Girl I’m seeing wants to be friends, don’t know why and she’s acting strange after

Ackoo123

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Hey everyone there’s this girl that I worked with for a couple years and there was always a spark there, we were going out for a few weeks. I think I was accidentally an ******* to her idk I told her it was a mistake and she said it’s alright. Things between us fizzled out and I can’t tell if it’s because I overcompensated by being a bit nicer after this because I felt **** about my behaviour or because I was too cold and distant or something else.

couple weeks later she messages me telling me she wants to be my friend and doesn’t want anything from me anymore and doesn’t care if I get with other girls. I never even lost frame that bad really. I agreed that we can end it, didn’t explicitly say no to being friends but just said we’d likely never be good friends and that we’d see each other around. We’re on good terms.

She messaged me a few small talk things that were sorta relevant over the next couple weeks I replied a little bit, remember I’ve been sort of around her at work for 2 years now. She mentioned a couple times how ‘we don’t talk anymore’. Anyway due to cirsumstances I don’t see her at work anymore.

(About month after ljbf) we hadn’t talked online/offline for a couple weeks then I upload a video on social media with a girl I’m seeing (hot) in the background and she immediately unfriends me without saying anything, strange reaction for someone I’m on good terms with and known for ages, she’s always been emotional.

not gonna lie I want her back if I can I just don’t know what to think of the above situation and don’t know how to approach talking to her again as I’m not sure if she interprets me being a bit sweeter to her as me going ‘beta’ (when really I acted like that cause I felt guilty), or whether she wanted to be friends because I was too cold and an ******* sometimes (her words).

can anyone help me with this situation and shed some light, surely an overreaction of that sort seeing me with another girl means she still has some type of feelings toward me?
 

Pedrito0906

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Generally dating a co worker is not a good idea, if $hit hits the fan she can accused you harassment and say by to your job and potential employers.

Second, if you didn't wanna be friends why did you agree to it? She probably unfriended you cause maybe she still likes you and don't wanna see you with other women.

If you keep with the small talk you're behaving like an orbiter and an entertainer when she's bored, if that's not what you want, stop it.

If you wanna date her again, invite her out to drinks and make a move, no need to apologize for being a man and desire her, if she says no, then its a done deal, you move on and date another one.

But remember, you can be fvcking your career over, in today's world if a girl accuses you of $exual harassment, first they fire you and later they ask what happened.

It almost happened to me, good thing they were other witnesses, but never was the same cause women like to talk $hit and lie, I had to change jobs cause she fvcked my reputation.
 

Ackoo123

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Generally dating a co worker is not a good idea, if $hit hits the fan she can accused you harassment and say by to your job and potential employers.

Second, if you didn't wanna be friends why did you agree to it? She probably unfriended you cause maybe she still likes you and don't wanna see you with other women.

If you keep with the small talk you're behaving like an orbiter and an entertainer when she's bored, if that's not what you want, stop it.

If you wanna date her again, invite her out to drinks and make a move, no need to apologize for being a man and desire her, if she says no, then its a done deal, you move on and date another one.

But remember, you can be fvcking your career over, in today's world if a girl accuses you of $exual harassment, first they fire you and later they ask what happened.

It almost happened to me, good thing they were other witnesses, but never was the same cause women like to talk $hit and lie, I had to change jobs cause she fvcked my reputation.
Hey man thanks for the help. I don't wanna be real close friends like orbit and **** but i wanna be friendly cause i still care about her. Its not an important job to me, we both go to college and I might hit her up when I'm in the library say she can come study with me do you think that would be a good idea, or would that solidify me as some sort of 'orbiter' as they say? Idk whether I need to build back the comfort that I might have destroyed, or build back more desire in her. I really like her it's just weird why she'd get upset about that other girl, when she told me straight up she wants to be friends and doesnt want anything more than that anymore.
 

Pedrito0906

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but i wanna be friendly cause i still care about her
Why do you care about her? You've only been co workers and went out for a few weeks.

say she can come study with me do you think that would be a good idea, or would that solidify me as some sort of 'orbiter' as they say?
That's will be like what the nerds say to the popular girl "hey you wanna sit with me and study?" That's how orbiters behave, they play it safe, also that can be having the friend vibe and if you don't wanna be a friends, don't even behave as a friend. I did that numerous time thinking I needed her to feel comfortable with me first, pathetic.

If you say your work is not important to you, then you're not in the right work environment, cause if you lose it you wouldn't care, then there are bigger issues there, you should work in something you're passionate about and should be above women. Having said that, go to her in person and invite her to go out this weekend for drinks and catch up or when you see her in college, then depending on how you see the situation you can escalate, if she says no, there you have your answer, no need to purse this one.

