"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Feeling anxiety despite being attractive and getting the attention

BaronOfHair

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this is interesting we need something like that but for men..
Yeah, flip through editions of Maxim, FHM, etc from back in the day + Pre-2016 Askmen... The very simple observation that a man must be conscientious of his appearance when out in public or before the cameras WAS NOT considered "gynocentric" to utter out loud

It's only over the last decade that looking, speaking, and behaving like one never quite graduated 6th grade became mistaken for an advanced way of existing
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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EyeOnThePrize

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Hello friends.
I'm an objectively attractive man in my late 20s, but I have some issues, more with myself than with women.

To give you an example of how attractive I am, today I walked into a hospital waiting room. There were 10 women, 3 really beautiful between 20 and 35, 4 women under 25, and a few younger ones.

I immediately captured the room's interest.
A woman got up to go to the bathroom and clearly passed me and gave me the "look."
A younger girl couldn't stop looking at me.
Other women were very "active" as I moved around the room, and one moved to the chair next to me and asked me about the clinic and we talked about things..

That said, I get all this attention, and it's clear that I'm attractive and women see it, yet I feel a sense of "anxiety" inside me... Like "performance anxiety".. now I don't know if it's inexperience or shame, but that's what I feel... anxiety...

What could it be?
Did you ever had that?
How did you fix?

Thanks!
Sit and ask who is speaking with the anxious voice and who is listening. I would guess you're anxious because you feel you're obligated to please all these women with earth shattering orgasms simply because they show interest and you're anxious about letting them down. It's a people pleasing mentality born of low self esteem and depending on the circumstances everyone succumbs to it at least once.

When you feel anxiety don't distract yourself from it with anything, just sit with it. By not reacting to anxiety and simply staying aware of it you give it no power and take valuable feedback from it. Reacting with distraction does the opposite, it signals to yourself that it's so strong and defeating that it needs escaping. In reality it's just your imagination making up weird stories. Get curious about the anxiety like a scientist and don't be surprised if it shrinks away. Show yourself how simple it is to exist with it and probe its origins.

You don't have to perform, in fact you shouldn't. Just chat to chat, don't even think about laying anyone. Get picky, find out what kind of woman you're really interested in by talking to them and seeing how they act and react. Make mistakes boldly, it's the only way you grow in any facet of your life.
 

zekko

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Yes, I mean that, but you need someone who's realiable, not someone you met at the bar last night
Which brings me back to I've never met a man that I trust to tell me what to do with my life.
 

tesla8520

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That's where the deep reflection and uncomfortable conversations you have to have internally and in your mind will come into play.

That's why most people never change. Because those conversations are the most difficult ones you'll ever have and you have to open up wounds that you don't want to and have an honest look at yourself

Most people are unwilling to do it.
I can sense that feeling.
What you need to ask and reply?

@EyeOnThePrize Your words resonate, but they seem too easy to apply to reality, without guidance.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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