Girl flying into town - pay for hotel?

[L16]

Met this girl on a vacation a while back, got her number.

She lives in Costa Rica and has family in the Northeast. I live in NYC.

I had invited her to come visit and hang out for a few days earlier this year but it didn't work out. She hit me back a few weeks ago when she was home saying I should hop over to her home city, which is close. I told her I couldn't but the invite to my city stands and she said maybe in December.

We've exchanged a few texts and now we're talking about her coming to visit again.

She said she'd feel more comfortable if she had a hotel room, which is understandable since we only met on a vacation months ago. She asked if I could pay for it.

Initially when inviting her, I was fine to pay for her flight here since that would cost me maybe $500 + the cost of the weekend, no big deal for a little fun.

However, hotels in NYC are very expensive and would cost me $400 a night at minimum and she'd be here 3 days.

I'm down for a good time and a story, so I don't mind flying a girl into town and paying for drinks/dinners/whatever we do.

She'd be paying for her flight here.

Can I tell her I split a hotel with her or just suck it up and pay the hotel and make some memories?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This has all the markings of her coming up, getting a free hotel room and then you having blue balls while she spends minimal time with you and is out doing other things.

Just to be clear, I am guessing you have not fvcked this woman yet?

 

[Vanderdonck]

I wouldn't.

 

[Barrister]

Absolutely not. Sounds like she just wants a free hotel room while she does as she pleases. You’ll maybe see her for a few hours as a third or fifth wheel and that will be all. Don’t drop $1000 on a girl you barely know who likely is not going to put out for you. You being a financial simp probably makes it less likely you hook up with her.

 

[Solomon]

Unpopular take: I had a girl drive 4 hours last year and I paid for a hotel for the night. However, the a$$ was guaranteed.

Honestly it would depend for me how hot she is, how long it's been since I got laid and what my budget is looking like, one night didn't cost me a lot, but 3 nights in NYC....that's $1200 and don't forget all those crazy taxes, If I was you OP I would try to find an Airbnb close to you and keep the cost down

 

[Divorced w 3]

Not a chance. If she doesn’t want to stay with you that’s everything you need to know. Bro, hotel covered to be in New York coming up from Costa Rica ? COME ON

Your response is I’m not putting you up in a hotel but let’s grab drinks when you’re in town!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not a chance. If she doesn’t want to stay with you that’s everything you need to know. Bro, hotel covered to be in New York coming up from Costa Rica ? COME ON

Your response is I’m not putting you up in a hotel but let’s grab drinks when you’re in town!

Exactly...this would be one of those situations where if OP goes thru with it he will look back 5 years later and be like I can't believe I was this stupid to do this just to try and get laid.

OP, if you are going to spend 1K, might as well hire 2-3 escorts and make it worth your while that weekend. At least that's guaranteed.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Exactly...this would be one of those situations where if OP goes thru with it he will look back 5 years later and be like I can't believe I was this stupid to do this just to try and get laid.

OP, if you are going to spend 1K, might as well hire 2-3 escorts and make it worth your while that weekend. At least that's guaranteed.

Scores is back open on 42nd and the west side highway

he should call us and we will put that money to good use

BOOM

 

[Clockwerk50]

Context matters. It depends on how romantic things actually are, how much disposable income you’re willing to throw at this, and whether you’re okay slipping into a sugar-daddy role. You also have to question her end goal: is she genuinely interested in a relationship, or is she just giving enough attention to keep you on the hook for an all-inclusive trip? Also, how happy would you be if you don’t have sex, since I’m assuming that’s part of what you want?

Most women save sex for someone they actually want a relationship with, and flying in, hooking up, and disappearing is usually more of a guy move than something a serious woman does. Also, this setup sets the precedent for you to keep paying for her trips and caprices, even outside of your country.

Nonetheless, when you look at it from that angle, add women’s flakiness, the lack of rapport between both of you, and the logistical nightmare, in my opinion it’s just a fantasy in your head about having a one-night stand with someone from another country, and the reality is she’s just a time-waster. Again, in my opinion, if you agree to this setup she will think you are a chump with money and with no local dating options, who is easy to take advantage of, and not important enough for her to invest in the trip herself to genuinely put effort into building a relationship.

 

[BPH]

She said she'd feel more comfortable if she had a hotel room, which is understandable since we only met on a vacation months ago. She asked if I could pay for it.

Initially when inviting her, I was fine to pay for her flight here since that would cost me maybe $500 + the cost of the weekend, no big deal for a little fun.

No.

Not only should you not pay, but the fact that you considered paying for her flight leads me to believe the dynamic you two have is one where, if she does visit, there's no way she's sleeping with you.

