Getting into arguments with all the girls I meet

[ChangePages]

Hey,

After learning red pill for so many months and reading these books I feel like my conversation skills have gone to sh*t because I analyze these girls as being who they truly are

I've been talking to so many girls these past weeks and every time I develop a connection with a girl (sometimes not even) and we start talking, we get into arguments quick and I haven't even set up the dates yet. This happened 5 times already.

Like for example, tonight I called a girl to try and set up a date and when we start talking she tries to sh*t test me and it annoys me, I play it right every time but when they start analyzing more it pisses me off.

I can't have a conversation without feeling some type of way with women when they sh*t test. My BPD ex ruined this for me. I feel like everything they say gets me into a defensive position.

 

[dustmuffin]

Hey,

After learning red pill for so many months and reading these books I feel like my conversation skills have gone to sh*t because I analyze these girls as being who they truly are

I've been talking to so many girls these past weeks and every time I develop a connection with a girl (sometimes not even) and we start talking, we get into arguments quick and I haven't even set up the dates yet. This happened 5 times already.

Like for example, tonight I called a girl to try and set up a date and when we start talking she tries to sh*t test me and it annoys me, I play it right every time but when they start analyzing more it pisses me off.

I can't have a conversation without feeling some type of way with women when they sh*t test. My BPD ex ruined this for me. I feel like everything they say gets me into a defensive position.

Just accept the fact that women are only good for sex and entertainment. They basically suck. It's not their fault its just the way they are. I get angry with them sometimes but it blows over. How are you being defensive if you are passing the tests? It should be fun and teasing. Don't be so serious.

I know how you feel right now. You will get over it. Just keep at it. Practice makes perfect.

 

[fastlife]

Why would you argue with a woman? Ever lol. You wouldn't argue with a 5 y/o child; if your 5 y/o niece sh1t tested you (and kids sh1t test alllll the time), you'd either laugh it off, ignore it, or call her out on it as the final authority. You wouldn't argue with your employees--you'd tell them what to do and clearly communicate your expectations & boundaries; you might offer them a discussion (note--not an argument; arguments are emotional) if they had proven themself to be a valuable employee.

But it takes two to argue; it takes two equals for an argument to persist. Soooo you're emotionally investing, probably either because, 1.) You value their opinion/frame as equal to yours (gotta correct it!), 2.) You need them to validate your own frame (pleeeeease acknowledge I'm right) and/or 3.) You see them as an equal. Otherwise you'd laugh it off or just disengage.

Right now you're coming at women from a Combative Frame (gotta win against these evil b1tches). You need to cultivate a Collaborative Frame (we're gonna have fun, so if this isn't gonna add to the fun I'm going to ignore it or if she's not a willing participant I'll leave & find someone who wants to have fun with me). Women ain't all that bad (especially when you don't particularly care about their opinions )

 

[TheProspect]

Why would you argue with a woman? Ever lol. You wouldn't argue with a 5 y/o child; if your 5 y/o niece sh1t tested you (and kids sh1t test alllll the time), you'd either laugh it off, ignore it, or call her out on it as the final authority. You wouldn't argue with your employees--you'd tell them what to do and clearly communicate your expectations & boundaries; you might offer them a discussion (note--not an argument; arguments are emotional) if they had proven themself to be a valuable employee.

But it takes two to argue; it takes two equals for an argument to persist. Soooo you're emotionally investing, probably either because, 1.) You value their opinion/frame as equal to yours (gotta correct it!), 2.) You need them to validate your own frame (pleeeeease acknowledge I'm right) and/or 3.) You see them as an equal. Otherwise you'd laugh it off or just disengage.

Right now you're coming at women from a Combative Frame (gotta win against these evil b1tches). You need to cultivate a Collaborative Frame (we're gonna have fun, so if this isn't gonna add to the fun I'm going to ignore it or if she's not a willing participant I'll leave & find someone who wants to have fun with me). Women ain't all that bad (especially when you don't particularly care about their opinions )

Nailed it.


I'll go a step further and say why argue with anyone? Usually when you engage in an argument, both sides are entering it unwilling to relinquish their perspective/opinion. (Of course assuming these arguments are heated or those involved are listening to reply rather than listening to understand and refute)

There are people who are actually capable stimulating you intellectually and test your critical thinking without provoking a negative emotional response, and vice-versa. I would consider these more as playful debates than arguments.

There's a difference between a argument and a disagreement.

At the end of the day, arguing is always a choice. You either provoke someone or you allow yourself to be provoked. I've been in a relationship for over 2 years and have never argued with my girlfriend once and never will, simply because I choose not to.

