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Do You Think There Is Too Much Negativity On This Site? [Merged Threads]

Do You Feel This Site Is Too Negative?

  • Yes

    Votes: 9 45.0%
  • No

    Votes: 11 55.0%

  • Total voters
    20
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Wyldfire

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‘Negativitis’ cripples the human spirit

Does it seem strange that some people COMPLAIN they don’t have enough TIME to be happy, yet they find enough time to be sad? Not really. You see, their deplorable plight has nothing to do with having sufficient or insufficient time. It has everything to do with complaining. After all, complaining is the negation of happiness. It’s impossible to complain and be happy at the same time.

So, beware of that insidious disease known as ‘negativitis’ (negative thinking). It is as pervasive as the common cold, but far more damaging. It mutilates, cripples, and corrodes the human spirit. Those infected by it are broken men and women aimlessly plodding along. The dark clouds brooding over them obscure their vision and cause them to become confrontational, apathetic, and cynical. Their lives are like flat champagne, without any sizzle. So, how do we inoculate ourselves against such a harmful disease? It was only after learning about the horrible effects of smoking that people began to give it up. It may be wise to do the same here. So, let’s review the effects of negativitis.

1. Complaining is worse than doing nothing, for it is digging the rut one is in deeper and deeper. Each time one complains, it becomes increasingly difficult to climb out of the ditch they’ve created. To loosen the grip of this vicious habit, we need to become aware of our complaining, stop it in its tracks, and immediately look for something positive to say. It’s just a matter of replacing a bad habit with a good one.

2. A negative attitude is self-defeating. We won’t find solutions to life’s problems by looking for someone or something to blame. Those who say, "Positive thinking doesn't work for me," have got it backwards. It’s not positive thinking that has to work; YOU have to work. For example, you have to work at appreciating what you have instead of moaning about what you lack.

3. Failure to do what you want to do (be happy) causes physical and mental stress. A rotten attitude, not only delays success, but also shortens life by damaging the immune system (to learn more on how your thoughts affect your immune system, investigate psychoneuroimmunology). So, besides the diseases directly caused by stress, such as heart disease and ulcers, we become susceptible to all manner of other diseases because of a weakened immune system.

4. Do you know anyone with a negative attitude? How many years have they been that way? Two years? Five years? Ten years? That’s how many years of happiness and success they have robbed themselves of. Blinded by their own negativity, they are prevented from seeing the good around them.

5. One characteristic of negative thinkers is their need to have the world behave according to their wishes. They have never grown up and still live with childish demands. Whenever people and the world fail to act according to their selfish wishes, they are unhappy. Such a poisonous attitude prevents them from growing and learning how to cope with life's challenges.

6. Everything negative we say about ourselves to ourselves (self-talk) and to others is a suggestion. We are unwittingly practicing self-hypnosis, programing ourselves for failure, and creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

7. The negative world of our imagination creates a negative world that is real and one that we are forced to live in. Take Ralph, for example. He’s always complaining about life. “Nowadays people are rude and surly. No matter where you go or what you do, you have to deal with ill-bred people.” As he said this, we made our way to a coffee shop. Once inside, we were greeted by a cheerful chap who asked us what we would like. Sighing (as if it took a great effect to speak), Ralph, almost inaudibly, ordered a medium sized regular coffee. When it arrived, he started complaining. Pointing to the cup, he said, “This is medium?” Without waiting for a response, he added, “You should have told me your cups are so small; I would have ordered a large one if I knew.” Despite the long line that Ralph was holding up, the man behind the counter tried to be patient. Without complaint, he took away the small coffee and replaced it with a large one. As soon as it arrived, Ralph looked at it aghast and bellowed, “You call this regular? There’s not enough cream!” The man behind the counter, who only moments ago was cheerful was now upset and sarcastically replied, “Yes, for MOST people, this is regular, but if you INSIST, I’ll put in more cream. Perhaps next time you may want to ask for DOUBLE cream!” I was next, so I got my coffee and joined Ralph at the table. “See,” he told me, “what did I say to you? People are rude.” Yes, in Ralph’s world, people ARE rude, but what he does not realize is he makes them so.

8. A particularly pernicious effect of ‘negativitis’ is that it sets one up for the mentality of a victim. Those with a woe-is-me attitude sit around in misery, waiting to be rescued. But they wait in vain because no one can rescue them from their own attitude. They are the only ones who can change it. And until they do so, they are condemned to continue suffering.

9. Another adverse effect of negativity is that it sets one up for the magic-bullet-syndrome. That is, the victim of ‘negativitis’ spends their time looking for a quick, easy fix, when none exists. By denying a fundamental law of life that states anything worthwhile requires effort to achieve, they achieve nothing. They won’t make progress until they realize that nothing in life is free. They’ve got to be willing to do what it takes to get what they want.

10. Also, beware of the fact that negative people attract other complainers. Because those who live in a world of doom and gloom alienate others, they have no choice but to look for other negative people to associate with. They then feed off one another and get locked in a clique of losers.

11. The constant stress that flows from a negative attitude also saps one’s energy, focus, and motivation. It is hardly a formula for success.

