Finally giving up on the dating market

[summersky]

Hello, just wanted to share my current situation. This year was really bad so far. I had a lot of dates (about 30) and nothing came out of it. It was always the same: Went out on one or more dates then got rejected finally. Of course you can say bad game, bad attitude or something else but in my opinion I was acting just normal, I was just me. And just me is not enough for women or is not what women want. I am a normal, not bad looking guy with respect for other people, I have a good heart and treat people like I want them to treat me. But that also means no drama for women. I am not what they are craving, the most of them: A guy who gives them drama and makes their hamster spin. This is not me and I also don't want to be like that. I was acting like that in the past and it got me some lays but it became too stressfull to act like that. I don't believe in love from women anyway. From now on I think I will just pay for 6 and I think it will make me more happy than going on dates, spending my money and get nothing out of it, because I am how I am.. Sad but true.

Regards
summersky

 

[Chow Mein]

Have you done genuine self-reflection on what could be possible reasons why the dates never got anywhere?

 

[Clockwerk50]

What are your stats? Your lifts? SMV?

Truthfully, we all carry a self-image that tends to overestimate our own qualities, whether it’s generosity, honesty, intelligence, or looks. It’s extremely hard to be honest with ourselves about our real limitations because we desperately want to believe we’re better than we actually are. We’d rather think we’re special than face the possibility that we might just be average.

This same self-idealization shows up in dating. We’re not just looking for a partner, we’re looking for someone who reflects how we see ourselves. Most people don’t want to think they’ve settled for someone average or flawed, because it feels like settling for less says something about them too. So we tend to put the people we like on a pedestal to protect our own self-image. But maybe the women you’re dating aren’t idealizing you the same way. Maybe they’re seeing you as ordinary, and that’s why things aren’t working. Sometimes the story we tell ourselves about who we are and what we deserve doesn’t match how others see us.

Edit: I found this post from April about going 6 dates and no sex with a woman. Have you read any dating material since then? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/she-lost-interest-after-i-talked-about-my-boundaries.284004/

 

[Redwood]

Perfect time to focus on what you believe you were set out to do in this case. This is what I'm doing.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Your foundation seems solid. Sounds like you're doing the right things, being true to yourself. Tough one here. IMO, keep doing what you are doing, you'll eventually find it. Perseverance.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SummerSky,
We all get dry patches,don't get too despondent...Just when you least expect it,like a bolt of lightning,some one will there....However opportunity is a fleeting thing,always have a gameplan for different locations,know the bars the coffee shops,keep your apartment like yourself clean and tidy and smile!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Get yourself a nice latina from the ethnic part of town OP. You are boring to these white and whitewashed chicks who also don't need providers, but a cute/sexy Mexican 6/7 with broken English would take to you like a looter to a riot. Maybe not as aggressively though, you may have to wait 2-3 dates.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I was acting just normal, I was just me

"Just a regular guy, with not much to discuss besides the weather and the latest mainstream release to hit the cinemas this past weekend"...


This has to be the most brilliant sales pitch in recent memory, seconded only by Bernie Sanders opining "We have too many selections of deodorant on our shelves", during his run for office

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Hello, just wanted to share my current situation. This year was really bad so far. I had a lot of dates (about 30) and nothing came out of it. It was always the same: Went out on one or more dates then got rejected finally. Of course you can say bad game, bad attitude or something else but in my opinion I was acting just normal, I was just me. And just me is not enough for women or is not what women want. I am a normal, not bad looking guy with respect for other people, I have a good heart and treat people like I want them to treat me. But that also means no drama for women. I am not what they are craving, the most of them: A guy who gives them drama and makes their hamster spin. This is not me and I also don't want to be like that. I was acting like that in the past and it got me some lays but it became too stressfull to act like that. I don't believe in love from women anyway. From now on I think I will just pay for 6 and I think it will make me more happy than going on dates, spending my money and get nothing out of it, because I am how I am.. Sad but true.

