EXAMPLES OF ****Y + FUNNY

[FireOnTheMountain]

These are good, but someof them take a lot more skill than I presently have. The more innuendo/direct ones need really good delivery for you not to sound like a creep.

 

[Groovy]

Delivery is everything! Easily makes around 70% of the joke!

 

[Kwothe]

hey i used the c/f bit too much, it borders to insulting(at that point of time, i thought it was funny, she thought not), so how do you know where to thread?

 

[christopher09]

excellent advice

This is one of th best posts yet!

 

[War Against Betaism]

My friend always tells me some of the best C&F lines, the other night he told me this one golden line he used, but I think it moreso fits under the flirting category but gold nonetheless...

So him and this girl were cuddling on her bed and she mentions "We have to do this again in your bed," he responds "I dunno, I don't think I would want to do it at my house," she asks "Why not?", he responds "I'm afraid you're not gonna behave yourself," she says "Oh, I'll behave...just for a minute."

 

[randomshinichi]

To a black girl (important, loses funny part if you say this to anybody else)
me: you know, talking to black people is seriously hard.
her: why?
me: it's hard to tell when they're facing you.

 

[ARrocket]

To a black girl (important, loses funny part if you say this to anybody else)
me: you know, talking to black people is seriously hard.
her: why?
me: it's hard to tell when they're facing you.

dude....wtf?

 

[randomshinichi]

It worked... too well. I always end up getting the chicks I don't really want...

 

[oneshot]

While touching my girlfriend's ***** ten minutes after having sex:
GF: Hey! Don't do that!
Me: Don't do what?
GF: Stop it!
Me: (continuing to touch it) Stop what?
GF: (giggles) STOP IT!
Me: Jesus, I'm just trying to relieve that itch.
GF: (Laughs and slaps me really hard)
Me: (tickles her ***** more than ever) Goddamn it! Is that the way you treat your boyfriend while he's trying to help you out??
(We **** again).
---
(At the subway station)
Me: (I moved my hand down to her ass and start doing things with it)
GF: Hey! Not now! (slaps me)
Me: That's not nice
GF: (Glares at my hand, which is rested on her ass.) And *that's* nice?
Me: (Looks down at her ass and wiggles tongue) Oh yeah...mmm...that looks REALLY nice
---
(while lying in bed)
Me: You look real tired.
GF: You know why I look tired? I just came...first time in my life!
(After some talking)
Me: Okay, I gotta go.
GF: Noooooo! (Grabs me)
Me: No, I gotta go. Gotta practice Beethoven.
GF: Ah, **** Beethoven!
Me: (move in to her ears and whisper...) I'd rather **** you.
---

 

[randomshinichi]

You forgot to mention that y'all are just really stuck up when it comes to these kinds of jokes. More than likely you're all white Americans busy trying to shed yourselves of apartheid's spectre.

It's really telling when you start thinking it's your responsibility to take offence for blacks (which is what most people do, hence the 'loses funny part if you say this to a non-black'), when in fact, most of them wouldn't take offence... provided you have established rapport beforehand.

EDIT: If we're going to take this any further, PM ok?

 

[randomshinichi]

A more recent example:
A woman just walks into the room I had a lecture in and starts filling the blackboard with a graph of what appears to be electron orbital energy levels or something.

"Are you trying to impress me?"

 

[Paintballguy]

I was at a bar recently with some friends. There was this HB at the bar. She kept saying, "OMG this is my song!" to like every other song, so I said, "How many songs are your 'song'?". She responded like she was mad at me, but I knew she was responsive to it because she came up to me later to dance.

 

[suaveplayer]

dude i have a good one, its from clive owens in "closer"

the girl: you're awesome (or some complement)
the guy: don't you forget it

 

[soadflav]

Heres one i hered from my friend

Guy: *says something*

Girl: Dont give me no sarcasm!!

Guy: I wont give you sarcasm, ill give you an orgasm.

 

[It's-Me]

Her: You suck
Me: You suck harder

 

[Allurre]

What up guys,

Here's one which I've written about in my "DATING SUCCESS EXPRESS" Book.. releasing sometime before summer.

