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Girl I'm dating seems very moody lately

Willie Naylor

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It's amazing how much twisting and turning guys are willing to in order to keep access to pvssy.
 

DonJuanjr

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You are wrongfully assuming that the separation has not already occurred. She already made the decision to separate long before. Her decision to unblock him and/or continue to speak to him is known as "breadcrumbing." There is no dignity in responding to this type of communication from a woman. So it is best to just go to No Contact at this point.
Yes, even if a female made that decision emotionally at an earlier point; if he puts the final nail in the coffin wouldn't it feel like he did the dumping to her? Regardless of where she stood before he drove that nail in. I thought females liked to do the dumping, and if he did it formally, regardless of her doing previously emotionally, it would be on his terms regaining some dignity.
 

Barrister

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Yes, even if a female made that decision emotionally at an earlier point; if he puts the final nail in the coffin wouldn't it feel like he did the dumping to her? Regardless of where she stood before he drove that nail in. I thought females liked to do the dumping, and if he did it formally, regardless of her doing previously emotionally, it would be on his terms regaining some dignity.
No, brother. Women check out long before you ever get to any type of conversation like that. His best play is simply to go No Contact - this will actually fVck with her far more than sending some text like you suggest. After she has done what she has done, any communication with her at this point is all on her terms. You put the ball back into your court by simply moving on.
 

DonJuanjr

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You put the ball back into your court by simply moving on.
I get what your saying. The way I see it, is there is no court anymore, so leverage doesn't matter. This is about him feeling like he made the decision, so he retains dignity for himself rather than being about her perception of him.
 

Barrister

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I get what your saying. The way I see it, is there is no court anymore, so leverage doesn't matter. This is about him feeling like he made the decision, so he retains dignity for himself rather than being about her perception of him.
Because he is here on SS talking about this chick. Clearly, he is not in a position to talk to her at all when he has the "feelz." Hence why No Contact is safer - it isn't about leverage.

Ultimately, you and I are talking about the same thing I believe. There is no court. So time to move on.
 

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ubercat

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I think the root cause of all this angst is taking a girl way too seriously within the first three months. First 3 months woman are fickle keep your options open spin plates ... enough said. My gf is Asian typically hyper jealous little units. She knew i was balls deep in several other chicks when we first started dating. Didn't bother her until it did funnily enough about the 3 months mark. I swear all these rare end special snowflakes come from the same snowflake factory.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Late Bloomer,
This Girl enjoys theatrics,it will get worse,if she is good in Bed then rightsize your relationship,aim at keep her as a side dish,say twice a week max?...As for apologizing take a tip from the pros,our Queen has only been known to apologize the once,when her horse farted LOL.
 

RickTheToad

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I've been dating this girl for several weeks. She's usually very communicative texting me lots initiating most of the texts and restarting conversations when they tail off so we've been in regular contact throughout. Although a month ago we did have a bit of a misunderstanding and she went quiet for a few days but when I got back in contact she seemed fine and agreed to a date and things went back to normal pretty quickly.

Beginning of last week I noticed again she'd gone quiet. So I hit her up last Tuesday evening asking how her week was going and she said she was feeling down. I was like "Oh OK well let me know when you are feeling better" which she ignored. Next evening I texted her asking if she was a happier bunnier today. She said "Nope" and I said "OK well if there is anything I can do to cheer you up or you wanna talk let me know". She said "Thanks that is a much nicer reaction than yesterday. I suggested we do something Friday and she said "Could do. Let's talk Thursday. I need to get some rest". I wait it out and late on Thursday she texts me and asks what the plan is for Friday. So we go out on Friday and sleep together. And Saturday she is very chatty texting me lots wanting to know what I am doing over the weekend who I am doing it with etc and giving me updates about what she is getting up to and so on.

Sunday I do not hear from her so in the evening text her referencing a private joke we have going. She said "Sorry dear not really in the mood tonight". I say "Oh well I will leave you to enjoy your evening then". She said "What makes you think I am enjoying my evening? I really like your approach when I tell you that I'm not feeling well. First "inform me when you are well. bye". Now "Enjoy". It would be better if you said nothing at all. Anyway you enjoy your evening". Stupidly I reacted saying "Sorry I didn't really know what to say as you didn't tell me what was bothering you or how to cheer you up." which she ignored and haven't heard anything from her since.

