Girlfriend dumped me "I need to focus on school, I rushed into this relationship"

DamnSon

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Let me preface this by saying, when I met this girl I was king ****, had a roster of girls, driving a brand new Maserati but now a douche-bag by any means. I legitimately fell for this girl and felt as if it's a component of my life I'd been missing for awhile.

Quick Story, I'm 27, she's 22, a college senior. I know, I know. We met in August, had a wonderful, playful relationship, she seemed mature, very easy and light to be around. We laugh about everything. I have trust issues, and shes bad with communication, she'd pass out at 8pm and leave me hanging and be like WTF where are you, stop doing that ****" She'd counter with im sorry but understand I'm in college, busy i pass out sometimes, I appreciate your need for contact but i'm learning as I go i've never in a relationship where someone actually gave a ****"

I remember inf act, in the beginning saying "What am I doing, you're so young, a college, girl, you sure you can even do this?" And she was SO about it.

-Fine, whatever. She goes home for thanksgiving, I know she's partying with people she hasn't seen, I'm cool with it, until one night she vanishes from like 11 to 3, said she came home early passed out because shes sick. I flip out because, well.. my trust issues. We work it out and I apologize, she pushes to be Facebook official and invites me to meet ALL of her family, the first guy ever. It's like a big Christmas thing, awesome. Happy **** is moving forward.

-We haven't had sex in like a week and a half, we have this big weekend planned at the casino and shes super lovey dovey, gives me a happy one month anniversary card, it's really heartfelt and sweet. We get too drunk, pass out and don't end up banging.

I drive her home after a good next day, she becomes noticeably distant, says she has a headache and is stressed about finals. -We were suppose to see eachother, she blows me off. I'm like WTF, we havent been intimate in awhile, we should see eachother. I get pushy, stress her more, im like something must be off, this distance is weird, "sorry im just really stressed and taking it out on you hopefully we can talk later in the week.

She goes No contact for two days. I call her Thursday, she says "youre welcome to come over but we should talk about things."

I go over, shes cold, we go for coffee. We talk, she tells "Said she wasn't ready and jumped into it and school is her priority..said she can't give me the time and doesn't want me to be hurt me, she's not looking that forward into the future, she doesn't want me to meet her family, she needs to focus.. asked about friends, I asked if someonebody else "no" but asked about doing a break and I said what kind she said idk while Im home, aka A month I said are we gonna remain exclusive to each other during the break, she said I mean I don't go out looking for other guys but if something happens I don't feel we should have to tell each other.. Asked her for one last roll in the sheets she said no j said ok let me get my coat and left said call me if you change your mind"

Did I scare her by being a little pushy? I told her I'd give her all the space she needs to focus on schoolwork and all my BS will stop now, what we have is worth saving, I feel"

Did she meet someone else? How do you invite me your big family thing, write me this beautiful letter then go so cold?

..She doesn't want me to meet her family now, that really means she doesn't see a future.

Maybe I should have told her how much I care? I didn't want to seem like a ****ing beta though.

-Some things worth noting- The guy before me, she dated for like a year, left her ass, they were never official he never wanted to commit and strung her along. She did a lot of **** for him. Like staying home over break.
-The guy before THAT, they broke up and he ended up dying, this was like a year or so ago..dunno, maybe scared of serious commitments?

I treated this girl so goddamn good, and kept it alpha in the beginning and plowed her well.

I dunno, I guess I have no choice but to go no contact huh.. she dumped me so **** it I guess? Really do like her though.
 

DamnSon

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Also let me add, she lives with 4 beat girlfriends and has a guy best friend who lives far away they all loved me. But one of her best friends was always telling her how she needed to be single..hm..
 

Infern0

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Also let me add, she lives with 4 beat girlfriends and has a guy best friend who lives far away they all loved me. But one of her best friends was always telling her how she needed to be single..hm..
That had nothing to do with anything, girls who are crazy into a guy don't dump said guy, especially because their friend said to.
 

Glassguy

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You were way too pushy and controlling. Sounds like this relationship was not very long.....a few months? I'm not sure you should ever be controlling like that because you lose frame everytime. You could still be having a fun time with her but you were always checking up on her and making sure you knew where she was. How would you feel if she was acting like that? Smothered...just like her. She is a senior and wants to enjoy her last year. You were being a fun killer instead of enjoying the ride with her.

It's over. This chick will never be that interested in you from here on out.
 

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DamnSon

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Yes, mate. It sounds like you stressed her out.

In future focus on yourself more. Allow women to come and go.

Don't take your relationships with women so seriously. Try to relax a bit.