12. Also of great concern is the fact that those who refuse to work on improving their negative attitude may slide into depression, self-pity, and hopelessness.

13. Additionally, negative people not only harm themselves; they harm the world. They cease to make a contribution to it. Instead of helping, they spread gloom and misery everywhere. If they insist on infecting others, why not infect them with laughter? If they must carry something contagious, why not carry a smile?

Imagine being in a small boat drifting in a river. And imagine being unaware that your boat has a motor. As long as you fail to use that motor you will be a captive of the river. You will be a prisoner without any control over your destination. Yet, the boat that we’re in does have a motor. We can use it to change course. That motor is our power of choice. All we have to do is choose to look for the good, for when we do so, that is all we will find!

http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/negativethinking.htm

Saw this article online and thought of sosuave.com so am posting it.
 

Mr.Positive

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Great post Wyldfire!! We all have control over our lives, and what direct we want to head. Negativity accomplishes nothing but hinders us. It is the fog that keeps us in port so to speak.
 

Wyldfire

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Mr.Positive said:
Great post Wyldfire!! We all have control over our lives, and what direct we want to head. Negativity accomplishes nothing but hinders us. It is the fog that keeps us in port so to speak.
The words aren't mine...but they reflect the danger of negativity that I've been trying to point out here for a long time. I thought the article was perfect for this forum so I shared it here. I think it's a great article, too.
 

Nightwing

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Wyldfire said:
The words aren't mine...but they reflect the danger of negativity that I've been trying to point out here for a long time.
A good example of this is recent thread that you posted on the victim/abuser mentality and looking at the responsed you got because of it. :down:
 

Wyldfire

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Nightwing said:
A good example of this is recent thread that you posted on the victim/abuser mentality and looking at the responsed you got because of it. :down:
Your observation is correct.

That was part of something bigger that has been going on that sort of came to a bit of a head yesterday. I don't want to talk about it on here, though, because it will give someone an excuse to lock the thread.

Negativity can destroy a person's life and cause them to die young. It leads other people to not want to be around them. It also feeds off itself and once a person gets stuck in a negativity rut their attitude will cause people to treat them negatively. A positive and happy attitude brings good things to people and I really hope this thread helps people recognize how damaging negativity is and inspires them to work hard to overcome such a self-defeating mindset.
 

azanon

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You're an intelligent woman Wyldfire. There's definitely a right forum out there for you that you would make a tremendous contribution too. My wife's intelligent too, but I sure as hell wouldn't trust her advice on Sosuave matters.
 

Wyldfire

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I've been noticing a trend over the last 4 plus years. The site has become more and more negative. I don't think the overall tone of the site is healthy or encourages positive growth and change. I also believe that if we do not all work together to try to eliminate all the negativity that it is only going to get worse.

If you are stuck in a negativity rut and want to get out of it, please click on the link in my signature. If you are also concerned about the negativity...you should click on the link and read the thread I've linked to as well.

I'm including a poll to give people the opportunity to let everyone know whether they think there is too much negativity or not while remaining anonymous...unless they also want to comment and share their opinion.
 

Wyldfire

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azanon said:
You're an intelligent woman Wyldfire. There's definitely a right forum out there for you that you would make a tremendous contribution too. My wife's intelligent too, but I sure as hell wouldn't trust her advice on Sosuave matters.
No one can use the excuse that I am a woman on this thread. The Original Post is an article that was written by a man. I agree with everything he says and have been trying to point out the same thing for a very long time. How are the men here supposed to improve their lives and be happy with the level of negativity on this site? Sadly...it's spreading...and it is hurting the men who are coming here to get help. Everyone needs to do their part to stop the negativity epidemic that has struck sosuave.com, because negativity renders the site useless. I have seen this for a long time and that is why I am fighting tooth and nail all the time...I've been here 6 years...and care about this site...it's kinda like my baby. I WANT the guys here to be happy and successful more than anything. I also know that in order for them to accomplish that there needs to be some major changes in attitude around here.
 

Wyldfire

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A Positive Attitude makes you more attractive

This is just a reminder to our newer members that adopting a positive attitude and making a conscious choice to be happy will make a HUGE difference in how successful you are with women. Take a moment and think about the people you know who are really negative and always complaining and blaming other people for things. Do you like to be around those people? Of course not. You will see a lot of anger here...but you must be very careful not to let that negativity spread to you. Everyone has a choice to be happy and positive...and everyone who makes a conscious choice to do so is more successful in life...including with women.
 

thegenerousjew

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I've been lurking for a bit and I do have to agree that there tends to be more cynicism these days.

For example a lot of guys insist on constantly making the girl want more etc. I think a lot of us shouldn't forget DJing is also about enjoying life and all that it has to offer.

Womens aren't always c*ck teases and b*tches.
Enjoying the company of a woman isn't AFC behavior. Don't underestimate the pleasure of a truly great friendship even with a woman/women. [I'm not saying be only friends and no fvcking I mean it's oki to have women just as friends too, if they're fun]
 

Wyldfire

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thegenerousjew said:
I've been lurking for a bit and I do have to agree that there tends to be more cynicism these days.

