"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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forgive ex?

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Swede54

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My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Swede54
My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.
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Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.
 
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Swede54

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Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.
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so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Fenderules

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yeah he summed it up. and if you really really need to vent........ then do it and tell her everything. then move on. if she screwed you over, you dont owe any favors
 
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NewMan

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Perhaps you see her - but you don't have to bother with her.

Forget the past. Move on. Ignore her.
 
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Swede54

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i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.
 
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Wyldfire

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Re: Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Swede54
so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?
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That's up to you, really. The important thing to remember is that forgiving people has very little to do with making them feel better...it's all about making YOU feel better and muster the ability to move on and let it go. If you feel that you have to tell them you have forgiven them, then do so. If you don't feel like you have to do that, then don't. It's not going to make a bit of difference to them either way. Just do what's easier and more productive for yourself.
 
Desdinova

Desdinova

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i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her.
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There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Parsifal

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Originally posted by Swede54
i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.
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I experienced the same with an ex gf once, I hated her for some time and then I decided to forgive her. This helped for me:

I wrote an email to her in which I told her how I felt and that I was about to forgive her.

I didn't send the email, though! Typing those words made me feel more comfortable, and after some time writing that email I didn't care what she thought about it anymore.

So I guess just forgive her, write it down - and forget about her.
 
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belividere

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is she apologizing? I'd forgive an ex who gave me a heartfelt apology. Forgiving just to forgive though. All you're going to do is give her a way to justify her actions and then not feel bad about doing them. How does this make you feel better. Your hatred will wear thin and eventually fade. Ignore her and dont succumb to chumpdom.
 
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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Desdinova
There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.
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Loving yourself enough to forgive others most definitely DOES make you feel better...IF you actually forgive. When you forgive someone it MUST be done for yourself, NOT for anyone else. You don't have to tell the person you forgive them, but if you let go of the hurt and anger you're carrying around in your heart and really forgive you WILL feel 100% better.
 
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