Have I been friendzoned?

[Igetit!]

I hear what you and many others are saying that I have to strike when the iron is hot before she loses interest (unless she already has).

Yes. And this can happen QUICK. I personally think if you come across a girl you like,you need to make your interest known within the first few minutes of meeting her. This is especially true if she's someone you're going to be seeing often. That way,from the beginning.....you get the idea off in her head of you two possibly being sexual.

You won't have to worry about getting the old,"You're like a brother to me/I don't see you "that way" " lines from her because you presented yourself to her "THAT WAY" from the very first moments of meeting her.

She has NO CHOICE but to see you as sexual (or potentially sexual),because that's how you presented yourself to her.......EVEN IF she rejects you. You won't shock her or make her feel uncomfortable by asking her out because you positioned yourself as a sexual option from the getgo.


You've known this chick going on THREE WEEKS......WITHOUT being upfront about your intentions. If you suddenly ask her out now,she may be like,"Where did that come from?" She's known the laughy "you",the guy she talks with "you",the flatmate "you".........not the SEXUAL "you". And it's because you've kept that side of yourself hidden for whatever reason.

So if you do bring him out,and she's suddenly ataken back,DON'T BLAME HER. If you don't have the confidence to go for what you want,that's not HER fault.

You have to understand though that before All this she had told me she “doesn’t want to get attached”.

Sir,look.......I realize you don't have a high post count,but you've been a member here for 5 years. You've been here TOO LONG to fall for this HORSESH1T.

What's the NUMBER ONE thing this place has ALWAYS PREACHED about women?

"GO BY WHAT THEY DO.......not by what THEY SAY". Attraction and chemistry BREAKS RULES.

If this chick really liked you,if she really felt chemistry and attraction for you,do you REALLY THINK she'd let you being a "flatmate" stop you two from getting together?

At that point I imagine she was just letting me down slowly.

Yep. Just what I said in my previous post.....you spend too much time "wondering/IMAGINING/telling yourself things.

Then there were the IOIs, so I thought maybe I was game...

The IOIs seemed legit. Problem is IOIs are like baseball pitches. They don't just sit there. You have to take advantage of them....otherwise,they just pass by.

Now the female flatmate has told me she’s talked about me and how “She doesn’t want to get with a flatmate”, again suggests she doesn’t want anything to happen and/or isn’t interested.

Now this......I understand what you mean. I can understand why you'd be hesitant.....

BUT.....

If this were really,truly the case....then WHY did she bother giving you all the IOIs to begin with? What was the point of those? You think she was being an AW? I don't.

Tell me something........WHEN did you get the news that this girl didn't want to get with a flatmate? Was it in the beginning while she was giving you all those IOIs? Or sometime thereafter?

When I say a move of sorts, the reason why the female flatmate told me the above is because I really wanted to make a move and she held me back to tell me what the girl in question had told her.

That's fair. Now.....I have a question....

The female flatmate....the one who told you that the girl you like didn't want to get with a flatmate......did she know that you liked the other girl? What happened.....did you tell the flatmate you were going to go ask the other girl out,then she stopped you and told you what the girl you liked said?


If so,I'd have to agree with you not making a move..... But that STILL doesn't excuse you from not going for it while all those IOIs were there.

 

[samspade]

@samspade

Do you have anything further to add from what King Lion, BackIntheGame78 and BigPapa have said so far about my updates?

For me either what she's told out other flatmate about "not wanting to get with a flat mate" is probably not far from the truth, meaning 1) she likes me but... or 2) She wasn't interested in the first place. I'm leaning more towards 2) tbh

What women say is mostly meaningless, and you're getting one woman's word from another woman so it's less than nothing.

A woman will say all kinds of things to rationalize away a guy, and she may even mean it in the moment. Here's an anecdote. I could tell my old boss liked me at an old job. After a few months (yes, months, it was a job after all) I made a move on her after a holiday party. We messed around a bit but didn't fukk - too drunk. She backed off after that and said "we shouldn't get involved because we work together." I said okay. I'm sure you can guess what eventually transpired, but it took another 3 months to come back around. Even so she probably told her girl friends the same thing - "I shouldn't fukk him." But she did.

This can transpire in the span of a few hours ("I'll have a drink at your place but that's it") to weeks/months (like in the case of my boss) to even years. Obviously you don't want to be zeroed in on her without spinning plates. But there's no reason to close the door. Just let it ride. Even disqualify yourself if necessary. ("We shouldn't do that.")

Now maybe she's really that prudent and won't give in, but that doesn't mean she doesn't fancy you. A girl will try to disqualify a guy BECAUSE there's a chance. That is, she wouldn't need to disqualify a homeless dude, as a wise man told me once, because obviously it ain't happening.

