"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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forgive ex?

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Swede54

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My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Swede54
My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.
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Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.
 
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Swede54

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Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.
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so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Fenderules

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yeah he summed it up. and if you really really need to vent........ then do it and tell her everything. then move on. if she screwed you over, you dont owe any favors
 
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NewMan

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Perhaps you see her - but you don't have to bother with her.

Forget the past. Move on. Ignore her.
 
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Swede54

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i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.
 
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Wyldfire

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Re: Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Swede54
so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?
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That's up to you, really. The important thing to remember is that forgiving people has very little to do with making them feel better...it's all about making YOU feel better and muster the ability to move on and let it go. If you feel that you have to tell them you have forgiven them, then do so. If you don't feel like you have to do that, then don't. It's not going to make a bit of difference to them either way. Just do what's easier and more productive for yourself.
 
Desdinova

Desdinova

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i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her.
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There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Parsifal

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Originally posted by Swede54
i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.
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I experienced the same with an ex gf once, I hated her for some time and then I decided to forgive her. This helped for me:

I wrote an email to her in which I told her how I felt and that I was about to forgive her.

I didn't send the email, though! Typing those words made me feel more comfortable, and after some time writing that email I didn't care what she thought about it anymore.

So I guess just forgive her, write it down - and forget about her.
 
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belividere

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is she apologizing? I'd forgive an ex who gave me a heartfelt apology. Forgiving just to forgive though. All you're going to do is give her a way to justify her actions and then not feel bad about doing them. How does this make you feel better. Your hatred will wear thin and eventually fade. Ignore her and dont succumb to chumpdom.
 
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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Desdinova
There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.
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Loving yourself enough to forgive others most definitely DOES make you feel better...IF you actually forgive. When you forgive someone it MUST be done for yourself, NOT for anyone else. You don't have to tell the person you forgive them, but if you let go of the hurt and anger you're carrying around in your heart and really forgive you WILL feel 100% better.
 
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