Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
I totally disagree with this.JPFromTally said:Some ethnicities tend to complain more and tip way less. So if there is a predominance of them in your geographic area then you will be frustrated quickly working at this type of establishment.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
To address the last issue first: I work at the best restaurant in town. I have no control over the fact that the best restaurant in town is a chain steakhouse. We have the best waitstaff in town, no question.cpddavis said:Aaron
Look, some black and hispanic people are decent tippers. But generally, it isn't something their culture places much importance on. I've waited a ****-ton of tables in my life and talked about this with countless servers. I don't know a single one who would disagree with me on this, including black and hispanic waiters. Additionally, men are better tippers than women and most college kids are terrible (regardless of ethnicity).
Additional piece of advice: Don't wait tables at chain restaurants. Tips suck there. Find a popular local place that people like to drink at a lot. You'll have better luck, meet cooler service industry people.