forgive ex?

[Swede54]

My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.

 

[Desdinova]

Ever try forgetting about her?

 

[Swede54]

Originally posted by Desdinova
Ever try forgetting about her?

all the time, but i have to see her at school yay.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Swede54
My ex has done alot of ****ed up things to me in my time. But lately ive been hating her with a passion. But it seems to me hating her is actually worse on my mind than forgiving her and being a neutral, friend im not sure what to do.

Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.

 

[Swede54]

Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Forgiveness is a gift you give to YOURSELF. If you hold a grudge and remain angry at another person it doesn't affect or punish them...they just go about their merry way and enjoy their life. You, however, are left stewing in your own negatively fueled juice, distracted by those bad feelings. This is the worst possible thing to do to yourself if someone did wrong by you. It's the equivalent of punishing yourself for being screwed over. Don't do that to yourself.

Forgive those who do wrong by you, but only in your own mind. They will not let the fact that they were an a$$hole to you affect their life in a negative way, and being mad at them does no harm to them at all...it only harms you.

so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?

 

[Fenderules]

yeah he summed it up. and if you really really need to vent........ then do it and tell her everything. then move on. if she screwed you over, you dont owe any favors

 

[NewMan]

Perhaps you see her - but you don't have to bother with her.

Forget the past. Move on. Ignore her.

 

[Swede54]

i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: forgive ex?

Originally posted by Swede54
so i should forgive them, but not let them know i forgive them?

That's up to you, really. The important thing to remember is that forgiving people has very little to do with making them feel better...it's all about making YOU feel better and muster the ability to move on and let it go. If you feel that you have to tell them you have forgiven them, then do so. If you don't feel like you have to do that, then don't. It's not going to make a bit of difference to them either way. Just do what's easier and more productive for yourself.

 

[Desdinova]

i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her.

There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.

 

[Parsifal]

Originally posted by Swede54
i was thinking about writting her a email saying i forgive her. Then just dropping it at that.

I experienced the same with an ex gf once, I hated her for some time and then I decided to forgive her. This helped for me:

I wrote an email to her in which I told her how I felt and that I was about to forgive her.

I didn't send the email, though! Typing those words made me feel more comfortable, and after some time writing that email I didn't care what she thought about it anymore.

So I guess just forgive her, write it down - and forget about her.

 

[belividere]

is she apologizing? I'd forgive an ex who gave me a heartfelt apology. Forgiving just to forgive though. All you're going to do is give her a way to justify her actions and then not feel bad about doing them. How does this make you feel better. Your hatred will wear thin and eventually fade. Ignore her and dont succumb to chumpdom.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Desdinova
There are no laws saying you have to forgive anyone. In fact, it may do more damage if you do send that email. Things will drag out even longer, and you'll probably get an email saying "I'm not sure what you meant by sending me this" You have no choice but to see her everyday, so just focus your energy on ignoring her and getting other women.

Forgiving someone doesn't fix the past, nor does it make you feel any better. All you're doing is excusing her previous actions because it's "the right thing to do" according to society. You're still gonna fvcking hate all the 5hit she did, but those memories and feelings will fade as time passes.

Loving yourself enough to forgive others most definitely DOES make you feel better...IF you actually forgive. When you forgive someone it MUST be done for yourself, NOT for anyone else. You don't have to tell the person you forgive them, but if you let go of the hurt and anger you're carrying around in your heart and really forgive you WILL feel 100% better.

 

[cave dweller]

do?????

Hey,

What did she do to you?

cave dweller