"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Emotoinally Damaged/Abused Women
- Thread starter jnallen
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Once you start a relationship with a woman like this, you are gonna have to work hard to get her to trust you. You might have to talk a lot about the things that happened to her in the past. Or at least SHE will. She has promised herself that she was not gonna hook up with another one of those jerks. She may have even stated that she would never have anything to do with guys again.
You are being kind to her, you build up her confidence and eventually, after lots of hard work in trying to get her to open up again, she will start to trust you. Her self-esteem goes up and as soon as she is being her 'old self' again, the nasty girlie tricks might all come back again.
There is no need to worry though, just as long as you act like the man that can protect her and will not bore her to death by just being sweet and patient.
You can still treat her right but just.. be a MAN.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
And yes, many of the 'rules' don't apply ,
but each individual is different and the type and timing of the abuse make a big difference, so generalizations are hard to make. However, in my case, she would say things to me that on the face of it would seem inappropriate or even cruel (and that would have everyone saying 'Next' !), but that were inconsistent with her actions towards me, and that she would usually forget in a day or two. I realized after a while she was 'venting' her emotions and that the best thing to do was to listen but not react. She even realized after awhile what she was doing.
Well one thing i've noticed is the older you get the more 'baggage' people have (or in this instance women). What i've found myself doing when dating women was screening them for what I could/would and wouldn't deal with if I was to continue dating them. I didn't follow every 'rule' to the letter but alot of them gave me the groundwork of what I should or shouldn't tolerate or have to deal with on a case by case scenario. By the way, welcome back JNAllen.
Thanks buddie...
Yes A LOT of weeding out I have learned.
This one has just been so hurt is all. Time and someone to not hit her will do wonders. She has never done anything nasty like the ex...OMG remember that.
She has never caused problems. I just need to be more in tune with how she takes things differently than someone who has not been through what she has.
Thanks for the welcome...It's been a long time.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Yes, I've come across a few where I'd have to be more 'in tune' with how she takes things based on what she has told me. The tricky part is not becoming their therapist. And yes I remember your ex. The good thing is referencing her as your ex still.
I like what Ebach posted. While in your AFC stage and you digest the rules they become second nature and your gut tends to lead more. At least that's how it is for me.Player_Supreme
Banned
Pimpin ain't easy...now multiply that one person your talking about by 4-5 6 or 7...and a pimp is the hardest working man in America.
Handling normal womens minds ain't easy either.
PuertoRican_Lover
Banned
In most cases, many women who have been emotionally/physicallly abused have brought it upon themselves. In many instances they have gravitated towards and initiated such abuse. Be careful of such women - they tend to blame the other party for their woes!!!