"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Read more...

First-date questions: go for the hand-hold when walking into a venue?

Driven2Sin

New Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
I'm fresh out of a 6 year long-term relationship and am rusty on dating. I have a date (dinner followed by drinks at a comedy club) this coming Friday night with an 8.5 I met on a dating site. I imagine she is bombarded with messages everyday. My approach in getting her number and the date has been confident and direct--a man with a plan. Though I tend to be a bit shy so in person I will really need to step out of my shell a bit.

Here's the evolution of our interaction:
-day 1: I contacted her first expressing my interest
-day 2: she replied with a playful comment about my profile
-day 2-3: we exchanged a few rounds of 'get to know you' messages
-day 4: I gave her my number
-day 5: no communication between us
-day 6: She gives me her number; I text her that night--no reply
-day 7: I text her again--no reply
-day 8: I go no contact
-day 9: I go no contact
-day 10: I message her on the dating site and TELL her I want to see her for dinner, drinks, and something fun afterwards
-day 11: She replies to my message and says "possibly, what did you have in mind and when?" ; I tell her the plan for the evening for a Friday night (she's a school teacher so I wanted to avoid a weeknight) ; she replies "done. here's my number"

My questions:

1) on the dinner date, should I reach for and hold her hand as we walk?

-my thoughts are its a pretty forward move but if done confidently it can quickly establish connection, comfort, and sets the tone that you're not a potential friend but rather a potential lover; in my opinion it also says 'hey you're with me tonight'

2) what about all the other white knight chivalry moves, such as opening her car door, pulling out her chair? Yay or nay?

-I don't know if this is over the top, I mean how long can you keep that up? It seems weird to do it all the time, thus it kind of seems cheesey then to do it for the first-date.

3) On a first-date, meet somewhere or pick her up at her place?

-keeping in line with confident, direct, and a man with a plan, I lean towards TELLING (not asking) her that I'll pick her up at so and so time, which will require her giving me her address. We met online so I'm not sure if she would be uncomfortable with that idea.

4) If I pick her up, when the evening is done and I drop her off, do I walk her to her door?

-I know this seems like a lame question, but I'm rusty on dating.

5) In your estimation, what is her level of interest in me at the moment?

-I have my foot in the door, but getting a strong read on her has been a challenge since she didn't reply to my texts but has given me her number twice and said yes to the date. I mean she must be attracted to me physically, right?...after all we've met on a dating site so pictures are what you go off of. If so, knowing that gives me confidence to establish Kino and escalate as the date progresses.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

PrettyBoyAJ

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 19, 2010
Messages
2,584
Reaction score
339
Age
36
Location
Atlanta
Get ready for a flake or a girl who wants a free meal. There's no such thing as going no contact and then contacting her on the dating site. Don't be so thirsty my boy.
 

Driven2Sin

New Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
PrettyBoyAJ said:
Get ready for a flake or a girl who wants a free meal
Really, you think that? She might flake, who knows, but it seems like a painful way to get a free meal.
 

Konada

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 28, 2011
Messages
1,228
Reaction score
648
Always expect a girl to flake, especially with a nonchalant reply like the one you mentioned.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

Iceberg

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 19, 2002
Messages
3,110
Reaction score
136
Age
45
Location
Manhattan, NY
Driven2Sin said:
Any advice guys?

My advice is - You're freshly out of a long relationship, so it'll be hard for you to accept that most girls you're dating will NOT become your girlfriend.

So the whole "Dinner date, holding hands" thing....reserve that for a girl who's actually EARNED your affection. We're talking about a first date with a girl you only know from online. A couple drinks would do the trick. These are words to live by: Drinks = sex. Dinner = sleep.


RE: White Knight, chivalry moves

No. Don't do that stuff. I mean, if it's natural, do it. Like if you're walking a step ahead of her towards a door, then open it for her. But don't try to be all "Look how caring I am, pulling out chairs for you." That sh*t sounds nice in magazine articles, but no, it won't make a girl wet.

RE: Pick her up at her place vs. meet her somewhere

Just meet her somewhere. It's easier.


RE: Walking her to her door

Haha. Where are you getting these ideas? From movies made in the 1940's? I'm just busting your chops, but come on.

RE: Her level of interest

If you had to text her like 10 times, AND send her an email just to get a respons.....what do you think her level of interest is? You're a smart guy.
 

Iceberg

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 19, 2002
Messages
3,110
Reaction score
136
Age
45
Location
Manhattan, NY
double post
 

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,413
Reaction score
297
Location
UK
Iceberg said:
My advice is - You're freshly out of a long relationship, so it'll be hard for you to accept that most girls you're dating will NOT become your girlfriend.

So the whole "Dinner date, holding hands" thing....reserve that for a girl who's actually EARNED your affection. We're talking about a first date with a girl you only know from online. A couple drinks would do the trick. These are words to live by: Drinks = sex. Dinner = sleep.


RE: White Knight, chivalry moves

No. Don't do that stuff. I mean, if it's natural, do it. Like if you're walking a step ahead of her towards a door, then open it for her. But don't try to be all "Look how caring I am, pulling out chairs for you." That sh*t sounds nice in magazine articles, but no, it won't make a girl wet.

RE: Pick her up at her place vs. meet her somewhere

Just meet her somewhere. It's easier.


RE: Walking her to her door

Haha. Where are you getting these ideas? From movies made in the 1940's? I'm just busting your chops, but come on.

RE: Her level of interest

If you had to text her like 10 times, AND send her an email just to get a respons.....what do you think her level of interest is? You're a smart guy.

Agreed!

The holding hands thing is a huge no on a first date. It's too forward, too clingy and will scare her off. That's more of a girlfriend/boyfriend thing.
 

Driven2Sin

New Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

Read more...

ENIGMA16

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
764
Reaction score
21
Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK.
You left a vm for a flake and even texted her the next night? WTF were you thinking?
 

the_stig

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
466
Reaction score
56
Location
Central Time Zone
Driven2Sin said:
Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
Welcome to online dating. Let the drama and games begin.
 

Driven2Sin

New Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
ENIGMA16 said:
You left a vm for a flake and even texted her the next night? WTF were you thinking?
I was making her $hit or get off the pot. I have my answer.
 

ezio

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 10, 2012
Messages
162
Reaction score
8
Driven2Sin said:
Yep she flaked.

Called her last night to confirm, no answer, I left a voice mail.

Texted her tonight and she acted all confused saying she thought I had texted her earlier in the week saying I was sick and to hold off on the date. Huh, WTF? She says she has and confirmed other plans as a result. OKKKKKK. :down:
sorry she flaked on you but you've to develop a tough skin if you wanna continue dating.thanks to technology girls have lots of guys vying for their attention so they tend to flake alot. tip: next time try to gauge the interest level of the girl. if you observe low interest from her, then you know what to expect. constantly trying to call, text etc when its obvious she's not interested makes you look thirsty
 

Driven2Sin

New Member
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
7
Reaction score
0
ezio said:
sorry she flaked on you but you've to develop a tough skin if you wanna continue dating.thanks to technology girls have lots of guys vying for their attention so they tend to flake alot. tip: next time try to gauge the interest level of the girl. if you observe low interest from her, then you know what to expect. constantly trying to call, text etc when its obvious she's not interested makes you look thirsty
Thanks for the advice.

I know texting her one night after leaving her a voice mail wasn't the strongest play. But if she was going to flake I'd rather know sooner rather than later so that I can try and line something else up for Friday night rather than sit at home alone because she stood me up at the last minute.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

Top