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Stoic

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Children my sons age (21 months) show direct if they

I can only trust my ex who she lets in in our childs life. The new guy should just Be a rolemodell and nothing Else. Only my ex and i have the responsibility for our kid. Letting a fwb meet our son makes me puke....
I hope she knows that only her and i should bring up our kid....
I understand that man. But, your ex is going to do what shes going to do. The sooner you accept that, the easier your life will be. I know it sucks.
 

B80

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one of the hardest things to deal with. hoepfully as time goes on the ex will become rational around this sort of thing.

I was the same mate when ex started having a man over right after we separated. luckily they ended up with each other until breaking up recently. I just hope she's grown up and won't behave the same in future with other men.
 

B80

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Acceptans is the key.....
yes indeed, you can point things out but getting stressed, wound up constantly about this will only cause you more issues and hurt, effecting the person you are and your life, which will have an effect on daughter.

really is low-life behavior from your ex though.
 

derby1

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I hope she knows that only her and i should bring up our kid....
have you ever drove with a woman in a car, to see their REAL entitled aggressive personality?

your babys mom thinks men are disposable commodities.

I read a womans forum the other day and they said "lets find a good step daddy to raise the kid"...

they think nothing of dual mating strategies.

this is how disgusting weve allowed their mindset to become.
 

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Bolond

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Ok guys. Tomorow i have a dejt. She is my age and have one kid. She is driving one hour to my place and we are going for a walk with her dog. Im planning to arrange coffe and cookies outside when we arrive at the place we are walking to. Im preparing dinner if it goes well. What Else could i do to make her feel special?
 

bcude

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What Else could i do to make her feel special?
For starters by changing your mindset to: "what can she do to make you feel special?"
You should just be providing a fun experience for a girl with potential, but you're not sure about her yet. Ask yourself, what do you enjoy to do?
If you're excited, she'll feed off your excitement and become excited too. It's not so much about exactly WHAT you do, more how you feel about it.
Don't go out of your way to impress her, she'll notice and think you're overcompensating for something. You don't know her yet, do you? Then there's no need to put in much effort.
Have the walk and coffe and then if it feels good ask her to cook something up together. Good opportunity to touch her naturally.
 

Lookatu

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Im planning to arrange coffe and cookies outside when we arrive at the place we are walking to. Im preparing dinner if it goes well. What Else could i do to make her feel special?
Don't go out of your way to impress her, she'll notice and think you're overcompensating for something.
This. ^^^^

I know you're getting back into the dating world so let me remind you:
- Don't invest too much, too soon - Make her prove that she has value and is worthy to be with YOU.
- Go by her actions, not her words.
- Always look for reciprocation. If she doesn't reciprocate on things, it's going to be one sided and you'll always be the loser.

Personally I think coffee and cookies are more than enough for a first date.
 

Bolond

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We went for a long walk. She asked me much. When we arrived at my place she smiled and we huged. I asked to a second date and she wanted that and smiled big. She wanted to be in Touch. I sent her a sms to drive carefully Home and she replied "i promise".
 

Lookatu

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We went for a long walk. She asked me much. When we arrived at my place she smiled and we huged. I asked to a second date and she wanted that and smiled big. She wanted to be in Touch. I sent her a sms to drive carefully Home and she replied "i promise".
Sounds a little Disney to me but I hope things work out for you and it sounds like a good start. :up:
 

Bolond

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Told my idiot ex too remove pics of me from her instagram and fb. Dnt wanna be in the same pics as her.
 

AlphaDraconis

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If you know who guy is, and he’s on Facebook, you could play a few dirty little tricks IF you want him out of the picture.

You could set up a fake female profile and subtly catfish him... when he takes the bait, compile all his messages, screen print, then message them to your ex, and tell her he’s a low down, dirty cheating dawg.

If you do this, you gotta be very subtle... start by friending his friends, until you eventually friend him. Then you start off by just liking his pics, until he gets curious enough to inbox you. Also, by constantly liking / <3 hearting his pics / posts, your ex will likely start noticing, start getting suspicious of him, which will lead to arguments.

Make sure the chick who you use is sexier than your ex... it’s a no brainer he’ll eventually get baited.
 

bcude

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If you know who guy is, and he’s on Facebook, you could play a few dirty little tricks IF you want him out of the picture.

