Girl with commitment phobia


Don Juan
May 14, 2007
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I have quite a nice set up with this girl I have been seeing for around 4 months. She is very sweet and affectionate. She gets jealous if I mention other girls but doesn't really keep tabs on me so I can date other girls easily. We went on a holiday together for about five days this summer and had a great time together. At the end of the holiday she said she loves me. I didn't say anything back and since then she just occasionally says she likes me so much which I am happy to repeat back to her. And we are back in a routine of seeing each other once a week going for dinner or occasionally a film/concert/theatre etc then sleeping together. She insists on paying her own way and leaves it to me to suggest meeting up. She is very affectionate and compliments me a lot and is always saying how lucky she is to have me and treats me very well. Also a few months in she started calling me "my love". She's Greek and I think they use terms of endearment a lot more freely but it still feels a little strange when she says it. From our conversations it is also evident she has told her friends about us and so on.

To give an example she planned a surprise birthday party for me. She was on holiday during my birthday so I wasn't expecting anything. But the following weekend we went to a movie and back to hers. She told me to wait outside as she needed to tidy up a bit. And when she let me in she had a cake with candles and balloons and she bought me an expensive shirt as a present and wrote me a lovely card.

I should not be complaining but a part of me wonders why if she likes me as much as she seems to she isn't trying to get me to commit or label things or try to see me more regularly. Also she has not made any attempt to introduce me to her friends. She also hasn't initiated any conversations asking what I am looking for or where I see this going.

Should I just assume she wants to keep things the way they are and wait to see if she initiates any relationship talks or starts pushing to see me more often and in the meantime keep seeing other girls? Or is she expecting me to say I love you and ask her to be my girlfriend?

My worry is that if I just let things stay the way they are they could fizzle out and she has a lot of great qualities that are hard to find in modern women. She is not materialistic. She is sweet and giving and loves pleasing me. She is cute and several years younger than me. She is positive and upbeat and has a great sense of humour. She is sociable and gets along with everyone. And I really do not want to go back to dating entitled and selfish and materialistic women that I usually meet.


Mar 6, 2017
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Sounds like LTR material, just dont knock her up or marry her until you known her for a few years.


Sep 10, 2014
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Bro...stop trying to create problems that don't exist and just enjoy getting to know her more.

My guess as to your questions is she probably wants to but is unwilling of how you actually feel towards her so she doesn't want to potentially scare you off...

She has put herself out there a little bit and didn't get the response she was looking for so she may be a little shy to put herself out there again like that

Obviously just a guess based on very incomplete info.


Master Don Juan
Oct 18, 2015
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She doesn’t have commitment issues. Some girls just don’t initiate the “what are we discussion?” Keep things going the way they are.

I had one girl same exact scenario. Went on for eight months then she legit asked me if when I was going to propose. Like you, I was the de facto boyfriend and didn’t even realize.