Getting a divorce at 50

[Jake Parker]

Need help -- My wife of 18 years blindsided me a couple of months ago and asked for a divorce. She's 45 and I'm 50. I went through the phases - grief, denial, anger, acceptance. I've been trying to come to grips with being single again. A buddy recently gave me a copy of The Rational Male which I just completed -- I loved it and it pointed me to this forum. After reading TRM, I made me realize all the mistakes I made (and how I need to use more acronyms). I was a classic Beta in the marriage. I worked my ass off during our marriage and made us a good living. Shortly after we married, my wife quit her salaried job and started having babies (2 girls). I ran my business and work all the time. She was all-in on the kids (that was the quid pro quo). After a few years, she filled her time by teaching yoga (a few hours/week), volunteered at our kids school and lunched with the ladies. She is a control freak. I thought I could muscle through the marriage until our girls went off to college (they are teenagers) and then somehow we'd revert back to the days when I as at the top of her priority list. I realize now how I was fooling myself. Thanks TRM! The more I acquiesced and the more I let her control, the more frustrated I was and the less attracted she was to me.
I'm fit, I have a great business, I have a great (but could be better) relationship with my daughters.
I'm about to enter into separation agreement negotiations. Not sure how much I should reveal about my TRM discoveries. I'm also very nervous about being single and in my early 50s. Never thought I would be divorced. I'm looking forward to having passionate sex again (as opposed to the boring missionary position bargain sex I was getting from my soon to be Ex). Also, looking for suggestions on how to enter this next phase of my life. I think I have Game (I can be edgy) but was never super aggressive in the bar scene - I was more of the passive. Any advice will be appreciated. Be ruthless -- I can take it.
thanks in advance,
Jake

 

[Spaz]

Ruthless ?

I've not seen a single ruthless poster posting on here.

There's no going back to the wife in ur case.

Just interact around the forum by posting, reading and contributing, you'll be influenced one way or the other to find ur bearings.

Welcome to some potentially surprising self awareness, that's a given.

 

[lamath]

TRM is a great ressource but be careful to not over do it.

After reading your post im thinking, scoring some a$$ should not be too hard for you.

Gl sir

 

[Crosstimbers Okie]

Congratulations Dude. Get some testosterone pellets installed and start taking Maca Root. Then **** those bitches to sleep.

 

[Spaz]

Congratulations Dude. Get some testosterone pellets installed and start taking Maca Root. Then **** those bitches to sleep.

Haha this made me laugh in a good way

 

[RickTheToad]

Classic dude who went into her frame. Falling for the old theory, happy wife, happy life. When, it should had been, happy man or you kick her to the can. You have a lot of work to do by friend. One, did you seek legal counsel yet? More importantly, did she? If she doesn't have legal counsel, you visit all of the best lawyers in your area. Once they see you, then they cannot take her on as a client regardless if you hire them or not. Most offer a free consultation. Next, do not leave the house unless your counsel tells you so. I strongly recommend you visit www.dadsdivorce.com. In addition, work on your relationship with your two daughters. One, it's important for them to have a masculine father in their lives. Two, it could be used against you in proceedings. Three, start taking some money out of your joint accounts. If you don't, I assure you, she will. Four, grow a backbone. You should had shot that sh!t down when she started to be a control freak. You allowed it to happen. The lady has to come into your frame and be subservient to you, not vice-versa. Only you know what happened.

Do you have hobbies? If not get some. Are you out of shape? Go work on yourself. Gym. Health. Nutrition. Therapy. Take responsibility for your actions, but do not feel sorry for yourself. Remain calm with your wife and never lose your temper or frame. You need to take back the control in the relationship. Even though you are getting divorced, you will still have a relationship with the mother of your kids.

Read:

No More Mr. Nice Guy
48 Laws of Power
Tactical Guide to Women
All three Rational Male books

Most importantly, work on your emotional and mental well being. It may be worth seeing a therapist to go through your mind and let out your emotions, thoughts and feelings about your marriage. Never bottle it up. However, you will have to figure out what you did wrong with your wife so you do not do it again with other ladies. You will only know this by going through your memories, unpacking the good and the bad, and learning from those experiences. Our greatest teacher is our failures. Learn from them.

