Getting a divorce at 50

[2Rocky]

Don't take divorce legal advice from anyone but your lawyer. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion. Get a lawyer who has a proven track record defending male clients. Good suggestion about consulting with all the good lawyers.

Get a parenting plan ASAP on the kids for those under 18. Demonstrate your commitment to parenting well.

Yes to the therapist. you need someone bound by client privilege to vent to. Don't trust that to friends or family. It is too easy for them to slip and let out important information the other side doesn't need to know.

Hope for the best and expect the worst. Thousands of men go through it, and many of them come out stronger and better. Better days are coming and you will be better for the experience.

 

[zekko]

OP, what state are you in? I hope to god it's not Illinois or you could be looking at alimony payments for a duration of years equal to the number of years you were married.

That hardly seems fair, does it? The longer your marriage last, the more successful it is (arguably). It's like you're being punished for being successful, or for being a good husband that long.

No one has said the family courts are fair though.

 

[Bible_Belt]

That hardly seems fair, does it? The longer your marriage last, the more successful it is (arguably). It's like you're being punished for being successful, or for being a good husband that long.

No one has said the family courts are fair though.

Illinois just changed their laws in 2018. Now there is s simple chart to follow and one formula. It is like mandatory minimum sentencing, judge gets no discretion. It was supposedly done in the name of simplicity. We give murderers 3 years in prison, but divorce could be 20+ years of 2/3 of your income taken. I don't know which is a worse punishment.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Illinois just changed their laws in 2018. Now there is s simple chart to follow and one formula. It is like mandatory minimum sentencing, judge gets no discretion. It was supposedly done in the name of simplicity. We give murderers 3 years in prison, but divorce could be 20+ years of 2/3 of your income taken. I don't know which is a worse punishment.

Punishment for getting married? lol

 

[highSpeed]

Illinois just changed their laws in 2018. Now there is s simple chart to follow and one formula. It is like mandatory minimum sentencing, judge gets no discretion. It was supposedly done in the name of simplicity. We give murderers 3 years in prison, but divorce could be 20+ years of 2/3 of your income taken. I don't know which is a worse punishment.

Is there a good state to be married in? I mean c'mon, many states have essentially a formula like you're talking about, to make it "easier" to get divorced. This essentially means it's a formula for screwing the guys but you'll never hear them say that.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I thank the Lord every day that I'm not married.

 

[Roober]

Keep it as cordial as possible. If it gets nasty, you will have to bite your tongue, and just take it in stride. She will likely say all sorts of ridiculous $hit you will just have to ignore.

Get out and do things by yourself and with your kids. I get you have a list of things you'd like to do, this is a great opportunity to do just that.

And... dont give up on your kids!

And the boring sex likely wasnt her fault.

This is the time to look in the mirror! I could repeat this 100 times

 

[amoka]

I hope “Jake Parker” is not your real name.

 

[DelayedGratification]

I'm fit, I have a great business, I have a great (but could be better) relationship with my daughters.
I'm about to enter into separation agreement negotiations. Not sure how much I should reveal about my TRM discoveries. I'm also very nervous about being single and in my early 50s. Never thought I would be divorced. I'm looking forward to having passionate sex again (as opposed to the boring missionary position bargain sex I was getting from my soon to be Ex). Also, looking for suggestions on how to enter this next phase of my life. I think I have Game (I can be edgy) but was never super aggressive in the bar scene - I was more of the passive. Any advice will be appreciated. Be ruthless -- I can take it.
thanks in advance,
Jake

Oh man, been there, still doing that. By the end I took over doing *everything* in the marriage: life maintenance, send the boys off to school and be back for them, doctor's appts, all while earning the majority of the income. All to be emotionally abused for all the angst she was going through, and the privilege of being in a sexless marriage. A classic Beta AFC stuck with a BPD that he thought he could "fix" with Blue Pill thinking. Well, *that* worked out well...

Am now on the other side of the divorce, just discovered RM (discovered NMMNG about a year ago), and am still trying to kill the beta. I at least know what I have to do, and can look at every failure, past and present and put it in its proper frame so that I do better next time.

I've been more fit than I've been in my life. Nearly all the "failures" in OLD have been due to deceptive advertising and me deciding I wasn't interested---I get the vibe that they are crestfallen when I express my disinterest (in one case, rather melodramatically). So while I don't think I have an attractiveness problem, I do have a mindset problem.

Long road ahead. It's especially tough when you're older, still have parental obligations, a career to tend to, limited social opportunities, and are yourself facing the other side of The Wall as a 50-something male. After a month or so I'm beginning to wonder that while the principles are sound, a lot of the techniques (plates, Game, etc) are of limited utility with Post-Wall women (40's and up).

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP, I'm around your age. Been single for 3 years after being in a 9 year relationship. No nasty divorce, as I refuse to get married. I've dated a lot (maybe 60 women) the past few years; women in their 20s, 30s (mostly), a few in their 40s. A lot has changed.

