FR: What to do with girl I met off craigslist

[vorbis]

A while back I remember reading somewhere that the strictly platonic section of craigslist was a decent online resource for chicks. So i decided to browse it. I emailed one chick whose ad piqued my interest. She's the same nationality as me (Irish) and was looking to meet an Irish person. She also mentioned that she wanted the guy to be tall and handsome so I figured she was looking for a date by specifying that.

The initial emails were very enthusiastic from her side so I quickly set up a coffee date. I met her for coffee last Tuesday and we spent two hours chatting inside the shop. She's 29 and I'd say a HB7. I thought we clicked fairly well and it was certainly more enjoyable conversation than I've had on a date for a while. We were busting each other on different things about Ireland and also talking about family.

I got some flirting and some light kino in but didn't kiss her. We parted company at Park T stop so it wasn't great logistics wise. I should have suggest walking through the park or something

My worry now is that I haven't sexualized the interaction enough and she views me as a friend. I tried to set up going for drinks this week but she's been busy. Her counter offer is for me and my friends to join her and a friend of hers for happy hour on Friday.

I'm not really digging this idea. I don't want to introduce a bunch of my friends to some chick I met off craigslist and I've met in real life a total of one times. I'm thinking I should try once more for a one on one date and leave it slide if that doesn't transpire. Any other ideas?

 

[window]

She turned down your date suggestion and had a weak counteroffer so I'd forget about her. As they say would she be busy if it was Brad Pit on the line...A good move would be to turn down her drinks idea and suggest if any of her friends might find you interesting to pass on your contact details.

 

[window]

Just out of curiosty when you parted at the end of the coffee date did she say call me or mention the future in any way ? did she touch you at all during the date. 2hrs is way to long for a meet and greet even if it is going well...45min tops gives you enough time to sum up here interest. If she's keen on you she'll at least touch you once in some way and hint at meeting up again in some way.

 

[vorbis]

Yeah, I was a bit pissed with the counter offer. I did text her today that I might already have plans for Friday and that I would let her know tomorrow. She texted me back there this evening commenting that I must be a "social bee" and to keep her posted.

I can't shake the feeling that she's thinking of me as a friend. But I mean, why would a guy meet a random girl off the internet other than for sex, dating?

Also if I did go along on Friday to meet her friend, won't that be an odd conversation? Hi this is vorbis, oh yeah we met off craigslist there last week. Is this considered standard these days?

 

[vorbis]

just saw your second post there window.
Contact has been good overall. I was down at a casino last weekend. She mentioned in an email at the weekend that I was to buy her a drink if I won big.
She's def being friendly. I felt I made a mistake on the date by not leading it more. Should I have cut off the date earlier or suggested something else.

My subway stop was right next to the coffee shop. We basically just walked there, hugged and said good night. It was a bit too public to go in for a kiss.

 

[window]

I dont think you made any mistakes except for perhaps staying too long...remember this is a stranger you've never met before. Just tell her you cant make Fri (give no reason even if she asks) then perhaps give her a call in a weeks time.

 

[muscleman]

Your gut is telling you all the right things - it's rarely wrong. You didn't escalate enough.

2 hours in a coffee shop and no kiss close even ... sounds very platonic to me. In her eyes you're either not interested or didn't have the balls to show your interest.

IMO not much you can do with this one. Learn & move on. If by some miracle she wants to see you, arrange it on your terms - but this is unlikely. For the future, be more aggressive and "make the ho say no".

 

[Sinistar]

Her counter offer snatched the frame back - did you notice this? You are now wondering what to do, what actions to take, how things will be read, etc. She's busy living life, swimming in your attention and meanwhile you're expending energy in her favor.

You need to get the frame back (if you can). You should be keeping contact almost to zilch at this point. And your best bet is to actually have other plans, go out and do those other things and not contact her at all. Let her respond to that (aloofness).

If she does contact you again (before or after) about the "friendly' get together kid with her and tell her something like "Hey I need to get to know a girl better before I introduce her to my friends". That communicates a couple of things. First, that you clearly own the frame and are making the decisions for both of you. Second, it almost overtly tells her you are interested in dating, not friendship (she will read "get to know" = s3x).

Whatever you do, do not tell her what you are doing over the weekend (or what you did) - especially if you are making it up. Women are the masters at reading incongruence. Just let her fill in the blanks because she hasn't known you long enough to expect any details.

Re: Friends learning you met on Craigslist. You're a MAN right? WTF to you care what other people think. Plus, you can have fun with it. Tell them you were looking for (insert something stupid here like a Coffee Maker) and they wouldn't come down on the price but she did so you asked her out instead. Use humor, use humor all the time.

And yes, she does now that a guy trying to meet her on Craigslist (or Match or the grocery store or the church or work) is really after just one thing and it isn't friendship. Friendship is just her easiest play for frame control.

