Feeling anxiety despite being attractive and getting the attention

[tesla8520]

Hello friends.
I'm an objectively attractive man in my late 20s, but I have some issues, more with myself than with women.

To give you an example of how attractive I am, today I walked into a hospital waiting room. There were 10 women, 3 really beautiful between 20 and 35, 4 women under 25, and a few younger ones.

I immediately captured the room's interest.
A woman got up to go to the bathroom and clearly passed me and gave me the "look."
A younger girl couldn't stop looking at me.
Other women were very "active" as I moved around the room, and one moved to the chair next to me and asked me about the clinic and we talked about things..

That said, I get all this attention, and it's clear that I'm attractive and women see it, yet I feel a sense of "anxiety" inside me... Like "performance anxiety".. now I don't know if it's inexperience or shame, but that's what I feel... anxiety...

What could it be?
Did you ever had that?
How did you fix?

Thanks!

 

[Travel memoir21]

Hello friends.
I'm an objectively attractive man in my late 20s, but I have some issues, more with myself than with women.

To give you an example of how attractive I am, today I walked into a hospital waiting room. There were 10 women, 3 really beautiful between 20 and 35, 4 women under 25, and a few younger ones.

I immediately captured the room's interest.
A woman got up to go to the bathroom and clearly passed me and gave me the "look."
A younger girl couldn't stop looking at me.
Other women were very "active" as I moved around the room, and one moved to the chair next to me and asked me about the clinic and we talked about things..

That said, I get all this attention, and it's clear that I'm attractive and women see it, yet I feel a sense of "anxiety" inside me... Like "performance anxiety".. now I don't know if it's inexperience or shame, but that's what I feel... anxiety...

What could it be?
Did you ever had that?
How did you fix?

Thanks!

This is a question of Inner and Outer game. Inner game, I suggest you get that handled by prayer, meditation, living and minimalist lifestyle and learning to Love people instead of being so self absorbed all the time by volunteering, giving and going to your place of faith and worship. Outer game- ask Chat Gpt to make you a social skills boot camp and go to environments where you’re comfortable picking up women based on your personality. For example, I absolutely love meeting women in bookstores and libraries because the chicks there are more sophisticated and tends to be more quality for me. Go find where they are, I also suggest you take up martial arts, yoga and brisk walking for your anxiety. It’ll give you more confidence.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@tesla8520 "To give you an example of how attractive I am, today I walked into a hospital waiting room. There were 10 women, 3 really beautiful between 20 and 35, 4 women under 25, and a few younger ones.

I immediately captured the room's interest"

That machete lodged in your forehead(what brought you to the hospital to begin with)was, at the very least 90%, responsible for your presence being noticed

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are not fully comfortable with who you are. You have an internal struggle going on that you are going to need to get resolved.

 

[Divorced w 3]

See a therapist and listen to them as soon as you can. Being uncomfortable in your own skin will cause you to make a lot of avoidable mistakes.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Do you ever actually start conversations with people?

Or do you wander the Earth capturing the attention of rooms because of your attractiveness while expecting others to get the ball rolling?

 

[Gamisch]

So ,perhaps you arent THAT attractive? Saying you're attractive while NOT getting the results you'll want is actually twice as stupid.like saying "Im very strong but I get beat up every time".

Allow me to explain; a MAN'S attractiveness is always I repeat ALWAYS depending on how he actually executes his" opportunities ". You can be Thor himself, yet you WILL be an incel if you dont take the initiative. And taking initiative is a crucial and vital part of " being attractive ".

Vibe is stronger than looks. I've seen below average dudes completely capturing the entire room by simply being confident as feck. I've seen attractive men go on years long dryspells.

Attractiveness for man?
- looks/ style/ physique
- demeanor/ attitude
- boldness/ risk taker/ moving unapologetically
- social awareness / ability to close the gap
-financial strength/ got his money right
- spiritual awareness

Dont call yourself "objectively " attractive if you don't control and / or at very least work on ALL these aspects.

 

[thefonz]

Not now, but about 20 years ago had this problem. I actually did a pickup bootcamp with Mark Manson/Entropy in 2008 and he basically said “Dude, you’re a good looking guy. You are overthinking it.” It’s lot more common than you think. My advice would be to focus more on enjoying yourself, practice escalating, and less on pleasing others. Anxiety is one of those things that goes away over time, you just kind of get over it and stop caring.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Shortish answer:

Being attractive doesn't exempt one from the existential dread which plagues his "ugly" peers... Frequently, men who are pleasing to the eye have to disprove suspicions that they're nothing more than pretty boys, coasting by on looks alone. Ex.

