FINALLY! Got her number...but IL seems low...

[Tantric]

ggggggrrrrr....

Yeah, I know, I know...

2 screw-ups huh?

Oh well...can't do anything about it now.

Yeah, I really hate the phone thing, so the chance of me calling her again is NIL at this point.

Oh well...whatever. Not really too concerned about this one.

When I run into her again at the gym (which easily could be tonight or a week from now as her schedule doesn't seem consistent), I'll figure something out then.

Gangster of Love...the reason I ended up getting just the digits was because while trying to set up a meeting, it felt like it was really the only direction I could go based on the convo. Looking back, yeah, there were a lot of mistakes I made.:trouble:

Oh well...

For whatever reason, I did not see the part of your original post suggesting to wait it out and make plans in person.

If I see her in the gym tonight, won't making plans seem sort of desperate/AFC? On the other hand, if I don't approach her, it will come accross as the "hurt little boy"...

So given that...seeing her tonight I am guessing should be left at simple convo, and see what her reaction is like. If she brings it up, cool...I'll play it from there. If not, don't bring it up at all?

If a few days go by it would allow this situation I created to blow over.

So...approach her, be friendly, suggest a get together when I see her next week?

 

[Vulpine]

You've done more than most of us do most of the time. With that being said, I must say you have employed not the best strategy twice in a row.

You got a number before setting a meeting. Then I adviced you to not call her, but wait to ask her out in person when you see her again. Now all you got is more doubts in your head and nothing to show for, yet.

Women always screen their calls. ALWAYS! There is a very slim chance she will call you to make plans, but it is possible. The best thing to do now is to chat her up, and suggest getting together, something low key, and definite. Do not continue this phone game situation. Do it all in person. You are really going out of your way to let her off easy.

This is HUGE.

Thinking back at approaches where I bumped into a woman several times at the same place, when I got the number the results were different when I called right away versus seeing them again after getting the number but not calling.

Chicks know you got the number. When you don't call, they bust you on it the next time you see them: "why didn't you call me?" They were thinking about why you haven't called, and IL went up.

Whereas if you call right away, you always get the machine, and it (usually) goes nowhere.

Now, if I were to get a number on an approach in the future, and the woman has mediocre IL, I'm not going to call her until I see her again.

Trickery? Perhaps, but, if she is wishy-washy about me/her, then it follows that I wouldn't care to put forth much effort to chase. She can chase me if she wants later.



The phone/texty/e-mail games really do paint a "spineless" picture of you if you are using them in place of a face-to-face option.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Vulpine,

That has been my experience too. It is so predictable at this point. The only way you want to get a number with the intention for your main form of communication is on a cold approach or in a situation where you know you most likely won't see her again, in which you won't get a chance for future face to face interactions before a get together.

Let her bring up the fact that you haven't emailed her or called you or the fact that she hasn't returned your email/call, etc. Your attitude needs to be one of, "Oh, yeah, I had forgotten I had called you".

Tantric,

The next move will hopefully be your last one before you go out. Don't even get into the phone thing. Talk to her the next few times you see her (this will lessen the pressure of doing it right away), wait until you see she's into you in the convo and open to suggestions, then invite her once again, and MAKE PLANS ON THE SPOT. This can happen next time you see her, next week, on the third or fourth time, it doesn't matter, just wait for a high in the action. If you inviter her/ask her out, don't let her off the hook.

 

[joekerr31]

as i say earlier in this thread, the balls in her court now.

what you need to do is act like none of this is a big deal to you. you saw a chic you liked, you let her know you liked her, that's that. you do this all the time. you're just take it as it comes mr. tantric. you float an idea out there, if peopel want to get on board great, if they don't no skin off your back. there are plenty of other women who will catch your fancy.

this is how you have to think in general.

so next time you see her the ball is in her court to express to you that she has increased interest. which means you should get more than your typical 'hello' as she walks by.

if she doesn't express to you increased interest, then you know she's playing some kind of game that you don't need to bother with.

remember, the biggest reason a chic doesn't approach a guy is fear of rejection - women dont know how to handle rejection. so once you make you interest known all you should have to do is sit back and do nothing. she should start to take a more proactive role in all this now.

most women who are interested in me, once i let them know im interested in them, pretty much do all the work after that in terms of initiating communication.

anyway, just be casual and friendly. you need to ACT like you KNOW how this game is played and that it is HER move next.

if she ups her interest level in you and expresses that, then ask her out again.

the worst thing that happens here is that she starts flirting with other guys in the gym in front of you - i dont think that will happen - but if it does then you know you got a typical attention wh*re on your hands.