On last thing. From your few posts it sounds like you exchanged too many emails - that's probably worse than not keeping the first date short and going for a kiss.

 

[MatureDJ]

Did you two speak in Gaelic?

 

[jophil28]

Her counter offer snatched the frame back - did you notice this? You are now wondering what to do, what actions to take, how things will be read, etc. She's busy living life, swimming in your attention and meanwhile you're expending energy in her favor.

THis is good advice from Sinistar. My thoughts exactly. However just because a woman makes a grab for the frame does not compel you to snatch it back immediately. Let it float around until the right moment to gain repossession. The idea is to go for maximum impact.

I am going to toss another POV at you all. Perhaps she is so impressed with Vorbis that she wants to parade him in front of her friends ?
I would go along with the Friday bar meet up , be all charming and funny and after an hour whisper in her ear "Lets get out of here in 10 minutes. ".
IF she has high IL in you she will comply, IF she bluntly refuses, excuse yourself and go out with your boys and then lose her number.
Unlees you run a test on her like this you will never know what she is thinking .

 

[trent81]

Why don't you tell her to go fuvk her plans and make your own. Just say "nah, let's go get some drinks instead.". When she asks why you say "You are complete stranger, why would I introduce you to my friends when i don't even know you that well". Be aggressive.

 

[trent81]

And stop using words such as Kino, IL, and whatever the fuvk else you use. It's stupid. BE AGGRESSIVE. Stop being a bitvch. When you don't want to do something you don't do it. Period. It's your way or the highway. NEXT!

 

[vorbis]

update: I ended up blowing her off last Friday. Even leaving aside the craigslist angle, I still thought it was too soon to be meeting each others friends.

So I rang her last Sunday evening and she seemed like she was blowing me off. Said she didn't have much time to talk as she was studying for an exam on Monday evening. I didn't make any plans with her but told her to call me on Monday evening after her exam. At this point I thought that it was done.

On Monday evening though I get a text from her saying her exams were over and asking me what I was doing on Thursday night. I texted back saying that we should go for drinks on Thursday. She's agreed to that so we'll see how that goes. I'm going to make a move of some sort to clear up the confusion.

Btw trent81, I use those terms here as thats the lingo of this place. Chill out a bit, the choice of words is meaningless.

Thanks for everyone's help so far.

 

[The Champ]

To answer the thread title; you're not going to do to anything with this one. Take it from an online pro.

Find a new one, this one is over.

 

[vorbis]

Why such a strong response?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Because you're too in your own head right now. She'll sense it when you two meet up. By some miracle if you stay confident, with a take or leave attitude something MIGHT happen. You'll be too worried about whether she's interested or not. Just do it, go in for the kill and if she rejects you it'll save you the trouble of wondering further down the road.

 

[The Champ]

Why such a strong response?

Strike when the iron is hot.

 

[vorbis]

That's what I just said ThunderMaverick?? I am going to make a move tomorrow night.

 

[vorbis]

update:
So 45 minutes before our date on Thursday, she texts me asking to change the location to a bar that is nearer her house. It would be 10 minutes extra travel time for me. I as 50:50 on whether to push back on this but decided to let it slide.

So I turn up (a bit late due to this) and this has a lot more of a date vibe. More touching and suggestive remarks. For example, I mentioned I am a night person and she said since she's a morning person she would force me to get out of bed. At one point, she thought I had got her confused with another girl and making remarks like you can't tell the girls apart. I really wasn't sure what she got confused about so just played along with it.

I teased her a lot about changing the bar. She admitted that she would have caved if I had pushed back on it. She wanted somewhere closer to her as it was cold. I tried to convey that it wasn't big enough an issue for me to argue over. I won't let her pull that a second time. Besides that, she didn't exhibit any other diva like behavior. We've been splitting the bill so far 50:50.

Pushed going back to her place but ended up getting a kiss. Still though, my main aim was to see where I stood and I met that. Things seem to be progressing so hopefully I'll bang her next time.

 

[Tazman]

Pushed going back to her place but ended up getting a kiss. Still though, my main aim was to see where I stood and I met that. Things seem to be progressing so hopefully I'll bang her next time.

I think having this mentality is going to make you look desperate. Especially when you say things like "hopefully I'll bang her next time".

You've done your job as a man and came out with a kiss. I wouldn't do any more pushing unless she makes it easy or even suggests you guys get more comfortable (in that all too familiar covert way).

This is one of the negatives that come with not having multiple options (correct me if I'm wrong), you start putting up with women who try to string you along and/or play hard to get. She also through a sh-t test at you, which although isn't a huge deal, you didn't pass. She even told you that if you didn't budge on the idea of driving further she would've caved. Telling you that she wanted to be closer to home because it was cold? What, she has no heat in her car?

Don't chase this chick anymore, ball is in her court.