I really like her it's just weird why she'd get upset about that other girl, when she told me straight up she wants to be friends and doesnt want anything more than that anymore.
It could be millions of reason who knows, doesn't matter and you shouldn't care. Rule number # 1 with women, never listen to her words, actions only.

Maybe other members can give you better recommendations.
 

BackInTheGame78

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No point in wondering why and even if you got her to tell you it likely would not be the truth or wouldn't make sense.

Just find other women
 

RazorRambo24

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I would say keep your dignity and self respect intact and don't go back to this girl. She obviously didn't value you enough before and now she seems a bit needy for someone's attention and you were prob a nice guy she knows she can rely on for that. Her behavior comes off as weird and needy too. Sounds like she got self esteem issues or something.
 

The Duke

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Hey everyone there’s this girl that I worked with for a couple years and there was always a spark there, we were going out for a few weeks. I think I was accidentally an ******* to her idk I told her it was a mistake and she said it’s alright. Things between us fizzled out and I can’t tell if it’s because I overcompensated by being a bit nicer after this because I felt **** about my behaviour or because I was too cold and distant or something else.

couple weeks later she messages me telling me she wants to be my friend and doesn’t want anything from me anymore and doesn’t care if I get with other girls. I never even lost frame that bad really. I agreed that we can end it, didn’t explicitly say no to being friends but just said we’d likely never be good friends and that we’d see each other around. We’re on good terms.

She messaged me a few small talk things that were sorta relevant over the next couple weeks I replied a little bit, remember I’ve been sort of around her at work for 2 years now. She mentioned a couple times how ‘we don’t talk anymore’. Anyway due to cirsumstances I don’t see her at work anymore.

(About month after ljbf) we hadn’t talked online/offline for a couple weeks then I upload a video on social media with a girl I’m seeing (hot) in the background and she immediately unfriends me without saying anything, strange reaction for someone I’m on good terms with and known for ages, she’s always been emotional.

not gonna lie I want her back if I can I just don’t know what to think of the above situation and don’t know how to approach talking to her again as I’m not sure if she interprets me being a bit sweeter to her as me going ‘beta’ (when really I acted like that cause I felt guilty), or whether she wanted to be friends because I was too cold and an ******* sometimes (her words).

can anyone help me with this situation and shed some light, surely an overreaction of that sort seeing me with another girl means she still has some type of feelings toward me?
I think you beat around the bush too much. Always Strike while the iron is hot. Sounds like you need to chalk this one up as a failure on your part and move on.

If you must, go for the kill. Deliver. That's your only chance.
 

Ackoo123

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I think you beat around the bush too much. Always Strike while the iron is hot. Sounds like you need to chalk this one up as a failure on your part and move on.

If you must, go for the kill. Deliver. That's your only chance.
Thanks for the reply, I'd really appreciate if you could give me some further help as this is playing on my mind alot:

1) I basically ****ed up real bad (didn't cheat) and might have destroyed alot of comfort with her, it seemed like she was a bit less attracted to me after this and I tried being nicer to her because I was genuinely remorseful but i'm worried she misconstrued this as neediness, is there anyway to tell whether my mistake is what led to her losing interest, or if it's because i got a bit needy.

2) she obviosuly had a reaction to seeing me with another girl, do you think this may mean that I still have a chance with her? I can't decide whether to try rekindle what we had and build back the trust I may have destroyed or to act distant more because it was the neediness that drove her away.

3) If were both at college and she tells me and I'm in the library and she comes over to do some work with me, is this environment conducive to building back the attraction if I play it right, or am I just shooting myself in the foot by even interacting with her anymore?

Man I'm seeing other girls but I still think about her, yes I know abundance and all that but sometimes things are complicated and sometimes you like one more than the others, even if you never show it. She was literally sooo obsessed with me you wouldnt even believe it, texting me how she wants to be with me and everything the day of this '**** up' where I think I broke her trust and hurt her emotionally. So not really sure what to do.
 

Stanley

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If I may.....

-What about this girl makes her 'different'?

-Why is it you feel so drawn to this woman despite her prior rejection?

-Why are you so hung up on the past with this woman, are the girls in your life now not better prospects?

-Why are you interested in a girl who clearly has self esteem and emotional issues?

-Why would you want anything to do with a woman romantically/sexually who 'let's just be friends you'?

-Are you infatuated with this woman or are you being rational and objective?

-Why shid where you eat?

