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First Date, no Bang or Kiss. Do I Next Her?

LARaiders85

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Not even a kiss is rare in 2020. Honestly, I wouldn't invest a lot in her, from now on just invite her over or to drinks nearby or whatnot. I can't bring myself to invest more when I'm not getting anything out of it.
 

2Rocky

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Last first date I had had a long leadup and I laid one on her the moment I got within arms reach. Set the tone right away.

For me to have a followup date there has to be a physical attraction undertone.

Come to think of it, there have been a number of interactions with women that resulted in kisses early on in the night. These weren't dates per se, but women I'd met at concerts,and bars and most likely danced with. The kiss itself was not an indicator of whether she would sleep with me though. If there wasn't some sexual tension, I'd lose interest.
 

death_wish. .

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i have a 3 strikes rule, after 3 dates and no sex im moving on.

you could have waited for a minute then start gently lightly coming onto her again , EASY. dont get too hott too quick.
wait 5 to 10 minutes and then start to touch her thigh again , or kiss her on the neck. sometimes girls wont just jump on the first attempt , they like a little aggression and push , A LITTLE, again take it easy , dont rape her. thats not what im saying
 

stringpuller

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It's normal for a decent chick to say no to a kiss and sex on the first date.
Is it? I think when they even have to tell you this something is already off.

Had more then 1 girl at the pad during my dating yours that were complete flakes upon first date escalation.
The logic doesn't match real life scenarios
 

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Mauser96

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Hey guys! I'll try to keep this brief. I had another date today. I had fun, but...

I was able to get this chick to my house and everything. After playing some pool, we were sitting on my bed listening to music. I lean in to kiss her, but she doesn't reciprocate. She says "no, you're going to have to wait for that."

Which is odd, since she seemed pretty high interest leading up to the date. She texted me a lot, and she even confirmed the date herself lol. "Are we still on for today?" Is the text that I got at 5 PM before we had our evening date.

I wanted to check against you guys' experience, have you ever dealt with chicks who won't kiss or fvck you on the first date? Is it true that some chicks just won't fvck you or even kiss you on that first date?

And do I just assume low interest and instantly next her? Or do I try again with another date with her later for the Bang(and work on my other options in the meantime of course, lol.)

I just wanted to get some more reference experience from you guys. Thanks!

Contrary to what you may have read here, getting laid on the first date is not the end all be all.

If a girl and I aren't having sex by date 3 or 4, then I lose interest. Not before.
 

Suave88

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Is it? I think when they even have to tell you this something is already off.

Had more then 1 girl at the pad during my dating yours that were complete flakes upon first date escalation.
The logic doesn't match real life scenarios
Yes, something is off in you, us, the guy, man. It is not off in the female. The only reason she will tell you that or oppose is because
1) Something is off in you
2) She is not a slut.
I had a girl who kissed me on our first date out, and I had another girl I kissed on our first date out. I fvcked the girl who kissed on our first date, on our second date. I never fvcked the girl I kissed on my our first date.
What logic? Your logic?
No decent female will go to bed to have sex with any man on a first date unless she is a slut for hire or a free slut.
I wouldn't marry her and I know you won't either.
What doen't add up is that she went to his house and nothing.
 
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stringpuller

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She is not a slut.
I dont believe in sluts as much these days. I tie slut behavior directly to how they value themselves. I didnt say it was the female but the guys game is off.
Situational awareness of the girls level of self value.

Sometimes you can push through it. Having her at your place without a prior escalation in my mind is not going to fly with a girl with self value.
The ones who had self esteem ejected.

The low hanging fruit were first night lays and or parking lot bangs.
I might have been misunderstood. I agree its the guy not reading and gaming the girl correctly.

There are exceptions but this seems to be a norm in most cases.

You said no girl will screw on first date.
Any women can have a ONS. To say they wont is pedalstalizing and giving her the "to pure" title. It may be minimal but its still in her. Just not the right guy and place.
 
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fastlife

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It's normal for a decent chick to say no to a kiss and sex on the first date. Don't be surprised if she never returns your texts and calls ever again. A decent woman interested in you wouldnot consent to you or anyone on a first date. Also, as far as a shyt test, she may have thought you were testing her and not the other way around. In my lifetime experience, only 2 girls wanted sex on our first date. I didn't marry either one.

Don't be surprised if you learn you just lost a high value chick. BTW, you asked about nexting her, she probably did that to you already. To me, you come across as needy and with a big cheesy dyck.
Lol. This is just flat out wrong. If you're living in the western world (and probably most everywhere else these days), you can pretty much assume that every girl you meet has fvcked a guy she just met/will fvck a guy she just met/or would be open to it in the right circumstances with the right guy. Sure, there might be extreme outliers based on religion or other hangups, but assuming that's the case here and that he's just forever lost access to a high value girl is how guys get played. And if she was they type of girl, she wouldn't have been comfortable chilling in his bed.