For example a lot of guys insist on constantly making the girl want more etc. I think a lot of us shouldn't forget DJing is also about enjoying life and all that it has to offer.

Womens aren't always c*ck teases and b*tches.
Enjoying the company of a woman isn't AFC behavior. Don't underestimate the pleasure of a truly great friendship even with a woman/women. [I'm not saying be only friends and no fvcking I mean it's oki to have women just as friends too, if they're fun]
I absolutely agree. To counter the negativity we really need more people like yourself to join and post more positive things. Right now it seems those who are the most negative are the loudest...and I think it's teaching the new and younger guys to take on a very unhealthy attitude that really doesn't benefit them at all. I hope things can be turned around.
 

fbplayer06

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Whether people realize it, this concept is the simple solution to most people's problems on this forum. I feel like there would less doubt and confusion ("what should I do about *this* situation or *that* situation"...usually trivial questions) if people just put faith into the idea that being positive is attractive, and then letting things develop as they may.

A concise but necessary reminder. Good post! :up:
 

KoalaKing

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What about the Bad Boys they are always negative aggressive depressed and suicidal though the hot babes supposedly love these idiots, though the happy go lucky positive type of guys the woman despise, as they say woman don't know what they want.
 

Wyldfire

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If anyone is stuck in a negative attitude and doesn't want to be I found an article that explains how badly negativity impacts your life. The link in my signature leads to the thread. I didn't write the article...but it covers the same things I have been talking about a lot lately in other parts of the forum. The loudest voices on this site seems to be very negative voices...and it is very bad for the new people who come here because it really sets them up to fail not only with women...but in life. The rest of us need to step up to the plate and really push self-responsibility and self-improvement rather than encouraging people to wallow in self-pity and a victim mentality.
 

Wyldfire

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KoalaKing said:
What about the Bad Boys they are always negative aggressive depressed and suicidal though the hot babes supposedly love these idiots, though the happy go lucky positive type of guys the woman despise, as they say woman don't know what they want.
The reality is...the women who go for the Bad Boys aren't healthy or high quality women. You're not going to find a quality woman in bars. You're going to find them at college campuses, volunteering, in church...etc.

The advantage Bad Boys have is that they aren't afraid to approach and they aren't ashamed of being sexual. Women do like good men better...but those good men need to become confident, overcome fear of rejection and get past thinking it's not okay for them to be sexual beings. Too many good guys act asexual around women they like and that leads the woman to think he's not interested. You have to make it clear that you are interested in her sexually without being obnoxious about it...that's what Kino and playful teasing and flirting is for. C&F isn't supposed to be mean...remember that...it's supposed to make her laugh...and is supposed to be playful not hateful. A lot of guys get confused with that.
 

Serialized3

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Wyldfire said:
The reality is...the women who go for the Bad Boys aren't healthy or high quality women. You're not going to find a quality woman in bars. You're going to find them at college campuses
I'd say that the quality of women in bars and the quality of women on campus are about the same. The good ones are few and far between.

Anyways, spot on advice about being positive. It's not only good for getting women, but good for having a healthy life.
 

KneghtRyder

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just joking here. but behind this post, we see wildfire snickering, tapping her hands together like dr. evil saying to herself "Good, those suckers bought some more AFC advice" j/k

Its hard to continue to be positive when you get many rejections, thats why its better to take few rejections that you tried your best at because you can keep your 'i m king of the world' attitude for longer,..instead of running into he ground your positively and energy with girls that haven't given you signals...
 

Monaco

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Ooh man, I agree wholeheartedly Wyld. Cynicism breeds cynicism.

I know I can speak for myself when I can say posting here becomes very discouraging very fast when you read some of the content posted on these boards. I for one would love to try and help people out because hell, I know I've been there, and in a way, still struggle with all kinds of stuff. But now that the theme of the board has become half witchhunt and a half chauvanistic, what really is the point? I find myself coming back less and less. We have deviated so far from what used to be that ultimate goal: "transformation into a DJ", The renaissance man.
 

Wyldfire

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KneghtRyder said:
just joking here. but behind this post, we see wildfire snickering, tapping her hands together like dr. evil saying to herself "Good, those suckers bought some more AFC advice" j/k

Its hard to continue to be positive when you get many rejections, thats why its better to take few rejections that you tried your best at because you can keep your 'i m king of the world' attitude for longer,..instead of running into he ground your positively and energy with girls that haven't given you signals...
Something that guys really need to recognize and understand is that if you only seem to get rejections there is a reason. You've got to try to figure out what the reason is and do your best to improve yourself in that area. Some guys aren't blessed with dashing good looks...and if you struggle with your appearance it will have an impact. What a lot of guys don't realize is that there are things you can do to improve your appearance. If you don't believe me just do a search on Clay Aiken and look at his before and after pictures. He went from one of the dorkiest/nerdiest looking guy to an attractive guy just by changing his hair, how he dressed and getting contacts.

The first thing guys need to be doing when they come here is improving themselves...being honest with themselves about where their weaknesses are and making a commitment to fixing everything the can. That's something that is really lacking here now...and it's really too bad because that is the single most important thing for improving confidence, too.
 
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