-Is she worth the mental gymnastics to 'get her back' ?


If you still want something to do with her after honestly answering those then just ask her out for a drink and get a response.
 

The Duke

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Thanks for the reply, I'd really appreciate if you could give me some further help as this is playing on my mind alot:

1) I basically ****ed up real bad (didn't cheat) and might have destroyed alot of comfort with her, it seemed like she was a bit less attracted to me after this and I tried being nicer to her because I was genuinely remorseful but i'm worried she misconstrued this as neediness, is there anyway to tell whether my mistake is what led to her losing interest, or if it's because i got a bit needy.

2) she obviosuly had a reaction to seeing me with another girl, do you think this may mean that I still have a chance with her? I can't decide whether to try rekindle what we had and build back the trust I may have destroyed or to act distant more because it was the neediness that drove her away.

3) If were both at college and she tells me and I'm in the library and she comes over to do some work with me, is this environment conducive to building back the attraction if I play it right, or am I just shooting myself in the foot by even interacting with her anymore?

Man I'm seeing other girls but I still think about her, yes I know abundance and all that but sometimes things are complicated and sometimes you like one more than the others, even if you never show it. She was literally sooo obsessed with me you wouldnt even believe it, texting me how she wants to be with me and everything the day of this '**** up' where I think I broke her trust and hurt her emotionally. So not really sure what to do.
Buddy, sometimes you gotta stand on the gas and deliver the goods. I've had o
Thanks for the reply, I'd really appreciate if you could give me some further help as this is playing on my mind alot:

1) I basically ****ed up real bad (didn't cheat) and might have destroyed alot of comfort with her, it seemed like she was a bit less attracted to me after this and I tried being nicer to her because I was genuinely remorseful but i'm worried she misconstrued this as neediness, is there anyway to tell whether my mistake is what led to her losing interest, or if it's because i got a bit needy.

2) she obviosuly had a reaction to seeing me with another girl, do you think this may mean that I still have a chance with her? I can't decide whether to try rekindle what we had and build back the trust I may have destroyed or to act distant more because it was the neediness that drove her away.

3) If were both at college and she tells me and I'm in the library and she comes over to do some work with me, is this environment conducive to building back the attraction if I play it right, or am I just shooting myself in the foot by even interacting with her anymore?

Man I'm seeing other girls but I still think about her, yes I know abundance and all that but sometimes things are complicated and sometimes you like one more than the others, even if you never show it. She was literally sooo obsessed with me you wouldnt even believe it, texting me how she wants to be with me and everything the day of this '**** up' where I think I broke her trust and hurt her emotionally. So not really sure what to do.
I've been in your shoes before, same type of girl.

You are wasting your time.

But, if you want to hit it a few more times, then you set something up on your terms. You'll need to put your man pants on and go for the throat.
Unless you plan on dropping her panties at the library next to a section of books dedicated to Freuds sexual impulse theory, then I'd pick something more conducive to sex.
Nice atmosphere, drinks, and sehx. Put the ball in her court, if she shows up, refuse to lose.

As some other have picked up on, girls like this are a mess, and you should forget her. There is no balance in her life. They chase highs and lows....require constant stimulation. Its mission impossible for you. You'll never win.

Best to find easier targets. I'd bet if this chic wasn't such a challenge, you wouldn't be so inclined to chase after her. Reflect on that and figure out where you are at. Sometimes we need to touch fire to realize it will burn you.
 

Ackoo123

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If I may.....

-What about this girl makes her 'different'?

-Why is it you feel so drawn to this woman despite her prior rejection?

-Why are you so hung up on the past with this woman, are the girls in your life now not better prospects?

-Why are you interested in a girl who clearly has self esteem and emotional issues?

-Why would you want anything to do with a woman romantically/sexually who 'let's just be friends you'?

-Are you infatuated with this woman or are you being rational and objective?

-Why shid where you eat?

-Is she worth the mental gymnastics to 'get her back' ?


If you still want something to do with her after honestly answering those then just ask her out for a drink and get a response.
Thanks. How do you play the drink scenario though when she's done the whole 'I don't want anything anymore''let's be friends', do you play it as old friends catching up, or what, should it be just us two or other friends there. Cause I feel like a direct approach would fail, I may need to win her over again. But then if you play it too platonic won't it just be awkward and orbiting. Shat where I ate because it was a **** job on the side while in college, we're young, I don't work there anymore so haven't seen her for a month and I left right around the ljbf so feels like unfinished business cause I used to see her and shoot the **** with her a bit every week.
 