@nicksaiz65 Not a lot to go on here, but I'm going to just list the most common reasons stuff like this happens and you can figure out which applies to you (guessing it's probably a combo of #1, 2, and/or 3):
  • You're coming across as boyfriend material: If you're on the boyfriend track, girls won't sleep with you as quickly since relationship-minded guys are more likely to bail on girls they think are too slvtty and are more likely to invest. If this is the case, you need to proactively disqualify yourself as being boyfriend material--i.e. be a little rough around the edges, talk about other girls, tell her things about yourself like you're a free-spirit or you don't like being tied down, downplay any status or material wealth you have, etc.
  • You're not conveying enough sexual intent or nonjudgementalness: Kinda ties in with the above. But if you got her over on the pretext of just being a cool, social dude, then it's harder to transition to sleeping with her. College-aged girls are used to just hanging with dudes their age platonically. Or, if she goes to your school or is in your social circle, she may be worried about being judged. From the moment you meet a girl, you need to be working on conveying that you're a sexual guy and that you aren't judgemental--this can be introducing innuendo, casually talking about sex and relationships, proactively talking about how it's lame that all these guys think girls are these delicate creatures who don't have needs, etc., etc.
  • She's tired of being pumped and dumped or just wants a relationship. If this is an online girl, then this is super common. Or it could just be that all her friends are getting in relationships and right now a relationship is more valuable to her then sex. The problem with this is that you're just a plug-and-play part of this equation and you could be pretty much any guy who falls for this. The way to avoid this is when you're talking to a girl, say things like, "You're not one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend or whatever, are you?" or, again, disqualifying yourself as relationship material.
  • You're not building enough comfort. Basically, girls won't sleep with you if they don't feel like they know you. You have to be demonstrating your personality and actively conveying it, moving the convo beyond the superficial across a wide variety of topics. She also has to trust that you're cool with her boundaries, so usually I'll be a little too bold earlier on in the interaction or tease a little too hard so that I can back off and demonstrate that I'm capable of 1.) crossing the line and 2.) respecting boundaries when I do.
  • You're not qualifying her or making her feel special: Doubt this applies as much, since it's usually something that would come up after a kiss. But the flipside of all this, if you're coming across as a player type, is you need to let the girl know that you're not just sleeping with her because she's easy and available. I.e., if she tells you something about herself or you notice something you genuinely like about her, tell her.
  • She's genuinely inexperienced, super traditional, or has hangups about sex. Again, unless you're experienced enough to know the difference, I'd just assume that no girl you meet is a Madonna unicorn. Sure, there are some girls out there who are inexperienced or super religious or whatever, but not many once you're out of high school--and a lot of girls will play this card to manipulate guys into overinvesting. Also, those girls would say something before she was in your bed lol. Or sometimes girls will try to shut things down because they're on their periods or haven't shaved their legs or whatever. But usually that's something that would come up after the kiss.
So there you have it lol. Personally, I next girls like this, but I'm also proactively making sure that I'm taking care of things on my end and I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment, so I don't get hung up on girls that are overly relationship-oriented. I also don't deal with manipulation, which is what a lot of this stuff boils down to, and I'd rather spend my time with girls who are genuine and are confident enough to go for what they want. BUT if you're still learning the ropes and you dropped the ball somewhere on your end or you just had fun hanging out with her, then there's no harm in hanging out with her again. Most guys are going on a handful of dates before things go anywhere, so it's not like that that's necessarily a bad thing
 

Lookatu

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One thing I don't see mentioned here is the location and age range. I truly believe the dynamics are apples and oranges when you factor in both of these things.
 

Roober

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These threads keep popping up so ill say it again.

Stop trying anything on the first date. You are screening her. If she wants to hookup you will know.
Save the escalation for the 2nd date. Do something different and she will wonder about you and its much more to your frame to validate her first.

Just play the pool hangout and be social and ask her the right questions.
When dating, I usually escalated on the first date, but sometimes it felt out of place. I'm. Curious on your reasoning to not escalate?
 

stringpuller

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When dating, I usually escalated on the first date, but sometimes it felt out of place. I'm. Curious on your reasoning to not escalate?
There are several reasons. I'm not saying not to escalate or flirt on the first date.
On the first date it is imperative to screen her because you need to set the proper frame and that starts from day 1.

The topic is date 1 so my ideology for it is that context.

Almost 100% of the girls on date 1 expect it. Inexperience causes guys to escalate from 0 to hero without considering the chase/power dynamic. Ive been there and the % that you will get date 1 lay is very low.