 

[Tantric]

Thanks guys...

I actually have not seen her since that Tuesday, but I know she is around or at home as she lives accross the couryard from me.

It is actually a bit "frustrating" - not sure if that is the right word - as I want to see what her next vibe is and make a decision to forget this chick or not.

Her workout schedule changes so damn much that there really is no consistency anymore, so it could be 2 weeks before I see her next.

If I don't see her, should I be making contact via phone in a couple of weeks to keep up the connection? or is calling really bad idea?

 

[MacAvoy]

Joker, you can always go to Canada's Wonderland

 

[joekerr31]

If I don't see her, should I be making contact via phone in a couple of weeks to keep up the connection? or is calling really bad idea?

if her IL in you is high she will call.

this initial period is a great way to judge who she is as a person. if she's willing ot leave you hanging during the 'first impression' stage of you two getting to know each other, what is she going to be like after shes sunk her claws in to you?

wait it out buddy. and keep your eye open for other chics while you do.

 

[Tantric]

if her IL in you is high she will call.

this initial period is a great way to judge who she is as a person. if she's willing ot leave you hanging during the 'first impression' stage of you two getting to know each other, what is she going to be like after shes sunk her claws in to you?

wait it out buddy. and keep your eye open for other chics while you do.

Hi joekerr31,

Though I do agree with what you said, would tactics not be a bit different with a girl who seems to be very shy...as she does? If she is in-fact as shy as she gives off, I really cannot see her calling, even if she wanted to...

Thoughts?

 

[joekerr31]

Hi joekerr31,

Though I do agree with what you said, would tactics not be a bit different with a girl who seems to be very shy...as she does? If she is in-fact as shy as she gives off, I really cannot see her calling, even if she wanted to...

Thoughts?

your projecting WAY too much. a shy girl would have been too shy to reject your offer to go to universal. shy girls stumble over their words and basically do whatever you ask them to.

i dont think this girl is so much shy as she is smart. she's making you sweat it out and work for her attention. she's playing it up like it doesn't matter to her one way or another if she ever goes out with you.

anyway, if this is wearing on you and you can't forget her until your next encounter, then just call her up and ask her out again. if she blows you off again, then that's it, lose her number.

problem solved and on with life.

either tactic works provided you are committed to it. by waiting you set the stage for having the long term upper hand - it lets her know you are a man who expresses his intentions one time only and so she should take what you are saying at any given time with seriousness and not f*ck around.

if you call her, that shows you are taking initiative. it leaves room for her to make herself in to the prize, but as long as you shut her down on that front during your first or second date you are fine.

but if you call her and don't get a day and time when you are going out, then next her.

 

[Tantric]

ahhh...true...

"she is playing it up like it doesn't matter to her one way or another if she ever goes out with you".


Upper hand would have me treating her the same way...


"if this is wearing on you and you can't forget her until your next encounter, then just call her up and ask her out again. if she blows you off again, then that's it, lose her number."

I can forget her until; I see her next...no big deal



"by waiting you set the stage for having the long term upper hand - it lets her know you are a man who expresses his intentions one time only and so she should take what you are saying at any given time with seriousness and not f*ck around."

niiiiiicccceeeee!

"if you call her, that shows you are taking initiative. it leaves room for her to make herself in to the prize, but as long as you shut her down on that front during your first or second date you are fine."

cool...

Now that I remember, her brother is in town visiting...so I think she's caught up with that anyway.

I'll give it a few weeks and see if i run into her...

 

[MikeYikes122]

A bit of advice on carrying yourself in the gym

When you're at the gym, make sure you walk with a swagger. Drop your shoulder and give people dirty looks and stuff if you have to. Do the bench press first while your arms are still fresh and at their strongest point. You don't sound like you're extremely strong, like me. So doing the bench press early will make you look stronger than you actually are. I'm only 5-10, 145 pounds, but I can usually max out with a few reps of 195. That's not really much to brag about, but it looks really good if your slender. Sometimes even the buff dudes will walk over and tell you they're impressed, negating whatever dominance they usually have over the room.

