do cost me money, but they aren’t a massive drain on my income. Like I said, I can admit that I need to fix my spending and saving habits, the bad economic conditions and high prices are having a negative effect too, but that’s happening to most people right now and not just me of course.

 

[Bible_Belt]

sustainable agriculture and nursery crop production.

I've done a lot of both of those. I would guess the most in demand skills would be using AI and drones to reduce labor costs. The human hand is the last part of robots to be perfected. They can't pick fruit yet, because their sense of touch isn't fine enough. But someone will probably figure it out soon.

 

[needimprovement250]

What I know for sure is that porn is a massive problem. Yet it's very subtile.

It is a massive problem for me and it started out subtle, but has become less subtle as time went on.

It would explain your mindset. (I can relate)

Have you tried stop watching porn AND stop fapping?

I have noticed the negative effect it has had on my mindset, I have been addicted to it for 20 years now. I first got hooked on it when I was 12 back in 2006. Yes, I have tried stopping both multiple times. I have had clean streaks away from it that lasted for a decent amount of time, but they’ve unfortunately ended in relapses. What I need to work on is making sure a relapse is a one off thing if it happens and getting right back up on the horse to stay clean from it because too many times I’ve watched and fapped multiple times in the day the relapse happens because I’ve rationalized to myself that the day is a loss now anyway, might as well fap again and start fresh tomorrow. And there has been times where that turns into I’ll start next week fresh or even next month fresh, so I gotta make sure a relapse doesn’t turn into a binge.

The second, you get hard for anything that isn't a real woman, you already lost. You lose energy you desperately need in other parts of your life.

Try to actually do it. No excuses. You will see 2-3 weeks in, and you will suddenly gain willpower you didn't even know you were capable of.

That’s happened to me and it’s alarming, I’ve gotten hard to the idea of watching women have sex over me myself having sex with her, because porn can totally rewire your brain’s sexual responses to where you’re more aroused by being in third person and watching others have sex than you are by having sex yourself, there are porn addicts who have actually become cuckolds because of their porn addiction and I’ve worried about that happening to me. I have noticed a positive change in myself after just a week and a half clean from it, so it’s upsetting when I relapse. I actually bought a padlock and jar that both have timers and only unlock when the timer runs out in order to lock up my phone and laptop whenever I’m alone and porn becomes a temptation, I need to start using them more.

As for dating apps, I say doing approaches is probably better, even as a newbie. Never tried dating apps. But in the field, you don't have to wait for women's permission before saying anything. That appeals to me. Feels like the manly way, even if I still suck at it.

I mean I will say that I have zero rejection immunity since I’ve never actually been rejected by women and only feared it, and you develop rejection immunity by being rejected by women, so dating apps could be good because rejection happens so often and could get me used to being rejected and maybe I’ll get some first dates out of it and that will help with my lack of experience too. I think I would feel more comfortable approaching if I was to attend singles events or something like that where women are more receptive to being approached.

Just for the record, I also think "professional help" and "banging escorts" are stupid, no matter where you stand in life. Using this type of crutch will cripple any fundamental progress you could have made by yourself.

Thanks for saying that, I actually laughed a bit when the escorts in South America advice was given to me since that’s one of the most ridiculous pieces of advice I’ve ever heard lol.

 

[needimprovement250]

Get your life together first. Worry about women once that is resolved.

Otherwise you are greatly limiting what you will be able to attract and wasting time focusing on things that don't matter.

That is definitely something I’ve gathered from this thread. It was about everything going on in my life, not just dating. But I have noticed that my dating life has barely been mentioned since that’s less important than the other things.

I mean I guess I could try and get just some first dates to practice now since my lack of dating experience is a concern for me, but leave it at that. The fact that I live with my parents, don’t go to the gym, and low income definitely will limit what women would actually be willing to date me by a lot I’m sure. Not only that, but my dad is now retired and never leaves the house so there’s zero chance I could ever provide a private place for me and a girl to get physical, which means I would probably have to pay for a hotel when its my turn to provide a place and that would make dating more expensive for me too.