If she is down to fck and you press the right buttons she will hit on you on date 1. Now it has worked better for me to deny her and play hard to get. In a fun way.
Bud her thirst for you instead of her shield up to block your expected thirst.

She knows you want to fck her on a subliminal nature level. She wants you to not be so easy. Trust that.
So if she is attractive enough for you to spend a few hours with her. Take in information about her.
A normal women with high regards for her own value will ask herself he doesn't know me yet wants to fck me.

There are exceptions and a lot of us know what those are.
Parties, rock concerts, social events of parties yes it happens but today its becoming more of date 1 date 2 3 etc etc.
Show her value
 

Suave88

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There are several reasons. I'm not saying not to escalate or flirt on the first date.
On the first date it is imperative to screen her because you need to set the proper frame and that starts from day 1.

The topic is date 1 so my ideology for it is that context.

Almost 100% of the girls on date 1 expect it. Inexperience causes guys to escalate from 0 to hero without considering the chase/power dynamic. Ive been there and the % that you will get date 1 lay is very low.

If she is down to fck and you press the right buttons she will hit on you on date 1. Now it has worked better for me to deny her and play hard to get. In a fun way.
Bud her thirst for you instead of her shield up to block your expected thirst.

She knows you want to fck her on a subliminal nature level. She wants you to not be so easy. Trust that.
So if she is attractive enough for you to spend a few hours with her. Take in information about her.
A normal women with high regards for her own value will ask herself he doesn't know me yet wants to fck me.

There are exceptions and a lot of us know what those are.
Parties, rock concerts, social events of parties yes it happens but today its becoming more of date 1 date 2 3 etc etc.
Show her value
This post makes more sense or mirrors my mindset and approach.
 

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Suave88

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Lol. This is just flat out wrong. If you're living in the western world (and probably most everywhere else these days), you can pretty much assume that every girl you meet has fvcked a guy she just met/will fvck a guy she just met/or would be open to it in the right circumstances with the right guy. Sure, there might be extreme outliers based on religion or other hangups, but assuming that's the case here and that he's just forever lost access to a high value girl is how guys get played. And if she was they type of girl, she wouldn't have been comfortable chilling in his bed.

@nicksaiz65 Not a lot to go on here, but I'm going to just list the most common reasons stuff like this happens and you can figure out which applies to you (guessing it's probably a combo of #1, 2, and/or 3):
  • You're coming across as boyfriend material: If you're on the boyfriend track, girls won't sleep with you as quickly since relationship-minded guys are more likely to bail on girls they think are too slvtty and are more likely to invest. If this is the case, you need to proactively disqualify yourself as being boyfriend material--i.e. be a little rough around the edges, talk about other girls, tell her things about yourself like you're a free-spirit or you don't like being tied down, downplay any status or material wealth you have, etc.
  • You're not conveying enough sexual intent or nonjudgementalness: Kinda ties in with the above. But if you got her over on the pretext of just being a cool, social dude, then it's harder to transition to sleeping with her. College-aged girls are used to just hanging with dudes their age platonically. Or, if she goes to your school or is in your social circle, she may be worried about being judged. From the moment you meet a girl, you need to be working on conveying that you're a sexual guy and that you aren't judgemental--this can be introducing innuendo, casually talking about sex and relationships, proactively talking about how it's lame that all these guys think girls are these delicate creatures who don't have needs, etc., etc.
  • She's tired of being pumped and dumped or just wants a relationship. If this is an online girl, then this is super common. Or it could just be that all her friends are getting in relationships and right now a relationship is more valuable to her then sex. The problem with this is that you're just a plug-and-play part of this equation and you could be pretty much any guy who falls for this. The way to avoid this is when you're talking to a girl, say things like, "You're not one of those girls who always has to have a boyfriend or whatever, are you?" or, again, disqualifying yourself as relationship material.
  • You're not building enough comfort. Basically, girls won't sleep with you if they don't feel like they know you. You have to be demonstrating your personality and actively conveying it, moving the convo beyond the superficial across a wide variety of topics. She also has to trust that you're cool with her boundaries, so usually I'll be a little too bold earlier on in the interaction or tease a little too hard so that I can back off and demonstrate that I'm capable of 1.) crossing the line and 2.) respecting boundaries when I do.
  • You're not qualifying her or making her feel special: Doubt this applies as much, since it's usually something that would come up after a kiss. But the flipside of all this, if you're coming across as a player type, is you need to let the girl know that you're not just sleeping with her because she's easy and available. I.e., if she tells you something about herself or you notice something you genuinely like about her, tell her.
  • She's genuinely inexperienced, super traditional, or has hangups about sex. Again, unless you're experienced enough to know the difference, I'd just assume that no girl you meet is a Madonna unicorn. Sure, there are some girls out there who are inexperienced or super religious or whatever, but not many once you're out of high school--and a lot of girls will play this card to manipulate guys into overinvesting. Also, those girls would say something before she was in your bed lol. Or sometimes girls will try to shut things down because they're on their periods or haven't shaved their legs or whatever. But usually that's something that would come up after the kiss.
So there you have it lol. Personally, I next girls like this, but I'm also proactively making sure that I'm taking care of things on my end and I'm not interested in a relationship at the moment, so I don't get hung up on girls that are overly relationship-oriented. I also don't deal with manipulation, which is what a lot of this stuff boils down to, and I'd rather spend my time with girls who are genuine and are confident enough to go for what they want. BUT if you're still learning the ropes and you dropped the ball somewhere on your end or you just had fun hanging out with her, then there's no harm in hanging out with her again. Most guys are going on a handful of dates before things go anywhere, so it's not like that that's necessarily a bad thing
Sounds like you don't waste your time. Question: Do you get your girls from Roosevelt Avenue in Queens and the New York Subway? I assume most decent girls will bail you out in no time.
Again, OP it is normal for a decent girl to reject sex on the first date. A kiss can probably take place on a first date, but not sex.
In my opinion, it is wrong for you to ask her for sex on a first date. If you continue that way, all of them are going to run away from you.
Since you mentioned a room, I believe you are in some dorm setting like in College. Typically, an experienced man knows this. Again, no decent woman will have sex with you on a first date and if she does, then she is not decent and you need not to marry her.
 

