"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Do You Think There Is Too Much Negativity On This Site? [Merged Threads]
- Thread starter Wyldfire
- Start date
- Status
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
belividere
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2005
- Messages
- 956
- Reaction score
- 5
- Age
- 47
Are you intentionally trying to be an a$$hole to get this thread shut down because you're angry?Wyldfire said:
Bunch of bull5hit from the lady who complains that people are too personal with her. Also a bunch of bull5hit that you complain of the negativity and then post the most negative thing in the thread.
Grow up already.
Bad_Lil'Pixie
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2005
- Messages
- 253
- Reaction score
- 5
Actually he is grilling and I am steaming fresh veggies and typing. He can't bone at the moment, we boned earlier, hence that is why we are late with dinner, but he's recharging. /wink,wink/
Wyldfire,
When the process of 'helping' happens, it entails a recognition from both parties that this process is happening. In fact, it is made possible at all by the very recognition that..and this is the kicker...there was something wrong in the first place. You see, you diagnose this site as being, for want of a better word, 'sick' and that it needs to get better. Lots of others don't it seems.
Part of this, I suspect, is down to the fact that we all draw different things from this site and come here for different reasons (a fact you have acknowledged yourself). The interesting thing about you is that you come here purely to dispense advice. I find this significant for two reasons:
1.Your perception of this site as 'sick', or that it has gone downhill, is predicated on your sole criterion for the success of the site - whether people are being constructive towards others or destructive towards others.
2.Following on from the above, because you come here solely to dispense advice and help (which on a tangent is admirable) you inevitably, come off as being a 'know-it-all' (note well that i'm not saying that you are necessarily a 'know-it-all').
Added to this is the fact that you're a woman. Some guys here are clearly uncomfortable about that. Perhaps they take view that women don't give good relationship/romantic advice or take it too seriously/literally without recourse to context. Who knows? I, for what it is worth, consider your advice without a thought of gender. If it seems sensible then great, I can use/consider it. If not, then I leave it. No harm done.
In short then, it would appear that not nearly enough people perceive this site to be counter-productive to the admittedly somewhat extreme extent that you do.
When the process of 'helping' happens, it entails a recognition from both parties that this process is happening. In fact, it is made possible at all by the very recognition that..and this is the kicker...there was something wrong in the first place. You see, you diagnose this site as being, for want of a better word, 'sick' and that it needs to get better. Lots of others don't it seems.
Part of this, I suspect, is down to the fact that we all draw different things from this site and come here for different reasons (a fact you have acknowledged yourself). The interesting thing about you is that you come here purely to dispense advice. I find this significant for two reasons:
1.Your perception of this site as 'sick', or that it has gone downhill, is predicated on your sole criterion for the success of the site - whether people are being constructive towards others or destructive towards others.
2.Following on from the above, because you come here solely to dispense advice and help (which on a tangent is admirable) you inevitably, come off as being a 'know-it-all' (note well that i'm not saying that you are necessarily a 'know-it-all').
Added to this is the fact that you're a woman. Some guys here are clearly uncomfortable about that. Perhaps they take view that women don't give good relationship/romantic advice or take it too seriously/literally without recourse to context. Who knows? I, for what it is worth, consider your advice without a thought of gender. If it seems sensible then great, I can use/consider it. If not, then I leave it. No harm done.
In short then, it would appear that not nearly enough people perceive this site to be counter-productive to the admittedly somewhat extreme extent that you do.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Hey, don't forget about smelly... er... Scented bathroom tissue.DarthJuan said:
Giovanni Casanova
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2002
- Messages
- 5,550
- Reaction score
- 18
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- 47
- Location
- Hiding in Penkitten's Linen Closet
More positive things: World peace, hot dogs on a barbeque, and koala bears who sh*t rainbows.
Here, I'm injecting positivity personified. It will effectively wipe away all negativity in this thread as Jesus wipes away sins.Giovanni Casanova said:
http://www.stuffedchickens.com/img/richards_chicken_w.jpg
He's like a metric ton of positivity! A supernova of positivity. Up with people, YAY!
Bad_Lil'Pixie
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 27, 2005
- Messages
- 253
- Reaction score
- 5
The Pinnacle of Positive, a sing-a-long...
I'd like to teach the world to sing...
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"
(That's the song I hear)
I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today)
In perfect harmony
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing...