Ackoo123

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Buddy, sometimes you gotta stand on the gas and deliver the goods. I've had o

I've been in your shoes before, same type of girl.

You are wasting your time.

But, if you want to hit it a few more times, then you set something up on your terms. You'll need to put your man pants on and go for the throat.
Unless you plan on dropping her panties at the library next to a section of books dedicated to Freuds sexual impulse theory, then I'd pick something more conducive to sex.
Nice atmosphere, drinks, and sehx. Put the ball in her court, if she shows up, refuse to lose.

As some other have picked up on, girls like this are a mess, and you should forget her. There is no balance in her life. They chase highs and lows....require constant stimulation. Its mission impossible for you. You'll never win.

Best to find easier targets. I'd bet if this chic wasn't such a challenge, you wouldn't be so inclined to chase after her. Reflect on that and figure out where you are at. Sometimes we need to touch fire to realize it will burn you.
I got **** logistics so home doesn't really work. Won't showing interest in her just drive her away further. Should the drinks thing be just us two or friends there as well. It's because she was obsessed like I was her world and then **** changed and I can't figure out if it's because I was an ******* or because I tried acting a bit sweeter after cause I felt so **** about it. Like I feel as though me and her doing some work in the library I could work some magic again and get her interested, clear the air over a couple of things, maybe some kino there as well. Then just leave it for a month or so and hit her up for drinks? Edit: and like few days before the ljbf she acts real mildly interested in me in person like just even from the eye contact and small mannerisms so feels like there's a tiny bit of attraction there.
 

Ackoo123

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I would say keep your dignity and self respect intact and don't go back to this girl. She obviously didn't value you enough before and now she seems a bit needy for someone's attention and you were prob a nice guy she knows she can rely on for that. Her behavior comes off as weird and needy too. Sounds like she got self esteem issues or something.
There probably is, I feel as though me constantly ****ing with her and ripping on her might have pushed her away especially after I took it too far once. Man sometimes emotional girls like that though, they're the ones who'd take a bullet for you you know, cuts both ways. Do you think there's a different way to game girls with self esteem issues?
 

Stanley

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Unless you plan on dropping her panties at the library next to a section of books dedicated to Freuds sexual impulse theory, then I'd pick something more conducive to sex.
LMAO


Thanks. How do you play the drink scenario though when she's done the whole 'I don't want anything anymore''let's be friends', do you play it as old friends catching up, or what, should it be just us two or other friends there. Cause I feel like a direct approach would fail, I may need to win her over again. But then if you play it too platonic won't it just be awkward and orbiting. Shat where I ate because it was a **** job on the side while in college, we're young, I don't work there anymore so haven't seen her for a month and I left right around the ljbf so feels like unfinished business cause I used to see her and shoot the **** with her a bit every week.
Wait... so you aren't 42?!? :eek:o_O:eek:

If you want something more than 'friendship' you need to nut up and just be direct. Cut out the game playing and the bull****. Do not invest your mental energy trying to win over a girl from the past, seriously do not do that for a plethora of reasons. You will be drained among other things. Do not do anything resembling 'platonic' behavior as that isn't what you want.

You hit her up directly to test HER interest. You shouldn't be doing anything to change yourself to better suit or win this girl's favor in any capacity. (or any girl) Instead you test her interest and hit her up and give her the opportunity to come to you. If she bails, flakes or gives you some wish wash then just move on, she isn't interested enough in you. Do not attempt to negotiate genuine desire because you can't and while you might be able to cultivate interest with her, your efforts are generally best spent pursuing new women.

When you've got multiple guys telling you it is in your best interest to just move along and not waste time ruminating understand it comes from a place of experience and wanting to help you. It is good to reflect and learn from your mistakes, but seeking to "game girls with self esteem issues" will only lead you down a path of toxicity and anguish.

You are already far too outcome dependent. Take a step back and reassess



i'll pull an @SW15 here (lol)

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was"​
 

The Duke

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Ackoo123

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Wait... so you aren't 42?!? :eek:o_O:eek:

If you want something more than 'friendship' you need to nut up and just be direct. Cut out the game playing and the bull****. Do not invest your mental energy trying to win over a girl from the past, seriously do not do that for a plethora of reasons. You will be drained among other things. Do not do anything resembling 'platonic' behavior as that isn't what you want.

You hit her up directly to test HER interest. You shouldn't be doing anything to change yourself to better suit or win this girl's favor in any capacity. (or any girl) Instead you test her interest and hit her up and give her the opportunity to come to you. If she bails, flakes or gives you some wish wash then just move on, she isn't interested enough in you. Do not attempt to negotiate genuine desire because you can't and while you might be able to cultivate interest with her, your efforts are generally best spent pursuing new women.