Roober

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There are several reasons. I'm not saying not to escalate or flirt on the first date.
On the first date it is imperative to screen her because you need to set the proper frame and that starts from day 1.

The topic is date 1 so my ideology for it is that context.

Almost 100% of the girls on date 1 expect it. Inexperience causes guys to escalate from 0 to hero without considering the chase/power dynamic. Ive been there and the % that you will get date 1 lay is very low.

If she is down to fck and you press the right buttons she will hit on you on date 1. Now it has worked better for me to deny her and play hard to get. In a fun way.
Bud her thirst for you instead of her shield up to block your expected thirst.

She knows you want to fck her on a subliminal nature level. She wants you to not be so easy. Trust that.
So if she is attractive enough for you to spend a few hours with her. Take in information about her.
A normal women with high regards for her own value will ask herself he doesn't know me yet wants to fck me.

There are exceptions and a lot of us know what those are.
Parties, rock concerts, social events of parties yes it happens but today its becoming more of date 1 date 2 3 etc etc.
Show her value
Agreed. Good way to explain it. Feels a bit thirsty going for it right away. And of course it's not a black or white issue. There's certainly nuance to understanding how she acts during the encounter and leading up to it. But... Generally speaking, it seems like holding back a bit and making her guess your interest seems like the better long play...
 

user252009

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I didn't intitiate or get a kiss on my first date, but we escalated almost to fvcking on the second, so don't look too much into it.
 

samspade

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Hey guys! I'll try to keep this brief. I had another date today. I had fun, but...

I was able to get this chick to my house and everything. After playing some pool, we were sitting on my bed listening to music. I lean in to kiss her, but she doesn't reciprocate. She says "no, you're going to have to wait for that."

Which is odd, since she seemed pretty high interest leading up to the date. She texted me a lot, and she even confirmed the date herself lol. "Are we still on for today?" Is the text that I got at 5 PM before we had our evening date.

I wanted to check against you guys' experience, have you ever dealt with chicks who won't kiss or fvck you on the first date? Is it true that some chicks just won't fvck you or even kiss you on that first date?

And do I just assume low interest and instantly next her? Or do I try again with another date with her later for the Bang(and work on my other options in the meantime of course, lol.)

I just wanted to get some more reference experience from you guys. Thanks!
Contrary to what a lot of Sosuavers will tell you, "you're going to have to wait for that" is an IOI, not an IOLI. In fact, a lot of forms of "rejection" are just IOIs in wolves' clothing. Too many guys here think every little unpredictable move by some silly chick is "low interest" and therefore she deserves a next.

You can either next her or try again, but either way it's got to come from somewhere genuine...that's been my experience.

That is, you next her because you truly don't care and don't want to spend more time on her.

Or you get her isolated again and give it another shot - because you think it would be fun.

Of course a lot of this depends on what her tone was like and how you reacted. I'm guessing you didn't bytch and moan to her. Hopefully it was more like "Awesome, I can't wait to see what kinky type of kiss you have in mind" with a big grin on your face as you started texting another girl. She's gotta step up her game now.
 
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