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Girl I'm dating seems very moody lately

rjc149

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Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.
Yup. Sorry bro. You blew this one. Instead of asking her “what’s wrong” and showing concern, you just keeping telling her “hope you feel better.”

Your response is now: “I do understand. I should have been more caring, you deserve to move on to someone who is. Take care. I hope everything works out.”

Then she’s done. She may or may not circle back to you, but you’re only shot of that happening is by respecting her wish to axe you from her life. With future women, don’t be an insensitive douche with low emotional IQ. The “IDGAF, I spin plates!” approach only works on a small percentage of insecure, damaged women. Most women have no regard for it.
 

LateBloomer

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Mmm well last night out of the blue she texted me saying "I wonder why was so hard to ask what is wrong" and then went on to say "Just feel better soon so that you can have nice time with me with no interest what I am going through". I said "I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Please tell me what is wrong". She replied "I do not feel close to open up to you. I will deal with it myself. Good night".

Tried a different approach and today suggested we have a drink together. She said "I do not want to see someone who does not give anything without getting something in return. Have a good day"

Didn't have the confidence to say rjc's line encouraging her to move on to someone else. I had the feeling she'd twist that to also mean I do not care about her.

Think the only approach now is just to completely ignore her until she stops ranting at me and starts a constructive conversation.
 

Bokanovsky

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Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.
Apologizing was your second mistake. Do not apologize to women unless you did something truly terrible. Like, if you accidentally shoot her cat, that's probably grounds for an apology. But don't apologize over trivial stuff. That just magnifies your "fault" in her eyes.
 

Bokanovsky

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Mmm well last night out of the blue she texted me saying "I wonder why was so hard to ask what is wrong" and then went on to say "Just feel better soon so that you can have nice time with me with no interest what I am going through". I said "I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Please tell me what is wrong". She replied "I do not feel close to open up to you. I will deal with it myself. Good night".

Tried a different approach and today suggested we have a drink together. She said "I do not want to see someone who does not give anything without getting something in return. Have a good day"

Didn't have the confidence to say rjc's line encouraging her to move on to someone else. I had the feeling she'd twist that to also mean I do not care about her.

Think the only approach now is just to completely ignore her until she stops ranting at me and starts a constructive conversation.
Man, I feel sorry for you. You really have no clue how to talk to women. She is now messing with you and having her drama fix at your expense.

Stop apologizing over trivial sh!t. Just fvcking STOP. It sounds so pathetic. Instead of acting like a clueless "I'm sorry" guy, you need to turn the tables on her and call her out on her BS. Here is what I would have said in response: "It sounds like you are just trying to create drama. I am not into that. Good luck resolving your issues." Then do not respond to whatever she says in response. Unless she backtracks.
 

stringpuller

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Mmm well last night out of the blue she texted me saying "I wonder why was so hard to ask what is wrong" and then went on to say "Just feel better soon so that you can have nice time with me with no interest what I am going through". I said "I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Please tell me what is wrong". She replied "I do not feel close to open up to you. I will deal with it myself. Good night".
OP fell for the big sucker trap lol. OP you need a reset man. Nothing personal but heres your reality.
She is using you as an emotional attention tampon while some other guy is sexting her.
 

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monkeybrain

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Dude all things considered the only action you should take right now is an absolute hard cutoff. Do not communicate with her whatsoever. in the next month if she hits you up then she might still have some interest in you. But your mindset should be " on to the next one" It looks to me like you got too invested and she maybe picked up on it. Plus you blundered some communication opportunities. When you are supplicative to her and saying sorry and promptly texting back all that is doing is confirming to her that you are not a high value man. You don't have other opportunities ect. overt communication isn't the point its what she reads in between the lines mate
 

FenixRising

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It's not your job to be a mind-reader. If someone doesn't say what's wrong how are you supposed to know. Having said that, the vibes given were "only talk to me when u are happy/in a good mood" if casual/ less emotional commitment is what you're after, cool. Be honest about it.