What is the best way to handle this? Difficult to know if she is just in a bad mood or it is a smokescreen for losing interest in me. But the sex was good Friday night and Saturday she was very chatty and friendly. And her reaction seems quite extreme. OK maybe I seemed a bit dismissive but when she said she wasn't in the mood I read it as she didn't want to talk to me.
Send her this link

 

LateBloomer

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After unblocking yesterday morning she sent me this message late last night

"Sorry that i have not been great in handling the situation. But u also made it harder while trying to be polite. But dont feel bad pls."

Thoughts?
 

Fruitbat

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Op - don’t listen to the above. I’d go for telling her you’re falling in love and perhaps follow up with a marriage proposal.

if that fails then send her flowers and stuff.

you’ve seen romcoms right? That shyt WORKS in real life.

just kidding.

Most the above is perfect. I would agree, just say this isn’t what you signed up for and go NC.

but! Most importantly NOW. Go and get some other dates. Even if not as much as you like this chick,just go get laid or get in the game.

This is for your own psychological benefit. You date one, and more follow, it’s like a law of nature.
 
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metalwater

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After unblocking yesterday morning she sent me this message late last night

"Sorry that i have not been great in handling the situation. But u also made it harder while trying to be polite. But dont feel bad pls."

Thoughts?
Bloom, you allow her to be judge. you are worried about how to respond to what she tells, but why do you care. already you have trouble with her and you know it. looking to find what to say to her to get her approval is putting her as judge and in charge of you.

the problem, for now, is that her interest in you is too low.

she might have another guy or might not. either way, she is not treating you how you want.

all of the interactions for now with her have the problem that her interest in you is not high enough. she will continue to be crappy to you until you either get fed up with it and go away or somehow her interest gets higher. all of what she said vs what can you say is useless, she doesn't even really care. what you are getting is negative emotion about you in random words that she digs up, finding the best words to use that will get to you. if she had a high interest in you or really care about you she will not act that way and would not be willing to chance to offend you.

the effort to increase her interest in you is huge after it has went down. it can be done, but the cost to you in many ways is so very much. I personally know very well a man that has done this and it can be done, but even for him he now has the memory of the crappy.

the best thing for you and most efficient for your health and happy life is to get away from her, relax for some time and then be available for some woman that has HIGH interest in you. as soon as the happens you will remember this and laugh probably for hours at yourself. the only reason you don't do this is that you don't believe you can.

your not alone, something like this happens to hundreds of thousands of guys.
 

LateBloomer

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Well I ignored that weak apology and the next morning she texted me asking "Where are you?" I said working from home and she said she'd taken the day off and could swing by my area during my lunchbreak for a coffee to update me. I was curious despite myself so met her.

After some initial pleasantries she started telling me this story. Apparently on Sunday (when she started ranting at me and giving me a hard time and accusing me of not being there for her/not caring what she was going through/never even asking what was wrong) she received news that her first boyfriend (who she broke up with 10 years ago) was found hanging in his prison cell after being accused of rape. She's from a developing country so I guess that kind of crap can happen and the guy had political enemies so could have been foul play. Apparently this guy was a mentor to her and they stayed friends and had some business connections. She was convinced it wasn't suicide and was trying to make sense of it. She accepted I couldn't have possibly known or guessed and I consoled her a bit and let her cry on my shoulder.

I'd already booked some tickets to a jazz gig for that evening and asked if she still felt up to it. She agreed but said she was emotionally exhausted and couldn't stay out late. We listened to the jazz. She spent most of the gig with her head resting on my shoulder while staring vacantly into space. She cheered up a little bit after and we went to a souvenir shop and she was making fun of all the tacky T-shirts and christmas jumpers etc. but then she kinda crashed and I took her home. But at her door when I went for a kiss she gave me her cheek.

