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Girlfriend heading off for 5 weeks this summer.

flowtheory

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Really that naive ?

It's her intent that matters here and it's how a man should respond towards that intent.
SHes going with her grabdparents on a cruise. And she’s going elsewhere to study for her career. And the second time she kind of asked. This thread is making an issue a non issue. Not everything is about a woman’s unhappiness and her wanting to see or have sex with other men. It just happens to be all at one time. She’s communicating everything months in advance.
 

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backseatjuan

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SHes going with her grabdparents on a cruise. And she’s going elsewhere to study for her career. And the second time she kind of asked. This thread is making an issue a non issue. Not everything is about a woman’s unhappiness and her wanting to see or have sex with other men. It just happens to be all at one time. She’s communicating everything months in advance.
Bull. That girl first asked if it's ok to go to amsterdam with her friends - to fvck around. She 'sensed' a response from guy, and took a different approach. She is not going with your grandparents on a cruise. She is not going to work with children. She is going to fvck in amsterdam. You are naive and trusting.

Response Ryan should have is to cut attention, look for other women. Plenty of advice about this in this threat alone, everyone saying that.

What you suggesting works as well, she will get fvcked in amsterdam anyway, just wait for her to get fvcked and come back to Ryan and be happy ever after. It's a nice beta suggestion for a beta male provider type. So long as Ryan don't blow up her phone with messages and lowers his value even further.

Now if Ryan wants an alpha response and raise his value in her eyes, he has to cut back on attention, and see other women right away.

Which response Ryan picks depends on how high of a pedestal he has that b1tch sitting at.
 

flowtheory

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Bull. That girl first asked if it's ok to go to amsterdam with her friends - to fvck around. She 'sensed' a response from guy, and took a different approach. She is not going with your grandparents on a cruise. She is not going to work with children. She is going to fvck in amsterdam. You are naive and trusting.

Response Ryan should have is to cut attention, look for other women. Plenty of advice about this in this threat alone, everyone saying that.

What you suggesting works as well, she will get fvcked in amsterdam anyway, just wait for her to get fvcked and come back to Ryan and be happy ever after. It's a nice beta suggestion for a beta male provider type. So long as Ryan don't blow up her phone with messages and lowers his value even further.

Now if Ryan wants an alpha response and raise his value in her eyes, he has to cut back on attention, and see other women right away.

Which response Ryan picks depends on how high of a pedestal he has that b1tch sitting at.
Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.
 

Spaz

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Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.
#SMHID
 

highSpeed

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Lol.

Sometimes everyone is really quick to jump on to the she’s banging other guys band wagon. When there’s solid proof provided by OP that she’s not trustworthy, I’ll change my opinion.
But what I’m reading right now is that he said everything was fine (when he didn’t actually feel this way) and now he resents it all. Andthe story is being turned in to that she wants to jump on the carousel because all women can’t be trusted and that’s their imperative.
That's not the point at all. That may be happening, sure but it is tough to know. I will say though, it's weird that she's going on a cruise with her grandparents? Didn't include or even ask to include him at all? Why exactly? If she were really into him, it should probably go something like "Hey, I've got this work thing for a couple of weeks and then I want to go on a cruise with my grandparents afterwards, I want you to go or I'm not going. That's half of the summer and I don't want to be that long without you". I mean, who goes on a cruise with their grandparents? That seems a bit off.

Also, it seems as if, from the OP's description, that she doesn't care all that much whether or not he's around. I mean, 5 weeks gone and they've only been dating a year? You should still be in the honeymoon, I want to be with you every single minute phase. If she's this comfortable with him already, what's it going to be like when they've been dating 5 years? Married? Hey, I'm out for 6 months, see you then f*cker.

One last though, if she's this comfortable with him after only a year of dating, you know, to go for 5 weeks, is anyone else thinking bare minimum that's she's been on the carousel before they got together? So much so that it's now screwing with her ability to pair bond?
 
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A

AJ84

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So here's the thing; My girlfriend of 1 year is heading away for 5 weeks this summer. She's in nursing school and is going on a 3 week international placement to work in a hospital with other healthcare professionals. She asked me if i was happy with it before confirming she would go, and I said yes. Then, yesterday, she dropped it on me that 'by the way, it's right after I come back from that cruise'. She's going on a cruise for 2 weeks with her grandparents before, and it just happens that as the dates fall she will get back from the cruise and go on this international placement, making the whole time away 5 weeks.

