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Field Report - Slow Playing a 10

kennedycoleslaw

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Feel like I may have missed my best opportunity with a 10 (physically and personality) that I recently met. Not your standard situation so I'd like to get input.

(Sorry if too many details)

Met this 10 in a weekly casual sports league. I'm around average looking but I'm athletic. Difficult to make more than quick small talk to her on league day since there's so many people around, but about a month ago I randomly ran into her at a bar.

Bar Encounter #1 - She's there alone randomly because she got off work late (service industry) and wanted to go out (both of our local neighborhood bar). I chat her up with good amounts of ****y/funny, sarcasm, and negging. I can tell she is kind of shocked that a guy is negging her and not treating her like a 10. We have a playful rapport. I lead her around the bar and play a bar game. We talk more outside. Really good conversation but her body language is a little distant and I've barely established any kino all night. When the bar is closing I tell her I parked my car a mile or so away and she offers a ride. When we get to my car she sees a cat and says let's go pet it. She runs out of the car but the cat runs away. She asks if I'm good to drive and offers to give me a ride to my house. I waver and say I have a meeting in the morning. I don't get her number. I already see her on league night every week so I knew I'd see her again.

Bar Encounter #2 - The next week -- same night -- I go back to the bar with a friend around the same time and she's there again. Came by herself again. She's talking with a group of people so I play it cool. She approaches me after 15 minutes. Really good conversation, not great body language (she's not very close). I tell her I was about to play a bar game with friends. She says she just wants to play 1 on 1. I don't break plans with friends and invite her to play teams with us. We play, I give her pointers along the way, she's receptive. We flirt, I continue playfully negging her a bit. After the game we start to get close. She gets the big deer eyes and seems to be at a loss for words. I start making some contact. We are inside the bar (I should move her outside but don't). She mentions a food truck, implying we should go. I say let's get one more drink and then go. She says she has to be up early. I let her go but get her number. Moments after leaving she comes back in because she forgot to close her tab. Then leaves again.

Sports League The Following Week - She's very receptive but it's hard to talk much in this setting. A group goes out for food after but again it's only group conversation.

Bar Encounter #3 - A week since the last bar encounter and again she's there. We talk briefly but convo isn't as good. She starts texting and I say I'll be back. I don't approach her again for another hour or so, when the bar is about to close. She has been talking to 2 guys for a while and I think one of them got her number. At one point she leaves but comes back in moments later to talk more to the 2 guys and says she changed her mind and wants to drink more. I approach on the other side of the bar and she's receptive. Guys on the other side of the bar are shut out, which feels good. We have good conversation but no touching. Bar's about to close, I off-handedly mention that I could drink some more. She says she's going to hang out with her neighbors and leaves.

Bar Night Next Week - I text her a few hours before we usually 'randomly' run into each other and ask her if she wants to check out a band at another nearby bar. She's at a concert that night. Don't see her.

Bar Encounter #4 (last week) - I'm catching up with a friend from out of town. She comes at the usual time and sits down next to me at the bar. I mostly keep talking with my friend but give her some playful kino. She starts competing for attention and gets flirty and touchy. I give her more attention and all 3 of us talk for a while. Good convo. My friend leaves and we continue talking. I escalate touching. I go to the bathroom and when I get back she says that I'm getting too close. I back off the touching, we continue talking for a bit. I ask her if she wants to come back to my place and smoke weed and she says no (unfortunately it's 2:30 am so an excuse is valid). I close my tab and leave feeling sort of rejected.

I'm sure I should've been more direct up to this point, but where should I go from here (if not already too late)? I guess I haven't been direct because she's a 10 and because of my fear of rejection which is made worse because I see her every week for the sports league.



 

BeTheChange

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10 yeah? Based on what ive read here you have no concept of your self value. Probably a 6 you have one-itis for...

Get your inner game right by absorbing the philosophy within this forum.
 

pyros

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FIrst, no woman you meet is a 10. Stop pedestalizing women so much.
I prefer my own scale which is: ugly, ok, hot.

Anyway, she doesn't seem interested in you. You can ask her out for a drink one last time via text, something like if today is Wednesday ask her out for next Friday or Saturday. If she rejects your offer, you forget about her. No need to ask her out again, and no need to text her anymore.

If you see her at that bar you can talk a bit with her, but nothing more.

That's pretty much it.
 

Bingo-Player

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Feel like I may have missed my best opportunity with a 10 (physically and personality) that I recently met. Not your standard situation so I'd like to get input.

(Sorry if too many details)

Met this 10 in a weekly casual sports league. I'm around average looking but I'm athletic. Difficult to make more than quick small talk to her on league day since there's so many people around, but about a month ago I randomly ran into her at a bar.

