Against my better judgement I recently granted exclusivity to a 23 yr old woman at her request, she is very hot but quickly realizing she will be a future train wreck of a girlfriend. I'm 38 and really don't want the headaches, entitlements and antics that come with a young very hot woman. It just feels like constant behavior corrections, I don't have the patience for it. My question is do you verbalize she has been downgraded to plate or just do it. If I do tell her, any ideas on the best way to say it to keep her spinning? My inclination is to just tell her. She will probably be pissed off for a few weeks but let her come back to me after on my new terms. If she never comes back, not the end of the world either.
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Downgrading girl from recent exclusivity to plate
- Thread starter jaygreenb
- Start date
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AJ84
Guest
Just tell her. She will catch on anyway unless she’s a complete idiot. Say it’s not working out and you enjoyed her better when things were the way they were before. If she leaves so be it, like you said. Obviously she wants something you don’t. Don’t count on a hot 23 year old woman coming back to you on your terms tho. She’ll easily find someone else but hey no more headaches for you.
marmel75
Master Don Juan
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Depends how much she values him. She has plenty of options I am sure. How many are any good tho?
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AJ84
Guest
Probably enough not to want to be demoted back to a plate. Most women don’t want to be plates forever and I don’t see many 23yr hot girls wanting to waste their youth as a 38yr old’s plate when they can easily get another guy to commit to them if they choose someone with more beta qualities, if commitment is what they are looking for. Remember she’s not one of those desperate single moms or hitting the wall types everyone likes to berate here. She’s a hot 23 yr old with entitlement issues like he said. Let’s be real
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AJ84
Guest
Being someone’s plate is not typically seen as a good option for women.
She could easily get a guy better looking. I'm no slouch but not going to lie and say I'm some model, probably an 8. It would be hard for her to find someone in my city with my combo of financials, mindset, status and looks though. My status is more in the business world, so not sure she cares so much about that. Without a doubt she has many men attempt to pursue her, which by itself gets annoying. Her father, although a nice guy, he is a complete beta to the max. Makes her a headache to manage. Anyway, I'm sure I could completely lose her for good.
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AJ84
Guest
You sound like you have options too. Just let her go then if she wants to have a relationship and you don’t. Guys here are always talking about how women become alpha widowed or lose pair bonding abilities or whatever after being used by men at a young age. Don’t be part a part of the problem esp if there are more agreeable women to date who you may find more worthy of your exclusivity should you choose to give it.
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AJ84
Guest
No. Maybe some women with the above traits act like that after getting demoted or dumped but many don’t. Many just find someone else to annoy lol.
When you remove the ego saving stuff, really, it’s a bullet dodged to have women or men like that out of your life.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
I think he should plate here without saying anything. She will naturally vie for the lost attention... And be stuck pursuing. Don't say nothing.
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AJ84
Guest
Or, she will naturally move on. Come on guys lol it’s a 50/50 here and she’s 23yr old hot girl with options.
Plus, he already stated that she’s basically a pain in his butt. He doesn’t want her to pursue more than he is willing to give her, he’s trying to dial it back with her according to his post.
She may stay as a plate or she may move onto to the next guy in her orbit. I imagine if she is an entitled princess with options she will deal with her bruised ego by moving onto one of her admirers.
50/50 chance. If she does stick around she’s an idiot for wasting her time at the prime age of her life but some young women waste time being used and making dumb decisions what can ya do.
Just do it without informing her.
And remember exclusivity is reserved for marriage. Dating is actually spinning plates until you hv proposed 2 one of ideally 3 plates in rotation.
And don't worry abt being found out, I've been doing it for decades and been caught so many times; even so they'll still want to be the "one" that you'll ultimately choose.
May the best women win !
@AJ84 care to dispute my reasoning ? I'll welcome it and it'll amuse me.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Listen to Spaz.... At that age they can't help themselves but to pursue in that situation...
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AJ84
Guest
I am not advocating he be exclusive with her. This is not about him maintaining a relationship with someone he doesn’t want a relationship with. He doesn’t want that with her, she wants that and he wants to demote her back to a plate.
If she’s ok with that then she will stick around.
But if she has options and really wants a relationship, she may not want to pass up on that opportunity just to be the OP’s plate, and, entitlement and her attitude aside, why should she? Just like why should he make a commitment to her when he doesn’t want that with her?
Let’s switch it around. How would you like to be demoted from boyfriend to orbitor? Would you stick around? Would you advise a woman to demote her man to orbitor and just not tell him if she decides she no longer wants him as a boyfriend? Would you like to have someone lie like that to you?
If the OP is not afraid to just tell her it’s not working out and he liked how it was before, then she can decide if she wants to resume to being a plate and if she whines about it later it’s on her, because he told her he didn’t want more. If he doesn’t tell her and basically lies, then he’s contributing to the problem of women and men who become bitter after being treated like crap by people they date.
U r speaking from a women's perspective/s, how you actually would like a man to treat you if u r in a similar situation.
That's fine. That's great too.
Just look at all the single mom's who's been training their boys on how 2 treat a lady and how those same boys grow up delusional because it doesn't work in real life situations.
A women can never train a boy into a man especially when it comes to the dynamics between men and women. Only a man could.
Similarly, although I value and respect ur views it's still views of a woman from her perspective. It doesn't work for men. It will never work for him, you might think it's foolish but it's the cold hard truth.
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AJ84
Guest
You are speaking from your perspective as well and I get that.
At some point however, in order to have successful relationships/ dating experiences with the opposite sex where both are benefiting in some way, seeing things from a perspective other than one’s own is required.
Think about women who only see things from their perspective and project that onto how they date.
Men who are able to attract women to them, women who are really into them, are actually tapping into what she wants. If you have a woman who wants to be with you Spaz then you are in some way tapping into what she wants and that means you are seeing things from her perspective.