Since then she has been texting me regularly and has stopped being rude. Some days she is very chatty and back to her old communication style lots of emoticons, lols, hahaha, laughing at my jokes, making jokes, banter etc. Other days she is quieter and complains she is feeling tired and will probably have a quiet night in etc.

She asked me if I wanted to go to an art exhibition we'd discussed as her friend had invited her and could get free tickets so if I wasn't that interested she could go with him. I said I had plans at the weekend so it made more sense for her to go with him and we could do dinner midweek instead as I had plans at the weekend. I suggested dinner and seeing the christmas lights. She said that sounded quite good. But in general she seemed in a bit of a mood that day with quite flat responses.

I'm guessing there is no real point continuing. No idea whether her bad news or the PMS justifies her bitchiness last week or if she genuinely felt I wasn't there for her or she was just guilttripping me. But she seems moody and tired a lot lately and her emotional state gives her an excuse not to engage in anything physical and she isn't going to be great company.

I thought her story was made up but it checks out. But is her reaction appropriate? OK he was her first boyfriend and supported her in her career and they stayed friends and it was a tragic story but does it mean she is in no place for any kind of dating/casual relationship and therefore no change we will continue hooking up?
 

LARaiders85

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Well I ignored that weak apology and the next morning she texted me asking "Where are you?" I said working from home and she said she'd taken the day off and could swing by my area during my lunchbreak for a coffee to update me. I was curious despite myself so met her.

After some initial pleasantries she started telling me this story. Apparently on Sunday (when she started ranting at me and giving me a hard time and accusing me of not being there for her/not caring what she was going through/never even asking what was wrong) she received news that her first boyfriend (who she broke up with 10 years ago) was found hanging in his prison cell after being accused of rape. She's from a developing country so I guess that kind of crap can happen and the guy had political enemies so could have been foul play. Apparently this guy was a mentor to her and they stayed friends and had some business connections. She was convinced it wasn't suicide and was trying to make sense of it. She accepted I couldn't have possibly known or guessed and I consoled her a bit and let her cry on my shoulder.

I'd already booked some tickets to a jazz gig for that evening and asked if she still felt up to it. She agreed but said she was emotionally exhausted and couldn't stay out late. We listened to the jazz. She spent most of the gig with her head resting on my shoulder while staring vacantly into space. She cheered up a little bit after and we went to a souvenir shop and she was making fun of all the tacky T-shirts and christmas jumpers etc. but then she kinda crashed and I took her home. But at her door when I went for a kiss she gave me her cheek.

Since then she has been texting me regularly and has stopped being rude. Some days she is very chatty and back to her old communication style lots of emoticons, lols, hahaha, laughing at my jokes, making jokes, banter etc. Other days she is quieter and complains she is feeling tired and will probably have a quiet night in etc.

She asked me if I wanted to go to an art exhibition we'd discussed as her friend had invited her and could get free tickets so if I wasn't that interested she could go with him. I said I had plans at the weekend so it made more sense for her to go with him and we could do dinner midweek instead as I had plans at the weekend. I suggested dinner and seeing the christmas lights. She said that sounded quite good. But in general she seemed in a bit of a mood that day with quite flat responses.

I'm guessing there is no real point continuing. No idea whether her bad news or the PMS justifies her bitchiness last week or if she genuinely felt I wasn't there for her or she was just guilttripping me. But she seems moody and tired a lot lately and her emotional state gives her an excuse not to engage in anything physical and she isn't going to be great company.

I thought her story was made up but it checks out. But is her reaction appropriate? OK he was her first boyfriend and supported her in her career and they stayed friends and it was a tragic story but does it mean she is in no place for any kind of dating/casual relationship and therefore no change we will continue hooking up?
She is playing you just beautifully.
 

ubercat

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10 years here and you are feeding an attention. haw. Don't you feel shamed? You should. Block her number immediately and get busy with YOUR goals.
 

