Does "No Contact" really work?

[My Name is Nobody]

What about the part I wrote about there still being a chance for some sex?

 

[Mr. Me]

What about the part I wrote about there still being a chance for some sex?

You actually are willing to put with crap for the chance of having sex? That's sad, pal.

So you sent that email to her... oh man... letting her know she got to you. Understand just how this works. She doesn't care about you, but you send her an email telling her that she went too far and that she needs to apologize. So you're asking for someone to care who doesn't care. Does this make any sense? In the meantime, you just handed her even more power, because now she knows she can kick you out of the house and you'll still come back for even more punishment.

Boy, you really don't want this to end.

Here's a thought for you: You didn't even give her a few days to miss you and regret what she did and maybe apologize of her own accord. Not that she was going to, but you haven't the self-control to even do that.

I'm getting to realize now why she dropped her interest in you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What about the part I wrote about there still being a chance for some sex?

I don't know, I seem to have found that there's more than one woman in the world who is willing to have sex. Maybe it's just me.

 

[logic1]

"Not being ready", "Hurt from my last relationship", all that... that's bull. That's woman speak for "not that into you". Hey, if Brad Pitt called her today, she'd be ready for a relationship. She means she's not ready for anything... with you.

Correct!! Almost all emotionally healthy people can transition into another relationship and make it work if they have their head screwed on straight.

Yes, there needs to be a little down time like 2-3 months but if they are well rounded it can be done very easily. The parties involved need to have a mature view of the situation. If they do and know themselfs in a mature way there will not be any excuses.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I don't see how this woman is ready for a relationship with ANYBODY while she still has her ex husband who CHEATED and LEFT her all over her myspace page that she sees everyday, and has pictures of him and her all over the place. And then she gets angry and throws a tantrum after looking at the pictures. I don't think you guys realize how fresh her divorce is... its a few months old. I came into her life out of nowhere 1 month after the divorce. What can I say I saw my target and took a shot.

That's normal? Most divorced women I know don't like looking at pictures of her ex husband every day. She is messed in the head, there is no doubt about that. She can't handle me right now she needs an AFC to use up and get back on track.

 

[logic1]

I don't see how this woman is ready for a relationship with ANYBODY while she still has her ex husband who CHEATED and LEFT her all over her myspace page that she sees everyday, and has pictures of him and her all over the place. And then she gets angry and throws a tantrum after looking at the pictures. I don't think you guys realize how fresh her divorce is... its a few months old. I came into her life out of nowhere 1 month after the divorce. What can I say I saw my target and took a shot.

That's normal? Most divorced women I know don't like looking at pictures of her ex husband every day.

Your right. This women is not healthy. She has issues which most likely will never be fixed. She is emotionally unavailible. Your gut told you earlier. I think you wondered why her ex left her, if my memory is correct. He probally had good reasons.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Your right. This women is not healthy. She has issues which most likely will never be fixed. She is emotionally unavailible. Your gut told you earlier. I think you wondered why her ex left her, if my memory is correct. He probally had good reasons.

People are saying if I played the game right she would still have high interest in me but I'm not so sure. Like I said I think she needs an AFC who will kiss her a$$ all day and night and that is definetely not me. I dated a divorced woman one other time in my life for a YEAR.. and that was back when I was a complete AFC!

The only reason it lasted so long is because I kissed her a$$ all day, called her all the time, and she loved it for some reason but it wore off fast and she ended up ditching me. Then she married the poor sap she dated right AFTER me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

People are saying if I played the game right she would still have high interest in me but I'm not so sure. Like I said I think she needs an AFC who will kiss her a$$ all day and night and that is definetely not me. I dated a divorced woman one other time in my life for a YEAR.. and that was back when I was a complete AFC!

The only reason it lasted so long is because I kissed her a$$ all day, called her all the time, and she loved it for some reason but it wore off fast and she ended up ditching me. Then she married the poor sap she dated right AFTER me.

So is this your admission that you completely disregarded her request for more space so she could clear her head and find herself? Keep on ignoring how your actions played into this situation, it's an easy way to insure that the same thing will probably happen again with another woman. At least you'll be able predict the outcome and after it all happens again you can lump the next one into the growing pile of women you're creating of supposedly confused women who want AFCs.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

So is this your admission that you completely disregarded her request for more space so she could clear her head and find herself? Keep on ignoring how your actions played into this situation, it's an easy way to insure that the same thing will probably happen again with another woman. At least you'll be able predict the outcome and after it all happens again you can lump the next one into the growing pile of women you're creating of supposedly confused women who want AFCs.

Yes you are right I am guilty. But she provoked me by calling me, sending me texts, emails and chatting online. So if she really wanted me to leave her alone why would she provoke me to contact her? She would initiate contact it wasn't always me. And ofcourse in the end I always tried to get with her which lead to her turning me down for whatever I offered we could do together. This is probably the biggest mistake I made. You kept telling me not to ask her out and make her ask me out, and I didn't listen.

For example she was sitting online ALL DAY right before New Years eve. This was when I didn't contact her for 4 straight days. I was going "no contact" its why I made this thread. I didn't want to contact her at first but by the end of the night I couldn't resist so I messaged her and we made the plans for new years. She was just sitting online all day like she was waiting for something.

