Ex and best friend

[GrowingPains]

Or should I say ex best friend.

I broke up with my first ever girlfriend, with whom I had a relationship for 4 years, earlier this year. Obviously she meant a lot to me though given our history.

I knew that one off my high school friends was going to the same program as her for med school. And in dealing with the breakup, I developed the idea that maybe they'd get together. At the time, that was irrational because they hadn't interacted since high school, I had no reason to think that. I knew that. But I let them both know of my fear that would happen. They both assured me that was ridiculous (ha!)

Sure enough, he goes through a hard time with his work and they start studying together. Next thing I know, he's telling me he's been getting closer with her. I've known him for 7 years.

I cut ties with him unless he wanted to talk about making things right. He said that was hard to hear. Pff ... Should've thought if our friendship was worth getting with her.

I'm pissed. I was just getting better about the breakup situation. Trying to enjoy the holidays with my family before I go to school on the other side of the country.

I don't want to waste energy thinking about these two so my question is this; what kinds of things can I do to deal with this appropriately mentally but to get back to where I was as far as moving on? I'm thinking I'll get back into meditation as I've been meaning to for some time and if I find myself thinking about them then to go do something to improve myself and my well being.

What do you guys think? Any additional healing tips?

Thanks

 

[marmel75]

You broke up. What does it matter who she sees? Is your ego so fragile that you can't accept that maybe he is better for her than you were? Is that why you are so upset about it?

 

[zekko]

They always say bro code dictates you don't date a friend's ex. But I've never really understood that. If you don't want her, what difference does it make who she dates?

 

[GrowingPains]

Fair points. But I'm not asking for you to evaluate the situation. I'm asking for your advice on how to best deal with the mental challenge of not letting it bother me.

 

[Billtx49]

She’s now gone from your life, make him gone also and keep moving forward.
Realize that people are not always who you think they are in that process.

 

[Spaz]

Fair points. But I'm not asking for you to evaluate the situation. I'm asking for your advice on how to best deal with the mental challenge of not letting it bother me.

Which is why the bro code is universal and has been through the ages.

 

[Spaz]

Go talk to ur friend.

If he's true he will drop her. Because I would rather then lose a buddy.

If he doesn't then you drop him and keep to ur standard.

 

[jaymbrs]

If you're studying on the other side of the country, then you just need to move on from both of them and start a new life for yourself. You have that benefit. Erase them off social media and completely worry about yourself and what you're doing.

 

[djdfuser]

I'm asking for your advice on how to best deal with the mental challenge of not letting it bother me.

He's got your sloppy seconds to deal with for as long as they're together. You dodged two bullets. You'll be fine.

 

[sosousage]

s

Or should I say ex best friend.

I broke up with my first ever girlfriend, with whom I had a relationship for 4 years, earlier this year. Obviously she meant a lot to me though given our history.

I knew that one off my high school friends was going to the same program as her for med school. And in dealing with the breakup, I developed the idea that maybe they'd get together. At the time, that was irrational because they hadn't interacted since high school, I had no reason to think that. I knew that. But I let them both know of my fear that would happen. They both assured me that was ridiculous (ha!)

Sure enough, he goes through a hard time with his work and they start studying together. Next thing I know, he's telling me he's been getting closer with her. I've known him for 7 years.

I cut ties with him unless he wanted to talk about making things right. He said that was hard to hear. Pff ... Should've thought if our friendship was worth getting with her.

I'm pissed. I was just getting better about the breakup situation. Trying to enjoy the holidays with my family before I go to school on the other side of the country.

I don't want to waste energy thinking about these two so my question is this; what kinds of things can I do to deal with this appropriately mentally but to get back to where I was as far as moving on? I'm thinking I'll get back into meditation as I've been meaning to for some time and if I find myself thinking about them then to go do something to improve myself and my well being.

What do you guys think? Any additional healing tips?

Thanks

she wants to fucc him its ogre op



RUN

 

[zekko]

I don't see why you can't just be happy that your friend and your ex found someone whose company they can enjoy. Again, you didn't want her, why do you care if someone else does? To me, that seems like the most positive attitude to have over it.

I don't see any betrayal here at all. Does everyone else need to stop their life just to please you?

 

[GrowingPains]

I don't see why you can't just be happy that your friend and your ex found someone whose company they can enjoy. Again, you didn't want her, why do you care if someone else does? To me, that seems like the most positive attitude t
I don't see any betrayal here at all. Does everyone else need to stop their life just to please you?

They can do what they want. Everyone's actions have consequences. Mine did. Theirs do. I don't have to agree with what they do or support it. Especially if it causes me pain. You're stuck on this. The point has been made, no need to keep beating a dead horse. I'm trying to deal with the pain. Convincing me that I shouldn't care because neither of them owe me anything and I should be happy for them is irrelevant. I'm aware of this point and understand it. But the fact is that I feel how I feel. Just as their decision wasn't about me, but still affected me; my decision isn't about them, and may or may not affect them - their problem not mine.

Thanks to everyone who offered helpful viewpoints. I'm just going to do whatever I need to do to move forward and forget about it. Continue improving my physical and mental health and making the most of my adventure in a new environment. I spent too much time being sad and broken this year, I'm not going to let this stop me from continuing to progress.

But we learn from it.

Be easy fellas. Happy holidays.

 

[zekko]

Convincing me that I shouldn't care because neither of them owe me anything and I should be happy for them is irrelevant

You're missing my point. I'm not attacking you, I'm saying adopting that point of view is the best way to cope with it. As you get older, you learn that people break up, it's painful but it's not the end of the world like it seems when you're younger. Acceptance is always a big part of healing.

The only other alternative is cut them both out of your life and let time heal all wounds. That's perfectly acceptable, but I think the other way allows for greater growth. But if you think the relationships are toxic, you don't have to spend time with them.

 

[GrowingPains]

You're missing my point. I'm not attacking you, I'm saying adopting that point of view is the best way to cope with it. As you get older, you learn that people break up, it's painful but it's not the end of the world like it seems when you're younger. Acceptance is always a big part of healing.

The only other alternative is cut them both out of your life and let time heal all wounds. That's perfectly acceptable, but I think the other way allows for greater growth. But if you think the relationships are toxic, you don't have to spend time with them.

Understood. Thanks for re-explaining. I've decided that right now I'm not ready for that. But I'm open to that changing in the future if it needs to. Meaning if we start to cross paths again somehow, I'll consider letting them be a part of my life. But right now, Im choosing to be selfish.

 

[GrowingPains]