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TheDestroyer

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I've been dating this girl for several weeks. She's usually very communicative texting me lots initiating most of the texts and restarting conversations when they tail off so we've been in regular contact throughout. Although a month ago we did have a bit of a misunderstanding and she went quiet for a few days but when I got back in contact she seemed fine and agreed to a date and things went back to normal pretty quickly.

Beginning of last week I noticed again she'd gone quiet. So I hit her up last Tuesday evening asking how her week was going and she said she was feeling down. I was like "Oh OK well let me know when you are feeling better" which she ignored. Next evening I texted her asking if she was a happier bunnier today. She said "Nope" and I said "OK well if there is anything I can do to cheer you up or you wanna talk let me know". She said "Thanks that is a much nicer reaction than yesterday. I suggested we do something Friday and she said "Could do. Let's talk Thursday. I need to get some rest". I wait it out and late on Thursday she texts me and asks what the plan is for Friday. So we go out on Friday and sleep together. And Saturday she is very chatty texting me lots wanting to know what I am doing over the weekend who I am doing it with etc and giving me updates about what she is getting up to and so on.

Sunday I do not hear from her so in the evening text her referencing a private joke we have going. She said "Sorry dear not really in the mood tonight". I say "Oh well I will leave you to enjoy your evening then". She said "What makes you think I am enjoying my evening? I really like your approach when I tell you that I'm not feeling well. First "inform me when you are well. bye". Now "Enjoy". It would be better if you said nothing at all. Anyway you enjoy your evening". Stupidly I reacted saying "Sorry I didn't really know what to say as you didn't tell me what was bothering you or how to cheer you up." which she ignored and haven't heard anything from her since.

What is the best way to handle this? Difficult to know if she is just in a bad mood or it is a smokescreen for losing interest in me. But the sex was good Friday night and Saturday she was very chatty and friendly. And her reaction seems quite extreme. OK maybe I seemed a bit dismissive but when she said she wasn't in the mood I read it as she didn't want to talk to me.
Shouldn't have apologized. Her moods are not your fault.
 

devilkingx2

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After some initial pleasantries she started telling me this story. Apparently on Sunday (when she started ranting at me and giving me a hard time and accusing me of not being there for her/not caring what she was going through/never even asking what was wrong) she received news that her first boyfriend (who she broke up with 10 years ago) was found hanging in his prison cell after being accused of rape. She's from a developing country so I guess that kind of crap can happen and the guy had political enemies so could have been foul play. Apparently this guy was a mentor to her and they stayed friends and had some business connections. She was convinced it wasn't suicide and was trying to make sense of it. She accepted I couldn't have possibly known or guessed and I consoled her a bit and let her cry on my shoulder.
This sounds like a ridiculous tall tale but at least it's not boring. That's one of the best things a woman can be.

I'm guessing there is no real point continuing. No idea whether her bad news or the PMS justifies her bitchiness last week or if she genuinely felt I wasn't there for her or she was just guilttripping me. But she seems moody and tired a lot lately and her emotional state gives her an excuse not to engage in anything physical and she isn't going to be great company.
Going through a bunch of drama because she's a Moody b!tch that's more invested in her ex that she dated during the early Medieval period than you is not a good relationship.

It's even worse that the dates you're going on are barely dates. No sex or making out? C'mon.

You should be the one with low interest in her.
 

BackInTheGame78

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She has unblocked me but no message yet. The pattern has been to message me late in the evening. Rant for a bit then say she is too tired to talk further and block.

Not sure if she was serious about her comment we should go our separate ways or that was just her being emotional and dramatic.
So let me get this straight...she wants you to ask what's wrong but when you do, she then just says it's too late and gives you the business?

Fvck her...tell her to stop messaging you with this bullsh!t and that you aren't going to keep hearing about this when you have clearly attempted to see her side and talk to her about it and it's only met with nastiness and condescending behavior.

OP, you may have not helped yourself initially, but it's very clear by the way she has responded to your attempts that this was always going to be the outcome. If it wasn't over this it would have been over something else, she is literally looking for any reason to basically make it seem like it's your fault so she can feel better about herself when she ends it and convinces herself that it's your fault.

Women who are interested in working things out with guys do NOT act like this.
 
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