My advice is take it in stride, put it on the back burner, and find ways to DHV and get her to qualify herself. But above all else know that if you manage yourself well, these things have a way of happening.

 

[Sgthaytham]

Yes. And this can happen QUICK. I personally think if you come across a girl you like,you need to make your interest known within the first few minutes of meeting her. This is especially true if she's someone you're going to be seeing often. That way,from the beginning.....you get the idea off in her head of you two possibly being sexual.

You won't have to worry about getting the old,"You're like a brother to me/I don't see you "that way" " lines from her because you presented yourself to her "THAT WAY" from the very first moments of meeting her.

She has NO CHOICE but to see you as sexual (or potentially sexual),because that's how you presented yourself to her.......EVEN IF she rejects you. You won't shock her or make her feel uncomfortable by asking her out because you positioned yourself as a sexual option from the getgo.


You've known this chick going on THREE WEEKS......WITHOUT being upfront about your intentions. If you suddenly ask her out now,she may be like,"Where did that come from?" She's known the laughy "you",the guy she talks with "you",the flatmate "you".........not the SEXUAL "you". And it's because you've kept that side of yourself hidden for whatever reason.

So if you do bring him out,and she's suddenly ataken back,DON'T BLAME HER. If you don't have the confidence to go for what you want,that's not HER fault.



Sir,look.......I realize you don't have a high post count,but you've been a member here for 5 years. You've been here TOO LONG to fall for this HORSESH1T.

What's the NUMBER ONE thing this place has ALWAYS PREACHED about women?

"GO BY WHAT THEY DO.......not by what THEY SAY". Attraction and chemistry BREAKS RULES.

If this chick really liked you,if she really felt chemistry and attraction for you,do you REALLY THINK she'd let you being a "flatmate" stop you two from getting together?



Yep. Just what I said in my previous post.....you spend too much time "wondering/IMAGINING/telling yourself things.



The IOIs seemed legit. Problem is IOIs are like baseball pitches. They don't just sit there. You have to take advantage of them....otherwise,they just pass by.



Now this......I understand what you mean. I can understand why you'd be hesitant.....

BUT.....

If this were really,truly the case....then WHY did she bother giving you all the IOIs to begin with? What was the point of those? You think she was being an AW? I don't.

Tell me something........WHEN did you get the news that this girl didn't want to get with a flatmate? Was it in the beginning while she was giving you all those IOIs? Or sometime thereafter?



That's fair. Now.....I have a question....

The female flatmate....the one who told you that the girl you like didn't want to get with a flatmate......did she know that you liked the other girl? What happened.....did you tell the flatmate you were going to go ask the other girl out,then she stopped you and told you what the girl you liked said?


If so, I'd have to agree with you not making a move..... But that STILL doesn't excuse you from not going for it while all those IOIs were there.

OK so first, above all else thank you for this post. I assure you I've read it all, now let me try and answer as best as I can.

I actually did make my interest known from the beginning. 2nd day after she arrived I was all over her. Stroking her, pulling her close by the waist, lots of kino. Didn't think it was the right thing to kiss, but I probably should have I suppose.

It's the second party, the night when she hugged me randomly as I was sitting on a chair, that she told me she didn't want to get attached. So between that night and Friday night, there have been IOIs, and you're right, why would she show these IOIs only to for me to find out from someone else that she doesn't want something with a flatmate.

I'm sure she knows that I want her sexually.

Like even tonight, she put her hands on my shoulders to pass me (I admit this isn't much at all), but whenever we made eye contact she would hold and look down.

That's why I think this advice from @samspade is great " My advice is take it in stride, put it on the back burner, and find ways to DHV and get her to qualify herself. But above all else know that if you manage yourself well, these things have a way of happening. "


I will keep you up to date.

 

[Bigpapa]

OK so first, above all else thank you for this post. I assure you I've read it all, now let me try and answer as best as I can.

I actually did make my interest known from the beginning. 2nd day after she arrived I was all over her. Stroking her, pulling her close by the waist, lots of kino. Didn't think it was the right thing to kiss, but I probably should have I suppose.

It's the second party, the night when she hugged me randomly as I was sitting on a chair, that she told me she didn't want to get attached. So between that night and Friday night, there have been IOIs, and you're right, why would she show these IOIs only to for me to find out from someone else that she doesn't want something with a flatmate.

I'm sure she knows that I want her sexually.

Like even tonight, she put her hands on my shoulders to pass me (I admit this isn't much at all), but whenever we made eye contact she would hold and look down.

