First time being cheated on

[JonnyD123]

Really never thought it would happen. Been dating this broad for about 8 months. I'm 30, she's 25. Gave her good sex, was never needy, only committed after she brought up exclusivity. The red flags were there however. Something didn't feel right, just shows that you always trust your gut instinct. Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

 

[bigneil]

You were expecting instant monogamy in 2017? You need to go back to 1947 for that.

Multiple men over 3-4 months? You mean 2 men, 120 days apart? She's a saint.

 

[sazc]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been cheated on a few times too. The one thing I have always known in my heart, is that cheating is caused by a major character flaw in THE OTHER person. You did nothing wrong to cause it. Its her issues and baggage that caused it.

 

[bigneil]

What sazc says would be true if you defined the terms of your "commitment".

 

[sazc]

What sazc says would be true if you defined the terms of your "commitment".

@bigneil his op said she brought up being exclusive and she agreed. Why don't you stop bashing him? Get on the hypergamy or monkey branch rhetoric train at least....

 

[bigneil]

You need to be her best option. If she found someone she liked better, whose fault is that?

 

[JonnyD123]

What sazc says would be true if you defined the terms of your "commitment".

What part of exclusivity is confusing to you?

 

[JonnyD123]

.. what red flags did she display yet you missed?

Lack of respect, game playing, poor communication. She still put out on the regular though, in fact, nearly always initiated. Who knows. Could be a sex addict?

 

[sazc]

Lack of respect, game playing, poor communication. She still put out on the regular though, in fact, nearly always initiated. Who knows. Could be a sex addict?

Well, okay....I'm going to suggest that you need to raise your standards when it comes to females that you are exclusive with. Expect that they are going to behave as an adult.
When a female starts the game playing, etc, ASK her WTF is going on. If she tries to deny it is occurring, relegate her to plate status and start looking for other females.

 

[El Payaso]

Humans suck. That's all you need to know.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Show indifference, don't let her see you emotionally hurt. (Thats what your buddies are for)
Don't create drama, just smile and say "OK" this will hurt her ego alot, if you create drama she will pity you and disrespect you.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Only solution is to always have one foot out the door and never trust a woman fully. That way you expect the unexpected and there are no surprises.

Guard your emotions like your checkbook. You'll be alright for next time if you are always just a bit more detached from the relationship than she is.

 

[JonnyD123]

Jonny, don't worry about big neil for now. Look at yourself, and examine how you allowed this woman into your life.

Much respect

1. does this woman have a stable father in her life? Yes.

2. did you ask her enough questions about her previous relationship history? Yes.


3. Are her dates inconsistent? No. However, I feel like she didn't tell me everything.

4. What is her attitude on sex? Loves it. Probably the hardest reason to let her go. Sex was amazing.
Has she had a lot of partners? What do you consider a lot? I don't know an exact number, but I would say 6 for sure I know about. Does she enjoy participating in threesomes? She has had a threesome before. not with me.

5. Have you caught her in lies or avoiding you? Caught her going through my phone. She denied it, eventually admitted to it.

6. Does she seem manipulative or try to control you through sex or other means? Mainly just game playing/pettyness.

7. Does she freak out disproportionately over issues that don't seem like a big deal to you? No. She refuses to talk about a lot of things.

 

[bigneil]

What part of exclusivity is confusing to you?

What part about it has to be her decision do you not understand?

 

[devilkingx2]

Her having had a threesome is a HUGE red flag.

like how food that tastes good is a huge red flag for unhealthiness?

 

[Desdinova]

Multiple men over a 3-4 month period.

Yup, some cvnts just broadside you with this stuff. I had that happen once as well. This is what caused me to have a no tolerance policy on male friends when I'm in an exclusive relationship. If my attention isn't enough for her, then NONE of my attention is good enough for her.

This 5hit happens. It was only 8 months, so it shouldn't take too long to recover from that. I generally don't expect much within the first year from any woman.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Multiple men over a 3-4 month period. Girl is damaged goods, doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just reaching out here, anything y'all have to say helps. I'm not going back to her.

Why did you commit to her before making her drop her men?

When she asks to be the boyfriend, you tell her to drop everyone. All men. Exes. Male friends. Everyone. If she so much as hesitates you tell her to keep things the way they are. Repeat until she drops them all. If she lies, that means she was a low integrity trash bag and you shouldn't be dating her anyway.

 

[EyeBRollin]

A woman like this who cheats would have said "ok sure I'll drop them all" but she would have gone on seeing them anyway behind her boyfriend's back. You can't control slvts like this, they're gonna do what they want to do.

OP should have dropped this girl completely, or at least reduced her to the status of a fvck buddy if he had no feelings for her, as soon as he found out she had had a threesome.

Slvts are gonna be slvts, that's just the way it is. Can't blame the scorpion for stinging you, that's just it's nature.

She's the wrong chick but you at least have to try your hand at negotiating. If she doesn't want to drop her men it's pretty clear she doesn't value the OP. If she flat out lies, she's a low integrity slvt and she's out.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I hear what you're saying but this woman agreed to be exclusive when the OP asked her only to cheat anyway. She's type of woman who makes agreements only to break them. She would have agreed to stop messaging other dudes only to fvck them behind the OP's back anyway.

Usually with women being straightforward just doesn't work. You have to find out their true nature subtly by asking her questions about her past. The threesome was a pretty dead giveaway lol

We don't know how much of it is her nature and how much of it is respect. Men have to make women work. Women want to earn love. OP brings it up from the jump all of a sudden she has to make a decision. Women don't lie... men don't listen. She didn't like the OP enough. A woman in love doesn't cheat.

 

[EyeBRollin]

And this is why I don't set boundaries anymore, you are gouging your own eyes out basically.

How do you figure? What kind of attitude is that? You must set your boundaries and dare her to push them. If she values you, she won't cross them.