Field report - need constructive criticism

[BillyPilgrim]

I'd troll this girl with this:

"I have run through the fields, only to be with you. But I still haven't found what I'm looking for"

Lolz

 

[Clockwerk50]

Point taken.

How else would you take "I hope you find what you are looking for?" Doesn't seem much ambiguity in that statement.

Women often communicate covertly, while men tend to be more direct. A woman usually speaks overtly only when her subtler signals aren’t being picked up. So the real question is—how were her gestures, her tone, her energy? What was she wearing? What were her actions saying?

To me, the fact that she agreed to a second date suggests she was interested in continuing the connection. Context is everything, though. When she said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” it might not have been about her losing interest—it could’ve been a reaction to your subtle cues, like you came across as unsure or emotionally unavailable.

Either way, I would’ve asked directly: “What do you mean by that?” No harm in getting clarity.

But neither here nor there, since—like everyone here said—you might not have been attracted to her, and that’s okay as well.

 

[Chow Mein]

Never judge a woman by what she says. Judge her by what she does. She agreed to see you for one more date (whatever else she said to you at the first date) so you had your chance.

As Duke said women are experts on reading body language and understanding the real meaning behind your words and actions. It sounds like she picked up that you weren’t really attracted to her after your second date and you weren’t able to fake the opposite.

Women you aren’t really physically attracted to should either be ignored or used only for recreational purposes, not for pursuing a potential relationship. Save relationships for women you are genuinely attracted to.

For recreational use you need to act as though you are genuinely attracted to a woman or she will sense the disconnect and end things. If you can’t fake this (and it is hard) then it’s better to focus your efforts elsewhere.

Physical attraction will always be part of the way she feels. If she sees a lack of that, red flag, double take on her end.
She will perceive an outside threat…’is he seeing someone else’
Not many people want competition, some crave it.
You gotta gauge your audience.

 

[The Duke]

Any woman at her age should not say “you have to love me, you to call me, you have to say it, you have to love me, you have to love me. I’m about love.” At our age, the relationship is 98% transectional . This stuff she is saying, a 17 year old girl wouldn’t say more than once to her boyfriend. Maybe, you say it once during the 2 dates, “hey Badboy, you have to show a little more affection if we are going to to move ahead.“

To say that many times at her age? No. honey, there is a a problem. Heck, even if a hot 22 year old virgin would not say that.

I should have said it in my OP, this woman was OLDER. She was younger than me but not young in terms of what men are attracted to. 0 divorces. 0 kids

You two are at opposite ends of the spectrum on this. You see her as something casual and transactional and thats it, she see's herself as someone that is worthy of solid commitment. She picked up on the vibe you put out and realized you weren't going to take her serious and she didn't want that arrangement. So to better your chances, you need to not put out that vibe. Every woman out there wants to believe there is at least a slight chance for love and solid commitment. Don't ruin her fairy tale. None of them want to feel like a transaction. That implies they are wh0res.

A true seducer enjoys them all. He'll treat the 45yo the same way he treats the 25yo. If you want to have better success, your mindset needs to change. You don't have to fall in love with the 45yo, but you can't have the mindset you have and expect it to go very far.

I'll bet had you been more vulnerable with this girl things would have went better.

Show more affection. Flirt more. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and be more open emotionally. Be more charming. Use kino. Reciprocate romantic gestures. If these women are telling you they are not romantically interested this is likely some of the reason.

When you told her she was a great conversationalist, you could have also leaned in and touched her/kissed and said "oh yeah that butt is pretty nice too". Something along those lines.

When I am at a table with a new girl, I always sit next to them instead of across from them, and I always state why I do it from the start. I tell them "If I end up liking you I'm going to want to touch you so I'm going to sit next to you" and throw in a big smile. They eat it up every time.

 

[SW15]

And I don't think she was trying to make you mad nor did she use your words against you. You just took it that way. For Christ sakes, this girl agreed to go out a second time. She was giving you another attempt at bat and you didn't even get a base hit.

I think she agreed to go out one more time because they had a mutual social circle connection. Without that, she would have dropped him after one date.

She wanted you to show more interest, affection, attention, etc towards her and she didn't feel like you expressed enough.

Women are really good at sensing things. They know what a man does and how he makes her feel when one is really into them. They are the weaker ones, so they have to use every tool at their disposal to guide their decision making. She made the right decision and handled herself fine.

This is a good assessment.

 

[Rainman4707]

I think the problem is how you express yourself and how you read people’s responses. Communication works through sending a message, having it received, and interpreting the feedback. If what you express isn’t clear, or you misread her response, misunderstandings build.

As an example, when she said, “I hope you find what you’re looking for,” you interpreted it as rejection, when maybe it wasn’t meant that way.
This doesn’t seem like an isolated case either since some of your posts here suggest you often interpret people’s words in a way that fuels frustration or confusion.

That is NLP