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to hold it in my arms and keep it company
I'd like to see the world for once
All standing hand in hand
And hear them echo through the hills "Ah, peace throughout the land"
(That's the song I hear)
I'd like to teach the world to sing (that the world sings today)
In perfect harmony
I'd like to teach the world to sing
In perfect harmony
I'd like to build the world a home
And furnish it with love
Grow apple trees and honey bees and snow-white turtle doves
Giovanni Casanova
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2002
- Messages
- 5,550
- Reaction score
- 18
- Age
- 47
- Location
- Hiding in Penkitten's Linen Closet
That's actually pretty ironic, because whenever I read one of Wyldfire's threads, I always picture a woman that looks like Richard Simmons. I later saw the picture in her profile, but I prefer to continue picturing a woman that looks like Richard Simmons. Less nightmares.DarthJuan said:
And in order keep with the spirit that this thread was intended in, and to end on a positive note, dogs wearing hats.
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdQj2ohqCBk&mode=related&search=Giovanni Casanova said:
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Ahh, and once again, all I have to do is look for any thread with more than 2 pages of response to find yet more flamebaiting from WYLD.Wyldfire said:
Thread Closed
,..and reported.
OMG...Everyone HAS to read this...
‘Negativitis’ cripples the human spirit
Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.
So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the effects of negativitis.
1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.
2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of moaning about what you lack.
3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system, investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other diseases because of a weakened immune system.
4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are prevented from seeing the good around them.
5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning how to cope with life's challenges.
6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.” Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table. “See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world, people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.
8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are condemned to continue suffering.
9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it takes to get what they want.
10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and get locked in a clique of losers.
11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy, focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.
12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.
13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?
Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so, that is all we will find!
http://www.personal-development.com/...vethinking.htm
Saw this article online and thought of sosuave.com so am posting it.
‘Negativitis’ cripples the human spirit
Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.
So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the effects of negativitis.
1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.
2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of moaning about what you lack.
3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system, investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other diseases because of a weakened immune system.
4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are prevented from seeing the good around them.
5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning how to cope with life's challenges.
6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.” Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table. “See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world, people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.
8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are condemned to continue suffering.
9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it takes to get what they want.
10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and get locked in a clique of losers.
11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy, focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.
12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.
13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?
Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so, that is all we will find!
http://www.personal-development.com/...vethinking.htm
Saw this article online and thought of sosuave.com so am posting it.
KarmaSutra
Banned
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2005
- Messages
- 4,818
- Reaction score
- 142
- Age
- 53
No doubt about it Bird, you'll be flamed. But I think this is a great topic for discussion. Many, too fvcking many, people are in complete denial of how fvcking limited they are in thier thought processes. Content to live in defeatist and "follow the herd" mentality that they can't assuage they're desire for attention long enough to truly work on themselves. I had this problem for many years. Until I got divorced and gave it all away and started from scratch. I came here as part of my refuge and rebuilt myself from the inside out.
This place truly helped me in every way. I've been banned a couple of times for being childish but found that it wasn't who I truly was. My insecure kid facade got the best of me. I'm no better than anyone here but I've put in the extra hours on myself to realize just how fvcked up I was. I needed to. I needed to wake the hell up. I'm wide awake now.
This place truly helped me in every way. I've been banned a couple of times for being childish but found that it wasn't who I truly was. My insecure kid facade got the best of me. I'm no better than anyone here but I've put in the extra hours on myself to realize just how fvcked up I was. I needed to. I needed to wake the hell up. I'm wide awake now.
I didn't write it. It was written by a man...so if anyone is bothered by what he wrote they can flame him via the link. I just posted the article.
The article is really great and I posted it here earlier today but it got merged with the thread in Anything Else that got locked. I think it fits better here. I have a really hard time being around anyone who is really negative. They suck the life right out of you. I have a lot of patience with a lot of things...but I probably have the least amount of patience for negativity. In my Behavioral Health and Aging class we're looking at research and studies done on aging and negative people die significantly sooner than positive people do. Anyone stuck in a negative attitude really needs to overcome it for their own health and happiness.
The article is really great and I posted it here earlier today but it got merged with the thread in Anything Else that got locked. I think it fits better here. I have a really hard time being around anyone who is really negative. They suck the life right out of you. I have a lot of patience with a lot of things...but I probably have the least amount of patience for negativity. In my Behavioral Health and Aging class we're looking at research and studies done on aging and negative people die significantly sooner than positive people do. Anyone stuck in a negative attitude really needs to overcome it for their own health and happiness.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
- Status