Dropping a girl because of too many orbiters, good idea?

[bigneil]

You do not believe a woman would change for you? Why do you have this self limiting belief?

I have observed that (at the peak times of our romance) my girlfriend will suddenly reveal a backlog of things she knows I want that she hasn't provided yet, and will say things like "I know you want me to wake up earlier, and I will change my sleep schedule for you but I need a little while longer working nights". Also, she has studied me and learned my favorite colors, natural makeup, scents and hair styles and has transformed into my dream girl (after already being close). So yes, women will change voluntarily if they adore you. In most cases here men are asking them to change involuntarily when these women don't adore them yet (which I say will prevent that from ever happening). Another thing my girl says when she is gushing: "You give me my space".

 

[DreamAgain]

The baffling thing is this oscillation of interest level. Some days it is super high, getting love-dovy text messages, super eager to go out with me, come back to my place, etc. I do nothing different, and yet some other day her attention drifts onto some orbiter, seemingly just because the wind blew in a different direction that day.

This is a red flag to me, but there isn't much I can do, I've seen this situation several times when amongst young, attractive women who are active on social media (fb, instagram).

The smart play on my part would be to just avoid these types of girls altogether. Which I would. But somehow almost all the ones I find physically attractive exhibit this type of behavior.

Boggles my mind.

 

[bigneil]

The baffling thing is this oscillation of interest level. Some days it is super high, getting love-dovy text messages, super eager to go out with me, come back to my place, etc. I do nothing different, and yet some other day her attention drifts onto some orbiter, seemingly just because the wind blew in a different direction that day.

This is a red flag to me, but there isn't much I can do.. boggles my mind.

Have you tried having sex with her?

Are you sure you're not referring to the men she actually likes as orbiters?

Mixed signals = (good signals + bad signals) = bad signals.

 

[DreamAgain]

Have you had sex with her?

yeah, but nowadays that doesn't mean much.

 

[FwoGiZ]

I haven't read any of the 4 pages of comment but in my experience, girls with several orbiters can be 2 things;
profiteers or low sex drive women that gets enough attention from their orbiters and tiny bad sex here and there from a handful of "lucky" ones.
So, I'd still go for her, but I'd keep that in mind and she'd prolly end up staying in the "FB" zone or dumped if she doesn't wanna have sex. As long as she have all those orbiters, I don't think I'd ever consider her LTR material

 

[bigneil]

All women want as many orbiters as possible. AKA fans. If they don't have orbiters you should help them find some.

yeah, but nowadays (having had sex) doesn't mean much.

I agree, but at least you meet minimum requirements.

In every relationship, early on, the girl will have other lovers. She needs to realize on her own she likes you better and leave them. This takes time.

How long have you been dating? In my case I had 3 weeks of bliss, 3 months of only seeing her 4 times combined (albeit incredible dates), and then 3 months of total complete love. So hang in there. Give her space. Let her do most of the texting (at least half in the early stage). Let her see you with other women. Then let her see you leave with other women. When she comes back, lay down the law and tell her you are about to leave her if she doesn't XYZ.

 

[bigneil]

1. I am not asking any woman to change... But that is an entirely separate notion than committing to a girl that hangs out with men who want to fvck her.

Don't all men (and most women) want to f*ck her?

 

[bigneil]

Likely most men. Not even going to comment on the women.

But if you are suggesting that "having space" includes the right to act in a manner inappropriate with having a relationship then I disagree, and you are channeling an argument which is made by, and only benefits, women.

How can it only benefit women? Space means you have space to be with other women if she is with other men. You're coming from a position of assuming your inferiority, it seems. Why not assume you can score just as much as she can?

 

[bigneil]

Again, you assume this is somehow denying space. How does she not have space?

You think "space" is defined as "hanging out with other men who want to fvck me"?

Your position stems from your earlier statement about "good luck getting her to change".

Your statement implies several weaknesses.

1. That YOU are the one who is requesting change (you are the chaser in a position of weakness).

2. That you believe she won't change, most likely due to your perceived limited value? Is there some other reason?

3. That you think these type of women who are respectful of a healthy relationship do not exist.


These are unhealthy and limiting beliefs you have Neil.

You are contradicting yourself left and right.

• First you say you don't ask for a commitment, but you admit you want to force her to "respect the relationship"?
• You want to know where she is when she is away, to make sure it's not with men who want to f*ck her, even though you admitted ALL men want to f*ck her?
• I already said women will change voluntarily if they love you, but you're talking about rules.
• Regarding my perceived value (and actual value, taking home $333,000 in the past 18 months): My girlfriend told me I am "irreplaceable" and that she loves me more than any man she ever met, but I would never restrict her. That would spoil her illusion and suggest I know there are better guys.
• If you had a harem of women, would you worry where one of them was one night?