 

[lamath]

Classic dude who went into her frame. Falling for the old theory, happy wife, happy life. When, it should had been, happy man or you kick her to the can. You have a lot of work to do by friend. One, did you seek legal counsel yet? More importantly, did she? If she doesn't have legal counsel, you visit all of the best lawyers in your area. Once they see you, then they cannot take her on as a client regardless if you hire them or not. Most offer a free consultation. Next, do not leave the house unless your counsel tells you so. I strongly recommend you visit www.dadsdivorce.com. In addition, work on your relationship with your two daughters. One, it's important for them to have a masculine father in their lives. Two, it could be used against you in proceedings. Three, start taking some money out of your joint accounts. If you don't, I assure you, she will. Four, grow a backbone. You should had shot that sh!t down when she started to be a control freak. You allowed it to happen. The lady has to come into your frame and be subservient to you, not vice-versa. Only you know what happened.

Do you have hobbies? If not get some. Are you out of shape? Go work on yourself. Gym. Health. Nutrition. Therapy. Take responsibility for your actions, but do not feel sorry for yourself. Remain calm with your wife and never lose your temper or frame. You need to take back the control in the relationship. Even though you are getting divorced, you will still have a relationship with the mother of your kids.

Read:

No More Mr. Nice Guy
48 Laws of Power
Tactical Guide to Women
All three Rational Male books

Most importantly, work on your emotional and mental well being. It may be worth seeing a therapist to go through your mind and let out your emotions, thoughts and feelings about your marriage. Never bottle it up. However, you will have to figure out what you did wrong with your wife so you do not do it again with other ladies. You will only know this by going through your memories, unpacking the good and the bad, and learning from those experiences. Our greatest teacher is our failures. Learn from them.

Not the first time ive read the strategy of contacting all the good lawyers in your area to prevent her from hiring them.

Seems like a very good plan to me.

 

[zekko]

I'm about to enter into separation agreement negotiations. Not sure how much I should reveal about my TRM discoveries.

No one commented on this bit, so I will. Don't talk about The Rationale Male or other Red Pill attitudes that you have discovered. This stuff is a bit like Fight Club, and the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club. They're not going to understand it anyway, and some people will be angered by it. Years of feminization in the culture will cause some to have a bad knee jerk reaction to this kind of material. Just keep it on the down low, and treat it more like a secret weapon.

Condolences on your experience. 50 isn't the ideal time to get a divorce, but better now than later. At least you still have a little life left in you lol.

 

[Spaz]

No one commented on this bit, so I will. Don't talk about The Rationale Male or other Red Pill attitudes that you have discovered. This stuff is a bit like Fight Club, and the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club. They're not going to understand it anyway, and some people will be angered by it. Years of feminization in the culture will cause some to have a bad knee jerk reaction to this kind of material. Just keep it on the down low, and treat it more like a secret weapon.

Condolences on your experience. 50 isn't the ideal time to get a divorce, but better now than later. At least you still have a little life left in you lol.

I concur with this.

And before even thinking about fvcking other women you need to ensure you're not to fvcked over by your soon to be ex.

Plenty of men here been through the process and it's best to seek their counsel.

 

[Trump]

You got 2 kids out of her. Stop complaining.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Need help -- My wife of 18 years blindsided me a couple of months ago and asked for a divorce. She's 45 and I'm 50. I went through the phases - grief, denial, anger, acceptance. I've been trying to come to grips with being single again. A buddy recently gave me a copy of The Rational Male which I just completed -- I loved it and it pointed me to this forum. After reading TRM, I made me realize all the mistakes I made (and how I need to use more acronyms). I was a classic Beta in the marriage. I worked my ass off during our marriage and made us a good living. Shortly after we married, my wife quit her salaried job and started having babies (2 girls). I ran my business and work all the time. She was all-in on the kids (that was the quid pro quo). After a few years, she filled her time by teaching yoga (a few hours/week), volunteered at our kids school and lunched with the ladies. She is a control freak. I thought I could muscle through the marriage until our girls went off to college (they are teenagers) and then somehow we'd revert back to the days when I as at the top of her priority list. I realize now how I was fooling myself. Thanks TRM! The more I acquiesced and the more I let her control, the more frustrated I was and the less attracted she was to me.
I'm fit, I have a great business, I have a great (but could be better) relationship with my daughters.
I'm about to enter into separation agreement negotiations. Not sure how much I should reveal about my TRM discoveries. I'm also very nervous about being single and in my early 50s. Never thought I would be divorced. I'm looking forward to having passionate sex again (as opposed to the boring missionary position bargain sex I was getting from my soon to be Ex). Also, looking for suggestions on how to enter this next phase of my life. I think I have Game (I can be edgy) but was never super aggressive in the bar scene - I was more of the passive. Any advice will be appreciated. Be ruthless -- I can take it.
thanks in advance,
Jake

I got separated at 52 and divorced at 55. You’ll be just fine. However, expect the fight of your life with the divorce. Approach it like it is the most important thing you will ever do for the rest of your life (because it will be). Be smart, unemotional, and plan everything. Your future self will thank you.

