First Date/Second Base - Salvageable?

[Tony197]

So much to my disappointment/confusion, my last few first dates went great, but they ghosted before the second date. The 'ol self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit. These were cold pickups and OLD, so no big. This newest girl I know personally, so I'd like to avoid the ghosting fate.

She invited me out, twice. The first time she flaked at the last minute, so I went cold. She texted me 9 days later asking me out again. So we went to a bar, went dutch, went back to her apartment, and made it to 2nd base. Attempted to escalate, but she put the kibosh on that (sorry guys, not going past "no"). Otherwise, awesome time.

I went home after midnight and texted a witty comment. She flirtatiously replied back. I wished her goodnight. That was it. That evening, like 4:30pm, I texted her again, referencing something we talked about. She texted back.

Two days later, I texted her in the morning, asking a question. Nothing. She's not replied before, but never to a direct question.

Some deets - she's recently out of a LTR, "doesn't want to rush things", may think I'm a player only after sex. I can tell she's had a crush on me for years. During makeout session I playfully told her I've liked her awhile.

Yes, I know the answer is and always will be "spin plates", but in the meantime, is this at all salvageable? Next steps?

 

[AlphaNate]

You openly admitted you're confused. Girls with high IL won't confuse you. Thinking you're a player does not negatively affect you, regardless of what you've heard.

Is it salvageable? Maybe. Is it worth your time? Nope.

 

[Tony197]

You openly admitted you're confused. Girls with high IL won't confuse you.

Counterpoint - girls play games too in order to protect their rep/ego/whatever - even with high IL.

Is it worth my time? No, you're right, probably not. But should I just go cold, or try again?

 

[lizardking82]

Counterpoint - girls play games too in order to protect their rep/ego/whatever - even with high IL.

Is it worth my time? No, you're right, probably not. But should I just go cold, or try again?

I can only tell you this. This girl has got you confused and uncomfortable. Do you wanna feel like that? If the answer is yes, it is useless continuing the convo here. But since the answer is probably no, try something different, will ya? Like... not texting her first. Let her do the chasing. If she doesn't, she's not worth your time anyways.

Step 1: consider this one a done deal, put your mind at ease.
Step 2: go about your business (spin plates if you want, if not, spin some other activity/thing)

Can't go wrong with the 2 step plan up there and if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, either confront them about it, or leave.

 

[AlphaNate]

Counterpoint - girls play games too in order to protect their rep/ego/whatever - even with high IL.

Those games don't confuse me. Do they confuse you?

 

[marmel75]

So much to my disappointment/confusion, my last few first dates went great, but they ghosted before the second date. The 'ol self-esteem has taken a bit of a hit. These were cold pickups and OLD, so no big. This newest girl I know personally, so I'd like to avoid the ghosting fate.

She invited me out, twice. The first time she flaked at the last minute, so I went cold. She texted me 9 days later asking me out again. So we went to a bar, went dutch, went back to her apartment, and made it to 2nd base. Attempted to escalate, but she put the kibosh on that (sorry guys, not going past "no"). Otherwise, awesome time.

I went home after midnight and texted a witty comment. She flirtatiously replied back. I wished her goodnight. That was it. That evening, like 4:30pm, I texted her again, referencing something we talked about. She texted back.

Two days later, I texted her in the morning, asking a question. Nothing. She's not replied before, but never to a direct question.

Some deets - she's recently out of a LTR, "doesn't want to rush things", may think I'm a player only after sex. I can tell she's had a crush on me for years. During makeout session I playfully told her I've liked her awhile.

Yes, I know the answer is and always will be "spin plates", but in the meantime, is this at all salvageable? Next steps?

Too much too soon...relax, don't be so needy

 

[Tony197]

I can only tell you this. This girl has got you confused and uncomfortable. Do you wanna feel like that? If the answer is yes, it is useless continuing the convo here. But since the answer is probably no, try something different, will ya? Like... not texting her first. Let her do the chasing. If she doesn't, she's not worth your time anyways.

Step 1: consider this one a done deal, put your mind at ease.
Step 2: go about your business (spin plates if you want, if not, spin some other activity/thing)

Can't go wrong with the 2 step plan up there and if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, either confront them about it, or leave.

So pretend I have no idea what I'm doing (actually, don't pretend, looks like it's 100% true). Your advice is to just back off, and if she initiates, great? Otherwise, don't contact?

I just don't see what I keep doing wrong. I've had a string of great first dates and I merely text the next day, and then ghost.

 

[ubercat]

So experiment try texting 2 days later or not at all. You have got too much ego in the game. Chicks are incredibly random in the early stages of Dating most of the time why she disappears has nothing to do with you. Many chicks are crazy, entitled, and just plain annoying. Your brilliant smile and winning personality won't fix them.

 

[lizardking82]

So pretend I have no idea what I'm doing (actually, don't pretend, looks like it's 100% true). Your advice is to just back off, and if she initiates, great? Otherwise, don't contact?

I just don't see what I keep doing wrong. I've had a string of great first dates and I merely text the next day, and then ghost.

For starters, don't text the next day. Let her/them initiate contact first. If she does, you got considerable IL right there. To follow that up, for your own mind's and emotions' sake, do not get so much involved with any chick before a good couple of months have gone by and even then, tread carefully.