Bar Encounter #1 - She's there alone randomly because she got off work late (service industry) and wanted to go out (both of our local neighborhood bar). I chat her up with good amounts of ****y/funny, sarcasm, and negging. I can tell she is kind of shocked that a guy is negging her and not treating her like a 10. We have a playful rapport. I lead her around the bar and play a bar game. We talk more outside. Really good conversation but her body language is a little distant and I've barely established any kino all night. When the bar is closing I tell her I parked my car a mile or so away and she offers a ride. When we get to my car she sees a cat and says let's go pet it. She runs out of the car but the cat runs away. She asks if I'm good to drive and offers to give me a ride to my house. I waver and say I have a meeting in the morning. I don't get her number. I already see her on league night every week so I knew I'd see her again.

Bar Encounter #2 - The next week -- same night -- I go back to the bar with a friend around the same time and she's there again. Came by herself again. She's talking with a group of people so I play it cool. She approaches me after 15 minutes. Really good conversation, not great body language (she's not very close). I tell her I was about to play a bar game with friends. She says she just wants to play 1 on 1. I don't break plans with friends and invite her to play teams with us. We play, I give her pointers along the way, she's receptive. We flirt, I continue playfully negging her a bit. After the game we start to get close. She gets the big deer eyes and seems to be at a loss for words. I start making some contact. We are inside the bar (I should move her outside but don't). She mentions a food truck, implying we should go. I say let's get one more drink and then go. She says she has to be up early. I let her go but get her number. Moments after leaving she comes back in because she forgot to close her tab. Then leaves again.

Sports League The Following Week - She's very receptive but it's hard to talk much in this setting. A group goes out for food after but again it's only group conversation.

Bar Encounter #3 - A week since the last bar encounter and again she's there. We talk briefly but convo isn't as good. She starts texting and I say I'll be back. I don't approach her again for another hour or so, when the bar is about to close. She has been talking to 2 guys for a while and I think one of them got her number. At one point she leaves but comes back in moments later to talk more to the 2 guys and says she changed her mind and wants to drink more. I approach on the other side of the bar and she's receptive. Guys on the other side of the bar are shut out, which feels good. We have good conversation but no touching. Bar's about to close, I off-handedly mention that I could drink some more. She says she's going to hang out with her neighbors and leaves.

Bar Night Next Week - I text her a few hours before we usually 'randomly' run into each other and ask her if she wants to check out a band at another nearby bar. She's at a concert that night. Don't see her.

Bar Encounter #4 (last week) - I'm catching up with a friend from out of town. She comes at the usual time and sits down next to me at the bar. I mostly keep talking with my friend but give her some playful kino. She starts competing for attention and gets flirty and touchy. I give her more attention and all 3 of us talk for a while. Good convo. My friend leaves and we continue talking. I escalate touching. I go to the bathroom and when I get back she says that I'm getting too close. I back off the touching, we continue talking for a bit. I ask her if she wants to come back to my place and smoke weed and she says no (unfortunately it's 2:30 am so an excuse is valid). I close my tab and leave feeling sort of rejected.

I'm sure I should've been more direct up to this point, but where should I go from here (if not already too late)? I guess I haven't been direct because she's a 10 and because of my fear of rejection which is made worse because I see her every week for the sports league.
ok you are FAR too invested in this chick the very fact your noting exact timings and details is a concern

you can never be this into a woman otherwise the attraction simply wont spark

she knows she has you where she wants you and until that changes you wont get anything

my only advice is to turn up next week with another woman in tow and do not even attempt to speak to her
 

TheMonkeyKing

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Oh the age old debate. A 10 is a 10, at least physically, as in you wouldn't change anything about her; personality is always up for debate and I do agree that nobody is perfect in that respect. Don't listen to guys who say a 10 doesn't exist bla bla bla It's the pessimists' outlook.

Anyway, that's really besides the point. Pragmatism is the way forward, not getting into the minutiae of aesthetics....

The point is, you've met this girl four times and haven't even got a phone number. You need to treat her exactly the same as a 4/10, regardless of what she looks like. In this respect, the others are right about your pedestalisation of her. AND, worse still, she's now getting itchy feet and telling you to back off because you're not making legitimate 1-2-1 dates. At the moment you're just some random guy she bumps in to and tries to touch her up. If you're out on a date you have a valid reason to be touching her up. Escalation doesn't just mean physicality, it means escalating the situation as well.

You're not doing too badly, but if she's of the quality you say, she's probably not used to guys hitting on her regularly, she's probably got a bit of an ego, she's in it for the attention in part, and she needs you to lead proceedings because her anti-slt defense will be fully engaged.

Above all else DO NOT EVER, I repeat NEVER be apologetic for wanting to fck a woman. Don't be r@pey; back off if she tells you to, but do not ever apologise or be butt-hurt. Just smirk and tell her you desire her and you can't help if your hands go wandering...