I don't think she chats with anyone else online except me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Yes you are right I am guilty. But she provoked me by calling me, sending me texts, emails and chatting online.

And you had no control of your actions? C'mon... Do we need to add AFC Incontinence to the DJ glossary? Sure women do things which can be considered game playing but the only way that it is truly a game is if two people play.

So if she really wanted me to leave her alone why would she provoke me to contact her? She would initiate contact it wasn't always me. And ofcourse in the end I always tried to get with her which lead to her turning me down for whatever I offered we could do together.

***cough***attention ********cough***

Then it starts all over again like a broken record and has become what I now call my New Years Eve disaster..

It's a lot like why people watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas" for the last 40+ years. Everyone knows that Charlie Brown gets called a "blockhead" yet again but we watch because it's comfortable; just maybe someday he'll kick that football.

I don't think she chats with anyone else online except me.

You're her digital plaything, her real life Tamagotchi.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Francisco,

You kept telling me not to ask her out but make her ask me out. Unfortunately I didn't listen and lost control and kept asking her to do things. Big mistake I should have listened to you. I will certainly never be contacting this woman again but I have a gut feeling it's not the last I hear from her.

We'll see how this thing plays out.

 

[Mr. Me]

People are saying if I played the game right she would still have high interest in me but I'm not so sure.

My hunch is that, yes, she would have maintained a higher level of interest in you, but that doesn't mean she still wouldn't have issues and anger problems which she'd take out on you.

But it's also not so much about you 'playing the game right' because it's evident that your inner game needs work. I believe guys' outer game is sabotaged unless their inner game is set.

she provoked me by calling me, sending me texts, emails and chatting online. So if she really wanted me to leave her alone why would she provoke me to contact her?

Sounds like you answered your own question when you wrote:

The only reason it lasted so long is because I kissed her a$$ all day, called her all the time, and she loved it for some reason

I'd guess the reason was her starving ego loved the attention. You have to discern what a woman's agenda is.

Contacting you "provokes" you into chatting with them?

From what you've posted on this thread, the read I get on you is that you're somewhat impetuous, stubborn, lacking self-control over your feelings and actions, willing to take a beating for a shot at some p@ssy, and fault outside sources more often than seeing where you're responsible, as if you're some puppet on an unwilling string. This is where you need to work on your inner game. Otherwise this scenario will likely repeat throughout your entire life until you get this understanding, if you ever do, or you could end up bitter and angry.

but I have a gut feeling it's not the last I hear from her.

So what? Doesn't mean you have to respond to her. You always have the choice to do nothing.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

Gotcha.

I do still need to get the movies back that I left at her place. How the hell do I pull that off? Just call it a loss and pay Blockbuster for the "lost" movie? Maybe she will bring it up or return them but who knows.

 

[Mr. Me]

do still need to get the movies back that I left at her place. How the hell do I pull that off?

Hmmm, I have a similar problem. A gal I dumped the other week still has her lingerie here. What will I do? What will I do?

You might ask her nicely for the movies back, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Expect her to say "yes, yes, sure" but then never return them. I wouldn't make a big deal with her over a couple of DVDs if she doesn't return them. Not worth the trouble. Be happy it wasn't something more! Get ready to pay Blockbuster. It's part of the cost of doing business.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

If she doesn't offer to give the movies back I think she is a piece of garbage. I did nothing to her to hurt her, I never lied to her, I was just trying to be her "friend" or whatever the hell we were.

If she doesn't give my stuff back that will tell me a lot about her character. I would return a persons things if they left it at my house especially if they never harmed me in any way.

Unless she is just so bitter with men that she throws my things out which is possible I guess.

You never know she could call me to "come over" and get the movies back it could be a booty call....

Heheheh.. damn I have a one track mind. I am unphased by the new years eve disaster. See I am asking for more trouble ... Time to see that shrink.

 

[Mr. Me]

What movie was it anyway? "Fatal Attraction"?

 

[My Name is Nobody]

LOL

No it's not "Fatal Attraction" the movie is "Vanilla Sky" and we watched about half of it before she flipped out and went psycho. Maybe it was a bad movie choice? Tom Cruise character WAS cheating on his girlfriend or whatever and that's about when she started her "rant" about all men being liars and cheaters. Oh god...

Should have went with a comedy.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco,

You kept telling me not to ask her out but make her ask me out. Unfortunately I didn't listen and lost control and kept asking her to do things. Big mistake I should have listened to you. I will certainly never be contacting this woman again but I have a gut feeling it's not the last I hear from her.

We'll see how this thing plays out.

I'm not saying that there's no chance of her trying to reconnect with you but come on, let her settle down a bit. You need to settle down too; exhale....

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Gotcha.

I do still need to get the movies back that I left at her place. How the hell do I pull that off? Just call it a loss and pay Blockbuster for the "lost" movie? Maybe she will bring it up or return them but who knows.

Ask her to bring the movies to work so that you can return them, that's it. No need to discuss the weather, talk about it over coffee or offer to build her a house in the Caribbean. Just ask for the movies and be done with it.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I just saw her at work. She looks PISSED. I am avoiding her at all costs. I don't care about the movies I'll pay for them because I have no desire to communicate with her. If she is decent she will bring it up.