 

[3agle 3yes]

...After learning red pill for so many months and reading these books...

I think we found the problem.

You now think every woman is out to get you and has an agenda.

 

[marmel75]

Hey,

After learning red pill for so many months and reading these books I feel like my conversation skills have gone to sh*t because I analyze these girls as being who they truly are

I've been talking to so many girls these past weeks and every time I develop a connection with a girl (sometimes not even) and we start talking, we get into arguments quick and I haven't even set up the dates yet. This happened 5 times already.

Like for example, tonight I called a girl to try and set up a date and when we start talking she tries to sh*t test me and it annoys me, I play it right every time but when they start analyzing more it pisses me off.

I can't have a conversation without feeling some type of way with women when they sh*t test. My BPD ex ruined this for me. I feel like everything they say gets me into a defensive position.

Just accept the way things are. Nothing to get mad over. They can't help it, the same way a 5 year old girl can't help doing things she does.

 

[JohnChops]

You're taking women too seriously. Relax.

 

[devilkingx2]

I've been talking to so many girls these past weeks and every time I develop a connection with a girl (sometimes not even) and we start talking, we get into arguments quick and I haven't even set up the dates yet. This happened 5 times already.

if you care enough about a woman to argue with her you care too much

if you brought up a controversial subject (religion and politics and such) with a woman and an argument started you fvcked up big time

if you get mad at her just ignore her or stop talking to her, arguing won't help anything

You now think every woman is out to get you and has an agenda.

that part's true though

 

[sazc]

so riddic to argue with anyone. most of the time there really isnt a right and wrong, just differing opinions. If she's the source of starting the argument, consider it an early warning system that she doesn't know how to be an adult in a relationship. if ur the source, learn how to communicate in a mature manner.

A long time ago someone told me that there are people in this world who will test you, because they like to see where your theoretical chain is, just so they can yank on it and get a rise out of you. Now that you know this, next time someone tries to yank on that chain, remind yourself that your emotions cant be controlled by anyone but YOU, and keep control of them.

 

[Urbanyst]

Anytime you find yourself arguing with a woman.. just know that it means she has successfully pulled you into her frame.

As long as you stay in your own head, its very easy to dismissed dumb things women say. You can have a discussion as long as its productive and you are sharing ideas. Once it goes off the rails into emotional BS you have to shut that crap down.

 

[Calum Tingham]

Everybody had the right answers to this xD

I especially like dustmuffin's answer

Quick Edit:

If you want to get out of an argument, use your actions. Never get trapped in the "circle of shouting" where you just debate the argument.

Either accuse her of doing something wrong and pick it senseless.
Or if you unarguably f**ked up say, "Imma make this right," and kiss her or buy her a meaningful gift (price not important, sentiment is).

 

[bigneil]

Hey,

After learning red pill for so many months and reading these books I feel like my conversation skills have gone to sh*t because I analyze these girls as being who they truly are

I've been talking to so many girls these past weeks and every time I develop a connection with a girl (sometimes not even) and we start talking, we get into arguments quick and I haven't even set up the dates yet. This happened 5 times already.

Like for example, tonight I called a girl to try and set up a date and when we start talking she tries to sh*t test me and it annoys me, I play it right every time but when they start analyzing more it pisses me off.

I can't have a conversation without feeling some type of way with women when they sh*t test. My BPD ex ruined this for me. I feel like everything they say gets me into a defensive position.

Your mistakes in bold.

I presume the conversation goes like this:

1) Her: So do you have your own apartment?

OP: Well right now I'm uh, sort of you know, basically just trying to, like, get by really, you know? So I currently am actually still technically living with my well... like, not my mother but my step mom. Did you take that science test?

2) Her: So where do you work?

OP: WHY DO YOU GIRLS KEEP ASKING ME THAT??

 

[ChangePages]

Your mistakes in bold.

I presume the conversation goes like this:

1) Her: So do you have your own apartment?

OP: Well right now I'm uh, sort of you know, basically just trying to, like, get by really, you know? So I currently am actually still technically living with my well... like, not my mother but my step mom. Did you take that science test?

2) Her: So where do you work?

OP: WHY DO YOU GIRLS KEEP ASKING ME THAT??

No, not at all. This is how the last conversation went on the phone

Her: So why don't you have any pictures of you smiling? (Mind you I have pictures of me grinning)

OP: (Teasing) Real men don't smile haha

Her: But what does that mean?