Regards
summersky

Have you tried meeting women outside the big cities?

 

[Not Dead Yet]

What's the average age of your dates? Have you tried dating younger?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Hello, just wanted to share my current situation. This year was really bad so far. I had a lot of dates (about 30) and nothing came out of it. It was always the same: Went out on one or more dates then got rejected finally. Of course you can say bad game, bad attitude or something else but in my opinion I was acting just normal, I was just me. And just me is not enough for women or is not what women want. I am a normal, not bad looking guy with respect for other people, I have a good heart and treat people like I want them to treat me. But that also means no drama for women. I am not what they are craving, the most of them: A guy who gives them drama and makes their hamster spin. This is not me and I also don't want to be like that. I was acting like that in the past and it got me some lays but it became too stressfull to act like that. I don't believe in love from women anyway. From now on I think I will just pay for 6 and I think it will make me more happy than going on dates, spending my money and get nothing out of it, because I am how I am.. Sad but true.

Regards
summersky

What do you want from women?

Why did not one of those “lays” become a relationship or wife?

 

[Solomon]

OP 30 dates in 6 months is amazing, you got guys who can't even get half of that on here so kudos.

What's the average age of your dates? Have you tried dating younger?

This is important, I've noticed younger women that I date tend to be more fun, older women tend to be more bitter and jaded(38+), especially if they just got divorced or are coming out of a LTR, not all but most older women, even the well-intentioned ones are burned out from dating or ran-through post divorce trying to make up for being in marriages by overconsuming ****

One thing I'm focusing on is the quality of dates instead of quantity vetting the women by asking questions that elicit values, expectations etc. You are a few years younger than me, At 39 I was seeing a 28 year old a couple summers ago, it didn't last long but it was a chill situtionship until she ended it end. I would recommend 23-33 only if you can. Anything above 33 and you start dealing with continuous frustration due to women being burned out.

I think the main thing is looking at the type of women you go for. I realized that I've gone on dates in the past with women I knew I shouldn't have business going on dates with but because I was bored, in a drought or lonely I went for it. It's ok to be by yourself. Rather be alone then deal with a grenade

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Unwillingness to adapt and improve will lead to failure on any endeavor in life.

Instead of crying in your beer and complaining you should have taken it as constructive feedback that what you are doing IS NOT WORKING and that you should be figuring out what isn't working and start changing things.

Going on a lot of dates doesnt help if you don't actually learn anything from those dates.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result

 

[Glassguy]

30 dates is good. So its not the initial looks backfiring on you. There is something going on to not bad cashing in after the dates.

Maybe projection relationship vibes/over investing/ not being enough of a challenge in the way you're coming across? Insecurity being portrayed? Maybe a bit of a negative Nancy after the dating pool got your down and it's coming out on these dates?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

30 dates is good. So its not the initial looks backfiring on you. There is something going on to not bad cashing in after the dates.

Maybe projection relationship vibes/over investing/ not being enough of a challenge in the way you're coming across? Insecurity being portrayed? Maybe a bit of a negative Nancy after the dating pool got your down and it's coming out on these dates?

Anytime I struggled for a period of time with first dates it always revolved around me not being sexual enough and being too "safe".

Then I would usually have an adjustment period where I would be TOO sexual and scare them off that way until I found a happy medium and started seeing a lot of success again

 

[jhonny9546]

What do you want from women?

If you're looking for something, you won't find it.
But if you're not looking, it will find you.


Once you’ve found a woman, confirmed that she has no red flags, and have been in a relationship with her for over five years with everything going well, there will still be moments where she disrespects you. What will you do then?
In most cases, you'll let it slide while still making it clear that she crossed your boundaries, and the relationship will go on, only for it to happen again in a cycle (today’s typical LTR's and marriages).

In other cases, you'll make it clear that it’s over because she keeps disrespecting you (modern singles, relationships that last 1 to 3 years and build nothing long-term, because people will not accept disrespect).


