"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Fast Talker

CosMoenTropic

Don Juan
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Unfortunately I am one. I hate slow talkers who have nothing to say. At the same time, I don't like how when I feel magnetized by an idea/emotion I feel like I have to say alot to get the entirely of the point across, and because of this I convey it extremely quickly so I don't let my dialouge drag on for too long. Is this problem just specific to me?

I realize because of this it ruins the body language aspect of my communication and its not good. Girls sometimes get intimidated or probably annoyed when they have to process what I have to say so quickly.. It makes them feel rushed, and I can understand that.

Anybody with this problem? Any good method to consciously/unconsciously minimize this problem?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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SharinganUser

Master Don Juan
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I am a slow talker and I find that it's the fast talkers that have nothing to say. It sounds to me that you aren't confident that people will listen to your entire arguement/idea, so you feel that you have to cram in as many words in the shortest amount of time.

Just relax and slow down. Try speaking from your diaphram instead of your chest or throat. Then when you are talking try to recognize when someone's interest is fading and do something to hook them back like making eye contact(if you are in a group you can't make eye contact with everyone all the time so scan them) or asking them a question about the point you are trying to make.

You should also consider rehearsing what you want to say, this will help build confidence. Another thing to consider would be to record yourself talking and listen to it latter.

If this is really bothering you, you should take a Public Speaking course.
 

Kwothe

Don Juan
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well all sucessful communicator are average speed. i am a fast talker myself, until i watch alan shore in boston legal. He is so smooth, and you look at his colleague who is a fast talker, let you see the contrast there, it makes a world difference on your speed.
 
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