"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Does she want to be friends or more?

The Duke

Master Don Juan
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I've got this 36yo girl HB9 that I dated for 4months this past spring/summer. Our relationship ended about 3months ago and we never contacted each other during that time. She contacted me earlier this week and would like to have "something" with me.

Let me give you a little background on our past:
-Great chemistry.
-Shes a single mom, totally into her kids.
-We got along great.
-I was totally into this girl.
-She was into me slightly less than I was her.

Basically our relationship ended because she decided I was too good for her and she wasn't deserving of me, was still dealing with the pain from her cancer and wasn't cancer free yet and didn't want to burden me, she had to deal with her ex over custody of the kids. Her emotional/physical/mental plate was FULL. She didn't have the energy to devote to a significant man in her life.

At the point where we ended our 4month relationship she basically wanted to be friends. I said "HELL NO" its all or nothing thats what they make gay men for. I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want anything to do with her if we were just "friends". I doubt she has forgotten it lol. I pretty much tore her ass a knew one when I let her know. A few weeks following the breakup she contacted me again and I told her to get lost because I thought she was trying to get on the "friend" bandwagon again. Who knows maybe she wasn't.

Now she has several of her personal issues put to bed and has contacted me. I don't know if she wants to be friends or more. I don't like living in limbo of not knowing. Makes me anxious and patience isn't my strong point.

She struggles with what God thinks about relationships and what she has done in the past. She is a little old school when it comes to dating.

She keeps saying she wants to talk about "us". She's asked me if I am seeing anybody. She's said she doesn't want to leap into anything. She still cries when she hears our songs on the radio. She says she could never stop thinking of me. blah blah blah. lol.

This girl has made some bad choices in regards to relationships in her past. She has been hurt because of her bad choices. I think she has learned her lesson and is trying to do it right this time around.

My gut tells me she wants to build a friendship with the possibility of a relationship as the end result. If the relationship is the end goal then I'm all about taking whatever time is required. No way am I interested in just being friends as the final outcome. I don't care to be "Just" friends with any woman.

Her and I definitely need to sit down and have a long discussion. But I don't want to set my self up for failure either.

Any advice would be great. I have dated way too many women in my life and this is one of those that stands out from the rest. Have any of you guys been in a similar position? What the hell should I do?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Scaramouche

Master Don Juan
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Dear Howlest,
Why don't you post your age?.....This Woman sounds like an accident waiting to happen....Do you really want to get tied up with a Woman who has so many problems?....."She still cries when she hears our songs on the radio."","She struggles with what God thinks about relationships"sounds emotionally immature to me....."No way am I interested in just being friends as the final outcome. I don't care to be "Just" friends with any woman."Oh don't worry about that Howlest,she has other plans for you.
 

☜╬☞

Don Juan
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Howiestern said:
I pretty much tore her ass a knew one when I let her know.
She has cancer and you say you tore her ass a new one.

Where are your moral values?
 

Kailex

Master Don Juan
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Even without the cancer, she's a single mom. MOVE ON.

5string should have automatically linked his newest thread onto his response.

Go find yourself a single woman without so many issues.

AND LIST YOUR AGE.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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vatoloco

Master Don Juan
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Dude, sh!itloads of drama with this one.

In addition to what all the others have mentioned, let me ask you. Have you heard of "Branch Theory"? Sounds to me like her "new" branch 3 months ago wasn't as an attractive branch as she thought and now she wants to swing back to yours...

Do you like being sloppy seconds? ;)
 

1337

Don Juan
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single mom!? you couldn't go for the other million fine lasses with out kids?
 
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