"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Gym Adventures Of Guido & Luigi

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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shaunuk

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lol, yep, I've been reading it over the past few weeks. Really entertaining, thanks for posting, everyone should like this :crackup:

-shaun
 

cuzza

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I don't like it... =\
Just doesn't seem funny in the slighest, infact it's pretty sad really.
 

donjuanjovi

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cuzza said:
I don't like it... =\
Just doesn't seem funny in the slighest, infact it's pretty sad really.
I agree.
 

Kwello

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Is it supposed to be funny? This is like Bazooka Joe humor...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Warboss Alex

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People who don't get it may possibly relate to the characters depicted therein. ;)
 

donjuanjovi

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Warboss Alex said:
People who don't get it may possibly relate to the characters depicted therein. ;)
Ouch.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do bicep curls in the squat rack.
 

THE_ADDMAN

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lol actually, its pretty good satire. :)
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Quagmire911

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Haha good stuff :cool:, reminds me of just about every guy my age who I talk to about "weightlifting".
 
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