Now, we live 55 miles apart, and make it work very well. I drive over to her almost weekly and stay for a couple of days. so despite the distance it all works out. However, these 5 weeks is the only time throughout the whole year when she has that much time off, and I was expecting that we would use that time to do lots of stuff because I have the same dates off law school.

It seems to me that she's kind of booked up all her time off without regard for me. I've been turning down summer placements at law practices purely due to the fact that I knew it would eat into our time, because I can take them in the winter when we're both busy anyway.

We were talking today and she goes "I was trying not to complain to my friends without sounding like i'm bragging, summer's going to suck because..." I was expecting her to say "because we'll be apart for so long" but instead; "... because i'll be so tired".
Isn’t this the girlfriend of 8 months you posted about two weeks ago? The one who wanted to go to Amsterdam? You were ticked off at that.
Now she’s going on a trip with her family then going to away for a placement and you’re ticked off again.
It seems like you are both not on the same page about the relationship. You seem to have expectations that she either can’t or won’t fill, and I think your communication with her around this latest expectation is off, because you told her things were fine for her to go and now your complaining about it on this thread but have you talked to her about it directly?
What do you want this 21 yr old girl to sacrifice for you? Because that’s what you’re asking, really? The cruise or her three 3 week placement?
You have sacrificed placements for her, as you stated but was that because she asked to you? Or did you do it then expect her to want to do the same?
You’re both young, there will be many other girls after her. If her school, friends, and doing things with her family are more important to her than you, then perhaps it’s time to reconsider if she wants to be in a relationship at 21.
 

lizardking82

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This relationship will end somewhere between the next 6 months to a year. This girl is the typical modern woman, minding her work and her things and you're the modern soyboy wannabe, minding her and her plans and being there and ready for her while she goes on with her life. The dynamics of the relationship are wrong, she's leading it, you're following, you got no options, she already "has you in the bag" in her mind and she will dump you if/as soon as you push for "more time together" + when she finds a perceived better option.

You want truth? This is truth. You want consolation and confirmation of your confusion? Go somewhere else.
 
A

AJ84

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I think people may be forgetting how young they both are. How many guys here at his age asked their parents if their girlfriend could go on a family trip with them or expected their girlfriends at that age to do the same?

Chances are they won’t end up together in the long run anyway. I personally think when you are that young, in school and having new experiences it’s better not to be in a relationship. Lots of time to deal with the headache of that after lol.
 

sazc

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As @AJ84 said, how many 21 yo's take their bf'on vaycay. And we're talking a cruise, with grandparents. There's the REAL possibility that shes sharing a room with Grandma and Grandpa. I can't see her thinking she's going to invade their room privacy with boyfriend. Staterooms on ships are small.
 
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flowtheory

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You guys are acting like it’s the end of the world that she’s going away for 5 weeks. It’s really not hard to believe that she’s going on a cruise with grandparents. The issue is currently being seen through paranoid glasses.
She’s been open with him about everything!

All OP needs to do is not sacrifice his own future and stop playing all his cards towards making his girlfriend happy at his own expense.

Plan your own summer trip.
 
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sazc

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You guys are acting like it’s the end of the world that she’s going away for 5 weeks. It’s really not hard to believe that she’s going on a cruise with grandparents. The issue is currently being seen through paranoid glasses.
She’s been open with him about everything!

All OP needs to do is not sacrifice his own future and stop playing all his cards towards making his girlfriend happy at his own expense.

Plan your own summer trip.
OP's starting to get resentful of her. He needs to start putting himself, his desires and his interests first.
 

flowtheory

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OP's starting to get resentful of her. He needs to start putting himself, his desires and his interests first.
This is what I’m saying. But people here are not seeing that. They are just assuming she has alterior motives and is wanting to cheat because she’s going away on a family trip with her dying grandparents, and a placement for her career which she asked for his blessings..
 

sazc

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This is what I’m saying. But people here are not seeing that. They are just assuming she has alterior motives and is wanting to cheat because she’s going away on a family trip with her dying grandparents, and a placement for her career which she asked for his blessings..
Meh, there's a lot of men who post here and they all have drastically different experiences with women. That's why you get the extreme swings. You are on one end because you haven't had these experiences. You can't fight the tide, so why try?

It will be a shame if these ppl successfully convince anyone that all women cheat, and bring on a level of paranoia that, otherwise, isn't necessary, as we should really shape our outlook on our personal experiences, but it will be what it will be.

