"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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From jerk to afc

phillies

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Had a rough relationship with highs and lows. ok looking chinese girl, love together for 2 years, i have a bit of a substance abuse problem. she signed the lease of a new place a month before she left and didnt tell me.

When she seemed indifferent and distant more and more, stopped complaining, i began supplicating.i was started off pretty alpha. When she became distant i began to supplicate more, do little favors all the time to try and make her feel better. It felt like she stopped behaving like a girlfriend, but i kept behaving like a boyfriend.

this so slowly pushed me into a depression( Or I let it), i had asked what was wrong twice. I would get mad somtimes. I got more and more insecure, and it felt like she got more secure.

the last week she acted real sad, and cut off. We lived togther for two years. I ended up quiting my job during this time, I was so stressed didnt know what to do. she respected me a lot for like the first 1 2/3. everything went down hill fast the last 1/3. something were m fault I drank to much and smoked to much pot, i also put less money into the relationship. I promised her i would go to college so we could have a life and family.

When she left I had no friends, I was drinking a lot, i stopped about a week before she left. When she left she moved into a house with a couple other girls, so she had a social circle right away, we spent most our time togather.

I went soft, stuck in a relationship grave yard, never really got to know to many people in Cincinnati except work friends. I chased for like 2 months. She ignored me a lot, kept in touch for a bit, came over an sucked my **** once and left right away. She told me at one point on skype about a party, the next day she said she made out with some senior from notre dame. I started to drink all the time, every day, no job. I broke.

prior to the break up i was addicted to benzos, on antiderpessants. The relationship had a lot of pressure, i went to these extents, the wrong way though. I was so caught up in the relationship i lost myself.

Shes not even that good lookings, shes educated well, studies finance, nice body, but face isnt the best, its not horrible either. She was always kind of nice and polite, she used to look up to me so so so much. I went from alpha traits, to jerk, back and forth on those and eventually afc started to peak its ugly face, and it consumed.
 
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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phillies

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I feel like she would play mind games a lot also, when she got mad usually she would give me the silent treatment, rarely would she say what shes mad about. So somtimes i think i didnt notice if she was giving the silent treatment.
 
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Atom Smasher

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OP, edit your post into small paragraphs and people will read it.
 

phillies

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It was rare for her to get mad, its was a cultural thing i think, she would give me the silent treatment, and i would get mad sometimes.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Atom Smasher

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There's not a lot to say here. She checked out of the relationship long before she signed that lease. I'm sure you know that.

You've got to get a handle on the booze drugs. She lost respect for you because you demonstrated a lack of respect for yourself.

I always advise men to avoid living with a woman. It's a play marriage and statistics show that couple who lived together prior to marriage are way more prone to divorce than those who have not. I have also observed that living with a woman tends to amplify and accelerate the inner AFC's re-emergence.

Charge it to the game and get yourself back into life. I just realized that instead of breaking your OP into paragraphs you re-wrote a small portion.

You need to get your life on track. Read "The Magic Story", internalize it and apply it to your life:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155403&highlight=magic+story
 

phillies

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Thanks man. I think the benzos and anti depressants, i went off them right before, got on a different one, and i was drinking like a 5th a day over christmas, the substance abuse has prolonged my pain, it wasnt me at all. Its been 7 months. Yup i think thats messed up also. I chased right away, and never even gave her a chance to come back and stroke her ego, i kept trying. i feel so disgusted with myself.
 

phillies

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It just kills me inside sometimes, she was a very conservative girl, she gave me everything. she trusted me.
 

phillies

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She was very committed, i showed so much strength a lot of times. I hope when i internalize game well, she will see how well I can do with out her.
 

phillies

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I was in school for electrical engineering, I was doing well for a while. I feel like the pressure of the relationship took a toll on this respect. Well today i got some side work, im bouncing at a bar. my brother works there, I think ill get free drinks all day. Lot of women. my life has got better, i have a place back home, a job. Ive quite the drugs, a few brushes with booz, but i keep in to a minimum. my plan is to get back into school, and save money, and constantly look for a better job. But i still have no completely shaken this **** yet, i feel like im so close, yet the pain lingers.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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