Jonathan Schaech likely experienced a substantial amount of anxiety once The 2000s were upon us, and he realized: "I've stretched my teeny bopper heart-throbness as far as I can, even though I'm likely going to live several decades more. If I'm to avoid ending up behind the register at f-c-ing Cinnabon, boring the piss out of everyone in earshot with tales of my glory days, I have to adapt". Subsequently, he used that anxiety to his advantage, has carved out a lucrative career as a director and producer

 

[BadBoy89]

- I'm an objectively attractive man in my late 20s
- To give you an example of how attractive I am
- it's clear that I'm attractive and women see it,

- I feel a sense of "anxiety" inside me... Like "performance anxiety".. now I don't know if it's inexperience or shame, but that's what I feel... anxiety...

There is nothing wrong with your ego.

You sure you feel performance anxiety?

 

[zekko]

You can be Thor himself, yet you WILL be an incel if you dont take the initiative.

Well, maybe not if you're Thor, but I agree with your post.
I'm also wondering if the OP has any social skills.

 

[BaronOfHair]

So ,perhaps you arent THAT attractive?

Also, a variation of what's said here https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1GjUcga9yv/ is equally true for men... There's a type of male beauty(DiCaprio, both Depp and Cruise before the chin implants, early Travolta )that's far more "pretty" than handsome, stirs the ardor of tween girls yet isn't especially appealing to actual women. If OP falls into this category, and he ain't a celebrity... Well, his looks aren't going to serve him especially well, and may even have folks questioning which side he's batting for. Luckily, a virility upgrade is, for most men anyway, achievable

Ex:

Here's a very effeminate Rob Lowe in The Outsiders

And here's that same dude almost a decade later

Only scary and not someone to be f-c-ed with

 

[tesla8520]

Vibe is stronger than looks

I've learned this...

Perception is stronger than actual value.

You can literally feed people sh&t if you sell it like a delicacy.

Attractiveness for men?

- looks/ style/ physique

- demeanor/ attitude

- boldness/ risk taker/ moving unapologetically

- social awareness/ ability to close the gap (what is the ability to close the gap?)

- financial strength/ got his money right

- spiritual awareness

This is why I have at least one of these green ones, and women notice, while the orange ones are WIP.
For the oranges, do you have any example of good one?

Mark Manson/Entropy

You had someone tell you.
You need someone to trust that helpyou about that.

You sure you feel performance anxiety?

Isnt' that anxiety? Or how that differ from?

social skills.

what is in your mind about that?

 

[tesla8520]

e https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1GjUcga9yv/

this is interesting we need something like that but for men..

 

[tesla8520]

You are not fully comfortable with who you are. You have an internal struggle going on that you are going to need to get resolved.

I think so!
Now, moving forward: how do I know what I need to solve? And how do I solve that? Who could help?

Do you ever actually start conversations with people?

I do often

 

[tesla8520]

In this case, who would you take advice from?
Someone who could guide you. See what you're missing and tell you clearly what to work on.

A man who's successful with women?

A man who's successful financially?

A man who's successful in his family life?

 

[zekko]

In this case, who would you take advice from?
Someone who could guide you. See what you're missing and tell you clearly what to work on.

A man who's successful with women?
A man who's successful financially?
A man who's successful in his family life?

I think that's called a life coach.
Thing is, I've never met a man I would trust with telling me what to do with my life. I'd be open to suggestions though.

 

[tesla8520]

I'd be open to suggestions though.

Yes, I mean that, but you need someone who's realiable, not someone you met at the bar last night

 

[viking22]

It is a bit feminine to be focused on attention you’re receiving from women. You should be the one giving attention to those you deem worthy.

If you’re as attractive as you say you are then you’ll do well on the apps and will be able to get lots of dates and it doesn’t matter too much if they aren’t that hot as what you need I the experience.

After a while you will be able to act with more confidence because you’ll know when a woman is interested and will respond to your advances and how that when she isn’t there are lots of other options so you’ll move on quickly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think so!
Now, moving forward: how do I know what I need to solve? And how do I solve that? Who could help?

I do often

That's where the deep reflection and uncomfortable conversations you have to have internally and in your mind will come into play.

That's why most people never change. Because those conversations are the most difficult ones you'll ever have and you have to open up wounds that you don't want to and have an honest look at yourself

Most people are unwilling to do it.