Want her, but don't need her, yeah? Get a side piece or two. Get some hobbies.
Even though I stated that **** would end, id back off we'd go back to being easy, and give her space? You think there is no shot at getting her back? If she was that into me she'd probably want to work it out though huh
 

DamnSon

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Thing is, you know when you like a chick you aren't really on the mood to **** any others..I dunno
 

mrgoodstuff

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Having a relationship in college does not distract you. Listening and following half a dozen friends and chasing multiple guys does distract you. She's full of it.
 

RangerMIke

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Women that age are just looking for fun, you put out a relationship vibe, this spooked her. Don't believe any of the BS about her needing to 'focus' on college, she's trying to let you down easy. Learn from this and just move on.
 

El Payaso

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She's fvcking other guys.
 

Von

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You sound desperate.

She rejected you cause you overdid it to a point she saw no fun.

Follow actions/not words.

Find new girls
 

DamnSon

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You have a brand new Maserati and your worried about a 22 year old slut that wants to party?
Ahhh you know bro, you get sick of that **** sometimes, she was different, I have pretty good reads on people and I guess I thought I found a good one and overdid it to keep it, pushed her away, ****. Ain't no way back now huh
 

sazc

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Short answer: No, you should go no contact with this girl and move on with your life. If she decides shes into you, she will contact you later. If she does, you can decide at that point if you are going t reply and what you will say. For now you need to understand that it's over for you and she.

Longer answer:
Honestly, idk if she simply got cold feet, if she was afraid of getting close/vulnerable with someone, if there are other guys who are chasing her, if you were too needy, or if it was a combination of all of it. You feel stung and that is what is holding you back. No one here can tell you exactly what happened in this case and at this point it doesn't matter.

I legitimately fell for this girl and felt as if it's a component of my life I'd been missing for awhile.
Reading these boards, when you said that above, the first thing I thought was this chick has BPD. Thankfully you didn't continue on to tell a tale of destruction but, consider this, THE MOMENT you start to think like "wow, she's into everything I am into and likes everything I like" and or "we are a perfect fit" should be the moment you realize that woman is NOT showing you who she really is.

Date, have fun. She's not the one.
 

DamnSon

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Short answer: No, you should go no contact with this girl and move on with your life. If she decides shes into you, she will contact you later. If she does, you can decide at that point if you are going t reply and what you will say. For now you need to understand that it's over for you and she.

Longer answer:
Honestly, idk if she simply got cold feet, if she was afraid of getting close/vulnerable with someone, if there are other guys who are chasing her, if you were too needy, or if it was a combination of all of it. You feel stung and that is what is holding you back. No one here can tell you exactly what happened in this case and at this point it doesn't matter.


Reading these boards, when you said that above, the first thing I thought was this chick has BPD. Thankfully you didn't continue on to tell a tale of destruction but, consider this, THE MOMENT you start to think like "wow, she's into everything I am into and likes everything I like" and or "we are a perfect fit" should be the moment you realize that woman is NOT showing you who she really is.

Date, have fun. She's not the one.
Thanks Szac, i honestly keep beating myself up for being too crazy and pushing her away i feel, I'm feeling like I need to let know I know the things I was doing were not right. Today she took me off FB official, she's moving aggressively. Maybe there really is someone else, but in 3 days time after a super lovey dovey weekend? Makes no sense. Also there were times she did open up and show me how ****ty of a person she was and we laughed, because as humans were all kinda ****ty. They weren't red flag things either. Sigh I guess my only choice is NC
 
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sazc

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Thanks Szac, i honestly keep beating myself up for being too crazy and pushing her away i feel, I'm feeling like I need to let know I know the things I was doing were not right. Today she took me off FB official, she's moving aggressively. Maybe there really is someone else, but in 3 days time after a super lovey dovey weekend? Makes no sense. Also there were times she did open up and show me how ****ty of a person she was and we laughed, because as humans were all kinda ****ty. They weren't red flag things either. Sigh I guess my only choice is NC
Stop beating yourself up and learn the lesson. you cant fix the past but you can evolve and have a better future.
 

devilkingx2

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Let me preface this by saying, when I met this girl I was king ****, had a roster of girls, driving a brand new Maserati but now a douche-bag by any means. I legitimately fell for this girl and felt as if it's a component of my life I'd been missing for awhile.

Quick Story, I'm 27, she's 22, a college senior. I know, I know. We met in August, had a wonderful, playful relationship, she seemed mature, very easy and light to be around. We laugh about everything. I have trust issues, and shes bad with communication, she'd pass out at 8pm and leave me hanging and be like WTF where are you, stop doing that ****" She'd counter with im sorry but understand I'm in college, busy i pass out sometimes, I appreciate your need for contact but i'm learning as I go i've never in a relationship where someone actually gave a ****"

I remember inf act, in the beginning saying "What am I doing, you're so young, a college, girl, you sure you can even do this?" And she was SO about it.