When you've got multiple guys telling you it is in your best interest to just move along and not waste time ruminating understand it comes from a place of experience and wanting to help you. It is good to reflect and learn from your mistakes, but seeking to "game girls with self esteem issues" will only lead you down a path of toxicity and anguish.

You are already far too outcome dependent. Take a step back and reassess



i'll pull an @SW15 here (lol)

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
"It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was"​
No I am not 42. Waaaay younger not gonna specify here. lol. It feels like unfinished business, so many factors at play, I ****ed up once pretty bad and dont want to specify it here for privacy reasons. Felt so guilty so acted a bit sweeter to try and make her feel better cause i felt so ****ing guilty. And now were here. So not sure what ended it, but I took the ljbf like a king gotta admit so in a good spot. Don't you think she still has some sort of interest level if she unfriended me after seeing me with another girl? Next time I catch her in person what should I say? Something like "We should catch up sometime at college?", I usually sit around and study there so just tell her to meet me there and game her like I used to with some kino and see what comes of it? Yes I know it's one girl, but when I had **** straight before this sorta **** up my real personality had her obsessed with me. It feels like unfinished business, I want her back not even necessarily for a relationship, I just like her. How can I play this one
 

Stanley

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No I am not 42. Waaaay younger not gonna specify here. lol. It feels like unfinished business, so many factors at play, I ****ed up once pretty bad and dont want to specify it here for privacy reasons. Felt so guilty so acted a bit sweeter to try and make her feel better cause i felt so ****ing guilty. And now were here. So not sure what ended it, but I took the ljbf like a king gotta admit so in a good spot. Don't you think she still has some sort of interest level if she unfriended me after seeing me with another girl? Next time I catch her in person what should I say? Something like "We should catch up sometime at college?", I usually sit around and study there so just tell her to meet me there and game her like I used to with some kino and see what comes of it? Yes I know it's one girl, but when I had **** straight before this sorta **** up my real personality had her obsessed with me. It feels like unfinished business, I want her back not even necessarily for a relationship, I just like her. How can I play this one
Maybe she was obsessed with you at one point, but you are obsessed with her now.

Going this far back and psychoanalyzing her behavior will only get your own hamster wheel spinning. Maybe you messed up, maybe she messed up, you will never know for certain. All you can do is take inventory of your actions, reflect on them and make positive actionable change for the future. Her unfriending of you could be many things, could it be jealousy? Sure! Could it also very likely be her trying to move on from you fully and show disinterest...probably.... It is not "unfinished business", closure is your own mental buffer to justify this thought process. Give yourself 'closure' and just move on.

She's in the past and you need to look to the future and kill the desperation. Never be butthurt to a girl if you cross paths and always remain unphased and collected (even if you aren't). I'm not going to give you advice on how to approach this any further.

I mean well, so take a breath and get away from this brother.
 

Ackoo123

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Maybe she was obsessed with you at one point, but you are obsessed with her now.

Going this far back and psychoanalyzing her behavior will only get your own hamster wheel spinning. Maybe you messed up, maybe she messed up, you will never know for certain. All you can do is take inventory of your actions, reflect on them and make positive actionable change for the future. Her unfriending of you could be many things, could it be jealousy? Sure! Could it also very likely be her trying to move on from you fully and show disinterest...probably.... It is not "unfinished business", closure is your own mental buffer to justify this thought process. Give yourself 'closure' and just move on.

She's in the past and you need to look to the future and kill the desperation. Never be butthurt to a girl if you cross paths and always remain unphased and collected (even if you aren't). I'm not going to give you advice on how to approach this any further.

I mean well, so take a breath and get away from this brother.
Ok thanks for the help. I’m gonna cross paths with her soon I’ll try figure out what to say. Id like a game plan but I get that you don’t want to help me with this situation anymore. But I wanna ask not necessarily related to this girl but in situations like this, can you generate attraction in a platonic setting while running game and showing value, not being needy and making it clear that you are not really a ‘friend’.
 

Ackoo123

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Ok thanks for the help. I’m gonna cross paths with her soon I’ll try figure out what to say. Id like a game plan but I get that you don’t want to help me with this situation anymore. But I wanna ask not necessarily related to this girl but in situations like this, can you generate attraction in a platonic setting while running game and showing value, not being needy and making it clear that you are not really a ‘friend’. Or will this just further cement you as an ‘orbiter’.
 
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