(Girl touches my hand)
You: You owe me $20.
Girl: Uh.. why?
You: We just started seeing each other, touching me costs $20. It’s only free when you’re my official girlfriend.

 

[War Against Betaism]

I did this the other week, I was at the mall with this girl and she put her arm around mine. Then I said to her "Don't do that, you're ruining my game!" She kind of had a shocked look and asked my immediately "What?" Then I said to her "You see those two girls over there? The red and white, I'm trying to look good for them." She looked over and they were two old fat ladies sitting on the other side of the room. She was laughing and we both sort of played on to it like she said "Oh man I'm so jealous! Look how pretty they are!"

 

[peacefire]

Her: You suck
Me: You suck harder

her: you suck
me: you swallow

 

[Credos]

me: hey how are you?
girl: hey, im good, how are you?
Me: I'm an 8, maybe an 8.5
girl: huh?
Me: you look like a 6
girl: I'm not a 6!
Me: ... Thats what I would say if I was just a 6!
girl: thats not nice
Me: Ok, I'll give you a chance to prove yourself, but if you lose you buy me an icecream!
girl: what if i win?
Me: i'll buy you icecream
girl: so what do I have to do

Was buying time, quick thinking, just KEEP some major EC, you might be able to pull off a kiss already, depends on how hard she's giving you EC back and on the location! If you at a club you could replace the icecream you could replace that with a shot, but i would stick with icecream, everybody likes it, and it means you got a chance to see her again or to change location, both great... You can also say you never eaten that flavour she picked, and you can make easy conversation about icecreamflavours, and how silly she is to love that flavour. All teasing stuff, never harras :crazy:, if you see she's getting pissed cool it down a noth

Me: 6's are alwayse bad kissers... I bet you are...
Girl: is that you're trick to seduce a girl?!
Me: laugh, only a player would think that! A 6 and a player
Girl: I am not a player!
Me: Sure you aren't, anyhow, if you wanna prove you're not a 6 then you'll have to show me a hot dance!

just make her do something seductive towards you, remember, you're doing alot of ****yness and some girls will think your overdoing it, keep the EC going and go with the flow, if you sense she's not liking it anymore turn it down a bit! (btw, 2 days later this girl slept with me, we're still good friends, I'm still teasing her, she still loves it , she's an 8 )

 

[faiNt`]

After I catch a girl looking at me.

B: Do I have something on my face or are you just the staring kind? *Casual smiley face*.
G: No, no I wasn't staring at you. *Smiles interested*.
B: Happens all the time, don't feel bad.
G: So you tend to have that effect, huh?
B: Well, apparently on you.
G: *Laughs*, (I think she said unbelievable under her breath).
B: I know right, your lucky, I normally don't give future stalkers the time of day.
G: *Looks offended* (Thinks I had gone too far but maintains eye-contact smiling.)
G: What's your number?
B: 0, I like the number 0 and I'm willing to bet you do too.
G: I so hate you right now *smiling*.
B: You can't hate me we're family.
G: *Punches my arm*, sorry bro.
B: Hey incest isn't my thing but as long as you don't scream 'harder brother!', I'll deal with it.
G: Your sick, what's your name.
B: Speaking of screaming, sounds like you need a new name to scream out.
G: *Sarcastic tone* Your right, take me to the toilets and **** me like a slut.
B: I'm more of a long walks on the beach type guy.
G: *Looks at me intently* gonna give me your number.
B: No but you will give me yours.
G: Mutters unbelieveable.
*Gets number and walks off without saying goodbye*.

That night she calls proclaiming she got my number 'off a friend'.
B: Is that friend, friends with the phone book or?
G: *murmours*.
B: Your cute, meet me at X tomorrow at X. *hangs up*.

I went there an hour early because I had to do things there anyway and guess who had 'the same idea'.

She was easy, I don't know if that's C + F but it definetely would have been one of my most successful occasions, EVER .

Absolute gold right there