Dating is not a one way street. What is seen as successful from only one side isn’t truly successful in the broader sense of a good dating experience. A woman, using a man for his money may see this as successful for her dating experience but is this successful for him? Is that a good dating experience to use as an example for others to have who are trying to date successfully? No, but it is a good example of how to use someone else.
Men and woman have some different perspectives Spaz, but being hurt by another person in a relationship is something that feels the same for both, neither wants that and in that regard we both have the same perspective.
Let’s use the example of plate status: from a female perspective, this is not the end goal for most woman with a guy they really like. Maybe for some guys it is the end goal.
Two people with different goals based on different perspectives: how do you make it work in a way where no one is lied to, used, led on, or generally treated like crap, which are not behaviours anyone wants to be on the receiving end of, including you.
As for the single mom raising boys stuff, yes they need strong and sound minded men in their lives that’s very true.
At some point however, in order to have successful relationships/ dating experiences with the opposite sex where both are benefiting in some way, seeing things from a perspective other than one’s own is required.
Think about women who only see things from their perspective and project that onto how they date.
Men who are able to attract women to them, women who are really into them, are actually tapping into what she wants. If you have a woman who wants to be with you Spaz then you are in some way tapping into what she wants and that means you are seeing things from her perspective.
Dating is not a one way street. What is seen as successful from only one side isn’t truly successful in the broader sense of a good dating experience. A woman, using a man for his money may see this as successful for her dating experience but is this successful for him? Is that a good dating experience to use as an example for others to have who are trying to date successfully? No, but it is a good example of how to use someone else.
Men and woman have some different perspectives Spaz, but being hurt by another person in a relationship is something that feels the same for both, neither wants that and in that regard we both have the same perspective.
Let’s use the example of plate status: from a female perspective, this is not the end goal for most woman with a guy they really like. Maybe for some guys it is the end goal.
Two people with different goals based on different perspectives: how do you make it work in a way where no one is lied to, used, led on, or generally treated like crap, which are not behaviours anyone wants to be on the receiving end of, including you.
As for the single mom raising boys stuff, yes they need strong and sound minded men in their lives that’s very true.
The moment a man or any man follow the steps you have proposed, has doomed his relationship with any women. The attraction she had for him will slowly but surely dissipate.
Your responses comes from the experience of being hurt and of the desire of not getting hurt in the future. That I can understand.
But..
That will not work.
As for women that has been in a relationship with me, I do not tap nor assume that I know their perspectives, it would be foolish of me to do so.
How do I know or care why they've go gaga over a Birkin bag but settle for a $1000 LV bag ?
Or
Why they're bff with a fellow woman but b1tches/gossip abt her behind her back?
What's their perspective of doing those?
That's women stuff and should remain so.
All I or any man should do is care only for our perspectives. And when there's a dispute we compromise from a position of strength.
Example: Date night, I've planned to go and eat McDonald's while she wants Pizza Hut, she pouts a little and then I make a compromise, I agree and say that's a fantastic idea; we'll do it the next time but for tonight let's have that McDonald's. Again, my perspective, my narrative - from a position of strength.
Do you realise how many couples argue abt something as simple as having dinner? And then it leads to resentment and something more from there?
And it's all because the man is considering her feelings and keeps being agreeable to please her. Repeat and cycle a few times. Attraction is lost, being replaced by something darker that neither can explain nor understand. And that's when the hurt starts AJ.
I've skipped some other points to make this a concise post but I trust you get the gist of what I'm trying to convey.
Your responses comes from the experience of being hurt and of the desire of not getting hurt in the future. That I can understand.
But..
That will not work.
As for women that has been in a relationship with me, I do not tap nor assume that I know their perspectives, it would be foolish of me to do so.
How do I know or care why they've go gaga over a Birkin bag but settle for a $1000 LV bag ?
Or
Why they're bff with a fellow woman but b1tches/gossip abt her behind her back?
What's their perspective of doing those?
That's women stuff and should remain so.
All I or any man should do is care only for our perspectives. And when there's a dispute we compromise from a position of strength.
Example: Date night, I've planned to go and eat McDonald's while she wants Pizza Hut, she pouts a little and then I make a compromise, I agree and say that's a fantastic idea; we'll do it the next time but for tonight let's have that McDonald's. Again, my perspective, my narrative - from a position of strength.
Do you realise how many couples argue abt something as simple as having dinner? And then it leads to resentment and something more from there?
And it's all because the man is considering her feelings and keeps being agreeable to please her. Repeat and cycle a few times. Attraction is lost, being replaced by something darker that neither can explain nor understand. And that's when the hurt starts AJ.
I've skipped some other points to make this a concise post but I trust you get the gist of what I'm trying to convey.
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AJ84
Guest
I get what you are saying and yeah that’s a great example. Yes there are sadly couples who bicker over stuff that small it’s crazy.
But I’m taking about one person not wanting to be someone’s plate and the other person wanting them to be a plate.
That’s a deeper issue than pizza or Macdonalds or whether she buys a cheap or overpriced purse.
And I’m not suggesting that men aim to keep being agreeable and please her all of the time. That’s impossible for anyone to do, including her. Unless we are robots lol and we aren’t right?
This isn’t about taking something away from a man by him seeing something from her perspective or being agreeable. There is and should always be a limit to his agreeableness and that limit is when she crosses his line of what behaviour he will accept from her, and that goes both ways of course.
Just trying to point out some common ground here
.Definite narcissistic qualities, don't know about full blown but honestly seems most modern women are these days. Been around long enough to be aware this is the wrong woman to get attached to. Been burned a few times in the past so I always have my hand hovering over the eject button and stay detached.
You are right, I usually stay away from exclusivity but sometimes these little chicks can be convincing haha