"Do you want to talk about it" is neutral but still showing your interest. If she continues to be passive (ie. "Nooo. Now you said __ like this. Therefore i won't tell you") then fVck that, you'll be dragged into her bad moods.

If she opens up a bit ie. "Well actually i've been going through this lately [family member dying, studies failing], that's why i've been down" then she healthily working on her own shLt and wants to communicate with you.

Healthy mood= change from time to time. Unhealthy mood = Anything rapid, hot or cold or constantly low (are more like deeper mental health or personality issues).

TL;DR
It's not your job to be a mind reader.
You deserve good communication that is drama free.

Good luck
 

derby1

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Well her period is in a week or so but she wasn’t so crazy a month ago or the month prior but could be a factor
what in the name of Beta from betasville is going on here?, discussing periods with a chic? pillow talk?

women discuss periods because they have took another mans load in their fanny, and they dont want another man in there or performing oral or it confirms in her mind shes a hoe......

women dont care about men, they care about protecting their ego.
 

LateBloomer

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She had another go at me tonight. I told her "I know you are upset with me but you are being rude and condescending please be a bit nicer".

" U understand absolutely nothing. I try to be as good as possible, but I would have expected to see intimacy, rather than just asking me out dor a drink because you want to see me. U still have no idea what i am going through and u still say its just that I am upset with you. I think we are very different from each other. I am sorry but I would have expected you, especially you, to be there for me leaving things aside and really trying to see what has gone wrong in my ****ing life. And I see we wont be able to reconcile our approaches. This makes me feel like I was not important for you. So, I think its best if we just go separate ways. I cannot handle any more negativity in my life right now. And will block bec i really do not want to talk , just dont have the energy whatsoever. Thanks for all your efforts. Appreciated."

And she promptly blocked me.

Guessing it is properly over now. Or is this just more dramatics and she will probably backtrack like before and unblock me?
 

Fruitbat

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Apologizing was your second mistake. Do not apologize to women unless you did something truly terrible. Like, if you accidentally shoot her cat, that's probably grounds for an apology. But don't apologize over trivial stuff. That just magnifies your "fault" in her eyes.
I never apologise.

Im sorry, but that’s just the way I am.
 

FenixRising

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"... I think we are very different from each other. I am sorry but I would have expected you, especially I cannot handle any more negativity in my life right now. And will block bec i really do not want to talk , just dont have the energy whatsoever. Thanks for all your efforts. Appreciated."

And she promptly blocked me.

Guessing it is properly over now. Or is this just more dramatics and she will probably backtrack like before and unblock me?
Let your absence and COMPLETE NO CONTACT make her realise the awesome guy she lost.
No need to see if she has blocked or unblocked you, you've got better things to spend your time on and better quality girls a head of you.

Maybe if she grows up more you can restablish something but for now: heal, improve, train, grow... upgrade.
 

LateBloomer

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She has unblocked me but no message yet. The pattern has been to message me late in the evening. Rant for a bit then say she is too tired to talk further and block.

Not sure if she was serious about her comment we should go our separate ways or that was just her being emotional and dramatic.
 

PRW63

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So I hit her up last Tuesday evening asking how her week was going and she said she was feeling down.
You don't ask that! That is like asking, "Would you like me to give you an excuse to blow me off?"

You just offer a date. Specific time, specific place. She then either accepts or she doesn't.

I was like "Oh OK well let me know when you are feeling better" which she ignored.
Yea, you trapped yourself to where there wasn't anything else you could say.

Next evening I texted her asking if she was a happier bunnier today.
<Facepalm>

Saturday she is very chatty texting me lots wanting to know what I am doing over the weekend who I am doing it with etc and giving me updates about what she is getting up to and so on.
Temporary

Sunday I do not hear from her so in the evening text her referencing a private joke we have going. She said "Sorry dear not really in the mood tonight". I say "Oh well I will leave you to enjoy your evening then". She said "What makes you think I am enjoying my evening?
She is tired of these weak passive responses from you that sound like they come from a Public Relations Dept.
So she is giving you crap about them because she doesn't respect them,...and who could blame her.