OP: Exactly that, real men don't smile

Her: Stop throwing this masculinity bull**** at me

OP: What do you mean? Do you want me to act feminine?

Which went on for about 2 minutes of her questioning me if that's how I really act.. Later on she continues

Her: Is there a reason why you don't smile? Hmmmm (Analyzing me at this point)

OP: I just choose to not smile, its not like I have bad teeth or anything

Her: Hmmmm, so why don't you smile?

OP: I have pictures of me smiling if you want it.. but other than that I choose to not smile

Which went on for about another 2 minutes of more analyzing, which concluded in her saying "You're setting high expectations for yourself" because I said we'll have "fun"

ECT. So I hope you get the picture. Either I'm choosing the wrong girls or the BPDs are choosing me. Deleted POF after that. Not showing up to the date tomorrow either.

 

[bigneil]

No, not at all. This is how the last conversation went

Her: So why don't you have any pictures of you smiling? (Mind you I have pictures of me grinning)

OP: (Teasing) Real men don't smile haha

Her: But what does that mean?

OP: Exactly that, real men don't smile

Her: Stop throwing this masculinity bull**** at me.

She's saying your words are not congruent with your actions and calling your bullsh!t. If this is happening often, there is a problem.

My girlfriend didn't use the word bullsh!t until 3 months into the relationship when I randomly dumped her and regretted it, and she accurately called what I did bullsh!t. If they say it in the first 3 sentences there is a problem.

 

[devilkingx2]

Her: So why don't you have any pictures of you smiling? (Mind you I have pictures of me grinning)

OP: (Teasing) Real men don't smile haha

Her: But what does that mean?

OP: Exactly that, real men don't smile

Her: Stop throwing this masculinity bull**** at me

she sounds like a feminist who wanted to lecture you on your toxic masculinity, mansplaining, rape culture and the patriarchy (look all of those buzzwords up for 4 varieties of insanity)

either that or she took 1 class of freshman psych and thinks she's an M.D or she's just a b!tchy argumentative person

although if this was online it's possible that she meant it in a more playful tone and just didn't use enough smilies and "lol" to convey that properly

 

[ChangePages]

she sounds like a feminist who wanted to lecture you on your toxic masculinity, mansplaining, rape culture and the patriarchy (look all of those buzzwords up for 4 varieties of insanity)

either that or she took 1 class of freshman psych and thinks she's an M.D or she's just a b!tchy argumentative person

although if this was online it's possible that she meant it in a more playful tone and just didn't use enough smilies and "lol" to convey that properly

No, she goes to an all female liberal arts college in liberal nyc and this was on the phone

 

[Bible_Belt]

I hope you get the picture. Either I'm choosing the wrong girls or the BPDs are choosing me. Deleted POF after that. Not showing up to the date tomorrow either.

So you're mad because she agreed to go on a date with you? All of your problems come from taking a woman's words too seriously. If you would stop doing that, everything will get a lot easier.

 

[wifehunter]

No surprise there, most chicks are bags of rocks aka dead weight.

 

[ChangePages]

So you're mad because she agreed to go on a date with you? All of your problems come from taking a woman's words too seriously. If you would stop doing that, everything will get a lot easier.

No, I'm not mad at all and in fact wasn't mad at the confrontation. It's the amount of time I spent talking to this chick only for her to give me some feminist type of vibe when we talk. I'm just looking for a down to earth cool chick to have fun with, not some over analyzing girl. This is the 5th time attracting these type of girls on POF

She's saying your words are not congruent with your actions and calling your bullsh!t. If this is happening often, there is a problem.

My girlfriend didn't use the word bullsh!t until 3 months into the relationship when I randomly dumped her and regretted it, and she accurately called what I did bullsh!t. If they say it in the first 3 sentences there is a problem.

It was the only time I talked to her on the phone, she doesn't know who I am

 

[Bible_Belt]

No, I'm not mad at all and in fact wasn't mad at the confrontation. It's the amount of time I spent talking to this chick only for her to give me some feminist type of vibe when we talk. I'm just looking for a down to earth cool chick to have fun with, not some over analyzing girl.

It's a lot easier to give up on personality expectations and just go for pvssy. When a woman starts telling me that she is an empowered feminist, I will nod my head and agree. You go girl! But the whole time I am thinking about all the degrading things I am about to do to her in the bedroom just because she told me she was a feminist.

If you can have that attitude, you will have a lot more fun, and it will not be the negative experience that you are having right now. That will keep you in the game, until eventually you do meet the girl with the right personality for you. Don't force that. Just keep getting laid and wait for it to happen.