Just tell yourself in your head that you're a bad a$$ and you'll project that image. A good majority of those meat heads there will even be threatened, and I've found that women don't even really like that inflated look in guys, anyway. I've found girls like guys who are built more like Usher or Justin Timberlake.

In college, I knew a guy who did those Strongman Competitions that are on late at night on ESPN. Shockingly, he was the most insecure guy I probably ever met in college, and he couldn't pay a girl to go out on a date with him. I also lived with a guy who was buff and worked out obsessively, and it showed. Unfortunately for him, girls saw past that pretty quickly because his struggles with women were monumental.

 

[Latinoman]

Okay...just got back from my workout...

I am a writer and actor, so this may be a bit long and dramatic...

I took the chance that as workout girl missed her workout last night, she would probably be there this morning...

She was, along with 2 other guys who were working out (no with her though). Honestly, I felt a bit AFC, as the guys next to me were huge, and dressed a bit better than me, etc. I said "hi" to her through the mirror, but she had her headphones on and was watching TV. No reply.

So...I actually felt dissed. Plus the 2 buff guys who were obviously showing off their testosterone gave me a very "weak" feeling.

Still focused on the TV, she again did not say anything when I walked by and asked how her workout was going.

Again, felt really dissed.

I told myself FVCK IT!! I could be totally reading into this....if she is going to diss me, I rather get dissed in the face, and I was tired of pvssying around.

I figured she was nearing the end of her workout, so I strategically decided to work my back (where the machines are placed near the exit). Figured even if I get dissed, I rather go for it in front of the 2 guys acting who were all alpha and hot shyt who only had the balls to stare at her the whole time.

As she is done her workout, she smiles and says, "goodbye", and I ask if she ended up making her workout last night (I knew she didn't, but only thing i could think of). I follow her for a few steps, at which point she removes the headphones and says she couldn't make it. I poke fun at her, calling her a slacker, making excuses, etc.

Got her smiling a bit, so I asked her what her plans were for the week. She said she was doing nothing really...some writing to do, planning a vacation, but nothing major. I asked her if she wanted to do something fun. She smiled and said, "like what?".

ME - "You like rides?"

HB -"What kind of rides"

ME - (my plan was to invite her to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS and CITY WALK", which is a really cool place at night. Thought that roller coasters, haunted houses, etc. would really be cool and exciting) "like roller coasters, rides, haunted houses, etc.".

HB - "mmmm...no...that sort of stuff scares me...The fear of FLYING out of a roller coaster...."

(yeah, I know...there was a 50/50 chance she would like it)

ME - (smiling) "Well, we can figure something out...when is your next day off?"

HB - "ummm..pretty much every day. I am not doing much..how about we talk about it next time we see each other working out?"

(YIKES. I took that as diss. I then really hesitated as I did not know what to say).

ME - "So what have you done for fun since being here?"

HB - "ummmm...hmmmm...well...nothing really".

ME - (poking fun) "what? you've been here in LA for 8 weeks, and you have not done anything for fun?

HB - "embarrassed, "hmmm...no...not really" (she smiles)

ME - "I want to go out and have some fun this week...and I would love for you to come" (kinda lame, but it was the only thing that came out o my mouth).

She smiles.

ME - (at this point i was REALLY STUCK, and nerves got to me) "tell you what...I have a busy day today...and tomorrow with an audition...why don't I give you a call tomorrow and we can figure something out?"

HB - "sure"

ME "what's your number?"

(she gives me her number and I plug it into my cell). She then pulled out hers. As I plug it the digits she asks me if i am calling her.

ME - "No, just plugging it in to my phone"

(HA!!!! I really DID NOT clue in that she wanted me to call her, to get my number into HER phone - number exchange)

Anyway, there was more to the convo, but that was the general gist. I ended up trying to keep it light, joked around, etc., and I told her I would call her tomorrow.

The issue is that throughout the convo, I was selling her on UNIVERSAL, convincing her it isn't that bad (very tame actually), and I KNOW she would have a good time...but I do not want to take here there if she is going to be freaked out and not enjoy it.. So...now I am at a loss as I don't have a back-up plan.

Also, the IL does not seem very high. It's tough to read as she looks very unapproachable and shy...sometimes bytchy looking...but when we talk she is all smiles.

When she said, "why don't we talk about it next time we work out", I figured it was either a) a diss, or b) a prompt for me to get her number...not sure...

I have no clue where to go from here...really...