Then there are other people who say LTR's without disrespect do exist, but I’ve never met one.
I’ve only heard about them.


All of this is to say: it doesn’t matter what you seek or what you find, what matters is how you respond to disrespect.


It all comes down to your personal threshold of tolerance, and that’s what will define how you live your life.

 

[Redwood]

If you're looking for something, you won't find it.
But if you're not looking, it will find you.


Once you’ve found a woman, confirmed that she has no red flags, and have been in a relationship with her for over five years with everything going well, there will still be moments where she disrespects you. What will you do then?
In most cases, you'll let it slide while still making it clear that she crossed your boundaries, and the relationship will go on, only for it to happen again in a cycle (today’s typical LTR's and marriages).

In other cases, you'll make it clear that it’s over because she keeps disrespecting you (modern singles, relationships that last 1 to 3 years and build nothing long-term, because people will not accept disrespect).


Then there are other people who say LTR's without disrespect do exist, but I’ve never met one.
I’ve only heard about them.


All of this is to say: it doesn’t matter what you seek or what you find, what matters is how you respond to disrespect.


It all comes down to your personal threshold of tolerance, and that’s what will define how you live your life.

Boom.

 

[BaronOfHair]

A fella can drop out of the dating market after being disappointed by what he encounters, just as a dame who's dissatisfied with her body can stop going to the beach or pool, for fear of incurring the disapproval of others

Newsflash, which can either bring us immense distress or a lifetime of serenity:


No one gives half a sewer rat's dirty ass whether or not a dude leaves the dating the market, or a woman stops wearing a bikini while on the water. This stuff is relevant only to the individual who makes such decisions


OP, are you eager to explore questions such as "What aspects of my thinking and behavior are undermining my prospects for success?"? If not, any counsel your provided here is destined to be less beneficial than a dietician's words to a deliberate land whale, who claims she wants guys to admire her g-string clad form, yet still embraces so-called Body Positivity

 

[SW15]

This year was really bad so far. I had a lot of dates (about 30) and nothing came out of it. It was always the same: Went out on one or more dates then got rejected finally.

This tells me that you are....

-Reasonably good looking but not elite tier on looks
-You are overly reliant on using swipe apps
-You live in a big city in a Western nation. My first thought is that you live in the USA but I went through your posting history and you mentioned being from Germany in a post.

You likely swiped through every woman in your big German metropolitan area and had a low match rate on your right swipes. However, because your volume was in the thousands and you likely had a decent set of phots, you were able to get enough matches to get 30 dates mostly from from the various swipe apps. It is possible that you were using multiple apps simultaneously and swiping for hours at a time. However, I see that you used other methods besides swipe apps. You had a thread in March 2025 about a date from a street approach.

30 dates in 6 months isn't going to happen from approaching strangers in bars or other non-bar real life venues.

Swipe apps are excellent at producing interactions that are typically "1-2 dates, no sex, no extended relationship". You were able to get one interaction to 6 dates without sex.

Of course you can say bad game, bad attitude or something else but in my opinion I was acting just normal, I was just me. And just me is not enough for women or is not what women want.

If one looks through the history of threads that you've started, there's a common theme in a lot of your interactions since 2014.

There's a lot of bad game in it.

Attraction and seduction are related to looks, money, status, and personality. I think you have slightly above average looks but your bad game (personality variable) makes women want to cease interactions with you.

How much seduction content have you consumed? Have you read any books like...

"The Rational Male" -Rollo Tomassi
"The Unplugged Alpha" -Richard Cooper
"Why Women Deserve Less" -Myron Gaines

Which seduction content channels do you follow on YouTube?

Despite participating on this forum for 11 years, you seem to act beta in your interactions. Even in this quote, you said a beta male cliche. You uttered the "Just Be Yourself" beta male mantra.