That's why I think this advice from @samspade is great " My advice is take it in stride, put it on the back burner, and find ways to DHV and get her to qualify herself. But above all else know that if you manage yourself well, these things have a way of happening. "


I will keep you up to date.

mate you did not escalate properly , and I am quite sure that she does not know that you are interested in her sexually . She might think that you are , but for sure she is not certain

 

[Sgthaytham]

mate you did not escalate properly , and I am quite sure that she does not know that you are interested in her sexually . She might think that you are , but for sure she is not certain

Yeah I realise I haven't, which is ****e, but it's all part of the process of self-improvement. She's probably not sure, you're right

 

[Bigpapa]

Yeah I realise I haven't, which is ****e, but it's all part of the process of self-improvement. She's probably not sure, you're right

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

 

[Sgthaytham]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

I've been doing all this haha

 

[Robert28]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

You know why more guys don’t do all that? Because women have a bad habit of saying “my guy friend keeps touching me and flirting with me and he won’t take the hint. It’s creeping me out”. So guys become reserved and hesitate and alas......friendzoned because they didn’t act sooner or as aggressively as they should.

 

[samspade]

You know why more guys don’t do all that? Because women have a bad habit of saying “my guy friend keeps touching me and flirting with me and he won’t take the hint. It’s creeping me out”. So guys become reserved and hesitate and alas......friendzoned because they didn’t act sooner or as aggressively as they should.

True. But those are just little shyt tests or disqualifiers.

 

[Bigpapa]

I've been doing all this haha

And ? What is her response ?

 

[Robert28]

True. But those are just little shyt tests or disqualifiers.

Well maybe a few years ago but guys can’t take that chance now with #metoo everywhere. Can’t have it both ways. Either you want us to be aggressive or you don’t and then friendzone us and complain we didn’t move fast enough or aggressive enough. Women created this **** show, not men. Men have just adapted to it.

 

[Bigpapa]

Well maybe a few years ago but guys can’t take that chance now with #metoo everywhere. Can’t have it both ways. Either you want us to be aggressive or you don’t and then friendzone us and complain we didn’t move fast enough or aggressive enough. Women created this **** show, not men. Men have just adapted to it.

that is why it is important to pay attention on how she is saying whatever she is saying . Context is quite important as we know that we should not take whatever women say at face value

 

[Robert28]

In my opinion #1 mistake that most guys make is Never asking for the date.

100% waste of my time and energy analyzing "IOI"s.

Right now it seems as if you're trying to circumvent rejection by decoding IOIs/relying on others' opinions.

Only way to know is to risk failure and invite her to meet with you.

Usually when I ask for the date I get a “yes” but then trying to get them to go on the date is impossible. It’s not that we don’t ask, we just get strung along and before you know it it’s hello friendzone.

 

[Bigpapa]

Usually when I ask for the date I get a “yes” but then trying to get them to go on the date is impossible. It’s not that we don’t ask, we just get strung along and before you know it it’s hello friendzone.

what I see that it works with the conversion is to go radio silence for 2 weeks and then come back again . And again

 

[Robert28]

what I see that it works with the conversion is to go radio silence for 2 weeks and then come back again . And again

Hell I’ve forgotten about them by then. I’ll ask once. After that she’s gonna ask me or she won’t be going anywhere with me.

 

[Bigpapa]

Hell I’ve forgotten about them by then. I’ll ask once. After that she’s gonna ask me or she won’t be going anywhere with me.

that is as well another good option haha

I encounter usually this because I have this bad boy vibe which makes girls test my interest , so I expect this kind of non sense from all the girls

 

[Bigpapa]

Talking about over analyzing the situation and not making a move , this sums it up perfectly , even though is super corny

http://instagr.am/p/CILn0BXHXnd/

 

[BackInTheGame78]

so before you give up make your intent clear in a smooth way

like touch her more on her arms , Lower back , smile at her , etc and see how she reacts to all of this . Then you will know your answer

I would just say something like "Is that your favorite pair of jeans" and if she says "No why?" Say "it should be" and if she says "Yes" then say "I can see why"

She will demand an explanation and then laugh and say something like "because I can't stop staring at your ass and just want to grab it" and then walk away...

It might take a few days but I will almost guarantee she will be all over you after that and you will open up an escalation window. Don't blow it this time.

 

[Sgthaytham]

And ? What is her response ?

I would say largely positive, like she isn't visibly distraught if I touch her arms, legs or hands, she's not pulling away... but then again, she's not really touchy-feely with me besides play hitting me

 

[GeezerBub]

All this despite telling me she "doesn't want to get attached" on the third day after we'd met.

Sounds like she's challenging you to make the next appropriate move.