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First-date questions: go for the hand-hold when walking into a venue?

Driven2Sin

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I'm fresh out of a 6 year long-term relationship and am rusty on dating. I have a date (dinner followed by drinks at a comedy club) this coming Friday night with an 8.5 I met on a dating site. I imagine she is bombarded with messages everyday. My approach in getting her number and the date has been confident and direct--a man with a plan. Though I tend to be a bit shy so in person I will really need to step out of my shell a bit.

Here's the evolution of our interaction:
-day 1: I contacted her first expressing my interest
-day 2: she replied with a playful comment about my profile
-day 2-3: we exchanged a few rounds of 'get to know you' messages
-day 4: I gave her my number
-day 5: no communication between us
-day 6: She gives me her number; I text her that night--no reply
-day 7: I text her again--no reply
-day 8: I go no contact
-day 9: I go no contact
-day 10: I message her on the dating site and TELL her I want to see her for dinner, drinks, and something fun afterwards
-day 11: She replies to my message and says "possibly, what did you have in mind and when?" ; I tell her the plan for the evening for a Friday night (she's a school teacher so I wanted to avoid a weeknight) ; she replies "done. here's my number"

My questions:

1) on the dinner date, should I reach for and hold her hand as we walk?

-my thoughts are its a pretty forward move but if done confidently it can quickly establish connection, comfort, and sets the tone that you're not a potential friend but rather a potential lover; in my opinion it also says 'hey you're with me tonight'

2) what about all the other white knight chivalry moves, such as opening her car door, pulling out her chair? Yay or nay?

-I don't know if this is over the top, I mean how long can you keep that up? It seems weird to do it all the time, thus it kind of seems cheesey then to do it for the first-date.

3) On a first-date, meet somewhere or pick her up at her place?

-keeping in line with confident, direct, and a man with a plan, I lean towards TELLING (not asking) her that I'll pick her up at so and so time, which will require her giving me her address. We met online so I'm not sure if she would be uncomfortable with that idea.

4) If I pick her up, when the evening is done and I drop her off, do I walk her to her door?

-I know this seems like a lame question, but I'm rusty on dating.

5) In your estimation, what is her level of interest in me at the moment?

-I have my foot in the door, but getting a strong read on her has been a challenge since she didn't reply to my texts but has given me her number twice and said yes to the date. I mean she must be attracted to me physically, right?...after all we've met on a dating site so pictures are what you go off of. If so, knowing that gives me confidence to establish Kino and escalate as the date progresses.
 

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PrettyBoyAJ

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Get ready for a flake or a girl who wants a free meal. There's no such thing as going no contact and then contacting her on the dating site. Don't be so thirsty my boy.
 

Driven2Sin

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PrettyBoyAJ said:
Get ready for a flake or a girl who wants a free meal
Really, you think that? She might flake, who knows, but it seems like a painful way to get a free meal.
 

Konada

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Always expect a girl to flake, especially with a nonchalant reply like the one you mentioned.
 

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Iceberg

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Driven2Sin said:
Any advice guys?

My advice is - You're freshly out of a long relationship, so it'll be hard for you to accept that most girls you're dating will NOT become your girlfriend.

So the whole "Dinner date, holding hands" thing....reserve that for a girl who's actually EARNED your affection. We're talking about a first date with a girl you only know from online. A couple drinks would do the trick. These are words to live by: Drinks = sex. Dinner = sleep.


RE: White Knight, chivalry moves

No. Don't do that stuff. I mean, if it's natural, do it. Like if you're walking a step ahead of her towards a door, then open it for her. But don't try to be all "Look how caring I am, pulling out chairs for you." That sh*t sounds nice in magazine articles, but no, it won't make a girl wet.

RE: Pick her up at her place vs. meet her somewhere

Just meet her somewhere. It's easier.


RE: Walking her to her door

Haha. Where are you getting these ideas? From movies made in the 1940's? I'm just busting your chops, but come on.

RE: Her level of interest

If you had to text her like 10 times, AND send her an email just to get a respons.....what do you think her level of interest is? You're a smart guy.
 

Iceberg

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double post
 

Jariel

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Iceberg said:
My advice is - You're freshly out of a long relationship, so it'll be hard for you to accept that most girls you're dating will NOT become your girlfriend.

So the whole "Dinner date, holding hands" thing....reserve that for a girl who's actually EARNED your affection. We're talking about a first date with a girl you only know from online. A couple drinks would do the trick. These are words to live by: Drinks = sex. Dinner = sleep.


RE: White Knight, chivalry moves

No. Don't do that stuff. I mean, if it's natural, do it. Like if you're walking a step ahead of her towards a door, then open it for her. But don't try to be all "Look how caring I am, pulling out chairs for you." That sh*t sounds nice in magazine articles, but no, it won't make a girl wet.

RE: Pick her up at her place vs. meet her somewhere

Just meet her somewhere. It's easier.


RE: Walking her to her door

Haha. Where are you getting these ideas? From movies made in the 1940's? I'm just busting your chops, but come on.

RE: Her level of interest

If you had to text her like 10 times, AND send her an email just to get a respons.....what do you think her level of interest is? You're a smart guy.

Agreed!

The holding hands thing is a huge no on a first date. It's too forward, too clingy and will scare her off. That's more of a girlfriend/boyfriend thing.
 

Driven2Sin

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Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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ENIGMA16

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Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK.
You left a vm for a flake and even texted her the next night? WTF were you thinking?
 

the_stig

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Driven2Sin said:
Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
Welcome to online dating. Let the drama and games begin.
 

Driven2Sin

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ENIGMA16 said:
You left a vm for a flake and even texted her the next night? WTF were you thinking?
I was making her $hit or get off the pot. I have my answer.
 

ezio

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Driven2Sin said:
Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
sorry she flaked on you but you've to develop a tough skin if you wanna continue dating.thanks to technology girls have lots of guys vying for their attention so they tend to flake alot. tip: next time try to gauge the interest level of the girl. if you observe low interest from her, then you know what to expect. constantly trying to call, text etc when its obvious she's not interested makes you look thirsty
 

Driven2Sin

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ezio said:
sorry she flaked on you but you've to develop a tough skin if you wanna continue dating.thanks to technology girls have lots of guys vying for their attention so they tend to flake alot. tip: next time try to gauge the interest level of the girl. if you observe low interest from her, then you know what to expect. constantly trying to call, text etc when its obvious she's not interested makes you look thirsty
Thanks for the advice.

I know texting her one night after leaving her a voice mail wasn't the strongest play. But if she was going to flake I'd rather know sooner rather than later so that I can try and line something else up for Friday night rather than sit at home alone because she stood me up at the last minute.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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