That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
This book basically teaches you how to make people like you and do you favors by being fake. After I read it, I thought it was great, it would help me to deal with my social problems, become confident, etc. In reality, it shows you how to manipulate people by hiding your insecurities. That is the last thing you want.S1NN3R said:How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
while reading the bible, read ecclisiastes.NeonBase said:I would suggest reading the book of "Proverbs" in the Bible. I mean even if you aren't religious, it has a lot of great life information that will help you become successful. It covers on topics like money, relationships, women... It has a lot of wisdom.
Yes and No. Just like being a DJ, it is a "bag of tricks". You take from it what you need, and throw away the rest. This kid will find it useful in the workplace, in school, etc. The thing that struck me was the manipulation, but like I said, it's like being a DJ. Once you "become that person" you stop manipulating and start being yourself... which makes people like/respect/want to please you.Nocturnal said:This book basically teaches you how to make people like you and do you favors by being fake. After I read it, I thought it was great, it would help me to deal with my social problems, become confident, etc. In reality, it shows you how to manipulate people by hiding your insecurities. That is the last thing you want.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
I disagree. Acting happy won't make you become a happy person, it will make you a person who acts happy. I know tons of guys who act tough, confident, etc, but if you look closely they never "grew into it." If you look closely you can still find visible insecurities, often having to do with how they look, or that they care about what other people think of them. A truly confident man doesn't need to act and acting won't help him. A solid philosophy that he can ground his actions and goals in, will.Vulpine said:Yes and No. Just like being a DJ, it is a "bag of tricks". You take from it what you need, and throw away the rest. This kid will find it useful in the workplace, in school, etc. The thing that struck me was the manipulation, but like I said, it's like being a DJ. Once you "become that person" you stop manipulating and start being yourself... which makes people like/respect/want to please you.
How to Win Friends and Influence people is a HUGE boon for a 16 year old. The book doesn't lead you to "hide" anything, just choose your verbage differently. That is a far cry from being "fake".