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Girl flakes as im ten mins from picking her up

Rainman4707

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Chatting with a girl on tinder. She seemed canny. Had a good feel about her.

She seemed interested. Always messaging first.

I know actions over words. People might say your making a post about a girl you havent even met. I'm just curious.

She said she was looking forward to meet me and I was actually looking forward to meet her.

We were supposed to meet 45 mins ago. I was picking her up from her house. I asked for her address last night and her phone number. She gave me them both.
Ok...so I was set to pick her up from hers at 6pm. I messaged at 1pm to see if we were still on. She said yeah defo still on.

I messaged her about 5pm to tell her I might be 10 mins late. She said no worries that she might be a bit late too. So it's a 40 min drive to hers. I set off at 17:20. At about 17:50...when I'm ten mins from hers...I hear a text from her saying

Hi Rainman I'm so sorry but can we reschedule my dad's on his way to hospital. I messaged on WhatsApp bur you've not seen it yet and I didn't want you leaving the house without seeing it I'm so sorry but let me know when your next free

So I check whattsapp and see she sent a message at 17:18 saying I'm so sorry to do this but can we reschedule I'm waiting for a ambulance for my dad

I've never had this happen to me. I'm thinking I'll reply and say " hope your father's OK and yeah you can have a drive over my way sometime.
 

DonQuixote

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Had only once a girl who stood me up. She was above average, cute face, flirtatious and we had a good back and forth. Asked her out for the weekend and she said yes, told her the day before to meet me there at this time. She did not come. Since then she is ugly in my eyes and there is nothing she can change about that.

There was an instance where a girl almost stood me up. When I asked her to meet tomorrow she said "I don't know". I did not reply. Eight hours later, at midnight, she texts me "Ok. See you tomorrow". Said to her she took that long to reply I already made other plans (I didn't). She immediately apologized and said she won't lead me on next time. Two days later we reschedule and dated for a while. Good girl, but you can't be lax with them.
 

Rainman4707

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It's just such bizarre behaviour. I know women are flakey. I think it's to much of a coincidence for her dad suddenly to be rushed to hospital just as we are about to go out. I think she has flaked at the last minute.

I did msg her at 17:50 after she flaked to say "I'm near yours" she said "I feel awful now"
 

DonQuixote

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It's just such bizarre behaviour. I know women are flakey. I think it's to much of a coincidence for her dad suddenly to be rushed to hospital just as we are about to go out. I think she has flaked at the last minute.

I did msg her at 17:50 after she flaked to say "I'm near yours" she said "I feel awful now"
Most women are stupid and don't think long term. They test you from the get-go while they should do it in the proper getting-to-know period. A good girl is hard to attain without her using ****tests and psychological warfare. Not that you'd find anything but trash on Tinder, Badoo and whatever the kids are using.
 

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Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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It's just such bizarre behaviour. I know women are flakey. I think it's to much of a coincidence for her dad suddenly to be rushed to hospital just as we are about to go out. I think she has flaked at the last minute.

I did msg her at 17:50 after she flaked to say "I'm near yours" she said "I feel awful now"
she’s lying, drop this bish
 

EyeOnThePrize

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@Rainman4707
The reality of the situation sets in as it gets closer, this is why it's best to keep the first meet super low stress. She most likely made something up because she didn't want to say "I'm having second thoughts about getting a strangers car".

Never pick them up on a first meet, the idea of getting in some random dudes car will freak out a lot of women. It also makes you out to be kind of desperate, driving almost an hour to pick up a woman you've never even seen in person.

Meet somewhere public that's convenient for both of you and play it by ear. It should be a place you can have a good time even if she doesn't show up, which will help you maintain a light touch to the entire situation.

Personally I wouldn't try to salvage this and simply move on.
 

Howiestern

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This is part of the game. Women are flakes and are driven by emotion. Dont take it personal. Who knows if she was telling the truth or not.

I'd play it cool. Give it a week and see what happens. Let her reach out to you. Meanwhile line up other girls.
 

Howiestern

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It's just such bizarre behaviour. I know women are flakey. I think it's to much of a coincidence for her dad suddenly to be rushed to hospital just as we are about to go out. I think she has flaked at the last minute.

I did msg her at 17:50 after she flaked to say "I'm near yours" she said "I feel awful now"
Take it all with a grain of salt. Women are excellent actors.
 

Chowdah

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Expect a text saying things are unfortunate right now, but I'll reach out when things get back to normal :)

You know what to do
 

sevbucmash

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She said she was looking forward to meet me and I was actually looking forward to meet her.
Bro.

A) Get phone number
B) Talk 20 minutes or so
C) Ask distantly her out
...c1) Qualifier -- how you feel about banter with a sexy guy
..c2) Schudle -- when are you free
..c3) Meet -- let's meet

Over the phone. No texting.


These are not my words, this is AMS.
 

DonQuixote

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Bro.

A) Get phone number
B) Talk 20 minutes or so
C) Ask distantly her out
...c1) Qualifier -- how you feel about banter with a sexy guy
..c2) Schudle -- when are you free
..c3) Meet -- let's meet

Over the phone. No texting.