Feel free to post or PM me if you have specific questions.

Ciao,

Dash

 

[Sunnypoo]

Don't worry too much, you will feel like your getting effed over by the courts....because you are. Expect to pay something but think of it as a freedom tax, about the only tax worth paying.

 

[Glassguy]

And as many NEW MEMBERS go, we have not heard a word since Jake Parker started this thread lol.

Maybe the soon to be ex wife shut off his phone and internet lol.

 

[highSpeed]

Don't worry too much, you will feel like your getting effed over by the courts....because you are. Expect to pay something but think of it as a freedom tax, about the only tax worth paying.

That's a pretty high tax, especially if you've worked your a$$ off to actually attain some success.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Need help -- My wife of 18 years blindsided me a couple of months ago and asked for a divorce. She's 45 and I'm 50. I went through the phases - grief, denial, anger, acceptance. I've been trying to come to grips with being single again. A buddy recently gave me a copy of The Rational Male which I just completed -- I loved it and it pointed me to this forum. After reading TRM, I made me realize all the mistakes I made (and how I need to use more acronyms). I was a classic Beta in the marriage. I worked my ass off during our marriage and made us a good living. Shortly after we married, my wife quit her salaried job and started having babies (2 girls). I ran my business and work all the time. She was all-in on the kids (that was the quid pro quo). After a few years, she filled her time by teaching yoga (a few hours/week), volunteered at our kids school and lunched with the ladies. She is a control freak. I thought I could muscle through the marriage until our girls went off to college (they are teenagers) and then somehow we'd revert back to the days when I as at the top of her priority list. I realize now how I was fooling myself. Thanks TRM! The more I acquiesced and the more I let her control, the more frustrated I was and the less attracted she was to me.
I'm fit, I have a great business, I have a great (but could be better) relationship with my daughters.
I'm about to enter into separation agreement negotiations. Not sure how much I should reveal about my TRM discoveries. I'm also very nervous about being single and in my early 50s. Never thought I would be divorced. I'm looking forward to having passionate sex again (as opposed to the boring missionary position bargain sex I was getting from my soon to be Ex). Also, looking for suggestions on how to enter this next phase of my life. I think I have Game (I can be edgy) but was never super aggressive in the bar scene - I was more of the passive. Any advice will be appreciated. Be ruthless -- I can take it.
thanks in advance,
Jake

Cut all contact with her. If you must talk, treat her like a employee. Disassociate entirely.

Jump on tinder. Hit the gym. Check yoga or other group classes. Start a mma class. Busy yourself. Begin with the end in mind. Get a good lawyer too.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Welcome to the forum. The advice you have been given is solid. Yes it might be expensive. I was the breadwinner in my marriage and was super concerned about the financial fall out. I was extremely lucky in that I managed to negotiate my way out of the situation without being cut in 2 financially. This is THE single most important negotiation of your life. Be objective and expect the unexpected. You know your wife better than anyone. Use that knowledge to your advantage.

Get into the gym, do things for yourself and spend time with your daughters. Those things will create positive energy for you. You’ll need it. I’m the daughter of a lawyer father who divorced when I was 16. My parents kept it cordial and my dad ended up being a tremendous positive influence all my life. He was one of my closest friends. So take a long term view there. Right now it’s raw for your daughters but hang in there, be a good dad and it will pay dividends the rest of your life I promise you. None of this is their fault but they are young and might struggle because they don’t have the perspective of someone older/wiser.

If you are in good shape and pay attention to your appearance and health you’ll have ample dating opportunities. Be aware you may need to find a more socially robust location when you get to that point. I’ve found this to be true but I’m doing just fine socially having made that adjustment. And I’ve got teens who must remain the highest priority too.

You’re going to be Ok. You’ve found a good place to vent, post, wax poetic or seek comradery.

Cheers

 

[Sunnypoo]

That's a pretty high tax, especially if you've worked your a$$ off to actually attain some success.

It sure as shyt beats the alternative, and depending on where you're from you won't have much of a choice.

 

[GT40]

Odd. Parker went NC with the forum. Maybe he took the wife back. ...... bad move

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Don't take divorce legal advice from anyone but your lawyer. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion. Get a lawyer who has a proven track record defending male clients. Good suggestion about consulting with all the good lawyers.

Get a parenting plan ASAP on the kids for those under 18. Demonstrate your commitment to parenting well.

Yes to the therapist. you need someone bound by client privilege to vent to. Don't trust that to friends or family. It is too easy for them to slip and let out important information the other side doesn't need to know.

Hope for the best and expect the worst. Thousands of men go through it, and many of them come out stronger and better. Better days are coming and you will be better for the experience.

Good post.

I don't get why cucks play house despite the writing on the wall. I lack any ****s given