She's either going to give you a hard time because you weren't willing to pay for her...or she's going to give you a hard time because you caved and spent over $1,000 on a woman who's invested nothing in you.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Nope. I went on vacation overseas to meet with up with a girl I met on instagram a while back. I didn't pay for any of her expenses for whole the whole week-long trip. We were both responsible for our own costs. We did stay in a hotel together, but we split it 50-50 and prepaid for it in full. In my mind, if she things went sour, nothing was lost. Had I offered to pay for everything, I wouldn't be able to gauge her interest/compliance level until we met, which would be a huge gamble.

In your case, the same applies. If you force her to invest from the getgo, she will actually be far less likely to blueball since her very decision to agree implies high interest from her and of course the more someone gets invested the more they will stick with something instead of take it for granted.

What I would suggest you do is tell tell that she must pay all her travel expenses and hotel, but tell her to just book it for one night, that way she can bounce if you two don't end up liking each other, so it gives her less pressure and more flexibility.

If she agrees, you will know she's interested and compliant and not waste your time. Then, if she acts right, you can to pay for more nights (or at nicer hotels) and take her to at nice dinners and all that. Best case scenario then she stays with you.

Of course, she may simply not agree to this, so if this happens just be firm with it and be willing to take the L.

 

[plumber]

if your going to spend on travel, you go to the other place and enjoy the trip. you can meet up with more than one while visit. why give her a vacation when you don't even know if you will enjoy her.

so no. don't do it.

if you have so much money that money is not any issue for you, then sure go ahead and try. if you don't like her you will not care as the money means nothing to you.

 

[zekko]

This is the problem with long distance dating.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

No.

She stays with you at yours if she expects to hang out with you. Period.

Anything other than that and she is using you. Period.

She's from Costa Rica for crying out loud. So she is used to living in a smaller or more modest place in an under developed country. Its not like she lives in a house in suburbia and will be claustraphobic at your digs in NYC. If she's coming to visit to see you? She stays with you. That's free lodging right? If she's coming for any other reason she (or someone other than you) pays if she's not staying at yours.

Before I got married years ago I dated a dentist LDR for about a year. He was sexy & successful. When we were seeing each other he would spoil me in NYC, but I stayed with him at his and I got myself to the city on my nickel. And he was and is a quintessentially alpha type guy. He would pick me up at the airport and take me out & it was great....but I was there to see him, not fish for somebody else, not party with other people.

 

[The Duke]

If that girl wanted to fuhk she would have never said anything about a hotel. She obviously has some concerns due to lack of rapport between you two. And thats on you.

This is why a man needs to be a good leader and seducer. When you do the leading you don't get asked questions like this that leave you behind the 8-ball and they know they are going to stay at your place. It won't even need to be discussed. I've done it a few times with long distance girls I met online.

The way you salvage this is by telling her you would prefer she take care of her own hotel arrangements this time and you will get yours when go see her next time. If she hesitates then you know where she stands, her interest level isn't high enough.

Tell her what the plan is. Grab dinner, get some drinks, build some comfort then have a nice activity planned if things go well. If not then you both have an out.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

I paid the flight for a woman to visit me once. But there was never any question about where she was staying. We spent the whole weekend fvcking in my apartment.

I wouldn't pay for a hotel.

 

[The Duke]

Captain Redbeards quote "FRAME IS GAME" is what this is all about. @L16 's frame isn't where it needs to be.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Run it through Grok. I am loving Grok. It is super frame aware.

 

[Plinco]

Met this girl on a vacation a while back, got her number.

She lives in Costa Rica and has family in the Northeast. I live in NYC.

I had invited her to come visit and hang out for a few days earlier this year but it didn't work out. She hit me back a few weeks ago when she was home saying I should hop over to her home city, which is close. I told her I couldn't but the invite to my city stands and she said maybe in December.

We've exchanged a few texts and now we're talking about her coming to visit again.

She said she'd feel more comfortable if she had a hotel room, which is understandable since we only met on a vacation months ago. She asked if I could pay for it.

Initially when inviting her, I was fine to pay for her flight here since that would cost me maybe $500 + the cost of the weekend, no big deal for a little fun.

However, hotels in NYC are very expensive and would cost me $400 a night at minimum and she'd be here 3 days.

I'm down for a good time and a story, so I don't mind flying a girl into town and paying for drinks/dinners/whatever we do.

She'd be paying for her flight here.

Can I tell her I split a hotel with her or just suck it up and pay the hotel and make some memories?

This has already been said, but to simplify, if she isn't comfortable with staying with you, why should you be comfortable with paying for her hotel?

 

[Bokanovsky]

She said she'd feel more comfortable if she had a hotel room, which is understandable since we only met on a vacation months ago. She asked if I could pay for it.

Tell her that there is currently a crimewave in NYC (kinda true) and that you don't feel comfortable letting a young lady stay at a hotel in an unfamiliar and dangerous city all by herself. That's just not how you were raised. If something were to happen to her, you would feel terrible.