-Fine, whatever. She goes home for thanksgiving, I know she's partying with people she hasn't seen, I'm cool with it, until one night she vanishes from like 11 to 3, said she came home early passed out because shes sick. I flip out because, well.. my trust issues. We work it out and I apologize, she pushes to be Facebook official and invites me to meet ALL of her family, the first guy ever. It's like a big Christmas thing, awesome. Happy **** is moving forward.

-We haven't had sex in like a week and a half, we have this big weekend planned at the casino and shes super lovey dovey, gives me a happy one month anniversary card, it's really heartfelt and sweet. We get too drunk, pass out and don't end up banging.

I drive her home after a good next day, she becomes noticeably distant, says she has a headache and is stressed about finals. -We were suppose to see eachother, she blows me off. I'm like WTF, we havent been intimate in awhile, we should see eachother. I get pushy, stress her more, im like something must be off, this distance is weird, "sorry im just really stressed and taking it out on you hopefully we can talk later in the week.

She goes No contact for two days. I call her Thursday, she says "youre welcome to come over but we should talk about things."

I go over, shes cold, we go for coffee. We talk, she tells "Said she wasn't ready and jumped into it and school is her priority..said she can't give me the time and doesn't want me to be hurt me, she's not looking that forward into the future, she doesn't want me to meet her family, she needs to focus.. asked about friends, I asked if someonebody else "no" but asked about doing a break and I said what kind she said idk while Im home, aka A month I said are we gonna remain exclusive to each other during the break, she said I mean I don't go out looking for other guys but if something happens I don't feel we should have to tell each other.. Asked her for one last roll in the sheets she said no j said ok let me get my coat and left said call me if you change your mind"

Did I scare her by being a little pushy? I told her I'd give her all the space she needs to focus on schoolwork and all my BS will stop now, what we have is worth saving, I feel"

Did she meet someone else? How do you invite me your big family thing, write me this beautiful letter then go so cold?

..She doesn't want me to meet her family now, that really means she doesn't see a future.

Maybe I should have told her how much I care? I didn't want to seem like a ****ing beta though.

-Some things worth noting- The guy before me, she dated for like a year, left her ass, they were never official he never wanted to commit and strung her along. She did a lot of **** for him. Like staying home over break.
-The guy before THAT, they broke up and he ended up dying, this was like a year or so ago..dunno, maybe scared of serious commitments?

I treated this girl so goddamn good, and kept it alpha in the beginning and plowed her well.

I dunno, I guess I have no choice but to go no contact huh.. she dumped me so **** it I guess? Really do like her though.
it's all bull****, unless you were dating some straight A's valedictorian type and her grades started slipping to 89s instead of 95s because she spent more time fvcking you than studying, then you shouldn't believe any of that crap.

she's a woman, she got bored and dropped you. that's all there is to it, you gotta find another one now.
 

Roober

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It has happened to a lot of us. They convince us they are "special" or "different". In reality, she is just another woman...

You made a lot of classic mistakes as a lot of the guys here have (myself included), and she lost attraction. IT will be damn near impossible to get that attraction back, so use this as a learning experience and move on...

Women are emotional creatures, and you judge them by their current actions, not the nice things they have done for you in the past.
 

Trump

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You are able to buy a $150,000 US vehicle. But a 22 year old college girl, who has slept with her previous 6'2 boyfriend 97 times, makes your head spin in circles by spitting out some cliche sentences?

Come on bro, as soon as she causes some friction, complains, needs a break, needs to focus on school, needs to focus on herself, withholds sex or has some thoughts, you disappear like a magician. How hard is that? Is the sex that good that we keep coming back? Is the girl a movie star?

Id return the keys to the car and tell the dealership 'I don't think I'm mature enough to drive such an expensive car. Im going to go with the Honda Civic.' o_O
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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i'm learning as I go i've never in a relationship where someone actually gave a ****"
What a load of crap hahahaha!

Look OP, I mean she is in college, and it is so much easier to **** once or twice and then go back normal studying or classes or whatever. No one really wants to waste their time being with someone a lot because they really can't. This is why she would rather just bang some random guys she met a few hours beforehand rather than work up to some full-blown romantic relationship. She has biological impulses too you know and she wants them to be fulfilled. You did not satisfy her needs either. It was just extra time and energy spent on worthless things thay did not meet her sexual desires. This coincides with you being pushy and somewhat needy as well with your trust issues.
 
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