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Ex GF Will Not Go Away

jaymbrs

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She keeps texting but not in a harassing manner, however she keeps bringing "us" up. I've told her numerous times I don't want to get back together. She temporarily accepts but then returns to telling me things like she's still in love with me, etc. I actually think she's borderline suicidal or going to hurt herself. Not sure what to do at this point. I've tried "being there for her" because she moved to my city and has no friends because of Covid and I honestly feel bad for her. I guess my only other option is to completely ignore, which I think is harsh considering it was a seemingly amicable split up.
What do you guys think?
 

Romanemp22

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She keeps texting but not in a harassing manner, however she keeps bringing "us" up. I've told her numerous times I don't want to get back together. She temporarily accepts but then returns to telling me things like she's still in love with me, etc. I actually think she's borderline suicidal or going to hurt herself. Not sure what to do at this point. I've tried "being there for her" because she moved to my city and has no friends because of Covid and I honestly feel bad for her. I guess my only other option is to completely ignore, which I think is harsh considering it was a seemingly amicable split up.
What do you guys think?
Had one like that before but crazier. The more you engage with her the more she will bother you.

Shes also keeping her tabs on you, mentioning you and her once upon a time in a indirect way that she wants your attention and want to keep you on the hook.

But don't give in man, I advice you to completely ignore her. Be ready for more of her after that since she will hate you ignoring her but she will get the point eventually.
 

Lookatu

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I agree with the above. ^^^

I have had this issue before. Being a "nice guy" can often times be more torturous to them than being an azzhole unfortunately.
 

Black Widow Void

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This was from last weekend with a girl that I broke up with over a year ago. Like yourself, I've never sent her mixed or encouraging messages. When she steps over the line (as she did by referring to herself as my girl) I just do not respond.

Between us here on the forum, I'll admit that it burns me up when she sends the occasional message - like the one that I'm including.

text message.jpg
 

bcude

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jaymbrs,

we talk about the importance of setting boundaries to have healthy relationships with women but this goes for all relationships you will have in life and doesn't stop just because the relationship is over. You set them out of self love to make you feel good and safe because you know your limits, what you will tolerate and not tolerate and express them so people around you know how to approach you for the wellbeing of everyone.

What do you do when someone is crossing your boundary?

When the relationship is over, it's not on you to be there for her anymore. She's not under your protection, care or your responsibility anymore, even if many women pretend that not to be the case.

Communicate boundary clearly ->> if/when said boundary is crossed ->> walk away, ignore.

You can still be some kind of emotional support/"friend" if you want to be that but she will not take your words seriously if you don't back them up with action. She's choosing to not live in reality and you're helping her by just being a kind human being.
 

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samspade

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At some point if she doesn't leave you alone you should block her, for your own sake.

There's no shame in telling her you need some time without contact and that you'd like her to respect it.

Then, block.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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She keeps texting but not in a harassing manner, however she keeps bringing "us" up. I've told her numerous times I don't want to get back together. She temporarily accepts but then returns to telling me things like she's still in love with me, etc. I actually think she's borderline suicidal or going to hurt herself. Not sure what to do at this point. I've tried "being there for her" because she moved to my city and has no friends because of Covid and I honestly feel bad for her. I guess my only other option is to completely ignore, which I think is harsh considering it was a seemingly amicable split up.
What do you guys think?
Block, delete, restraining order if she won't **** off.#next
 

EyeOnThePrize

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jaymbrs,

we talk about the importance of setting boundaries to have healthy relationships with women but this goes for all relationships you will have in life and doesn't stop just because the relationship is over. You set them out of self love to make you feel good and safe because you know your limits, what you will tolerate and not tolerate and express them so people around you know how to approach you for the wellbeing of everyone.

What do you do when someone is crossing your boundary?

When the relationship is over, it's not on you to be there for her anymore. She's not under your protection, care or your responsibility anymore, even if many women pretend that not to be the case.

Communicate boundary clearly ->> if/when said boundary is crossed ->> walk away, ignore.