And just me is not enough for women or is not what women want. I am a normal, not bad looking guy with respect for other people, I have a good heart and treat people like I want them to treat me. But that also means no drama for women. I am not what they are craving, the most of them: A guy who gives them drama and makes their hamster spin. This is not me and I also don't want to be like that. I was acting like that in the past and it got me some lays but it became too stressfull to act like that. I don't believe in love from women anyway.

This quote comes off as a classic beta male nice guy. Beta male nice guys get treated poorly by women. They usually don't get sex and relationships from women. The beta is often the overlooked guy or the guy rejected after 1-2 sexless dates.

You need to improve your mindset and behavior.

The only way that you can get past this beta behavior is if your looks tier increases from its likely 6-7 point right now to 8.5+. Are you willing to spend multiple days per week in the gym for more than an hour at a time? Do you want to get on a stricter diet to get body fat to the 12-15% range?

I think you likely need improvement with both looks and personality. @BPH has had sex with over 100 women based on having upper tier looks and he knows how to make women feel good and sexy in interactions. He has a link in his signature about how to get laid more.

From now on I think I will just pay for 6 and I think it will make me more happy than going on dates, spending my money and get nothing out of it, because I am how I am.. Sad but true.

It's frustrating to spend money on sexless dates and get no sex and no extended relationships where you would have regular sex.

I would recommend trying to improve in the conventional mating market instead of this path.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This tells me that you are....

-Reasonably good looking but not elite tier on looks
-You are overly reliant on using swipe apps
-You live in a big city in a Western nation. My first thought is that you live in the USA but I went through your posting history and you mentioned being from Germany in a post.

You likely swiped through every woman in your big German metropolitan area and had a low match rate on your right swipes. However, because your volume was in the thousands and you likely had a decent set of phots, you were able to get enough matches to get 30 dates mostly from from the various swipe apps. It is possible that you were using multiple apps simultaneously and swiping for hours at a time. However, I see that you used other methods besides swipe apps. You had a thread in March 2025 about a date from a street approach.

30 dates in 6 months isn't going to happen from approaching strangers in bars or other non-bar real life venues.

Swipe apps are excellent at producing interactions that are typically "1-2 dates, no sex, no extended relationship". You were able to get one interaction to 6 dates without sex.



If one looks through the history of threads that you've started, there's a common theme in a lot of your interactions since 2014.

There's a lot of bad game in it.

Attraction and seduction are related to looks, money, status, and personality. I think you have slightly above average looks but your bad game (personality variable) makes women want to cease interactions with you.

How much seduction content have you consumed? Have you read any books like...

"The Rational Male" -Rollo Tomassi
"The Unplugged Alpha" -Richard Cooper
"Why Women Deserve Less" -Myron Gaines

Which seduction content channels do you follow on YouTube?

Despite participating on this forum for 11 years, you seem to act beta in your interactions. Even in this quote, you said a beta male cliche. You uttered the "Just Be Yourself" beta male mantra.



This quote comes off as a classic beta male nice guy. Beta male nice guys get treated poorly by women. They usually don't get sex and relationships from women. The beta is often the overlooked guy or the guy rejected after 1-2 sexless dates.

You need to improve your mindset and behavior.

The only way that you can get past this beta behavior is if your looks tier increases from its likely 6-7 point right now to 8.5+. Are you willing to spend multiple days per week in the gym for more than an hour at a time? Do you want to get on a stricter diet to get body fat to the 12-15% range?

I think you likely need improvement with both looks and personality. @BPH has had sex with over 100 women based on having upper tier looks and he knows how to make women feel good and sexy in interactions. He has a link in his signature about how to get laid more.



It's frustrating to spend money on sexless dates and get no sex and no extended relationships where you would have regular sex.

I would recommend trying to improve in the conventional mating market instead of this path.

Bottom line is OP did not learn anything useful from the dates he went on which wasted his time and money instead of using the negative feedback he got to make changes and improve his success rate.

Successful people see failure as their greatest learning tool to change and adapt.

Unsuccessful people see failure as something terrible and to be avoided, which only leads them to more failure or giving up.