Mike

Mike...although you were and still are very insecure. Let me tell you one thing...I was impressed on how you manage to carry yourself.

I must admit that the way you did the conversation with her was more than good. You did a good job. Trust me...this woman as of now has a high interest level on you.

This part I consider a MASTERPIECE:

ME - "I want to go out and have some fun this week...and I would love for you to come" (kinda lame, but it was the only thing that came out o my mouth).

You took charge. You did not ask. You told her what you wanted...and then told her that you wanted her to come with you. It was NOT lame. It was actually masterful!

I wonder if she is into motorcycle rides...when she asked what kind of ride, I thought you were going to say on your Bike.

 

[Tantric]

Hey Latinoman...

Thanks for the msg.

The crazy thing...is I have ALWAYS been with models and actresses. A few years ago I was at my best form...but some stupid crap I put up with from a model messed with me for a VERY long time. So I have to find my confidence again.

Unfortunately, I have not see workout girl, nor have spoken to here in almost 1 week. Her brother is visiting, so i think she is hanging with him.

Still r-e-a-l-l-y frustrating though...wish I could see her now.

To be honest, I don't think the interest level is very high from her end.

 

[joekerr31]

To be honest, I don't think the interest level is very high from her end.

whether its high or low you are doing the right thing. if its low you wont hear form her and she'll ignore you in the gym - and there was nothing you could do about this anyway. asking her out numerous times wouldn't fix this issue.

if its high she will break at some point and be OVERLY friendly you to - she will acknowledge that YOU are the prize and that she is lucky you are taking an interest in her. if you move too soon and ask her out again all you are doing is making her the prize.

the only question is whether you have the fortitude to let it play out. thats the difference between being the PRIZE and chasing the PRIZE.

you'd be surprised how many women i've written off as no gos only to have them call me two weeks later. they were playing a waiting game and I waited them out - actually its easy when you dont see it as a game. for me im simply not playing their game - so while they wait wondering when im going to call im off enjoying my life. I've moved on by the time they call. at which point my 'vibe' that IM the PRIZE is so evident that they know they are skating on thin ice with me and any bullsh*t behavior moving forward and they will lose the PRIZE.

 

[Tantric]

Well...
Ran into her roommate today walking her dog. She does not know me or anything, but just in casual chat, she said her roommate was on vacation for 2 weeks (workoutgirl). Sorta explains her not calling, ha!

Still...a lot of time will pass by the time she returns, and she'll probably forget I even asked her!

oh well...

:crazy:

 

[jophil28]

Is her roomie hot ? Ask HER out.

 

[Tantric]

Well...

I threw away her number...

It's been like 3 weeks now. Granted she has been on holiday for about 10 days, but she returned about 5 days ago.

Haven't seen her in the gym either.

Of course 10 seconds after I erased it, I thought to myself, "hmmmm...should have called her once more..."

Oh well...figure if she is is cool and talkative when I see her next, then an opportunity will arise again for me to get it again (assuming she is interested in going out)...

oh well...

 

[SaucyBoy]

Good Show - Nicely Done

You did what you needed to. Don't worry about IL until later on. Just have some fun. If YOU are not having fun, tell her and offer to depart. You do however need to be entertaining yourself. If you don't know how to have fun then work on that.

 

[Tantric]

Well...

I think what pi$$ed me off is that she could have EASILY said, "I'm seeing someone", or, "I have a boyfriend", or whatever...

I mean why go to the lengths of giving me her phone number if she was just going to go straight out and reject me?

Jesus...she's been home for a a while now...not one word... no, "sorry I didn't call you"...just a whole lotta nothin'.

What sucks is that becasue she lives accross the couryard, I see her light on and shyt...pi$$es me off...

 

[jophil28]

Women are 'avoidant' - they solve diificulties by NOT doing anything and hoping that the problem will go away, or some man will come along and solve it for them . Now, I am NOT saying that you are, or were, a problem. I am saying that women just do NOTHING when they are anxious, confused, unsure of what they should do. They retreat. It NEVER makes sense to a woman to take a risk- NEVER ! That is why they love insurance and warantees on stuff.that they buy.
Who knows why she did not get back to you- there could be a zillion reasons and NONE of them may be about you.
Yeh, women are insensitive and uncaring about men's feeling .They would NEVER do this shyte to another woman. But she figures that a man is not entitled to the same consideration and respect. I know it makes NO sense, but nobody expects them to act rationally and decently anymore.