"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Escaping The Friend Zone
- Thread starter Mr. Fingers
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
NINJA PIMP
Banned
Fukkin GENIUS!
But you do realize that your advice is a little advanced for your average AFC on this site. I can see some of these guys trying this sh!t with DISASTROUS results!
Good ish though, keep em comin
There's a good point here that is worth reiterating, and that is, the most successful guys are the ones who can get sex off their minds. It makes everything you say less pretentious because you're not trying to close the deal, so to speak. Sincerity and genuineness both go pretty far, and if you can make a person trust what you're saying (as opposed to seeing right through your little canned and fed lines) you'll be able to go further.
The girls I've attracted in the past have usually liked my innocence, but the mystery here was that I would do things that would make me seem less than innocent (but don't go too far, or you break your own aura).
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
iqqi
Master Don Juan
my guy friend does this too, but it just makes him look desperate IMO. it is annoying, because he is like the biggest AFC and i know he does this to seem more a certain way, and it just backfires and makes him look stupid. IMO. that is.
oh! i thought of a better way to elaborate. it is annoying because he talks all this sh!t about a fine chic walking by, but i know that he is such a pvssy he'd never make a move. so it gets annoying and pityful.
He only looks desperate because he is all talk. I think ANYONE who does this comes off as annoying and fake!
I personally think that Fingers was aiming this post at the more advanced DJs..the guys who are not scared sh!Tless to approach strangers and yes, even attractive women!
IMO, there is a difference when an AFC pulls this move and when a suave DJ pulls it off!
Admit iqqi, if it was Fingz sitting there with you, talking casually like this and occasionally doing approaches in his laidback style, while simultaneosly winning you over with his charms, your panties would be hanging from his bedpost by morning!
(unless you are gay .. like everyone here thinks
)Nooby Doo
Don Juan
How did I miss this fantastic post?
WHy is this not in the Bible????
5 trillion stars!
usually I like your posts but I disagree with this one. There are some lines you should not cross, in my opinion. Keep your friends as friends and focus on gaming new girls. Keeps things from getting complicated and also prevents you from ruining friendships.
Hoes come and go but friends can last a lifetime.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Señor Fingers
Master Don Juan
I agree with the last bit.
However, I see you are assuming that I treat these girls like "hoes". This is not the case at all. I am still very close with the girls I have had affairs with. Its all about being open and honest. You have to establish that friendship is always the priority.
Sometimes the girl has felt guilty or confused about the whole ordeal, especially after the first time. I always manage to calm them down by addressing their fears. I let them know that their friendship means more to me than a few nights of passion and that as long as we communicate honestly, we wont ever lose that connection.
Its funny because I find myself treating my cold approaches like this nowadays. I am not concerned with fast seduction anymore. I rather enjoy drawing the whole thing out, getting to know her as a person. Letting myself be seduced by the many charms beneath her surface. It is so much more powerful and gratifying when you do hook up. There is another level of intimacy that is missing from your average one night stand.
In this respect, I think of sex the same way I think of food. What would you rather eat, fast food heated in a microwave, or a lovingly home-cooked meal that has marinated in its sauces over time?
Some food for thought...
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
I knew a girl from 2 years ago, we were best of friends, even though she knew I liked her. We stopped talking because of alot of issues, mainly her new boyfriend at the time.
She contacted me around 1 month ago and we have been talking ever since. At first I was still in the friendzone, but right now, even though she still has the same BF, I would say I am more of a "BF in training" stage then her "Best Friend".
First, I don't think she ever wanted to put me in the friend catorgory in the first place, I did that myself becuase I was petrified to even think about touching her 2 years ago. However with that said, getting out isn't as hard as many people make it sound.
What did I do?
Simple. I devised a plan, and so far it has worked to complete perfetion. Instead of just guessing at what to do, or letting the wrong thing come out of my mouth at the wrong time because I don't know what to say, every move I make is calculated.
Your "plan" might be different from mine, but in my case, the first thing I had to do was to make sure that she wasn't calling me to be her emotional tampon. She has had some issues come up that were pretty serious, and honeslty needed someone to talk to so I did, and the other day MY name came up with her BF so she had to tell me what was going on, but besides that she honesltly does not call me and talk about her "problems" with her BF.
Next, I had to make her see me as someone who is fun to be around. This wasn't very hard because I AM a fun person to be around. The only thing I had to really do was to cut down on the amount we talked on the phone, because if you are on the phone with someone alot and it gets to the point where there is nothing to say, you come off as boring, even if you have been talking for 4hours about everything.
I do have an execption to this rule. I wanted to get her to the point where I am the last person she talks to before she goes to bed at night on most nights. This is now the case. She usually calls me while she is getting ready for bed, and talks to me until she gets ready to go to sleep. I let her sit on the phone then because again I want to be the last thing on her mind when she is going to bed.
The biggest hurdle I had was that this girl is a very, very good friend of mine, and she is very, very good looking, espically if you are attracted to hispanic woman. I had to stop being scared of her looks and make some moves, and not be scared to loose our friendship in the process. At first this was a big problem, but she always even 2 years ago did give me hugs everytime I saw her, but now I have no problem putting my arm around her, or putting my hands on her waist and she doesn't mind the least bit either.
A great advantage I have that most men don't is that I know alot about a persons body language... More than your aveage "if he is sitting back in his chair he is disinstreted"... AlOT. Because of this, when we meet, and I can see her in person I can tell how she is feeling towards me. 2 years ago she was a good friend who I actually was attracted to me and I blew it because of my AFCness. Now by her body language, I can not only tell that she is interested in me, but that she is nevous when she is around me, which is a huge leap from where I was.
Anyway, also "new rumors" (oh, I wonderd how these started) are going around that I have been sleeping with her and we have a child... humm, now how could someone get that impression.
Anyway, my point is, make a plan and stick to it. More times than not if you follow it, it will work out for you.
I agree. This will only add to the hope of the guys here with oneitis, distracting them from the real game.
I have to say, personally I dont keep ANY female friends around. I just dont see them as fun, u cant drink and go out on a pick up mission with them, u cant play sports with them (I havent found any competitive yet). And my female friends always fall in love with me, its so much easier just having male friends. Girls are only there to satisfy your intimate emotions both physical and companionship etc
I think anyone can pull this off with the right amount of experience. Wether he's AFC or DJ.
Still good stuff.
I'm not saying this is all wrong, but I don't think this is something most people should be thinking about. Most people here are new and are stuck in one-itis mode. If you're still partially AFC it will perpetuate one-itis and will make you lose focus. You also have to have a lot of experience and if you're new it's going to take a lot before you can create a solid foundation for a friend to look at and go "ok". the girl will most likely give in if she sees a big change and there has a been something that just made her go "whoa".
I agree, AFC's shouldn't get too caught up on this. The best way to get out of the friend zone is just to become a DJ.
I don't know how many girls wrote me off as a friend when I was an AFC who now definitely want a piece now that I have changed my way.
Girls will notice your transformation from AFC-DJ and if there ever was any physical attraction or whatever they will let YOU know so don't even worry about it.
If you really really want to get out of a LJBF then the best advice is just keeping distant or show less interest. But that has already been mentioned time and again.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
legolas
Master Don Juan
Aha!! You already know he's a p*ssy, he has created this image in your head through his actions so now, all his "moves" seem to backfire on him. I guess with Mr. Fingers, the image he conveys is completely different. I don't know exactly how different.
SageOFAllenAge
Senior Don Juan
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It makes him seem annoying because of the way he says it. Youre just supposed to say "She looks pretty" In a casual way & leave it @ that.
Deadly_Assassin
Master Don Juan
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"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.