These are not my words, this is AMS.
Great advice. I am also a no-texting guy except for setting dates up. I'd never talk 20 minutes with a girl on the phone. Five minutes max and then schedule a date. Talk more and she thinks you like to waste your time and loses respect. Standard strategy:
>call -> she picks up -> hwyd, haha, let's meet there at this time
>not picking up phone and no call back -> text a couple hours later and do the same -> hwyd, haha, set up date
>she does not text back or takes too long -> ghost, delete number, forget

Sometimes girls want to have conversations via text to feel safer when meeting you (again). I don't play this game, moreso when I already cold approached her and we spent 1-2 hours in person. If at that point she still wants to have text conversations I ghost her. Waste of time, waste of nerves. From my experience girls were never LTR material who were too distrustful from the beginning and wanted to "play it safe". All good girls I barely texted, had few calls and spent a lot of time in person. Then texting flowed by exchanging inside jokes etc. Ony then does it make sense and has meaning.
 

SW15

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Over the phone. No texting.
Some women are incapable of using the phone for voice-based communications. It started in the Millennial generation and is continuing into Gen Z. Trying to get a woman born in the 1980s or 1990s to have a voice conversation on a telephone isn't the easiest thing to do.

I even know some older Millennial men who aren't good at using phones for voice conversations.

I asked for her address last night and her phone number. She gave me them both.
This is a point of pride. It's difficult to get women to give you an address without meeting you in person first. My website and swipe app arranged dates over time have all been me meeting a woman at the date location. Those are more challenging logistics for a first date instance of sex.

This stuff happens on tinder, you just delete her number and move on.
That's true. It's expected on swipe apps. I get more annoyed by ghostings and flakings where the first interaction was in real life. If I wanted to get ghosted or flaked on, I could have accomplished that sitting home in my underwear, swiping, and texting. I had the guts to approach in real life and the thanks I get for that is a flake job? No thank you. Fucck that noise.
 

BackInTheGame78

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@Rainman4707
The reality of the situation sets in as it gets closer, this is why it's best to keep the first meet super low stress. She most likely made something up because she didn't want to say "I'm having second thoughts about getting a strangers car".

Never pick them up on a first meet, the idea of getting in some random dudes car will freak out a lot of women. It also makes you out to be kind of desperate, driving almost an hour to pick up a woman you've never even seen in person.

Meet somewhere public that's convenient for both of you and play it by ear. It should be a place you can have a good time even if she doesn't show up, which will help you maintain a light touch to the entire situation.

Personally I wouldn't try to salvage this and simply move on.
Agreed. You freaked her out by picking her up when she has no idea who you are.
 

Black Widow Void

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Until now, I didn't realize that we have so many clairvoyants on sosuave.

Did she intentionally flake? The answer is "you don't know" and "we don't know."

Anyone with dating experience has been flaked upon and I'm no exception. And yes, they can appear so sincere and eager and suddenly blindside us with a 180.
No matter... back to the question: Did she intentionally flake? The answer is "you don't know" and "we don't know."

If you treat her based on past experience or advice above, I can guarantee you this. The guessing game is over because it is over.

If you view my posting history, you'll notice that I rarely defend female behavior (occasionally, if applicable, but it's rare). In this case, it's worth noting that she was apologetic, empathetic, still responding after the date has been cancelled (which would indicate that she didn't pass you over for someone else) and reached out for a future available time.

Even so, it's possible that she could be snow-balling you, but it's also possible that this circumstance occurred beyond her control.

Call (don't text) her the following day. If she picks up, just be casual and ask "how's your father doing?" Her voice tonality will likely reveal a lot. If it goes to voice mail, don't leave a message. She'll see a missed call and how *she* proceeds will also reveal a lot.
 
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Rainman4707

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Thanks for all the replys. It has given my right hemisphere something to stew on because she dosent deserve my left hemisphere yet. She is currently at the bottom of the queue in my priorities.

She has messaged me this morning saying " Morning Rainman so sorry about yesterday I felt awful
If you still fancy meeting I'm free Friday or Sat"

I spoke to my female friend and she said that maybe she freaked out last minute at the thought of getting into a strangers car.
 

EyeBRollin

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Hi Rainman I'm so sorry but can we reschedule my dad's on his way to hospital. I messaged on WhatsApp bur you've not seen it yet and I didn't want you leaving the house without seeing it I'm so sorry but let me know when your next free
OP- this is not a flake. There is a counter offer.

This girl gets a mulligan. This is the first meeting, she offered a reschedule, and you haven’t met her yet.

Your response should be:

_____ sorry about your dad. Let’s circle back when things get settled.

Give it at least 7 days of NC then ask her how her father is doing and ask her out again.

Check that ego, OP. You are in the wrong here.
 

Rainman4707

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You are far too jaded to date if you can’t see the naked counter offer in front of you. This is her third offer.
I had a quick think whilst out driving. Text her "Saturday night 7pm city centre"
 
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