And remember, the woman you divorce is not the woman you married. Expect her to do some sh1t you never though she was capable of. Make no mistake, she has been thinking about this and planning for a long time. Also, don’t be surprised if you find out she’s been getting railed by some dude. Stay cool and calm. Do what’s best for your daughters and for you.

-Augustus-

 

[Jake Parker]

I'm already glad I joined the forum. Great advice -- thank you. I'm now about to enter negotiations with my soon-to-be-EX who is both a control freak and feels entitled to "money and prizes". Any practical advice on how to reenter my frame to help me in these negotiations? We're still living together (albeit in separate bedrooms) and are cordial to each other. (BTW -- I'm in the Master BR, she's in a guest room.) There's not a lot of substantive interaction between us except kid logistics. Thanks again!

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I'm already glad I joined the forum. Great advice -- thank you. I'm now about to enter negotiations with my soon-to-be-EX who is both a control freak and feels entitled to "money and prizes". Any practical advice on how to reenter my frame to help me in these negotiations? We're still living together (albeit in separate bedrooms) and are cordial to each other. (BTW -- I'm in the Master BR, she's in a guest room.) There's not a lot of substantive interaction between us except kid logistics. Thanks again!

Have you consulted with a good lawyer yet? You need to find out what you are potentially facing in terms of settlement, alimony and child support if the divorce becomes contentious.

-Augustus-

 

[zekko]

Have you consulted with a good lawyer yet? You need to find out what you are potentially facing in terms of settlement, alimony and child support if the divorce becomes contentious.

Yeah. If she hasn't worked, the kids are teenagers, and the OP has a great business, sounds like it could get expensive.

A lot of lawyers push for separation ("someone" would have to move out) and no contact until the divorce is final. I think they want to protect the divorce, lol. They don't want to risk their payday by the couple working things out.

It's good that they are cordial though, that's a positive.

 

[Glassguy]

Having been through this at a slightly younger age (35) I will give you a few pointers:

1.) Its over. Dont even try to salvage it. There IS most certainly another man in the picture. This man has been there for a while too. That is why she is ready to leave while only making very little money through teaching yoga. She has guaranteed income waiting in the shadows.
If you dont accept this fact now, you will have a LONG road to recovery.

2.) You are lucky that your daughters are teenagers. That means you dont necessarily have to deal with your soon to be ex. Not sure of the current living arrangements with you and your soon to be ex but you or her need to get out asap if you are still living together.

3.) You need to go talk to a lawyer ASAP. Go file for divorce. It will not cost you any more or less in the long run as the financial settlements are all based on income anyways. YOU need to be the one that files. Just go talk to your attorney, let him/her know that she said she wanted a divorce and file. Do not tell her before you file that you are doing this. Hopefully you can agree on what is important and get this over and done.

4.) Be a good father. Your kids didnt ask their mother to act like a wh0re yet they have to deal with this emotionally. Be there for them. They should be your priority.

5.) Once its filed, start hitting up new women. CASUAL DATING only and make that clear to them. The last thing you need for the next 2 years is a serious relationship or a rebound. I would recommend building a solid 3 or 4 chick rotation and I can certainly help with that too.

6.) No more chit chat with the wife. Get her ass out or you leave and the only thing that should be discussed are important issues about your kids. Period. She died as your wife the day she mentioned divorce.

There is a chance that she will see you start acting on this and try to stop you and save the marriage. Trust me pal, its over. You need to work on yourself and how you handle women and relationships and you will never make it right with this woman. If you try to work on this marriage you will just be more disrespected down the road.

Remember, regardless of what she says, there is someone else (or more than one) waiting in the shadows that has been nailing her. Take that to the bank.

