"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Emotoinally Damaged/Abused Women
- Thread starter jnallen
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Once you start a relationship with a woman like this, you are gonna have to work hard to get her to trust you. You might have to talk a lot about the things that happened to her in the past. Or at least SHE will. She has promised herself that she was not gonna hook up with another one of those jerks. She may have even stated that she would never have anything to do with guys again.
You are being kind to her, you build up her confidence and eventually, after lots of hard work in trying to get her to open up again, she will start to trust you. Her self-esteem goes up and as soon as she is being her 'old self' again, the nasty girlie tricks might all come back again.
There is no need to worry though, just as long as you act like the man that can protect her and will not bore her to death by just being sweet and patient.
You can still treat her right but just.. be a MAN.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
And yes, many of the 'rules' don't apply ,
but each individual is different and the type and timing of the abuse make a big difference, so generalizations are hard to make. However, in my case, she would say things to me that on the face of it would seem inappropriate or even cruel (and that would have everyone saying 'Next' !), but that were inconsistent with her actions towards me, and that she would usually forget in a day or two. I realized after a while she was 'venting' her emotions and that the best thing to do was to listen but not react. She even realized after awhile what she was doing.
Well one thing i've noticed is the older you get the more 'baggage' people have (or in this instance women). What i've found myself doing when dating women was screening them for what I could/would and wouldn't deal with if I was to continue dating them. I didn't follow every 'rule' to the letter but alot of them gave me the groundwork of what I should or shouldn't tolerate or have to deal with on a case by case scenario. By the way, welcome back JNAllen.
Thanks buddie...
Yes A LOT of weeding out I have learned.
This one has just been so hurt is all. Time and someone to not hit her will do wonders. She has never done anything nasty like the ex...OMG remember that.
She has never caused problems. I just need to be more in tune with how she takes things differently than someone who has not been through what she has.
Thanks for the welcome...It's been a long time.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Yes, I've come across a few where I'd have to be more 'in tune' with how she takes things based on what she has told me. The tricky part is not becoming their therapist. And yes I remember your ex. The good thing is referencing her as your ex still.
I like what Ebach posted. While in your AFC stage and you digest the rules they become second nature and your gut tends to lead more. At least that's how it is for me.Player_Supreme
Banned
Pimpin ain't easy...now multiply that one person your talking about by 4-5 6 or 7...and a pimp is the hardest working man in America.
Handling normal womens minds ain't easy either.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
In most cases, many women who have been emotionally/physicallly abused have brought it upon themselves. In many instances they have gravitated towards and initiated such abuse. Be careful of such women - they tend to blame the other party for their woes!!!