 

[lizardking82]

LOL, this seems to have gotten completely out of hand and now we're completely off the OP, but whatever.

Some people here who are Master and Senior Don Juans sometimes amaze me. I mean, to think that there are only masculine men and feminine women IF men would all be masculine...that is unicorn and dream world. The factors involved in the existence of women who are more masculine (they can be just MORE masculine, not masculine), are immense and diverse, to begin with.

Second of all, these women do not go out on the look for masculine men. They look for rather more feminine men and that's who they go for MOST of the time (because I don't wanna "offend" da dynamically, he has apparently found 1 or 2 of this kind that go against the flow). And it is not bad or wrong, I consider it just normal. I am a masculine man and I am turned off by a woman who wants to lead **** LOL so I don't go for her at all. And if some here will argue that "oh, well, you're not man enough and she's too much of a challenge for you so that's why you don't go for her", well guess what? I got better things to do in life than going the hardest and most improbable path possible. I know what kind of man I am and I know what kind of woman turns my mind and my emotions on and that's the kind of woman I go for. I am not a challenge addicted person when it comes to women and I don't wanna seek out my limits, dating women who have deeply installed in them behaving like they are in charge and all that. There are endless girls who have been brought up feminine and I will stick to that. They also have hobbies and passions and are loyal while still being feminine, soft, caring and all else feminine energy is about. Being a feminine woman or a more masculine woman is something complicated that has to do with a woman's first 15-20 years of life and no matter how masculine you are, it will be hard in MOST cases to make her submit. It's like taking the hill when you have a tunnel; may seem brave and courageous and sometimes you get past the hill, but it takes longer, it's harder and there's a chance the bear shows up LOL

Third, some guys here are all about "experience". They have absolutely no regard for biology or simple human nature or psychology.

Fourth, it is most important to me for the people I was debating to understand that a more masculine chick is UNABLE to turn me on in the beginning because she is not naturally acting feminine. You get it now? You can be amazing and all that, but if you don't get my mind and dik hard to begin with, I don't give a fuk who you are and how good you are.

 

[bigneil]

You only see contradictions because you have assigned arguments and values to me. Which means you are not listening.

1. I am not forcing her to do anything, nor am I requesting commitment. Now pay attention because this is where you are getting lost. IF SHE WANTS COMMITMENT THEN SHE HAS TO ENGAGE IN BEHAVIOR RESPECTFUL TO A RELATIONSHIP. This is baaed on her desire to lock me down.

Ok, I do agree. This is premised on the fact that SHE MUST ASK for the commitment first. That means you only want a commitment if she does. So it also implies if she strays she changed her mind, which you should be ok with.

 

[bigneil]

You are a cuck my friend

A cuckold is a man who is married to a woman and lets her sleep with other men.

That implies a man who expected a commitment from the woman and knows of new men she is with.

I'm not married, never asked for a commitment and I don't know of any new men since me.

Indeed, not asking for a commitment to begin with is not cuckolding. This is a version of the "I don't care about money because I want more free time" argument that forces things into black and white. You're implying that a man who doesn't enforce a commitment is a cuckold.

Would I pretend (my female bartender) is Mother Theresa like the hoe apologists here will? No motive to do so.

So you're dating a girl who occasionally has a three way with the black bus boy and the male bartender? And you call me a cuck?

 

[bigneil]

Would I prefer that I had a gorgeous, 21 year old, genius-IQ girlfriend who loves me and is great in bed and who promised a commitment?

Probably, but for the time being I will have to (begrudgingly) settle for a gorgeous, 21 year old, genius-IQ girlfriend who loves me and is great and bed and who has only talked about a commitment.

And men, when there is a 25 year age difference, it's that much harder to have her ask for a commitment, and pathetic for him to. To suggest men in my position wouldn't date her without a commitment is hogwash.

I have finally (in my 40's) learned to avoid the "compare them to perfection" strategy of disinformation. Men who wish they had a girl like this are trying to find some excuse to dismiss her and say they are better off alone. Having gone 8 months without sex before 7 months of sex with her, I can objectively observe that I'm better off with her.

Compare the girls you are dating to the best girls you have available, not the best girls you ever imagined.

 

[FwoGiZ]

AW= ?

 

[zekko]

AW is an attention wh0re.

I am spinning plates for sex myself. I might be even more unstable for a relationship and sociopathic than the women.

As usual when this topic gets discussed, confusion arises. Obviously if you are spinning plates you can't very well expect her to drop her orbiters, We are saying that girls with lots of orbiters are not suitable for exclusive relationships. Well, if you really want a girlfriend who hangs out with men all the time, have at it. It's a personal choice. But I won't be doing it.