You have to understand, the men who think all women are cheaters, gold diggers, etc, are the ones who have had these experiences, so they advise based on their past.
 

flowtheory

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Meh, there's a lot of men who post here and they all have drastically different experiences with women. That's why you get the extreme swings. You are on one end because you haven't had these experiences. You can't fight the tide, so why try?

It will be a shame if these ppl successfully convince anyone that all women cheat, and bring on a level of paranoia that, otherwise, isn't necessary, as we should really shape our outlook on our personal experiences, but it will be what it will be.

You have to understand, the men who think all women are cheaters, gold diggers, etc, are the ones who have had these experiences, so they advise based on their past.
I can agree with your points. However, I have been cheated on.
 

lizardking82

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Meh, there's a lot of men who post here and they all have drastically different experiences with women. That's why you get the extreme swings. You are on one end because you haven't had these experiences. You can't fight the tide, so why try?

It will be a shame if these ppl successfully convince anyone that all women cheat, and bring on a level of paranoia that, otherwise, isn't necessary, as we should really shape our outlook on our personal experiences, but it will be what it will be.

You have to understand, the men who think all women are cheaters, gold diggers, etc, are the ones who have had these experiences, so they advise based on their past.
Scratch that, if anyone here doesn't see that the dynamics and the logistics of this relationship are wrong, I doubt you guys have any real worthy advice to give.
 
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flowtheory

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@flowtheory, if all my real life customers are like you I'd make billions more without much effort.

Easy killing.

I'd be unstoppable even if 80% of them are like you.

I guess we now you know why some 80% of men are fvcked when it comes to women.
Lol just going to pump your own ego up and try to put me down because I disagree with some perspectives here. Let’s take it down a notch spaz. It’s a forum. No need to act like longtail because there’s someone who doesn’t agree with you in this thread.

All I’m saying is she is communicating fine with him and he’s getting self conscious because he’s now without summer plans. She had options, and took them.
He never even put forth an option for them and now he’s resenting her! He hasn’t been strong in their relationship. He makes all the effort of driving to her 55 miles away and sleeps over. He’s all up in her frame. I don’t get why she’s the one to blame in this specific case. Because if she did end up doing something of detriment to the relationship it would be because of his weakness displayed throughout. Not going on his own trips, all his efforts, not pursuing his law stuff fully, etc
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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So here's the thing; My girlfriend of 1 year is heading away for 5 weeks this summer. She's in nursing school and is going on a 3 week international placement to work in a hospital with other healthcare professionals. She asked me if i was happy with it before confirming she would go, and I said yes. Then, yesterday, she dropped it on me that 'by the way, it's right after I come back from that cruise'. She's going on a cruise for 2 weeks with her grandparents before, and it just happens that as the dates fall she will get back from the cruise and go on this international placement, making the whole time away 5 weeks.

Now, we live 55 miles apart, and make it work very well. I drive over to her almost weekly and stay for a couple of days. so despite the distance it all works out. However, these 5 weeks is the only time throughout the whole year when she has that much time off, and I was expecting that we would use that time to do lots of stuff because I have the same dates off law school.

It seems to me that she's kind of booked up all her time off without regard for me. I've been turning down summer placements at law practices purely due to the fact that I knew it would eat into our time, because I can take them in the winter when we're both busy anyway.

We were talking today and she goes "I was trying not to complain to my friends without sounding like i'm bragging, summer's going to suck because..." I was expecting her to say "because we'll be apart for so long" but instead; "... because i'll be so tired".
What part of LDR is not a relation don't you get?

Begging for cucking.

A LDR means no ***** but the commitment to her guarantees her care free ability to optimise hypergamy.

If a woman leaves, if her career or anything is more important then you and the life you are building together, cut it free. LDR is not a relationship. Its a 1 way ticket to cuckoldry.
 

flowtheory

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So how is it that you have a different perspective/advise differently then?
Every relationship is it’s own. Just because I’ve been cheated on once doesn’t mean the next girl would do the same. But sometimes around the threads people assume every woman will cheat when she goes somewhere without the guy. It’s specific.

Women can certainly stray if the guy is no challenge and they own the relationship, so to speak. As may the guy.

In this scenario. I would advise OP to continue to pursue his own passions more fully and ask that she come to his place every other weekend. Level out the playing field rather than OP putting in ALL the effort than quietly resenting her for his lack of backbone. And if he doesn’t agree or support something, speak up.

With the little info provided their relation doesn’t seem bad at all. He’s just in the early stages of weaker behaviour. But that can be fixed without destruction.
 
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