"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Girlfriend lacks communication skills

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killerasp

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So i have been dating my girlfriend for about 5 months now. I have known her for over a year now. Three of those months we have been bf/gf. This is her first REAL relationship.

In the early stages things were good. But i noticed that she had trouble opening up emotionally to me. During social outings with friends, i noticed that she isnt the social butterfly i thought she was. She isnt the type to initiate conversations with myself or other people. But she can blab on if someone else initiates At first i thought it was a trust issue, but months later i realize its just her. She might be shy in new social situations but she is just the opposite with her close friends.

Back to the main issue i am having, because of this conversations with her are one sided: initiated by me. I am asking all the open ended questions hoping to have her talk more about her feelings on a particular topic but its usually left dead short. what bothers me is that even though she cares about me, its seems hard for her to express her feelings or opinion on important things.

i am pretty sure the problem is that she doesnt know how to open up to talk. it sounds a problem an AFC would have early on in the learning process. she might be scared to do so...or maybe just doesnt know how.

what can i do to reinforce her confidence or show her how to open up?

thanks ahead of time.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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nvictor

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Sorry, 5 months you said? And you didn't notice anything? Is the girl playing with you or what?

Anyway, you're the man. Introduce her. If she can't talk, talk in her place. Or initiate the conversation for her. For example "Baby, what if you tell us how you did...?"
 
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killerasp

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I-am-someone: no i havent talked to her directly about the issue at hand. trying to find a way to go about saying, "why dont you open up to me more? dont you turst me?" without saying those exact words. I could try a variation on it, but i dont want make her feel uncomfortable when i do bring it up.

nvictor: i like that idea. thanks.

spider_007: sometimes i really think so.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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D

d9930380

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Some people just aren't the talkative type. She probably can't think of anything to say that she thinks you would find interesting. Given it's her first relationship, she's probably unsure what guys and girls talk about when in a relationship. It's not about opening up or being afraid to disagree as once the conversation starts or she knows what interests the other person (her friends) then she's fine.

I'm afraid you will probably have to do most of the work with this one.
 
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killerasp

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n00bPimp said:
Why would you want your gf to talk more? ....I dont understand
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umm...why not? if its this was just some random girl, i wouldnt give a crap about what she said and does. but with someone you care, there needs to a communication between the people in order for the relationship to work.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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