You can still be some kind of emotional support/"friend" if you want to be that but she will not take your words seriously if you don't back them up with action. She's choosing to not live in reality and you're helping her by just being a kind human being.
I wouldn't say that you're hurting her if you're acting in the emotional boundary you make clear. She may get her feelings hurt, but that's not on you if expectations have been set.

Being friendly with chicks is friend zoning them. If it's tough to do that with a past love then I would argue there's still some underlying resentment that's not dealt with on the man's part.

It's good to network and stay connected. Whether you are something that helps her heal is not up to you, and is really none of your business to try and deduce.

Don't fall on the sword and if the conversation isn't pleasant you have no obligation to respond.

I can see how a past love pining for you can be seen as disrespectful, but that's a matter of perspective. A woman yearning for you is pleasant and flattering in any other circumstance. If you're completely healed then a past love should be no different.
 
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jaymbrs

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I appreciate the advice from all. I know her and I are incompatible as a couple, however we do see eye to eye on a ton of things. Almost like being friends is what we should've been. This was one of the most recent set of texts she sent. I ended up telling her she needs to stop texting me stuff like that and that I was done. Then blocked her.
 

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Romanemp22

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I appreciate the advice from all. I know her and I are incompatible as a couple, however we do see eye to eye on a ton of things. Almost like being friends is what we should've been. This was one of the most recent set of texts she sent. I ended up telling her she needs to stop texting me stuff like that and that I was done. Then blocked her.
Aah look at the last two messages, classic bdp victim acting (out of the blue calling you a liar).

And when she says she will leave forever, it's the opposite she would do. She's trying to gaslight you so good for you that you blocked her.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I appreciate the advice from all. I know her and I are incompatible as a couple, however we do see eye to eye on a ton of things. Almost like being friends is what we should've been. This was one of the most recent set of texts she sent. I ended up telling her she needs to stop texting me stuff like that and that I was done. Then blocked her.
Oof yeah that seems more like gaslighting than being sweet and nice. You would feel aversion to anyone acting like that. Her advice is unsolicited, bullet dodged, good call.
 

Mauser96

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This was from last weekend with a girl that I broke up with over a year ago. Like yourself, I've never sent her mixed or encouraging messages. When she steps over the line (as she did by referring to herself as my girl) I just do not respond.

Between us here on the forum, I'll admit that it burns me up when she sends the occasional message - like the one that I'm including.

View attachment 5390
"Hey Samantha, I hope you are doing well. I have been dating Jennifer for 2 months now and we are exclusive, it is probably best if you don't contact me anymore. Thanks"
 

Black Widow Void

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"Hey Samantha, I hope you are doing well. I have been dating Jennifer for 2 months now and we are exclusive, it is probably best if you don't contact me anymore. Thanks"
Good suggestion, but I'm not going to lie. I've mentioned going on dates to her. I can't understand why, but for some reason she doesn't wish me luck.
 

jaymbrs

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Aah look at the last two messages, classic bdp victim acting (out of the blue calling you a liar).

And when she says she will leave forever, it's the opposite she would do. She's trying to gaslight you so good for you that you blocked her.
Yup and unfortunately I dealt with it too many times. She consistently played the Victim card and I called her out on it every time. I can sleep well though because I didn’t treat her badly. She just hates the fact I called it quits.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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This was from last weekend with a girl that I broke up with over a year ago. Like yourself, I've never sent her mixed or encouraging messages. When she steps over the line (as she did by referring to herself as my girl) I just do not respond.

Between us here on the forum, I'll admit that it burns me up when she sends the occasional message - like the one that I'm including.

View attachment 5390
I would be really annoyed with that kind of text especially the part where she basically tries to paint you into a corner regarding plans that night...and who the hell says supper??
 

Mauser96

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Jor-El

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You cant help someone get over you..its impossible.IMO they will only get over you if you are out of the picture,otherwise,its just a running sore.If you are the issue,(to them) by definition someone else needs to help them,you cant be the cause AND the solution
 
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