And as I explained way back on the first page or two, it is perfectly natural to be repulsed by other men in her life. It's not necessarily jealousy, insecurity, that men make better friends than women, or whatever other bullsh!t the feminists tell you so they can have their cake and eat it too.

 

[Muscle brain]

You should always take it easy. You should always feel confident, as if you've got nothing to lose. This is how you make women want to capture you. You are supposed to be a free bird, not a bird desperate to fly into women's cages. The test every guy fails is the congruency test when he is in a relationship. If you were free and easy going and confident that she won't stray in the first month of the relationship, why would you be more controlling and needy when you've been together?

This phenomenon is the REASON why a relationship fails. Whoever you were in the beginning is the man she is attracted to. You can't put up a front and pretend to have abundance and be willing to walk away any time to suddenly trying to control her. You have to be congruent throughout the entire relationship. She might have opportunities with other guys along the way. That is something you can't control. If anything, you should dare her to cheat on you. She'd be doing you a favor because you know to filter her out sooner rather than later. That's the correct frame to have. I am not going to beg anyone to stay with me. And the train keeps moving forward whether or not she wants to come a long for the ride. The day she wants to leave me, I will pack her bags myself.

The fact that I need to control a woman means she isn't really all that into me. In which case, I am better off without her.

This is old school DJ advice, but the focus is on me, not her. This is my journey towards greatness. I am not going to beg any woman to come along for the ride. I have no fear of them leaving me whatsoever. It is their lost.

The most attractive guy is the guy who has no fear of women leaving him. In fact, he dares them. It saves him from having to filter women out.

A woman straying is failing your test. You would rather see her true feelings than believe beautiful lies.

The goal is not to be in a relationship. The goal is to be in a relationship with a woman that actually likes you. So give her the freedom to show her true colors.

-- TOTALLY RIGHT.
POWERFUL.
Every time That I displayed That behaviour to My GF or FB, "I am not going to beg any woman to come along for the ride. I have no fear of them leaving me whatsoever. It is their lost." I Passed her Tests and Her Attraction & Interest Level WENT ALL THE WAY UP. They Begann to Chase more and Pursuing me, I was the Price.
I Could tell when a Plate Found Another guy, She went Cold and her body Language changed Drastically. I Always use the best weapon in my Arsenal, "No contact" and "be willing to walk away" till she contact me. After one Week pass, they always contact me first and want To see me and Have The "D".

This is a Powerful Advice From @da dynamically TAKE NOTES

 

[Muscle brain]

As much as I hate to admit it, girls with a lot of orbiters irritate me tremendously. I have been seeing this girl recently and she has many good qualities, but the fact that she is entertaining attention from all these "friends" is something that just bothers me.

Are they getting anywhere with her? To my knowledge, no. Am I? Yes. But the fact that she won't completely cut these guys off makes me suspicious that she will eventually monkey branch onto one, or just outright cheat on me. This comes off as very insecure and beta, but I can't seem to eliminate this doubt from my mind. With how fickle women are, it just takes being in the right place at the right time for an orbiter to bust through.

So, I think I'm going to have to abandon ship on this girl, but I just wanted to ask you guys, is this a stupid reason to drop her? I outright negged one of these "friends" in a text conversation with her and I could tell immediately that she noticed I was butthurt and insecure about it.

I would go No Contact but so many attractive girls play this same game, so it seems like you can't escape it no matter where you look.

Unfortunately, in her eyes you´re also a Orbiter. The fact is that She will always entertain other "Friends"
- Are they getting anywhere with her? To my knowledge, YES.
-Are You? YES
She will eventually and Have monkey branch onto one and cheat on you for Sure.

-This comes off as very insecure and VERY, VERY Beta.
-Eliminate this doubt from your mind a.s.a.p!
-Do not abandon ship on this girl, Keep her in your PLATE Rotation!
-Is this a stupid reason to drop her? YES

-It seems like you can't escape it no matter where you look. INDEED

Just enjoy the Pvssy and have a great Time with her. Don´t Over Analyse and go into Oneitis MODE.

 

[bigneil]

The most attractive guy is the guy who has no fear of women leaving him. In fact, he dares them. It saves him from having to filter women out.So give her the freedom to show her true colors.

Yes, give her enough rope to hang herself.

One reason I take women to the finest hotels and restaurants? So if they should cancel I can celebrate how much money I'll save! The day of the date I check my phone and think "Pleeeeaseee have cancelled.. dammit!"

 

[bigneil]

I go to higher profile restaurants than I probably should for early dates because of what you described, AND I get to eat great food anyway.

I just take her to the places I would go by myself.

Restaurant food is toxic. "Upscale" restaurants are just places where you can get a non-toxic appetizer for $25 with tip.

 

[wifehunter]

if a woman has too many orbiters then it's time you get a lot of orbiters for yourself too gnomesayin