Life is too short to be miserable. Start making this divorce happen and start working on yourself. At 50 years old you still can pull some hot women if you get in the gym, eat right, spend time with your kids and find some hobbies that fill that void.

You must become a happy man again in order to be a happy man. That starts and ends with you and nobody else.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Yeah. If she hasn't worked, the kids are teenagers, and the OP has a great business, sounds like it could get expensive.

A lot of lawyers push for separation ("someone" would have to move out) and no contact until the divorce is final. I think they want to protect the divorce, lol. They don't want to risk their payday by the couple working things out.

It's good that they are cordial though, that's a positive.

Oh yeah, 18 year marriage, successful business, huge income disparity... could be VERY expensive.

-Augustus-

 

[Jake Parker]

Having been through this at a slightly younger age (35) I will give you a few pointers:

1.) Its over. Dont even try to salvage it. There IS most certainly another man in the picture. This man has been there for a while too. That is why she is ready to leave while only making very little money through teaching yoga. She has guaranteed income waiting in the shadows.
If you dont accept this fact now, you will have a LONG road to recovery.

2.) You are lucky that your daughters are teenagers. That means you dont necessarily have to deal with your soon to be ex. Not sure of the current living arrangements with you and your soon to be ex but you or her need to get out asap if you are still living together.

3.) You need to go talk to a lawyer ASAP. Go file for divorce. It will not cost you any more or less in the long run as the financial settlements are all based on income anyways. YOU need to be the one that files. Just go talk to your attorney, let him/her know that she said she wanted a divorce and file. Do not tell her before you file that you are doing this. Hopefully you can agree on what is important and get this over and done.

4.) Be a good father. Your kids didnt ask their mother to act like a wh0re yet they have to deal with this emotionally. Be there for them. They should be your priority.

5.) Once its filed, start hitting up new women. CASUAL DATING only and make that clear to them. The last thing you need for the next 2 years is a serious relationship or a rebound. I would recommend building a solid 3 or 4 chick rotation and I can certainly help with that too.

6.) No more chit chat with the wife. Get her ass out or you leave and the only thing that should be discussed are important issues about your kids. Period. She died as your wife the day she mentioned divorce.

There is a chance that she will see you start acting on this and try to stop you and save the marriage. Trust me pal, its over. You need to work on yourself and how you handle women and relationships and you will never make it right with this woman. If you try to work on this marriage you will just be more disrespected down the road.

Remember, regardless of what she says, there is someone else (or more than one) waiting in the shadows that has been nailing her. Take that to the bank.

Life is too short to be miserable. Start making this divorce happen and start working on yourself. At 50 years old you still can pull some hot women if you get in the gym, eat right, spend time with your kids and find some hobbies that fill that void.

You must become a happy man again in order to be a happy man. That starts and ends with you and nobody else.

Thank you. Yes, I have a lawyer and negotiate deals for a living. I recognize a divorce is far different. Many layers of negotiation and I'm emotionally invested -- assets, spousal support, custody, etc. I will not talk about TRM (fight club) with her. This is going to be expensive.

 

[highSpeed]

Thank you. Yes, I have a lawyer and negotiate deals for a living. I recognize a divorce is far different. Many layers of negotiation and I'm emotionally invested -- assets, spousal support, custody, etc. I will not talk about TRM (fight club) with her. This is going to be expensive.

I hope for your sake it is not. Godspeed my brother, I hope you come out on the other end more powerful.

 

[speed dawg]

I was a classic Beta in the marriage. I worked my ass off during our marriage and made us a good living. Shortly after we married, my wife quit her salaried job and started having babies (2 girls). I ran my business and work all the time. She was all-in on the kids (that was the quid pro quo). After a few years, she filled her time by teaching yoga (a few hours/week), volunteered at our kids school and lunched with the ladies. She is a control freak. I thought I could muscle through the marriage until our girls went off to college (they are teenagers) and then somehow we'd revert back to the days when I as at the top of her priority list. I realize now how I was fooling myself. Thanks TRM! The more I acquiesced and the more I let her control, the more frustrated I was and the less attracted she was to me.

Tell me a little more about your wife. What type of woman was she? Did she spend a ton of money? Interests, etc.? Were you all the typical suburbans with big cars and a ton of money-sucking activities going on?

 

[Bible_Belt]

OP, what state are you in? I hope to god it's not Illinois or you could be looking at alimony payments for a duration of years equal to the number of years you were married.