If you've been with a girl for a few years and you may even live together, and she did something like violate a boundary eg hanging 1 on 1 with a male "friend" (behind your back..she doesn't know that I know) and being disrespectful.. Would you tell her why you're dumping her or just say it isn't working out and give her no reasons.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Do you give her reasons why you're dumping her?
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"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
dustmuffin
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Just say it's not working out. You don't need to give reasons. It will be drama. Are you moving out or is she?
amazingswayze
Master Don Juan
Dustmuffin is right. If you justify the break up and tell her you've been snooping around she'll never forgive you. nothing but drama.
Me, I have backup plans in place though
dustmuffin
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Good luck buddy. Hope you don't have a lot of crap to move.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
El Payaso
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Move out when she's not at home. When she gets home and asks you where you are. Tell her you've enjoyed your time with her but you don't see a future with her and you wish her the best. That should go thermonuclear on her hamster.
Break up via phone? Looks like an escape, not very brave, not manly. I wouldn't do that.
She doesn't know you know. So just tell her face to face it isn't working out. Then pack your stuff together, wish her a wonderful life and move on.
dustmuffin
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No it saves you a lot of mental anguish to eject first. If the signs are there why wait around like a pig to be slaughtered? Yes it does work. I felt much better dumping than getting dumped. I don't give a s hit about her feelings either. Just dump and move on with as little drama as possible. That would equal leaving on good terms.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
What do you "may" live together bro? Either you live together or you don't.
Bro there are so many unknowns in your question.
How did you know she hung out with him? Did you follow her like a detective and wait for her to come out of a restaurant and take pictures? If you are doing that type of thing it's good to know your relationship is based on trust and honesty.
How do you know they didn't talk about your birthday party?
How do you know they slept together?
How do you know she is not trying see how jealous you are?
It's unlikely but before you start ripping her to shreds and telling her to go to hell, find out the whole story. You are living together so you obviously trusted her on some level.
Never tell them why you are dumping them. Only that it is over and your decision is final. When you give them a reason they try to negotiate. If you truly want it to be over then never give a reason.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Okay you are making a couple of assumptions here that are inaccurate. Trust me, she knows you know about her hanging out with another dude. The other thing is that you are assuming that she would not know why she is being dumped.
Having said that telling a women why, is a waste of time, because (1) She already knows why, and (2) You stating this will not change anything. If she asks you why, humor her, but she already knows. She is only trying to leverage post break-up division of assets. Once your usefulness is exhausted, trust me she will hate you. If she gets mad at you right from the start that is a VERY good sign, it's means the break is going to be clean. I could never understand why men get afraid that the girl the are splitting up with will get angry... the ones you have to watch out for are the ones that don't seam to care or who are being 'nice' about it.... because the next thing you know all your stuff that happens to be at her place becomes hers, and all her stuff that happens to be at yours you will have to bring back to her.
I wouldn't tell her why, like mike said she already know, and if she ask why, its more she is fishing for the reason, she did more then one thing and want to know what you did find out, with will just settle on her trying to spin that thing around, or to blame you for that thing. so not don't humor her, best way is like dust muffin said take your things when she is not around (if you live together, and learn from this never life together with a girl unless you are willing to marry her in the next 6 months max) pack your things to prevent anything breaking or be used as a thing to fight over, wait for her then drop the bomb and leave the drop zone.
@Tamura
also he never said break over the phone he said pack your things when she is not around and then tell her, you would be surprised the number of girls I know do the same
@Tamura
also he never said break over the phone he said pack your things when she is not around and then tell her, you would be surprised the number of girls I know do the same
@Alvafe
I must have misinterpreted this. My bad. Just because some girls break up this way does not necessarily justify to do it yourself. I never experienced such break-ups. Lucky me I guess.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
You should absolutely tell her why. When are we men going to realize that the reason things are so screwed up is that for decades we have not held them accountable?
Women need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. You guys who say "she knows why you are breaking up" are dead-wrong.
If you do not tell her, she will falsely rationalize, making it YOUR FAULT in her mind. You need to make absolutely sure that she knows that you are leaving because of her behavior.
What you don't want to do is engage in a conversation with her. She will turn that around on you every time. Simply tell her the decision is made, this is why you made the decision, and absolutely have no more conversation about it.
Hold women accountable.
Women need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. You guys who say "she knows why you are breaking up" are dead-wrong.
If you do not tell her, she will falsely rationalize, making it YOUR FAULT in her mind. You need to make absolutely sure that she knows that you are leaving because of her behavior.
What you don't want to do is engage in a conversation with her. She will turn that around on you every time. Simply tell her the decision is made, this is why you made the decision, and absolutely have no more conversation about it.
Hold women accountable.
@Atom Smasher
the problem is you trying to make sure its her fault does not make her belive on it, she can still deny saying it not a big deal and your are the problem, and in the end is always your fault in her mind.
the problem is you trying to make sure its her fault does not make her belive on it, she can still deny saying it not a big deal and your are the problem, and in the end is always your fault in her mind.