In fact, in my experience, telling them exactly what you want to do to them gets them well and truly wet; because the vast majority of guys simply hardly ever do.
 

bigneil

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Yes, it's dangerous to say a 10. It's better to say a girl who you rate a perfect 10. But until you've seen them naked how do you know?
 

The Duke

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I'm not convinced her interest level is there. Maybe she is interested in somebody else, or just not attracted enough to you, or doesn't think you are direct enough.

I'd be very direct and straight forward and ask her out on some fun activity. Something that doesn't involve the service industry, so nothing bar/drinking/restaurant related. If she turns you down, then you have your answer.
 

PantyWhisperer

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Yeah the whole bringing up you being too close after you'd been to the bathroom is no bueno. If she saved that up and still delivered it to you after a bathroom pause, then that screams not interested. What is interesting is that she keeps showing up to the bar alone night after night.
 

fastlife

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I quit reading after the first two encounters. Bro, she was offering you her body on a silver platter. Offering you a ride home? Telling you she wants to play 1 on 1?

For all but the most aggressive of females it doesn't get more obvious than that. You pretty much rejected her. Not sure you can save things with this girl, but you need to work on your mindsets--and remove whatever mental blocks compell you to do the "slow play" (I.e. feeling like you have to do something to earn a girl's affection).
 

marmel75

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You are giving yourself a free ticket to the friendzone. Congrats on having no balls to make a move.
 

Igetit!

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You are giving yourself a free ticket to the friendzone. Congrats on having no balls to make a move.
Bingo...


You stalled her interest out. You call this thread "SLOW playing with a 10". Yeah...it's slow alright.....6 weeks in and you have yet to ask her out. You go from her saying she wanted to play "1 on 1" with you......(which you failed to pick up on) to her saying you were getting "too close" two weeks later when you were doing kino.

If just touching her shoulder,arm,back,or leg with you hand was "too close" for her,what makes you think she'll let you put your penis INSIDE her? If she actually came straight out and just flat out told you you touching her was too close,that means your touching her made her UNCOMFORTABLE......whereas just two weeks ago,she wanted to be "1 on 1" with you.

You stalled her interest out,just simply took too long. In fact,you still haven't shown your interest.....you still haven't asked her out. You're just buzzing around her,like a horsefly buzzing around livestock,being annoying. It's been OVER a month and a half....she likely thinks you're scared. You said you think you saw some other guy getting her number. Well somebody's gotta make a play for her.....she'll be in the nursing home on social security before YOU get around to it.


Don't be jealous cause some other guy has the balls to go for what you want.
 

kennedycoleslaw

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Thanks for the insight fellas. I agree I waited too long to take advantage of what opportunity may or may not have been there. Some ppl said I hadn't even gotten her number. I did get it but didn't really use it since I knew I would keep running into her without arranging anything. Should've had some balls and made a move though.

Still figuring out how to pair being indirect but then being direct when it comes to making a move.

Anyway, I asked her out today for 2 days from now and she got back to me a couple hours later saying she had to work that night. May or may not try for another day. It may be dead on the vine.
 

pyros

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Thanks for the insight fellas. I agree I waited too long to take advantage of what opportunity may or may not have been there. Some ppl said I hadn't even gotten her number. I did get it but didn't really use it since I knew I would keep running into her without arranging anything. Should've had some balls and made a move though.

Still figuring out how to pair being indirect but then being direct when it comes to making a move.

Anyway, I asked her out today for 2 days from now and she got back to me a couple hours later saying she had to work that night. May or may not try for another day. It may be dead on the vine.

For the next time, instead of asking her out on a specific day, just ask her which days she has free to hang out. By doing this you give her many options so if she tells you she's busy all week or something like that, you know for sure she's not interested and she's rejecting you.
Once you've been on a couple of dates with the girl and you know her schedule and she knows yours etc, then you can ask her out on a specific day (because you know it is probably alright).

Anyway, in this case she's not interested.

P.S.
Your question about how to be indirect/direct:
it is not that difficult. You meet a woman you like, you talk to her for a bit, introduce yourself etc, then get her number.
You wait one or two days and you text her to test how she responds. If she seems enthusiastic to hear from you, then you ask her out for a drink a couple of days in advance (NOT MORE).
If at some point she flakes on you or doesnt seem interested, you forget about her unless she contacts you first.
If everything goes well and you two meet, you have a drink, have fun with her, and at the end of the date you go for a kiss or more (depending on the situation). If she rejects your kiss, you forget about her unless she contacts you first.
If it went well, you wait two or three days and ask her out again, and in this date you escalate more, ie, you a bit more sexual with her (it may be you just make out, or it may be you end up fvcking her in the car)
Keep in mind that many women will vanish at some point in this process, and it will not be your fault (usually).

Rinse and repeat.
 
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