What is the best way to handle this? Difficult to know if she is just in a bad mood or it is a smokescreen for losing interest in me.
Yea, she is losing interest. It isn't completely gone, but it is getting there. (see edit below) She is in the same "place" as these middle aged women you see out with their weak timid middle aged husbands where she just rolls her eyes at some of the things he says when they are out with friends. The woman often appears to be the one "who wears the pants in the marriage",...because,...well,...what else is she going to do? Someone has to.

Edit: My posts was based on the original story. Looking at the rest of the thread it appears that exactly what I expected to happen,...did happen.
 
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Bokanovsky

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She has unblocked me but no message yet. The pattern has been to message me late in the evening. Rant for a bit then say she is too tired to talk further and block.

Not sure if she was serious about her comment we should go our separate ways or that was just her being emotional and dramatic.
Your response should be" "I agree. I have come to the conlusion that you are not what I'm looking for. Good luck."
 

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rjc149

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She has unblocked me but no message yet. The pattern has been to message me late in the evening. Rant for a bit then say she is too tired to talk further and block.

Not sure if she was serious about her comment we should go our separate ways or that was just her being emotional and dramatic.
When I read "she blocked me" I was going to tell you that she'd unblock you soon. Looks like you already have that update.

She's just acting out and being petulant, trying to get a reaction from you that will draw you into her emotional state and validate her. Don't give her that reaction. You're the man. You don't react. You respond.

Next time she messages you, just say "Okay, so are we talking now, or are we going our separate ways? I'm fine with either, but make a decision and stick with it."

You need to clearly demonstrate your woman that her threats of ending a relationship will not have their intended effect. If she threatens to go, tell her that sucks, that's not what you want, but if she needs to go, bye. Some women will be very resentful of their inability to make you "care" via emotional manipulation. If you get the sense that this is the case, you're dealing with a toxic woman and your relationship has a looming end date.
 

Barrister

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When I read "she blocked me" I was going to tell you that she'd unblock you soon. Looks like you already have that update.

She's just acting out and being petulant, trying to get a reaction from you that will draw you into her emotional state and validate her. Don't give her that reaction. You're the man. You don't react. You respond.

Next time she messages you, just say "Okay, so are we talking now, or are we going our separate ways? I'm fine with either, but make a decision and stick with it."

You need to clearly demonstrate your woman that her threats of ending a relationship will not have their intended effect. If she threatens to go, tell her that sucks, that's not what you want, but if she needs to go, bye. Some women will be very resentful of their inability to make you "care" via emotional manipulation. If you get the sense that this is the case, you're dealing with a toxic woman and your relationship has a looming end date.
While I understand to an extent why you would recommend to say what you suggested, this is over. She blocked him. There's no respect regardless of whether or not she unblocks him. It is time for No Contact and to move on. When she reaches out, don't even respond. All he is doing by giving her any response is validation through his attention. Nothing here is salvageable at this juncture.
 

DonJuanjr

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While I understand to an extent why you would recommend to say what you suggested, this is over. She blocked him. There's no respect regardless of whether or not she unblocks him. It is time for No Contact and to move on. When she reaches out, don't even respond. All he is doing by giving her any response is validation through his attention. Nothing here is salvageable at this juncture.
If this is the case, would it hurt anything to respond to another one of her texts... "I realize you're not the type of girl I'm looking for. I'd appreciate it if you would stop contacting me. Have a nice life." This way he initiates the preemptive separation. Therefore being proactive not reactive, thus retaining some dignity in the situation.
 

Barrister

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If this is the case, would it hurt anything to respond to another one of her texts... "I realize you're not the type of girl I'm looking for. I'd appreciate it if you would stop contacting me. Have a nice life." This way he initiates the preemptive separation. Therefore being proactive not reactive, thus retaining some dignity in the situation.
You are wrongfully assuming that the separation has not already occurred. She already made the decision to separate long before. Her decision to unblock him and/or continue to speak to him is known as "breadcrumbing." There is no dignity in responding to this type of communication from a woman. So it is best to just go to No Contact at this point.
 
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