Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Ex with new man

ThinkerG

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2018
Messages
79
Reaction score
50
Age
29
yeah, woman I'm seeing now made it clear from start that no man sees her daughter until she's certain its going somewhere.

only just met her over 3 months in.

she went right up in my estimation with this outlook, even though it meant only being able to see each other once or twice a week as a result.
Honestly that’s a perfect amount of time. Allows you to see her, fvck, get to know her slowly while you progress in you’re own life. I’d be weary planning a possible ltr with someone with kids already but that’s just me.
 

B80

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 18, 2017
Messages
146
Reaction score
92
Honestly that’s a perfect amount of time. Allows you to see her, fvck, get to know her slowly while you progress in you’re own life. I’d be weary planning a possible ltr with someone with kids already but that’s just me.
yeah I know where you're coming from. I'm 41 and my experience with women in their 30's is they either come with kids or are desperate to hook up with a man to have kids asap. If I was 10 years younger with no kids my outlook would certainly be different.

I don't want any more so lean towards single mums, as long as they are self sufficient/don't expect me to pay for raising them and don;t have more than 1.
 

ThinkerG

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2018
Messages
79
Reaction score
50
Age
29
yeah I know where you're coming from. I'm 41 and my experience with women in their 30's is they either come with kids or are desperate to hook up with a man to have kids asap. If I was 10 years younger with no kids my outlook would certainly be different.

I don't want any more so lean towards single mums, as long as they are self sufficient/don't expect me to pay for raising them and don;t have more than 1.
I definitely hear you. Makes senss. I’m a little younger but I have two children. Even in my age group which is late 20s to early 30s a lot of women have already either been married or have kids. I have met some good women with children already but Im not looking for long term right now, especially with somebody that already has children. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that it’s just my personal preference and I don’t want to complicate the situation with her kids and my kids. It also depends on what one may be looking for. Just hook ups or ltr my approach is completely different.
 

bcude

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
744
Reaction score
1,176
Age
38
yeah I know where you're coming from. I'm 41 and my experience with women in their 30's is they either come with kids or are desperate to hook up with a man to have kids asap. If I was 10 years younger with no kids my outlook would certainly be different.

I don't want any more so lean towards single mums, as long as they are self sufficient/don't expect me to pay for raising them and don;t have more than 1.
This is sort of the problem with single moms. They will eventually and subconsciously want the man to pay and be a role model for their child(ren). It's just a consequence of entangling your lives. Almost all of them will tell you that they're not looking for help in any way, but then you suddenly will hear that you don't spend enough time with little Jimmie, or why don't you pay for "our" family when we go to the zoo etc etc.
It's delusional to be with a single mom and believe that you don't have to be involved in some way. The child is her life and will be a part of yours too eventually if you go for one. Then you get attached to lil' jimmie and receive double the heartbreak when she decides to continue her irrational lifestyle choices and leave you.

It's understandable to date single mother's when you've children yourself but know exactly what you get yourself into.
 

B80

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 18, 2017
Messages
146
Reaction score
92
This is sort of the problem with single moms. They will eventually and subconsciously want the man to pay and be a role model for their child(ren). It's just a consequence of entangling your lives. Almost all of them will tell you that they're not looking for help in any way, but then you suddenly will hear that you don't spend enough time with little Jimmie, or why don't you pay for "our" family when we go to the zoo etc etc.
It's delusional to be with a single mom and believe that you don't have to be involved in some way. The child is her life and will be a part of yours too eventually if you go for one. Then you get attached to lil' jimmie and receive double the heartbreak when she decides to continue her irrational lifestyle choices and leave you.

It's understandable to date single mother's when you've children yourself but know exactly what you get yourself into.
yeah you are right and make no mistake I'm under not illusion and expect to contribute financially and spend time with their child... which I'm more than happy to do and not just in a begrudging, sly way to keep her onside.

it's more when I've started speaking to some singles mums and they'll ask what I do, then when I ask them it's been 'I work part time as an admin at school' despite her having 3 kids. One it will be a pain the arse doing most things with 4 kids, plus would require bigger house, car, holidays etc and by the fact she has a low income means its clear I'll be contributing a lot financially, which I'd resent.

another woman had 3 kids and had just lost her job fixing curtains and was desperately trying to get a low level office job. Again, not for me as per reasons above. clearly they're going to be expecting a big financial contribution along with life generally being consumed by her kids.

the woman I'm seeing has 1 kid (year older than mine so similar age) and a 6 figure salary, so although I've no doubt I'll be paying for her child at points, the expectation and expenditure from financial pov won't be as much. I really don't mind making significant contributions, without being a total mug or telling her that, as I know her child is part of package. I'm quite happy being generous to those I care about and get a lot of satisfaction from doing it.

plus if I'm honest, I quite like the idea of my daughter having a step sister as I have no intention of having more myself. days out with all of us have been great, feels like the next best thing to having a proper family.

my main reservations are that she pulled the plug on previous marriage (although her ex was a total loser who couldn't hold down a job for years) and due to earning large wage could just see men as fun, disposable when/if she gets bored as time goes on as doesn't really need a man in her life. but so far things are progressing nicely.

That's why it's important to keep doing what's important to you: business, career, keeping in shape etc. So if they do pull the plug, that's their issue and you haven't sacrificed everything for a woman... probably why a lot of men spiral into a bad state after a breakup. Which ironically also means you're more likely to keep relationship going in my opinion: keeps you attractive, more respect for you, rather than bending over completely and letting them gradually take away whats important to you, under some misguided belief by compromising everything you're keeping them happy. Has to be a degree of selfishness.
 
Last edited:

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

bcude

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 31, 2019
Messages
744
Reaction score
1,176
Age
38
Yeah i agree, more than 1 child is an absolute dealbreaker and means you will never even see your woman.

plus if I'm honest, I quite like the idea of my daughter having a step sister as I have no intention of having more myself. days out with all of us have been great, feels like the next best thing to having a proper family.
I see what you're saying. This is what's called 'blended families'. It kind of makes sense in theory but people who grew up in one all say it was a bad experience because you know that other one is not your family which often leads to resentment and jealousy. If the children are of opposite sex you possibly have to deal with sexual abuse too. Take it for what it's worth, sometimes it does work out but generally not.

my main reservations are that she pulled the plug on previous marriage (although her ex was a total loser who couldn't hold down a job for years) and due to earning large wage could just see men as fun, disposable when/if she gets bored as time goes on as doesn't really need a man in her life. but so far things are progressing nicely.
And this is a huge thing. Why did she choose a loser in the first place to have a kid with and marry? It says alot about her and her irrational choices and the way she sees commitment.
She did it once so it will be easier the second time, just like cheating.

Your head is in the right place but really ask yourself if you want to become serious and expose your child to a woman like this for the future, knowing that she sees you as convenience/a tool. I believe there needs to be genuine burning desire as a foundation for anything serious, especially when there are children involved that will always suffer the most from their parents choices. Only you know what to do and to come armed with knowledge is never a bad idea.
 
Top