You could set up a fake female profile and subtly catfish him... when he takes the bait, compile all his messages, screen print, then message them to your ex, and tell her he’s a low down, dirty cheating dawg.

If you do this, you gotta be very subtle... start by friending his friends, until you eventually friend him. Then you start off by just liking his pics, until he gets curious enough to inbox you. Also, by constantly liking / <3 hearting his pics / posts, your ex will likely start noticing, start getting suspicious of him, which will lead to arguments.

Make sure the chick who you use is sexier than your ex... it’s a no brainer he’ll eventually get baited.
How will all of this change any of the fact that she will still still bring new men into her life and expose their child to strangers every other month?
She and her behavior is the problem here, not the men.
In the end he can only control his own behavior. One can only hope the current man is a keeper for the sanity and wellbeing of their child.
 

AlphaDraconis

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How will all of this change any of the fact that she will still still bring new men into her life and expose their child to strangers every other month?
She and her behavior is the problem here, not the men.
In the end he can only control his own behavior. One can only hope the current man is a keeper for the sanity and wellbeing of their child.
I feel for you bro... must be a nightmare.
 

Bolond

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Second date at her place. She has her 4 year old daughter full time so the kid was there. The women had made dinner for me and then we went outside for a walk were she lives.
She brought me coffe and cookies and we talked a lot. We huged twice when i left.
She seems interested but has not touched me yet. It was the second date so i Will see What happens on the third....i never dated with kids involved and i never dated anyone her age (45) she is very mature and i guess she likes to take i slow (?)
 

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bcude

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You think she wants to take it slow when she introduces you to her child on the second date? She's doing exactly what we berate your ex for, as in being selfish and irresponsible towards her child. I wouldn't call her mature with that behavior and if i'm allowed to generalise her behavior is indicative of a mother looking to trap down a provider.

What are you looking for with her?
 
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Bolond

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Me seeing her kid was her decision. I wont let her meet my kid for a long time. I wanna do so right that i can.
 

Lookatu

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we talked a lot. We huged twice when i left.

She seems interested but has not touched me yet. It was the second date so i Will see What happens on the third....

i guess she likes to take i slow (?)
Talking that much has already put you in the friendzone or provider group. Hugging is what friends do when they meet or leave.

You're waiting for her to touch YOU? YOU have to take the initiative lead and escalate. And through all that, you have to show confidence or just the act of initiating will turn her off. If you haven't even kissed already on the 2nd date, I'm afraid it's already too late. But please feel free to prove me wrong.

Regardless if women likes to take it slow or not is not for you to worry. You need to provide her comfort and security so that you can escalate asap. Go at your pace and forget about her pace. Women will rarely ding you for being too aggressive but they will ding you for not being aggressive enough. Always remember that.

It sounds like you're living in the 1950's construct which isn't realistic these days.
 

ThinkerG

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My ex and i have a kid,therefor we have contact. She lied to me about small things when we spoke over facetime. She has met a guy. Its not serious but maybe it Will she said to me. I Said i was happy for her,and i am!

They have been dating a couple of weeks (2 or 3)and he has already met our child! Thats to early! For three months ago she had a fwb but now another guy.
Am i right about its to early for him to meet our child?
In my opinion it’s waaaaaay to early. A think a few months is too early. Children should only meet someone’s new partner IF they establish a ltr and plan to keep it that way, get engaged, marry, etc. it shows a lack of maturity. Even if you are head over heels for this person you should be intelligent enough to understand that enough time needs to typically elapse before you know if you youre actually compatible with someone for the long term. Thinking they’re hot, fun, great, sweet etc. isn’t good enough.
 

B80

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In my opinion it’s waaaaaay to early. A think a few months is too early. Children should only meet someone’s new partner IF they establish a ltr and plan to keep it that way, get engaged, marry, etc. it shows a lack of maturity. Even if you are head over heels for this person you should be intelligent enough to understand that enough time needs to typically elapse before you know if you youre actually compatible with someone for the long term. Thinking they’re hot, fun, great, sweet etc. isn’t good enough.
yeah, woman I'm seeing now made it clear from start that no man sees her daughter until she's certain its going somewhere.

only just met her over 3 months in.

she went right up in my estimation with this outlook, even though it meant only being able to see each other once or twice a week as a result.

yes it would have been more fun seeing each more often, but would have made me question her character if she was inviting me over from early on with her daughter around.
 
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